


Out of This World

by liquid_dreams



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst and Feels, Blood and Injury, Body Horror, Canon-Typical Violence, Coming In Pants, Dirty Talk, Dubious Science, Emotional Roller Coaster, F, F/M, Falling In Love, First Love, First Meetings, Frottage, Getting to Know Each Other, Headcanon, Internal Conflict, Italian Mafia, Jealousy, Major Character Injury, Mental Link, Near Death Experiences, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Obsessive Behavior, Other, Out of Body Experiences, POV First Person, Past Child Abuse, Possessive Behavior, Pre-Canon, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, Slice of Life, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Supernatural Elements, True Love, anger issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-20 13:34:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 36
Words: 140,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14895551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liquid_dreams/pseuds/liquid_dreams
Summary: Where do you begin a story that is just like everything else from under that trope? Girl from the real world somehow ends up in the very series she adores. Wacky fun and hijinks ensue. She might even fall in love with one of the characters. Either she dies, ends up going back to the „real“ world or … dunno. I'm not into that kind of story. Except I am. Literally.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Posting this now because my pc keeps acting weirdly and I'm wary of losing all 123 word pages of this fanfic :'3 This is far from finished and I have no real timeline in mind, much less a coherent plot. Writing this fic is how I cope with the massive amount of stress my job puts me under. It's therapeutic, just like knitting. If you enjoy this meandering nonsense, feel free to shoot me a comment.

Where do you begin a story that is just like everything else from under that trope? Girl from the real world somehow ends up in the very series she adores. Wacky fun and hijinks ensue. She might even fall in love with one of the characters. Either she dies, ends up going back to the „real“ world or … dunno. I'm not into that kind of story. Except I am. Literally. 

First things first, I know everybody hates a story written in first person view. Even I hate that. It's just impossible to tell you what happened in any other way. It would be terribly awkward. So please bear with me, I promise I'll try to be entertaining. 

So..... one day I decided to pick up the KHR! series again after letting it gather dust on my shelves for several years. Why? A big change in my life was coming up and that was my coping mechanism. I still loved the world and the characters Akira Amano had built and thought about it from time to time. One day I just randomly picked up the first volume and fell, panel for panel, back in love with it. Since I was a twenty four year old woman I felt a little awkward for feeling attracted to what was supposed to be middle school boys, but no one had to be any wiser. I was a recluse, nerdy and daydreaming wallflower. There was less than a handful people that knew me well enough to know I was into manga and other nerdy stuff. I wouldn't call them friends. I wouldn't call them at all unless my house was on fire and I trapped inside. 

So I went online and read fanfiction! Just like you! So relatable! (There's not a lot of good ones, I'm afraid. Who even uses ff.net anymore in this year of our lord, 2017?) 

Still I needed more. I tried to watch the anime, but god. Who drew those characters? They look like they're made of play dough. And I didn't like how everybody was there from the start and didn't appear in the series one after another like they did in the manga. I guess the anime's more realistic in that regard, since Tsuna's core group all went to the same school, but still. I didn't like it. 

The lack of engaging fanfic drove me nuts. I was too lazy to dig through the trash, so I went back to reading the books.

I needed more. It was constantly nagging at me through the days. More videos, more life breathed into the series that I loved even though it had ended sometime around 2014 I think. It was brimming beneath my skin with fanfic plots and daydreams keeping me up at night. 

I wondered how I would hold up in that crazy world were I to be tossed into it by some miracle. Would I be one of the casualties early on? A normal person doesn't just survive a grenade explosion like Tsuna and co. did over and over again. If I were to suddenly wake up in that world would the plot armor apply to me as well? I thought about it long and hard. That manga falls under the category of magical realism, I think.

Magical realism. I could write those two words over and over, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. What do they mean? They mean that world is mostly like ours except there exists a structure of incredibly powerful magical mafia families in Italy. Law enforcement doesn't exist I guess, unless provided by the mafia. Not unlike the real Italy or so I hear. Ahem. 

It's hard not to get distracted. Anyway the magical part is the fact that magic and science coexist in that world. Reincarnation might, too. I'm not sure it qualifies as magic. Superheroes are most definitely real. Some of the characters exhibit superhuman abilities. 

As for the realism part... KHR! is set in the real world, not some faraway fantasy realm. Though that might make for a superb crossover. 

Sorry for rambling. I'll get to the point by starting at the beginning. 

There was a rectangular paper carton standing against the wall. It was one of those big things you only need when you're moving elsewhere. Big enough to qualify as a hobo house. It was standing propped up against the wall with the long sides facing upwards. I remember walking past it and pausing, wondering if it was big enough to sit in. Why? I did that as a kid sometimes. It was fun, everything was fun back then. No one told you to grow up when you were playing make-believe. I sighed. Another job interview had gone badly. There I was in my black polyester blazer and pencil skirt, looking clearly uncomfortable in my skin. I never knew what to do with my hair except for straightening the ugly curls out and pulling it into a ponytail. Mom would be disappointed again, hiding it behind a "Better luck next time!“. I could always tell from her eyes, though. She hated that I was a dreamer like my dad, because she hated him. 

It was rare enough that I got invited to an interview in the first place. Every time so far my lack of enthusiasm for anything ended up costing me the job. We didn't neccessarily need the money and mom wouldn't take any money from me anyway. I just wanted to become an adult already if they wouldn't let me be a kid anymore, but no. I was caught in limbo between dependency on and rebellion against my parents. At age twenty four. Theoretically I could've been married with kids already. If there's some merit to the quantum theory, or whatever it was called, I wondered if in a parallel universe I was living that life, being a responsible adult and accomplished person. Not the fuck up that I was right here: some unemployed neet with childish fancies. 

I did it. Something no normal person would even consider. I went and sat down in that carton in some dirty tiny alley between high raise buildings. Dragged my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on them even though it got make up on the skirt. Nothing about my life seemed worth living for anymore. I had nothing, I was nothing and once my parents were gone nobody would give a fuck whether I lived or died. For chrissakes, I couldn't even wash my own laundry! I was inevitably going to end up in the gutter. Might as well be one step ahead of fate and stay here. 

I was in a pretty dark place. No matter where I looked I saw dead ends. The thing is, I was perfecly aware of how melodramatic I was being, but I just couldn't help it. Sitting inside that carton helped a little in a weird way. My phone was in my handbag inside mom's car which I had parked a few streets away. I didn't know what time it was or how long I sat there wallowing in my own misery. It was almost dark when the air grew colder and it started raining. The cool droplets on my high heel clad feet were a welcome distraction from the ache in my chest. I closed my eyes and counted my breaths, thinking about everything and nothing. Reflecting on my life so far and how I felt like I'd wasted my youth behind a computer screen. Trying all throughout my teenage years to live through those anime characters I so adored. Why couldn't I ever be someone worth fighting for? All my friends had just let me go when we started drifting apart. No one ever took an interest in me that went beyond the superficial. It felt like my entire existence was simply boring to other people. It led me to believe that friendship, as it was portrayed in all those shows, did simply not exist. Neither did love. I hated existing in this unremarkable cruel world. I regretted being born.

.  
.  
.

*

*

 

#


	2. Chapter 2

It was so annoyingly bright when I woke up that I had to shield my eyes with my arm. My back hurt from sitting in that damn cardboard box all night. All my limbs felt frozen as I slowly began to move them. Huh. Somehow I felt lighter, not just mentally. I looked down at my hands and clenched them experimentally. Then I noticed how snugly I fit inside the box. Had it grown bigger overnight? My knees were pressed up unusually tightly to my chest, too. I moved back and looked down at myself. It nearly caused me a heartattack when I found my boobs missing. 

"What!" I hissed and patted my chest down.

There was something there, the beginnings of breast growth maybe, certainly nothing worth buying a bra for. 

"What the fuck, my boobs!" I hissed again and scrambled to get up.

Everything looked odd. I was a pretty tall girl so seeing how the box was bigger than me now freaked me the heck out. Not just that. My clothes were different. I wore a ratty linen shirt that felt stiff to the touch and bore many unidentifiable dark stains. My pants were baggy and the hems rolled up at least twice. There were holes in my grody sneakers where I could feel the cool morning air on my feet. Panic welled up inside my chest. What the fuck happened? Did I get robbed? My mother would sooner kill me than let me go out like this. I was still in that alley, though. 

"Alright," I told myself calmly. "I'll go get the car and drive home. There is a logical explaination for all of this."

Except there wasn't. No, when I stepped out of the alley there was no parking lot. No more high rise buildings. My jaw dropped. I'd never been to Italy, but it looked exactly like those kitschy paintings dad brought with him from his travels. I was on a small plaza overlooking a tiny coastal harbor with some weather worn fishing boats docked at the wooden piers. The water was azure blue and sparkling in the sunlight. I let my eyes wander further along the bay and noted the rolling green hills leading down to the beach beyond the harbor. Solitary cypress trees dotted the landscape like dark green monoliths. The houses around the bay were painted white complete with brown terracotta shingle rooves. People with sunkissed olive skin and lustrous black hair were milling about everywhere, dressed in the same kind of loose fitting natural fibre clothes as me. This had to be some elaborate joke somehow. I stomped tiny feet and pulled my hair, until I noticed how greasy it felt and dropped my hands in disgust. A boy wearing a flat brown hat and no shoes came running at me down the street. His big hazel eyes were wide with excitement.

"The Vongola man is coming!" He announced in a prepuberescent squeak. "He has new orders for us!"

"Orders?!" 

"Hurry up! He's meeting us by the signora's fountain at the plaza!"

Disoriented and mildly worried I followed him while trying not to get lost in the narrow winding streets. Where the hell was I? The sun beating down on us was way hotter than what I was used to at this time of the year. This wasn't really Italy, that much I was convinced of. How did I know? Easy. I didn't speak a word of Italian yet understood the local boy perfectly. This had to be Hidden Camera. Why they'd pick me to set up such an elaborate prank for was beyond me. Perhaps it was because I looked like a dumbass sleeping in that cardboard box. A person like that must be easy to make fun of. 

"Here! Come on!" The boy yelled back at me and slipped through the broken fence surrounding an abandoned house.

I carefully squeezed through the broken and rusted wire mesh fence, trying to remember when I got my last tetanus shot as I eyed the loose wiring. It turned out the shortest way to the plaza lead straight through a row of shabby abandoned houses. The overgrown yards were hiding all sorts of disgusting things like used condoms and broken syringes. I didn't want to look too closely as I hurried along the beaten path through tall grass. Finally I managed to catch up to the boy who slowed down as we got closer to a group of street urchins. They looked to be of various ages between four and twelve. All were gathered in a group around an old grey marble fountain displaying a woman carrying a vase, from which water sprayed sluggishly. Streaks of green algae wound down her sinous body, marking the path the water must have taken for years. A few of them looked over at me as if to size me up, but others looked friendly. None of them questioned my presence, which made me assume they were in on the prank.

 

"Alfonso, did he really say he has a special job?"

"Sì," the boy who led me here answered proudly. 

"I'll take it, just try to stop me!" A bigger kid announced with a wild grin. 

"Oh yeah?" A wiry girl with wild dark brown curls and a smudge of dirt across her nose glared at him. "My nonna ran out of spagetti yesterday! I'm gonna earn that money, no matter what!"

She shrieked when he reached right into her messy hair and yanked her around. "Stupid Francesca! Stupid! All you can do is whine like a bi-"

"Shut up!" Alfonso hissed when a man approached. 

The girl jumped back when he let go and socked him hard in the jaw. The big kid's eyes watered as he touched his cheek.

"My tooth! You knocked my tooth loose!"

"Ya deserved that," a tall boy told him with a grin. "Ernesto, ya need to think before ya talk."

I watched them interact with a mix of shock and intrigue. Back when I was their age no one ever played that rough. Teachers and parents tended to intervene when so much as shouting erupted. There were no adults in sight then except for the man in the suit wearing sunglasses. He came towards the group and faced them, back turned on the fountain. 

 

"New orders for you kids,“ he announced smoothly.

I watched him closely. That suit definitely wasn't off the rack. He was tall and lean, wearing aviator sunglasses to hide his eyes. The people milling around the plaza didn't pay our weird group any mind which told me we weren't an unusual sight. Which lead to the question why orders were being delivered to kids. Then I wondered where I heard that name before. Vongola? A pizza place maybe?

"The orders are from Vongola nono himself," the man spoke slowly, making sure we were all hanging onto his words. "You are to keep your eyes and ears open for news about an illegal arms dealing ring that calls itself Cevetti N'an. Anything you hear, report directly to the usual places. This group has been causing unrest and may be directly responsible for the murder of civilians, so it's important that we stop them. Do you understand?"

"Yes sir!"

"What about the special mission?" Ernesto spoke up boldly. 

The man adjusted his sunglasses and gave the kid a long look. "What makes you think there is one?"

"Did you lie to us?" Francesca yelled accusingly at the boy who led me here. 

"Alfonso said there was one," Ernesto said and glared at the boy as well. "Didn't you?"

The man chuckled and shook his head. What an unpleasant guy. Making fun of street kids? Who did that? He had to have noticed my expression since I could feel him assessing me. This kind of scrutiny never failed to make me uncomfortable. What was there to see? I wasn't even wearing my own clothes. 

"Is there a problem?" He asked slowly, still keeping his gaze on me. 

The other kids caught on and were now staring at the two of us. I noticed that Alfonso had paled and was now staring at the man with wide eyes. 

"No," I replied quickly.

"Good. You filthy street rats better not get any stupid ideas like talking back to a mafiosi," he sneered and turned away. 

Mafia? Vongola? MAFIA??? VONGOLA?? My eyes couldn't have widened more as the scales fell off them, figuratively speaking. Now I was one thousand percent sure I was being made fun of. Somehow somebody must've gotten wind of my current obsession. Why they'd go to such extremes was beyond me. Maybe I'd inadvertedly pissed somebody with lots of money off through the internet, enough for them to send me to Italy. Or no, these guys were all actors. That had to be it. 

"Haha, great work everybody," I laughed and clapped my hands. "You really got me. Mafia? Really? Should've hired some genuine mafiosi to play the part! He didn't even have a moustache."

The man stopped in his tracks and twitched. He turned around slowly and I could see the vein on his forehead pulse. It was fascinating since I thought they only did that in mangas. 

"What did you just say, brat?" He hissed furiously. 

"Oh come on," I said with a scoff and rolled my eyes. "The jig is up. You're not really mafia, are you? You're some cheap knockoff they found in a costume store."

"C-Costume-?! Who the fuck do you think you're talking to, you piece of shit?" He snapped and stalked towards me. "I'm part of the Vongola family! You dare address me like that? J-just because I can't grow a beard? HUH?"

I frowned when he wasn't dropping the act like I expected and started looking around for the camera team I fully expected to see emerging from the bushes. What were they waiting for? The scenery had almost convinced me, but that guy was just too much. No one acted like that in real life. At least no adults I knew would stoop to this level after getting taunted by a kid. A kid? I looked down my chest and gulped. Yes, I was looking down the body of a prepuberescent girl. No boobs or hips to speak of. 

"T-this has to be a joke. H-how did you guys manage that?" I laughed nervously as I dodged his hands. "Changing my whole appearance? How's that possible?"

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about, kid, but you've messed with the wrong guy today!" He snorted like an angry bull as he tried to grab me. 

I evaded him easily, knowing full well what he was gonna do. Grab me and make an example of me in front of the other kids. Speaking of which, they were all staring at me in amazement. A ring had formed around us as I dodged his grabby hands. If that guy was a genuine gangster I was a mermaid. His reflexes were utter shit and that was coming from a couch potato like me. I had dabbled in a few different sports over the years and found nothing worth sticking with, but I'd picked up some good moves along the way. It looked like he was running out of patientce as his face kept growing redder and redder in anger. Finally he snapped, like I expected, and stormed towards me. I dodged the swing of his fist and kicked him in the shin. To my dismay this young body wasn't nearly as strong as my real one. I swallowed hard when he staggered but didn't go down. 

"Argh! You little bitch!" He yelled and struck.

It hurt like a fucking bitch. His slap sent me falling backwards with my cheek stinging like it was on fire. I hit the ground hard and had to lie there for a few beats, breathing evenly to get the stars to disappear. When I was able to focus again the guy was crouching down, protecting his head from the pebbles the other kids were throwing at him. I stood up and realized that against an adult man my chances were limited. It was really annoying, but I had to retreat. The rain of pebbles and sticks covered my escape into a small side street. Several pairs of footsteps followed me deeper into the shadows. Behind one of the broken houses I stopped to catch my breath. Francesca and Alfonso were staring at me with awe. 

"You showed him!" The girl crowed. "That arrogant bastard always looks down on us, but you showed him!"

"Where did you come from?" Alfonso asked once we caught our breaths. "I could've sworn I've seen you around before, but that.. that was amazing! You looked like you were just playing with him, it was totally badass!"

"Right?" Francesca agreed with wide eyes before she broke out into a grin. "They'll be pretty mad, but it was worth it."

"They?" I echoed warily. 

"Oh," the boy's face dropped suddenly. "That's right. He was one of the Vongola family."

"So he claimed, but that guy is just a bully! My nonna says that the Vongola are good guys! They protect the people!"

I shook my head slowly. What in the fuck was going on anymore? I would've liked to ask them, but they couldn't have a clue. They.. weren't real. My eyes were wide as I stared at the ground. Was any of this real or just a very realistic dream? It didn't make any sense. Was I hallucinating all of this? The very real sting in my cheek seemed to disagree. I touched the aching spot and pushed. With a wince I dropped my hand and shook my head.

"I don't know what's going on," I muttered as I sat down on the ground.

"Huh?"

"Come on, let's go to the hangout. Better to be off the streets for a while. They might come looking for you," Alfonso suggested with a serious frown.

"S-sure.."

The hangout was inside one of the abandoned houses' basement. The kids had put up sleeping bags and all other kinds of pilfered items there. About ten street kids were inside when we arrived, with the number of sleeping bags indicating that at least twice the amount was actually living there. Alfonso showed me to an empty sleeping bag next to his and offered me a juice pouch. The sweet sweet taste of applejuice tasted better than I can remember it ever tasting.

"For your victory," he said with a grin. 

"Hey, is that the one who showed the Vongola man up?"

Heads turned my way and I tried my hardest not to blush. "Uh..."

"What's your game?"

"Yeah! You were awesome!"

"That scumbag kept harrassing Millicente!"

"I heard him talking trash about us in a bar. That guy hates kids."

Somehow my cluelessness about the situation had ended me up in the position of hero of the day. While some of the kids still had a spark of distrust in their eyes it was the general opinion that I did them all a favor. Just.. I kept shaking my head to myself. There was and is no way to describe how bizarre this whole mess was. Apparently, and that itself sounded insane, I somehow- somehow ended up inside the world of my favorite manga... Of the month. I clearly remembered holding a stack of twelve books in my arms as I carried them to my bed intending to reread them later. Since I had been a fan of the series once before, six years ago. Fucking Vongola was real now. Sweat broke out on my back as I curled up on the sleeping bag. It smelled stale and there were holes in it, possibly cigarettte burns. There was a good chance I wouldn't survive the week. How in the fuck did I end up in Italy, in Vongola territory? The majority of the manga was set in Japan and I briefly regretted not getting dimension portalled there instead. I'd always wanted to go. It almost made me want to laugh. I had very different worries now.


	3. Chapter 3

When I woke up the next day I learned that if I wanted to eat I'd have to steal. That alone was a little offputting, since I'd had it drilled into me from earliest childhood that stealing is bad. After enough stomach growling and cramping I got over it. The other kids showed me the ropes like the general lay out of the village Brisallore and the best shops to make a quick get away from. Even the youngest ones knew how to pull their weight. The kids had developed a system where they'd pool their resources and share the food they managed to pilfer, so no one went hungry. It was pretty clever since it strenghtened their bonds and allowed them to compensate for when someone got caught and came back empty handed.   
As long as I didn't let myself feel guilty about it, stealing was easy. Far too easy. I noticed pretty quickly that my young body wasn't as much of a hindrance as I expected. In fact I started to notice that it was able to learn rapidly. I only had to watch the other kids to be able to copy their movements. I suspected that since my adult brain knew how my body should be moving already it did just that without needing training. Once Alfonso ran away from an angry cheese vendor by jumping up a fence and using a clothesline as a makeshift rope to toss over a chimney and climb up the side of the house. I watched the whole thing and the next day did exactly the same with only minimal trouble. It didn't go unnoticed and soon the older kids began to teach me their tricks. Feeding themselves wasn't their only concern. They wanted to earn money, too. Some of them were budding pickpockets, others were getting the hang of breaking and entering. Everyone was developing their individual talents as future criminials. I didn't like it much, but by then I knew that most of these kids had no other choice. With no one to look after them or pay for school it was up to them to figure out how to survive. 

Behind all my primary concerns I was still worried about the Vongola, though. My biggest regret was not finishing the manga. No, I had barely read past the Varia Arc before my interest began to fade. All the info I had about the rest of the plot was bits and pieces off the internet. Damn, but I secretly really wanted to meet Tsuna. Before I got booted back into my actual, real life or died in the mafia bullshit. A guy like that was too good to be real, which was the entire point. Almost a week passed without incident, but I wasn't letting my guard down so easily. I knew that the Vongola family was the biggest of them all and that their boss Timoteo cared deeply about his people. Surely they'd come after me. Maybe they were trying to ambush me away from the others? Did they know about the hideout? They had to. 

Alfonso came back from one of his scavenging runs badly bruised and missing his front teeth. We all huddled around him with deeply worried looks on our faces. He was trying hard not to cry and kept talking behind the hand in front of his mouth. Splatters of blood were all over the front of his clothes and even in his dark blond curls. One of the older girls who was most definitely pimping herself out got a wad of cotton and handed it to him. 

"What happened?" I asked anxiously. 

"E-ewryfin waf going accowing to pwan," he muttered and wiped angrily at his eyes. "There waf thif guy.."

"What guy!?" 

"Rich kid. I waf trying to fneak a hand in h-hif pocket.. He faw."

"Damn," I whistled. "You couldn't get away?"

"No way," Alfonso muttered darkly and glared at the floor. "He waf.. older than uf, but not much. Newer seen anyone that ftrong or faft."

I felt anger rising inside me. Alfonso and the others had really grown on me. What kind of scumbag would beat a kid this bloody just for trying to.. Well. Someone with severe anger issues might. Somebody else would've smacked him around and then chewed him out. It must've been one of those rich mafiosi ponces. I'd seen them parading around town in their custom made suits and smoking those nasty cigars while leering at every pair of tits in the vicinity. If those guys were truly Vongola... the family was in worse condition than I thought. Alfonso bit down on the cotton wad so the bleeding would stop faster. I stood up and put my hands in the pockets of my pants.

"What are you going to do?" Alfonso asked with a worried look.

"Going for a walk," I stated calmly as I headed for the exit.

Anger was simmering beneath my breastbone. Those kids had nothing. They didn't deserve to get stomped on just for trying to survive. If Vongola Nono was willing to overlook his people's suffering, maybe he wasn't that good a person after all. Could Akira Amano be wrong about her own character? The very idea seemed absurd. So could it be that I was missing something? If only I could remember the plot better... All I'd managed to read on my second read through of the series so far was halfway through the Daily Life Arc. My memory of the rest was spotty at best.   
I roamed the streets of Brisallore at dusk, keeping my eyes open for potential opportunities, when I spotted him. An elderly man in a grey pinestripe suit. There were several gold rings on his fingers and he was using a walking cane to move around. I realized with a jolt that I knew that face. Timoteo himself, out and about? That was the closest I'd gotten to the main characters so far. More importantly he was alone. I gulped. Pickpocketing the ninth Vongola boss seemed like a suicidal plan. On the other hand one of those rings might pay for a pair of new teeth and then some. It was not like I still expected to play any important part in the plot whatsoever. Even if I ended up dying here, in this weird parallel world, it wouldn't be in vain. It was already too late to not feel obliged to my friends even if they weren't real. My heart was beating like crazy. There was a good chance I was already dead. Even so. Even so. A full body shiver went through me before I tensed and steeled my resolve. A plan formed in my brain and I set it into motion without allowing fear to cloud my judgement any longer. 

 

 

"Aah, Vongola Nono. Come, take a look. Today I'm selling the freshest fruit this side of the Unoce River!" The vendor called out to the elderly man.

Vongola Nono smiled to himself as he inspected the fruits. Pears, apples, pineapples, bananas, more exotic things like star fruits.. it all looked delicious. There was a small tug at his side and he looked down, noticing that an apple had rolled off the display and under the stall. One of his bushy grey brows twitched up and he turned around abruptly, startling the small girl behind him. Her bright eyes widened with fear. 

"Oh? Blue eyes so far down south," he said kindly. "What a rare sight."

The girl was clearly a street rat if you were to judge by her clothes. A greasy bun of hair on her head confirmed it. When he came down to the market with his adoptive son he hadn't requested any backup. Xanxus was more than capable of handling any trouble even at the tender age of fifteen. That anyone dared to bother him was quite intriguing. Everybody knew who he was and by her looks even the girl did. Her lower lip trembled, but she didn't look away. Strange. In his experience those kids were like the vermin they were named after. Always nervous, skirting the edges of the scenes, skittery and paralyzed with fear in the face of larger predators. Useful for their ability to move around unseen and observe. Timoteo didn't particularly like or dislike them, he even felt pity for them. That's why he hadn't sent anyone after them after they misbehaved towards his messenger. Oh yes he heard the story how one of them, a little girl with bright eyes, had dared to practically incite a revolt. If his sources were correct this was her now. The old man leaned on his cane and observed the way she didn't back down, kept her back straight and her eyes on him. There was wisdom beyond her years in those eyes and a fire he hadn't seen in a long time. 

"What's your name?" 


	4. Chapter 4

Somehow I was still blessedly alive. If it only wasn't for that fucking apple. I almost got to his wallet, too. The old man only looked at me like he was curious, but not angry. Up close he really looked sort of nice, even... grandfatherly. Blue eyes, huh. Of course I'd seen glances of my new reflection. My real eyes were brown, but these were a really almost icy shade of blue. My hair was black from what I could tell, but that might just be grease. It fucking itched after not getting to wash it for over a week. I probably smelled like a walking trashcan. It took everything I had not to fall down to my knees and beg for mercy, but I managed. My name... Should I give him my real name? It didn't matter, did it? On the other hand I could pick any name I liked. New body, new face, new name? Why not. 

"Yumi," was the first thing that came to mind.

I tried not to wince at the piercing look he gave me. Why'd I say that? I used to give my OCs all sorts of beautiful names. There were so many nice sounding names to pick from in Japanese and I chose this? I didn't even look Japanese from what I could tell. Either he bought it or not. 

"You're half Japanese," he stated as if it was obvious. 

"Yes," I replied immediately. 

"How did a girl like you end up in this place?"

Straight to the point. I flinched a little. That made him frown severly and I just wondered how I could fuck up so badly in so little time when crashes and shouts caught our attention. It looked like something out of a movie. A multi million dollar action movie. Stalls got knocked over, sending their wares flying while the vendors scambled to get away from the person who emerged from the middle of the chaos. I admit my heart skipped a beat before it went into overdrive. Yours would have, too, if you ever came face to face with a teenage serial killer. With two guns in his hands. Guns that are on fire. Magical fire. Teenage Xanxus was a scary motherfucker. That look in his eyes you seriously don't want directed at you, ever. People who look at you like that in real life are usually wearing really tight white jackets. Anyways he emerged from the damage just as an explosion went off somewhere in the background. I watched in mute horror as a ball of red fire shot up in the air and exploded very loudly. 

"Ah. Xanxus," Timoteo sighed like this was a common occurence. "I take it you found what you came for?"

"Hn," he huffed and tilted his head back to glare at me. "What's that trash doing here?"

"Ah, I believe she was trying to obtain one of these," Timoteo said and lifted his beringed fingers. 

It took less than half a second for both guns to be aimed at me, safety switched off. I gulped. 

"Aw man," I mumbled nervously. "And I didn't even get to the good parts yet. What a shame. Guess I'll just die here."

"Now now," Timoteo said soothingly. "Let's all calm down."

I watched his movements. They were practiced, which alone is pretty creepy when you consider how young Xanxus was. My weird young body felt lighter all of sudden. My eyes widened a little when I saw Xanxus' finger tense as if in slo-mo. What happened next? I fucking dodged the hell out of those shots. Barely. They almost grazed my legs, but shit. Fucking dodged a bullet, literally. I dove behind the fruit stall when I heard the teenager curse loudly.

"Xanxus, stop it!" Timoteo said sternly as if he was talking to an unruly toddler, while fruits exploded into tiny bits all around him. 

I felt cold sweat coat my back as I dove behind the next stall and pushed the fish vendor to the side. Fish guts and chunks of ice pelted me when he began to shoot the stall up as well. 

"Scurry, little rat!" I heard him yell, and he sounded only slightly unhinged and mostly amused.

Thankfully there were several more stalls to hide behind as it was market day. Even so I knew and I guess Xanxus knew too, that I couldn't hide forever. It was my plan to let him get the bloodlust out of his system by giving him something to demolish and it looked like it worked around the time I was crouching beneath the pottery table. Unmentionable things littered my body and if I smelled bad before I was now a five star dish for the flies. The frequency of his shots died down and when no more broken pottery rained down on me I dared to peek around the table. Timoteo was standing behind his son with a longsuffering expression while the boy was breathing heavily, eyes hidden beneath a shadow. 

"Is it safe to come out now?" I called, immediately flinching from the shots that narrowly missed my head. 

"I believe we have something to discuss. I'd prefer if we did so over diner. Xanxus, put your weapons down. The damages are coming out of your monthly allowance."

"Monthly," I whispered in shock.

"Yumi, please come with us. I'd be happy to provide you with a new set of clothes."

"What for?" I called, back pressed to the wooden planks of the stall. 

"Since my son has ruined your current outfit and I believe you don't have access to running water."

"Thanks for reminding me," I whispered bitterly. 

As the adrenaline began to fade I remembered my original plan. A few adjustments were due, but I could work with that. A bunch of rich folks wouldn't miss an heirloom or two, right? Unless they planned to murder me in secret, but why bother? Besides I knew that Timoteo at least was a nice guy. I also knew what kind of person Xanxus was and what he'd do to his father. A stone dropped into my stomach. That raised the question... was I allowed to interfere with the plot? Should I? I personally tended to answer no. I saw that movie with Ashton Kutcher. Butterfly effect, right. Not doing that. I slowly crawled out from under the stall and eyed Xanxus warily. He apparently chose to ignore my entire existance, which suited me just fine. Timoteo was giving me a warm smile which I had a hard time facing without smiling back, but I managed. After all I was supposed to be a clueless kid. A limousine arrived at the scene and a man in a uniform jumped out to hold the door open for the two of them. When he spotted me his smile froze. I tried to shake the fish bits out of my hair rather self-consciously. 

"Allow me to put down a blanket for the signorina," he said and went to the trunk to pull out an old rag.

I sat down on the oil stained fabric and stared straight ahead for the entire ride, keenly aware of the way I smelled. Nobody said a word until the limo pulled up at the front gates of a huge mansion in the countryside. They drove past the gates and I couldn't help but stare in awe. It was like something out of a movie. Dimly I registered the amused snort from my right, where Xanxus was seated at a safe distance. A maid came running when we went inside and took one look at me before she rushed me off to a bathroom. It was on the ground floor by the kitchen, so it must usually be for the personnel. At eithe rate, let me tell you how fucking amazing that shower was after more than one week without. They had a huge mirror in the bathroom and I got my first clear look at my new body. It was tiny. TINY. If I had to guess I'd say I looked like a malnourished ten year old. Which I probably was at that point. My hair really was black and quite thick. I wrapped it in a towel and put on the shirt and sweat pants the maid had laid out for me, along with underwear and socks. There even was a pair of house slippers. I would almost feel back to my real self, if it were not for the big blue eyes, chubby cheeks and high pitched voice. Why in the seven hells did I have to appear here as a ten year old? I was practically a baby with the mind of a grown woman. I sat down on the closed lid of the toilet and began to do some math. Xanxus was fifteen. I was ten, by all accounts. That meant I arrived three years before the Cradle Incident. So that meant... Tsuna and the others were two years old at the moment. A wave of dread washed over me. Why so early? What was my purpose going this far back in time? Amano-sensei's plot only lined out the day of the Cradle Incident and some tidbits of Xanxus' backstory. One one hand it might be cool to fill in the blanks, on the other? Three years are a hell of a long time. My head snapped up when a sharp rap echoed against the door. 

"Signorina, master Timoteo calls for you," the same maid from before spoke loudly.

"Do you guys have a blow dryer in here?" I asked.

"Above the sink, in the mirrored cupboard."

"Thanks. Give me five minutes."

"But-"

I had no time to waste, so I grabbed the blowdryer and drowned her words out in the noise. My hair was really thick... My skin was rather pale, too. Gokudera and Bianchi were supposedly half-Japanese as well, but in the manga they didn't look any different from the Japanese kids. None of the characters look typically Asian as per our real world definition anyway, as is common in manga. I stared at my reflection in deep confusion. How did the manga logic apply to me here? Was it too callous to call myself half-asian? My looks didn't match my claims, but what if they did in this weird universe? I resolved to worry about this some other time. What were the chances of anybody ever finding out? Slim to none. Once my roots were dry I put the blow dryer back and hurried into the hallway where the maid was waiting with a disdainful look. I smiled apologetically before she led me to a large dining room with an even larger table. Xanxus was sitting on one end while Timoteo sat at the other. 

"Uh."

"Chose any seat you like," the old man told me with a smile. 

"Out of the forty available ones?" I asked under my breath before I went to sit next to him. "Thanks for letting me shower here. I mean it."

Timoteo chuckled and speared a black olive with his fork. "My pleasure."

"Are you sure there's a person underneath the trash?" Xanxus sneered from the far end of the table. 

I wisely refrained from rolling my eyes. If I had to chance a guess I'd say that Xanxus' abysmal temper had to be even worse during his teen years. No need to ruin dinner, I really was hungry.

"Please help yourself," he said and gestured at the multitude of dishes. "I'm afraid my son has caused you quite the trouble."

"Hn."

"It's fine," I said inbetween bites. "No harm done."

An unpleasant sensation hit me and I just knew that the boy was glaring at me. I had no intentions of giving up diner, though. 

"I went easy on you. All that helpless scurrying was amusing to watch."

"Sure," I replied easily and the unpleasant feeling tripled in its intensity. 

When I glanced up to check while gnawing on a chicken wing, Timoteo was watching us with a sparkle in his eyes and a grin on his lips. It was weird, what the hell was his game? And I still hadn't spotted anything worth taking yet. That was the only reason I came here. And the food, oh my god it was amazing. They had creme brulee for desert. Creme fucking brulee, with real flambéed brown sugar on top. Sweet merciful Jesus.

"I take it you liked the food?" Timoteo asked afterwards and dabbed at his mouth with a napkin. 

"So good," I sighed blissfully. 

"Forgive me, but I wanted to ask you something. You mentioned you were half-japanese, correct?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I find myself in somewhat of a conundrum. We're in southern Sicily and my contacts tell me that no tourists from Japan have recently arrived. Of course I know all about anyone who enters and leaves Brisallore. So how did you get here?" 

Sharp old man. I could see the Ninth generation's Sky Guardian shining through. The all encompassing sky who extends his protection over Italy. A smile wanted out, but I couldn't let it yet. I knew how much danger I was in, how badly I needed a good story. Yet I couldn't help but trust that old man. If there was anyone I'd have to watch out for, it would be that bastard son of his. Oh? Heh.

"Actually," I began and thought of naked grannies until my eyes grew wet. "I'm not supposed to tell anyone about this... I don't want any trouble.."

Timoteo's amber eyes softened instantly as he patted my arm. "Don't be scared. Nobody's gonna hurt you."

"Hn...We'll see about that."

"Xanxus."

I shivered a little at the sharp glance suddenly directed across the table. There was his hidden dangerous side. I had no doubt that this was the man who ran the most powerful mafia family now. It made even Xanxus shut up, but the boy defiantly kept his boot clad feet on the table while he leaned back in his chair. How did a half-Japanese ten year old end up in southern Sicily? Human trafficking. My money was on Timoteo thinking exactly the same thing.

"Um.. I was brought here against my will." I'd decided to stick to the truth as much as possible and not only because of his Hyper Intuition. 

Going by the way his eyes widened and the angry look that was growing on his face I could tell that he believed me. The relief that flooded me then allowed me to think more clearly. I wasn't sure whether I should act more childishly and only had vague memories of what I was like at that age. Then again I never acted all that mature as an adult, so maybe I could work this out. Timoteo's fury was not directed at me per se, but it still made me a bit wary. 

"I'm not from here, I used to live far away in another country." Still the truth. 

"A foreigner who just so happens to speak fluent Italian?" Xanxus asked derisively. "You're a creative rat."

Alright, I'll admit his constant interruptions and jeering were getting annoying. My respect for him outweighed my temper, but there was no telling for how much longer. I had to remind myself I was in the body of a ten year old kid repeatedly. Were I in my proper adult body I'd at least try to kick his ass. While he was unarmed. Maybe. I looked away because his red eyes were making me nervous. There's just something unsettling about that color. It may be perfectly acceptable in a manga setting, but damn. They were blood red. Not the sunset red or reddish brown that gets called blood red all the time for brevity's sake. Nope. Arterial blood red. The kind of color you only ever see as the result of terrible accidents. When those unsettling eyes are brimming with rage directed at you.. it's not a pleasant feeling.  
I was a timid person who hated conflict unless I knew I was right, and even then had a hard time standing up for myself. Back then there was nothing I could do against the fear he evoked in me. All the annoyance was just a cover up for that.   
Ugh, how lame. Is that what you're thinking? I don't mind. A normal person living an ordinary life couldn't possibly put themselves in the place I was in. You see, we regular humans aren't equipped to handle the supernatural very well. It was all around me in the world I woke up in. The best I could do back then was to use my brain to avoid an untimely death while shaking in my boots the entire time. 

Spoiler alert: It will get better. I'm just laying down the groundwork for the rest of my tale.

(Sorry for sounding so defensive. I'm a little embarrassed about my old self. So anyway. Back to the story.)

Timoteo asked who brought me here and I was kind of at a loss. It worked in my favor, though. Nono didn't expect me to know the pretend kindnapper's names. I gave him a vague description that would apply to half the mafia and he nodded along as if I was somehow giving him helpful clues. I had to admit he was really good with kids. Not that I was a kid, but I appreciated the effort nonetheless. Xanxus kept glaring at me as if he hoped I'd spontaneously combust if he tried hard enough. I could tell he didn't like or trust me in the least. Fair enough, I thought and ignored him for the moment. The elderly Vongola boss leaned back in his chair and regarded me thoughtfully while I looked around the room. It was just so splendid in its grandeur. Tastefully decorated with oil on canvas landscape paintings in golden frames. There was a fireplace at the back of the room and some potted plants in terracotta pots. The tall windows were framed by rich velvet curtains and presented a spectacular view of the large garden. There was more glamour and luxury on display than I'd ever seen. This is what I imagined some hollywood star's vacation home to look like. And there were maids, a whole host of them, to wait on their hands and feet. They even had a butler hanging around. I wondered quietly how many people had to die over the long history of the Vongola family to pay for all of this. All of this had been bought with bloody money. Suddenly the mansion didn't seem so nice anymore. Slowly I began to feel restless, wanting to get back to the hideout. At least those kids didn't glorify their lifestyle. As I stared down at the table and wondered what items were small enough to hide in my borrowed clothes I heard a derisive snort. 

"Stop looking like you're about to be killed. It's annoying."

"Maybe she's just tired," Timoteo said and I looked up to find him giving me a warm smile. 

"Um.. Thank you for the food and shower. And the clothes. I'll bring them back as soon as I get new ones. J-just.. can I go now?"

The elderly mafia boss laced his fingers with a serious expression. "Don't you want to go back home?"

"H-huh?"

"Your real home, not the streets of this sleepy little town. Your parents must be worried sick."

A fist clenched around my stomach and I swallowed. Were they? What happened to my adult self, anyway? I hadn't even thought about that. It had been over a week since my arrival. What if my body died while I was here? Oh god, the thought made my stomach churn. Despite the emotional slump I'd been in I'd always rallied for my parents' sake, after all I was their precious only child. If I died... I honestly didn't know if they'd ever recover since the both of them were almost sixty and not the healthiest anymore. Timoteo must have noticed my distress, since he reached across the table to put his big warm hand over my small one. 

"I feel responsible for you now, you know. This town and everybody in it is under my protection."

"T-thank you," I gulped, "But I don't think I can go back."

"Oh? Why is that?"

Thinking quickly, I considered my options. Spending the rest of my days as a homeless wretch was not one of them. I did have my pride even if I had nothing else. 

"My parents are dead and the relatives who took care of me didn't like me very much. They left me all alone at a playground in a neighbourhood I didn't know. Then I got.. taken."

"Your folks got sick of you, huh? Can't imagine why." Xanxus's words hit a chord and I purposefully didn't look at him, lest he see my watering eyes. 

"It would be for the best if you left right now, son." Timoteo's voice was calm, yet stern. 

"Finally," the boy huffed and made as much noise as possible while getting up. 

"How could anybody abandon a helpless little child?" Timoteo wondered quietly with a faraway gaze. "It's absolutely disgraceful. I am so sorry this happened to you."

I swallowed several times before the urge to start crying receded and blinked quickly. Don't cry, I thought angrily. Don't you fucking cry in front of them. I refuse to cry in front of strangers. 

"It's okay, mister Vongola," I told him quietly. "He's not wrong. They were poor and had five kids of their own. I understand why they didn't want an additional burden."

"That's no excuse!" He gave me a quick smile after his outburst. "How did you end up in this town, though?"

"There were several of us kids. We were locked in the back of a truck. The driver had to stop periodically to bring us food and water. On one such stop I pretended to be sick so he took me outside. That was when I managed to run away. I ran until I passed out. When I woke up I was in an alley in town."

Not quite the entire truth, but true enough. He considered me and my heart started beating double time. 

"You went through a lot. It must be hard to live in a foreign country. You seem to know the language. Was one of your parents Italian?"

"Yes," I replied instantly. "My father."

"Ah," he sighed. "The allure of Japanese women. Several of my ancestors married Japanese girls. The founder of the Vongola even retired there."

"Wow."

"Yes," Nono looked thoughtful. "I wonder."

He's thinking about Tsuna I realized and my heart skipped a beat. Tsuna, the comic book hero I was able to identfy with the most since I too felt totally useless and weak. Time was ticking by and the absence of Xanxus worried me even more than his presence. He made his distaste for me known pretty well and I worried I might become a target if I continued to bother him with my existance. A worrisome thought hit me. What if he'd start targeting the street kids I was staying with? He said it himself, he hated rats. He almost killed Alfonso for trying to pickpocket him. Teenage Xanxus was a spoiled, dangerous bastard who did what he wanted because Nono was far too soft on him. It was canon that he had a petty, cruel and merciless side that didn't even spare middle school kids. I swallowed and tried to formulate a plan, but it seemed pointless. Either way, I was going to be in more trouble than I felt able to handle. 

"Say, where did you learn to move like that?" Timoteo suddenly asked. "Xanxus is a very good shot. He rarely misses. Using the stalls to evade him was very clever, too. It's been a while since I've seen such reflexes in one so young as yourself."

"I saw him beginning to pull the trigger and acted on instinct. Ummm.. I guess I'm a quick learner."

Truth. This body was way more exceptional than I could have known. It allowed me to copy people's movements with ease even if they had much more experience moving that way. That and I had noticed on several occasions that there was some hidden potential in me. It almost felt like I could slow down time when I focused on something, allowing me to analyze and then counter that action before it happened. Like that time with Xanxus. I'd watched him pull the trigger and look at my legs so I'd known what he was aiming for, then slightly to the left, so I knew to dodge to the right. It happened way too fast to actively realize so I'd let my body act on instinct. 

"How many languages do you speak?"

"Uh.. Japanese," I said and prayed I wasn't lying. "Italian. English. German. A little French."

"That's pretty impressive for such a young lady," he smiled warmly at me. 

"Thank you."

"So you're a good student, then?"

"I think so. I like learning new things."

"Is that so? Well, then. I have one more question," he said and leaned back in his chair, eyes suddenly unreadable. "You tried to steal from me. Why?"

"Huh?" I was blindsided by the question and had to blink a few times. "I..I have to get a lot of money."

Horrified I raised a hand in front of my mouth. Why had I said that? I wanted to make up something a lot less incriminating! It felt like the words were being dredged straight out of my subconsciousness. I looked around in a panic and suddenly noticed the hand that was resting on his walking cane. I remembered in a flash that Vongola Nono's weapon was a scepter and gulped. Amano-sensei never mentioned what exactly he could do with that. 

"You have to? Why?" He asked calmly and that was a lot more terrifying than you'd think.

Again I felt compelled to answer honestly. There was nothing I could do about it. "It was because of him. Xanxus. H-he beat up one of my friends and destroyed his teeth. Those kids sheltered me even though they have nothing. It isn't fair how they're being treated. H-honestly I was disappointed! Everyone kept saying how great the Vongola family is, how they take care of their people. I saw none of that! These kids live like rats in a dirty basement, stealing food just to get by. Getting stepped on by everybody, especially you mafia guys," my voice started shaking and I couldn't look at him anymore. "I-it's not fair! I couldn't just stand by and do nothing. They.. they taught me their tricks. I knew it was dangerous, but.. but I had to help him. "

"Everybody in this town knows who I am, even you did. Yet you tried to steal from me.. so your friend could affort new teeth?"

"Yes!" I burst out and finally dared to look at him. "If you truly don't care for these kids, then the least you could do is pay for the damage you've caused!"

Vongola Nono started to smile brightly. "Alfonso is getting his teeth replaced as we speak. I allowed my messenger Alfredo to go home early today to take his son to the dentist."

"Whuh?" My jaw dropped.

"This is a mafia village," he stressed while looking deeply into my eyes."Brisallore is in the heart of the Vongola territory. I'd never allow that many children to suffer from poverty right on my doorstep..! They're all from local families, families that have been in our service for generations. The reason that basement exists is because it's a longstanding Vongola tradition for the young to work their way up through the ranks, starting at the very bottom. Even Xanxus went there once. In short they all work for me. The reason you've been so readily accepted is because I had to find out whether you're a government spy. They've been watching you this whole time and reporting back to me. Don't look so shocked, this family hasn't survived for hundreds of years by being careless. There is no information the Vongola can't find out, except where you came from apparently. Nobody could tell so I'm sure you can understand why we were concerned."

"This- so.. you? Why .. he?" I stammered, mind completely blown.

"Oh. We ran out of bananas so I decided to go buy some myself," he shrugged with a grin. "I didn't plan this all out, exactly. It's coincidence that we ran into you. Xanxus is a rather.. tempestous boy so he decided to take the initative. I must admit I let him intimidate you to see if you would crack under the pressure, like quite a few spies have before. He's rather good at extorting information, as I'm sure you can tell."

I nodded mutely. Nono grinned like this was all some sort of hilarious joke. I couldn't believe it.. those kids I came to like... they were all spying on me the whole time. It was quite a bummer. I'd been let down by my friends before and it made me reflexively feel hurt, even though it was a little silly. After all I had nothing to hide and couldn't blame them for being wary of a stranger.

"I'm glad we could resolve this misunderstanding, Yumi. There's just.. Do you feel like you can tell me where you are from now? Forgive me, but your story isn't very convincing," he said with a kind look that almost made me feel... bad.

"Why don't you use your scepter to find out?" I asked quietly. "It's complicated; a lot more than you'd believe."

"I could do that, but I rather you be honest with me," he replied with a small shrug. 

"You're a kind person, signore Vongola," I said in a small voice. "Please don't think any less of me, but I really can't talk about it. It's better for everyone. I swear to you that I mean no harm to you or your family. I'm not a spy. I'm just a regular civillian who didn't even know I could dodge a bullet until I did it."

"As far as I'm concerned you are anything but regular," he stated with genuine warmth in his voice. "You've impressed me today, deeply so. Not only with your physical ability that far exceeds any normal child, but your mental fortitude as well. I've seen grown men cry after Xanxus had at them, yet you remained steadfast. Above all else, however, I value the loyalty you've shown to those you trust. The fact that you were willing to risk stealing from a mafia boss in the heart of his empire to help your friends speaks highly of you. As such I don't need more reasons to offer you a place within my household."

"I- Whoa," I stuttered at the unexpected offer. Timoteo was a great speaker. He could make anything sound like a motivational speech. Still, I didn't want to rush into it. His offer came out of the blue and I was willing to believe that I'd impressed him doing what I did. I couldn't help but feel like this was another test, though. 

"What do you say?" He asked with a fatherly smile. 

"I'm deeply honored by your offer, sir. I never expected anything like this. Despite that I have to respectfully decline."

Timoteo's mouth opened a little, but no sound came out. He looked utterly flabbergasted. Much like Xanxus he likely wasn't a man who was used to being told no. As the head of the Vongola family telling him no might be downright suicidal. I tried not to let it show how terrified I was.

"You... don't want to stay here?!"

"That's not it! Your house.. er your mansion.. Err.. It's beautiful and all.. But I can't just stay with you. I've been taught to earn my place," I said and thought of the street kids who weren't urchins at all. "I don't want to be a burden. Um, sir."

The old man laughed. He threw his head back and let out a hearty belly laugh that made me jump a little. Wiping a tear away he leaned towards me with a twinkle in his eyes.

"You're a good kid," he said fondly. "Stay. I'll provide you with whatever you want and train you to the best of my abilities. In exchange you'll work for me. How does that sound?"

I stiffened in my seat and eyed him warily. "Work? As in.. killing people?"

Timoteo sombered a little. "Sometimes that's unavoidable in this kind of lifestyle, I won't lie. Sometimes it's you or them."

I gulped. Of course I knew that the whole theme of the manga was mafia. There were several professional hitmen among Tsuna's group of friends, most even younger than me. Still, the only people I'd killed so far were virtual characters. When I thought about it without moral bias I could admit that it didn't bother me. I remembered being thirteen and killing my first pixel enemy. The rush of triumphant joy I'd felt. Maybe I shouldn't be so quick to deny my ability to kill. Time would tell, I supposed. I had three years before things would go to shit after all. He was still looking at me expectantly so I made a choice.

"In that case.. Since I will be able to earn my keep... I accept your offer."

"Great!" The old man beamed. "It'll be good to have another youngster around. This place will be a lot more lively."

"Uh.. sure," I said and thought of Xanxus with dread pooling in my stomach. 

"My son and you will get along splendidly."

I didn't bother replying to that and nodded minutely. I mean I could try, but the chances of getting accepted or even tolerated by him were pretty low. I worried what he'd say as soon as he heard of our deal. Would he simply shoot me, a potential threat to his inheritance? Maybe if I explained that I wasn't getting adopted, relax, the Vongola will be yours... Ahem... 

"If you have any things left in the hideout," he began slowly and nodded when I shook my head. "I will show you to your new quarters. Wait, better yet. Xanxus can show you. We have four empty bedrooms at the moment so pick whichever you like."

"Thank you," I must've sounded like a broken record by then, but what else did you say to something like that? "I'm deeply grateful."

"It's fine!" He said with a grin and stood up, using his scepter as a walking cane. "Come, I will call for him."

I stood up and followed him to the door, which the butler pulled open for us. This was all so unbelievable. Nono called for Xanxus and it took a full five minutes until the teen deigned to grace us with his presence. He looked mildly surprised to see me and his expression turned to anger when Nono told him to show me to the bedrooms. 

"What the fuck are you on about?" He demanded harshly, posture tense as if he was gearing up for a fight.

"She'll stay with us, son. I've realized that she has the potential to become a great addition to the family."

Red eyes widened in shock. "You.. you're keeping this vermin in the house?!"

"Yes. I think some company will be good for you," Timoteo said with a smile. 

"Bullshit!" Xanxus hissed and turned his fiery gaze on me. "I don't need 'company'! There are enough asskissers hanging onto me when I'm at school already!"

For what it was worth I had no intentions of kissing anyone's ass, main character or no. I wisely refrained from saying as much or rolling my eyes at his antics like I wanted to. I knew that Akira Amano had written the Varia members to represent the seven deadly sins and Xanxus represented wrath, but I secretly hoped they weren't as one-dimensional as it looked. Characters like that were interesting enough for the one or two chapters in which they appeared in the manga, but not for long. I was in that world, though. Interacting with them as real people. Real people have more than just one or two traits. Maybe I'd get to figure them out beyond the superficial. I hoped so. Timoteo let out a quiet sigh and gave his son a look. 

"I've already decided, Xanxus," he told him in a stern voice. "I'm asking you to respect that decision."

"It's your worst one yet," the boy replied stubbornly, but the agression receded from his posture. "You're gonna regret it."

"We'll see about that. Please show Yumi the rooms now," the old man said and turned to walk away. 

Xanxus let out an aggravated growl that reminded me of a large wild cat, but he merely glared at me before whirling around and stalking towards the big marble stairs in the foyer. I mentally shrugged and followed him trying to keep up with his long strides. It became obvious that he was trying to loose me on purpose, which was pretty annoying in its pettiness. Quietly I realized that this was what my life was going to be from now. It could've been a lot worse and made me wonder if fate wasn't on my side from time to time after all. Gratitude began to flood me when we arrived on the second floor and he paused briefly to bark at me to pick a room. I chose the one at the very back of the hallway since it had a beautful view over the garden. Xanxus left me without another word and I began to relax, noticing how tense I'd been all day when I rolled my stiff shoulders. It was a large room with a queen size bed and big wardrobe, all made from solid dark brown wood. There was even a make up table with a mirror. The room must've belonged to a lady once, maybe some past Vongola boss' widowed aunt or spinster cousin. A huge persian carpet laid below the bed and covered most of the floorboards except for the very edges of the room. One by the large windows creaked when I walked over to look outside. It smelled like no one had been living in here for a very long time. I don't know how to describe that smell, it's just emptiness and age. Reminded me of a museum of sorts. That and the furniture looked like it was at least as old as Timoteo, perhaps even older. I couldn't help but notice the solemn kind of sad air that hung over the room. Out of a spontaneous burst of creativity I smiled brightly at the empty room.

"I live here now," I announced to no one in particular. "It won't be lonely anymore!"

Nothing changed of course and I felt a little silly afterwards, but I managed to settle in a lot more comfortably. The bed was heavenly. I didn't even manage to undress since I was out like a light as soon as my head touched the fluffy pillows.


	5. Chapter 5

Now I'm sure you're not interested in the minutiae of my daily life in the Vongola mansion. The first few weeks went by in a repetitive cycle of homework and written tests, since Vongola Nono wanted to make sure I knew everything there was to know about the family and mafia life in general. He organized a private teacher who drilled me until I had everything memorized. It's the kind of stuff you can google and some of it was like straight out of the Godfather movies. I'd rather not disclose some information that's insider knowledge, just in case. I basically had the same level of knowledge about Vongola traditions and rituals as Reborn after three month's time. One morning he called me into the backyard where a generous terrace complete with a marble fountain was. Nono was resting on one of the expensive deck chairs and smiled when he saw me. I was surprised to see Xanxus there as well, since he'd gone back to the private boarding school he attended a few days after my arrival. His eyes narrowed when he spotted me and I grew wary in response.

"I've decided it's time to start with your combat training," Nono announced. "Xanxus here is going to help you."

"Huh?!" The blood rushed from my face and the boy tilted his head back with a mildly interested look.

"Your exceptional agility needs some fine tuning. Start by trying to dodge his attacks. You have the entire back yard for yourselves today."

"Oh no," I whispered in horror. 

"Hah." Xanxus grinned unpleasantly. 

"S-shouldn't I get a weapon?" I asked timidly. "You know, so I have at least a fighting chance?"

"Oh no," Timoteo frowned. "You're far too young to handle a gun."

"But not too young to get shot at?!"

"Stop wasting time, trash!" Xanxus sneered impatiently and drew his guns from whereever he'd hidden them.

"Don't worry Yumi," he told me with a genial smile. "Xanxus agreed to play fair and not cause you any harm. This is purely for training purposes."

My mouth opened in protest, but the old man ignored me and waved the butler over to order a cup of tea. Before I could object I felt my hackles raise and jumped to the left just in time to avoid an untimely death. I glanced around wildly, trying to figure out how to evade those 'playful non lethal' shots. The next half hour consisted of me diving behind various garden decorations and him destroying them in the process. I tried desperately to get towards the small copse of trees in order to have more solid cover and him hunting me down 'playfully'. Just like a cat that played with its terrfied food before eating it. Sweat was running down my forehead and making my clothes stick to my skin. It wasn't easy to evade his shots, far from it. All this running and jumping was getting more and more exhausting the longer the chase dragged out. What was even more worrisome was the fact that the frequency and accuracy of his shots only seemed to increase. Whenever I got a glimpse of his expression I felt shivers run down my spine. At first it looked like he was amused by my ability to evade him, then baffled, then increasingly incensed. I swallowed hard, having managed to hide behind a tree trunk, and began to assess my situation. I had no doubt in my mind that the longer I humiliated him by evading his attacks the stronger his killing intent was going to get. We were a good distance from the mansion and out of sight. If he wanted to, he could kill me and call it an accident. He definitely wanted to, I could sense the bloodlust pouring off of him in waves. There were two options: either face him and let myself get caught or keep scurrying and making my potential demise all the more painful. See, this is why I hated playing catch as a kid. People just got vicious after a while without catching anybody. Maybe some humans genuinely have predatory instincts. 

"Hey, um. Do you think we could take a break?" I called loudly from my hiding spot.

In reply I ducked quickly as a shot narrowly missed my head and made spliters rain down on me. 

"Shitty brat," I heard him curse under his breath.

He had to be close. Shit. The trees around us all had splintered bark and some of the younger ones had fallen over after being shot clean through. If I wanted to get out of this alive I had to get back to the mansion. Xanxus was a choleric asshole, but not even he would dare to shoot up the house. Not yet. If I wanted to get to the Cradle Incident, though, I first had to survive this. Not that I was looking forward to the part where he commited mass murder against his own family, but that was the catalyst for the rest of the series. In my heart of hearts I was still holding out the hope of getting to meet Tsuna and the others. If nothing else I wanted to thank him for being someone to relate to in my darkest hours. To archieve that I first had to survive. The beginnings of a plan grew in my brain out of the seeds of despair. What motivated Xanxus' anger at me? The irrational worry about having a potential rival for the inheritance since Timoteo clearly liked me. How could I make it clear that I was not a threat? Simple. 

"Hey! Hey listen! I'm not gonna keep running! Let's talk for a minute!" I yelled and flinched when he appeared from behind the nearest tree with his guns pointed at my head. 

"You have sixty seconds, rat."

I licked my dry lips and inhaled. "I want to get stronger. The way I see it, to do that I have to train under the strongest person I can find. That means you. Let's make a deal. If I become your underling you'll teach me."

His eyes narrowed, but there was a calculating glint in them. "What's in it for me?"

"You'd gain a loyal subordinate," I said hastily. "You've seen what I can do already. Once I grow up I'll be that much more deadly."

"You're awfully sure of yourself, little rat. What makes you think I need someone like you around? There are plenty of strong guys who'd give their left arm to serve the next Don of the Vongola."

"That may be so, but genuine loyalty is hard to find in the mafia. Even the Don needs somebody who'll watch his back."

"Why me?" He asked with narrowed eyes, but the grip on his guns was relaxed. Good. 

"Because I admire you," I admitted. "I admire strong people. When I see them, I want to follow them. That's it."

"Hn. You're a fucking weird kid," he snorted and slowly lowered his weapons. 

I waited until he put them away before I relaxed. A breeze rustled through the trees and it felt like nature finally dared to breathe again after the intense chase. I shivered when the sweat began to cool on my skin. Xanxus stared me down before he finally turned his gaze back on the mansion with a frown.

"Things will be different once I take over." 

"I understand that," I replied carefully and hoped my presence in the plot wouldn't change the way things were going to unfurl. A Vongola family under Xanxus' rule was not something I wanted to be around for in all honesty. 

"If that's the case, then kneel."

I stared at him, but he looked absolutely serious for once. Slowly I did as he asked and fought the need to run away. Xanxus stared down at me with the most intense glare I had seen on him yet before he threw his head back and started laughing.

"You actually did it! Hah, who knew you'd pass all your history tests and still be that stupid?"

"W-what?" I stuttered while blushing furiously. 

"I've been keeping tabs on you," he said once he stopped laughing. 

"So you don't trust your father's judgement?" I asked wryly. 

"He's too soft. If he'd let me I would've squeezed all the answers out of you."

"I answered him honestly anyway. Fear isn't the only way to rule," I replied stubbornly. 

My knees hurt and I wanted to stand up, but intuition told me to stay as I was unless he said otherwise. It seemed like he enjoyed his power trips far too much. Or maybe he wanted to prove a point. Who knew what he thought in that warped brain of his. All this exposure to his glare was slowly building an immunity in me and I managed to look back defiantly. 

"Don't talk back to me, weakling!" He growled and smacked the back of my head.

"Ow!" I yelled with a wince.

"And get the hell up. It's annoying to look down at you."

After I stood up the guns were hidden on his person again. I really wanted a drink but this ten year old body probably wouldn't be able to handle it. He crossed his arms and regarded me darkly.

"The old man's gonna send you to my school. I want you to stay the hell out of my way unless you're called."

"Got it," I replied before doing a double take. "Wait what??"

"I don't like repeating myself," he growled in warning.

The private boarding school he attended was exclusively for kids from rich mafia families. I remembered that much from the manga. That's where he met Squalo and gained his first guardian. Other than that Amano-sensei hadn't given any more information on what it was like. As we made our way back to the house in silence I pondered what it might be like. I had never been a fan of school and didn't miss it in the least after I graduated. Going back wasn't a tempting prospect. Then again I never had bad grades and some of the subjects weren't all horrible. I assumed I'd do okay. What I was far more interested in was learning how to fight, including using a gun. As an European from a country with strict gun laws that made you jump through several hoops before you were even allowed to get a gun license I'd never seen one in real life. If I was going to be part of the mafia I wanted to be able to protect myself. There was nothing, absolutely nothing fun about staring down a barrel unarmed. I glanced at the temperamental teenager next to me and wondered if he'd bother to keep his part of the deal and teach me how to shoot. Honestly I didn't expect him to. I just wanted to make it sound like I had ulterior motives when in actuality I merely wanted him to get off my back. 

So imagine my surprise when he grabbed my arm one morning after breakfast and dragged me behind the house. Several empty soda cans sat lined up on the wall of a raised flower bed about twenty feet away. He unceremoniously pushed a silver gun in my hands and grinned in amusement when I fumbled and nearly dropped it. 

"Shoot the cans, trash."

"Uh.." I stared at the gun and weighed it experimentally. "I just pull the trigger, right?"

"What are you waiting for?" He snarled.

Swallowing quickly I took aim and shot. The recoil was surprisingly strong and I noted with dismay that I'd missed by several feet. The look on his face was priceless.

"What the hell was that?!" 

"I've never fired a gun before, okay?" I replied defensively.

"Do it again," he growled while looming over me.

A shiver ran down my spine and I quickly focused my attention back on the cans. Five shots and five misses later my arms hurt from the recoil and I felt frustration rising in me. It looked easy as pie when he did it. 

"Am I missing something?" I asked and tried to smother the frustration in my voice.

"You're a terrible shot," he snapped. "Just aim properly! It's not hard."

"For you maybe," I murmured darkly.

"What?"

"Nothing."

I pulled the trigger again, but there was just a click. Empty. Feeling very tempted to simply throw the gun at the cans I looked up at him helplessly. 

"Reload," he ordered impatiently.

"I don't know how," I said, frustration now evident.

Red eyes narrowed dangerously and it took only half a second for him to draw one of his guns and shoot all five cans without looking.

"There," he spoke slowly. "Does that look difficult?"

"N-not when you're doing it. Who taught you?"

For a second I was worried he'd shoot me next, but then he visibly tried to calm down. "I taught myself."

Go figure. Great job, Amano-sensei. I sighed deeply and glared at the cans. There had to be a trick or something. I might simply need more practice, but that was nothing I wanted to point out to him. With a dangerous teacher like that you never knew. I sighed and let my shoulders slump. At least he was making an effort. It was more than I expected and I felt a little honored that he considered me worth investing time in. I flinched when he tossed a new clip at me and barely caught it.

"Put the clip in," he told me in a bored voice.

Knowing better than to ask how I studied the gun. There was a tiny little button at the side of the grip and I pushed it hesitantly. To my surprise, the empty clip popped out. I tugged at it and felt relieved when it just came out. Then I replaced it with the new clip and pushed it inside. When I glanced up at Xanxus he looked mildly amused. 

"Congratulations, trash."

My lips twitched and I quickly focused back on the cans. I practiced shooting for the better half of the day. Xanxus left after half that time since I guess he grew bored of watching me be a terrible shot. It made me hope he never chose to procreate because what kind of irresponsible person left a ten year old alone with a gun? Good thing I was actually older than him. When the sun began to sink I switched what I hoped was the safety on and trudged back inside. A maid spotted me with the weapon in hand and hurried over, asking if she should clean it. I shrugged and said yes, probably. Timoteo had made it a ritual for the three of us to have at least one meal a day together, which most of the time turned out to be dinner. It was sort of awkward to sit at a huge dinner table with so few people. Xanxus never ate a lot, but I noticed that he preferred meat. To my surprise there was also a glass filled with amber liquid beside his plate and even more surprisingly the old man didn't comment on it. I knew that alcohol and the mafia life went hand in hand, but it was a little surprising to see how unremarkable that was. 

"You've been working hard today," Timoteo told me before he turned an unhappy frown on Xanxus. "I thought I said that she's too young to handle a gun."

"She asked me to teach her and I did," the boy replied carelessly. "Sides I was even younger when I started practicing."

"Yes, because you figured out how to crack the gun safe and disregarded all my warnings."

"What's the big deal?" He shrugged with annoyance and took a sip from his glass.

"She could've hurt herself, Xanxus. Amanda said you left her alone with the thing for hours!"

Amanda the maid. I remembered her worried expression and looked down guiltily. "The one you should be mad at is me, signore. I was the one who disregarded your decision and pushed him to teach me."

Timoteo sighed while Xanxus threw me a glance. He usually ignored my presence so when he started paying attention it meant I caught him off guard in some way. Did he honestly expect me to let him take all the blame? He really had to think of me as vermin. I resolved to teach him better.

"Why don't you give it a few more years, Yumi? You're so young. It breaks my heart to see a kid wielding a deadly weapon."

The way he said it made me feel truly guilty. It was his way of talking not only with words, but his entire body as well. That sad old grandpa face was heartbreaking. What a clever man.

"Who are you kidding? We all start out young," Xanxus snorted. "It's the way things are."

"There has to be a better way. I'd like to see a future where our people have a choice," Timoteo spoke earnestly and I could tell from the look in his eyes that he truly meant it. "When our children can remain innocent until they're old enough to understand."

"Understand what?" I asked with a small frown.

"The consequences of being a killer," Timoteo said. "You can never un-murder a person. If you're lucky enough to live to an old age it'll eventually catch up with you. The fear and the guilt."

He had to know what he was talking about. I recalled that he was in his seventies when the original plot took place. So maybe he was in his mid sixities now. That had to constitute as a long life for someone in the mafia. Xanxus wasn't moved by his words though, he just finished off his drink with a bored look. I couldn't imagine him ever feeling guilty about anything, least of all murder. Maybe that was why I didn't want to see him running the Vongola. A leader had to be capable of kindness or he became a tyrant. That was my opinion, at least. I looked down at my empty plate and thought about it. It was easy to dismiss his concerns, but I also never killed anybody so I really couldn't know how I'd handle it. Truth to be told I was getting eager to join the mafia. Ending up in a completely different reality had really messed me up, but I was starting to adjust. It was easy to leave my old life behind, because there was nothing attaching me to it. Sure, I worried about my parents from time to time. Less so the longer I was here since I began to live only for myself for the first time ever. Nobody knew the real me. I was finally free to be whatever and whoever I always wanted to be, free of any responsibility. Well, at least free to choose whom to answer to. In my case it was Timoteo for his hospitality and Xanxus so he'd stop harassing me. Back then I didn't think there would be any consequences. I didn't really consider what it meant to be obliged to people like them. Perhaps I didn't because it all felt unreal to me still. Mafia. Scoff. It's just a manga, right? 

Right? 

I was living in a world that didn't feel real to me yet. I was so naive. It's kind of cringy.


	6. Chapter 6

Boarding school was just how you'd imagine it. The lavish decorations and grandeur of the place were really telling of where the funds came from. The kids all looked Italian except for a few mixed ones like me here and there. This was a theory of mine, but I guessed that Gokudera would be going here sometime in the future as well. I remembered suddenly that Bianchi existed and eagerly began to keep an eye out for her since she should be around my age. The girls and boys had seperate dorms with two people rooming together except if their parents were willing to pay for single rooms. Needless to say I wasn't made to share. My room was considerably smaller than the one in the mansion, but looked much more lively. It was brighter too and the furniture was newer and made from light wood. The other girls were the daughters of rich mafia bosses and therefore acted accordingly. I noted that many of them were quite pretty and would undoubtedly become valuable bargaining chips in the future.  
Most of them exuded an air of superiority and obssessed over various hollywood starlets and make up. I didn't really begrudge them for it since they were just being normal teenage girls. It didn't faze me to get pitying looks for my lack of interest in anything that was en vogue currently. It may sound a bit arrogant, but I simply felt too old to keep up with all that in the same way you stopped buying teen magazines after turning eighteen. There were some nice ones among them as well, just like in any larger group of people. I felt content to keep up with classes and learn the layout of the school. It didn't take long until people found out who sent me here and the reactions were mixed. The rumor mill started churning and I imagined Xanxus wouldn't be too thrilled about hearing of Vongola Nono's second illegimate child. Which I assured people I wasn't whenever someone approached me directly. 

"Wow, you're Vongola," a girl with honey blonde curls and big brown eyes stared at me after I settled down in the classroom one morning. "I heard all about you. Is it true you challenged Xanxus to a duel over the inheritance claim?"

"Yes and no," I replied patiently. "I have no desire to become Vongola Decimo."

Physics class was about to begin and I noticed how several other kids started listening in. That was another perculiarity about the school. They taught all kinds of advanced subjects even to the youngest students. Kids were sorted into classes by their ages starting at six and going all the way up to eighteen. The other ten year olds in class were wide eyed, chubby cheeked babies, basically. I'd rather be taking classes with the older kids, but that would be hard to explain. So we got to do basic math, practice writing and do creative art stuffs as well as basic nature sciences. It was so boring I tuned the teachers out most of the time and still managed to get perfect scores. Sadly it also got me in trouble frequently since the classes were so small that the teacher paid a lot more attention to individual students. 

"You're also the one who got detention on her first day," a boy piped up with a big grin. 

"Yeah," I shrugged. "This is all boring."

"So you're really smart," the blonde girl said with admiration on her face. "I watched you sleep through math the entire two weeks and still get 100% in the test."

"Uh," I muttered and glanced away, not being used to getting admired. "It's simple..."

"Do you think you could tutor me?" She asked in a small voice. "I just don't get it..."

"It gets easier with practice," I told her. 

"Yeah, I guess." She looked down with a small frown. 

I took pity on her and sighed. "Sure. Let's meet in the library later. I'll do my best to explain everything."

"You will? Yay!" She clasped my hands and I tried not to startle at the contact. "Hey, can I bring a friend? She's struggling as well. We'd really own you one if you help us out."

Favors were a big deal in the mafia world, that much I knew. I was happy to teach them the multiplication tables and added some division, since they professed to be bad at that, too. Word spread around the school and I only hoped that it wouldn't attract more attention than was already being paid to me. It really looked like the 'Vongola children' were the stars of the school. I heard rumors about Xanxus various scholarly and sportive exploits on a daily basis. I kept my distance like I'd promised and it suited me just fine. After nearly half a year there I began to feel mind-numbingly bored. It began to dawn on me how the young delinquent trope came to be in Japanese mangas. I began to sneak out after lights out and explored the school at night. It was a huge building in the countryside with so many hallways you could get lost in. Often I found myself in the library just reading anything I could get my hands on. It was the only distraction from my situation. I wanted my body to grow up already so I could stop feeling so alienated from myself. It was jarring to look in the mirror and see a completely different person look back, enough to go crazy after a while.   
I neither wanted nor had the energy to make friends with my fellow students. A few of them were getting tutored by me regularly, but they were still kids. I learned that some of them were from the lesser known families and their names didn't ring any bells. I eagerly awaited the summer holidays over which we were due to go back home. It would be a bit lonelier at the mansion but there I could learn the things I needed to know. 

The girl with the honey curls was named Sybilla and she was so grateful for my tutelage that she kept trying to befriend me despite my lack of interest. I supposed I could tolerate her the most out of my classmates and hung out with her from time to time. Through her I learned more about the school and the other students since she'd been attending from age six. I only had to mention Bianchi's name and it elicted a slew of information. Bianchi apparently had her own room as well. It looked like she hadn't developed poison cooking yet, but it was only a matter of time. Bianchi became somewhat infamous after a homemade cookie incident left half her class with severe stomach cramps. I kept my eyes peeled and spotted her one afternoon as we were heading for the kitchen. There were two classes in the kitchen for a lesson on how to cook spagetti and Bianchi was with the other. I approached her with a smile and asked if I could have the salt shaker. Her bright eyes appraised me quietly and I knew she knew who I was. That pink hair of hers was long already, falling past her shoulders even though we'd been told to tie it up.

"Of course," she replied calmly. 

"Thank you. I've heard about you. You're Bianchi, aren't you?"

"Yes," she said and tossed her hair over her shoulder. "I have heard about you, too."

"It's nice to meet you," I said with a smile. "Is it true that your food can poison people?"

"I don't know about that," she answered bluntly. 

I appreciated how frank she was, a bit bold even. It was totally unlike what I expected. For a girl her age she had sharp eyes that were shining with hidden intelligence. There was something hungry in them that made me shiver when I recognized it. The apathetic look on her face made her seem somewhat detached from her surroundings, like she felt just as out of place as I. She was on a whole other level than anybody I'd met so far. So this is what someone who had the markings of a brilliant future asssassin was like. 

"Well then, I'll see you around," I said with a big grin and grabbed the salt shaker. 

"I hope so," she replied quietly and looked at me as if she was trying to figure something out. "What's your name, Vongola?"

"It's Yumi."

"Oh, so you're half Japanese? My baby brother is as well. I look forward to seeing you around."

I just grinned brightly and felt deeply grateful I got to have this. All of this. It energized me to the point where I started paying a little more attention to my classmates. They were surprised but quickly welcomed me into their midst. Those ten year olds weren't as hapless as I thought. There was a vivid underground trade going on amongst them for candy, scented pencils and other fancy school supplies. Some kids had a monopoly on certain items and were established sources for those. If you paid attention you could see who the future mafia bosses would be. In sports class they were always the leaders who decided what to play and who would be on their team. It was nice and a good chance to stretch my legs a little, though I was careful not to go all out on them. Their competitive spirit was strong so they noticed quickly that the team I was on usually won. It added to my growing reputation as a genius, which made me uncomfortable. I wasn't smarter than average at all and they'd realize that when I would hit my late teens. I tried to look at it as a do-over. The first time I graduated it was with average grades since I didn't care enough to study. If I managed to graduate with stellar grades here it might have a much more positive impact on my future. 

One night I set out to explore the roof of the school since part of it was supposedly acessible for students. It took a while but I ended up finding the way and took a deep breath once I went outside. The air smelled pleasantly fresh and the sky was full of stars. It was a clear cloudless night and the moon was full and bright. I sat down cross legged on the ground and opened the book I'd brought with me on my lap. It was a handwritten manuscript from the history section. Truth to be told, it was one of those tomes that were locked up in glass cases because they were valuable. I figured out how to pick the lock after eavesdropping on one of the older students explain the basics to his friend. I obtained a lockpick in exchange for two melon scented pens and a glittering eraser. Yeah. That was the kind of school I attended. Anyway, it took me about two hours until I got the damn cupboard open. I started reading since it was supposedly a handwritten account by none other than Giotto, first boss and founder of the Vongola family. Before I even got through the first chapter the door opened and I quickly slammed the book shut. My eyes widened with surprise when I came face to face with none other than Xanxus, whose eyes narrowed when he spotted me. 

"What are you doing here, trash?" He asked in a low voice.

I blinked and took in his appearance. He'd shaved the sides of his head and already took on the appearance I was familiar with from the manga. 

"You cut your hair," I said and gulped at his expression. "Oh.. uhm. I couldn't sleep."

"You brats aren't allowed to leave your room after nine pm," he said with a glare. "Are you trying to get in trouble?"

"No, of course not. It's just so boring here," I complained and stretched my legs out. 

Xanxus crossed his arms and glanced at the dark landscape with a scowl. "I know."

A surprised grin grew on my face before I could smother it. So I wasn't the only one who was bored with school, huh? I didn't remember for sure, but I thought I'd read that he took over the Varia when he was sixteen. Which meant that Nono would soon realize that he couldn't change his violent ways and give him something meaningful to do before he started shooting up the school. At least one of us wouldn't be bored for much longer. I still had eight years to go. Six if they let me quit early. I looked down at the thick leather bound tome and traced the flower pattern on the lid. 

"What are you doing here?" I asked instead.

"None of your business," he replied instantly. "Don't question me, trash. You're my underling, remember?"

"I do... So.. you've been doing well? I heard your team won the soccer game against that other private school because all their star players ended up hospitalized somehow."

"Hn," he snorted with a dark little grin. "Weak scum like that wouldn't have won anyway."

"Is there a way for me to get stronger?" I asked hesitantly. "You seem to know about these things.."

"You're either strong or weak," he replied cryptically. "Until you get in a real fight you don't know which it is."

Was he seriously telling me to get in a fight? I stared at him and he looked back with a scowl. A grin began to tug at my lips, which made the scowl deepen. 

"Are you laughing at me?" He asked in a dangerously low voice and slowly uncrossed his arms.

"No! Never," I replied weakly. 

He stared warily at me before the tension slowly left his frame. A small smirk grew on his face. "They won't throw you out, if you're worried about that. I've been in sixty three fights since I got here."

"How many did you win?"

"Guess."

I grinned outright. "All of them."

"Hah," he snorted with amusement. "You're not as dumb as I thought."

When we looked at each other I felt as if we had some sort of quiet understanding for the first time. It seemed to surprise him as well, since he quickly crossed his arms and turned to the side. 

"It won't take long until you find out," he spoke in a low voice. "Now that the Vongola name is attached to you, people are paying attention. They'll start testing you soon."

I gulped and realized with a wave of dread that he was right. Not a day went by without people paying attention to me anymore. I'd gotten used to it after half a year, but maybe I'd been too careless. I had forgotten that these kids were deeply engulfed in the mafia mindset, where the strong were on top of the food chain and the weak ones got crushed. 

"I guess I have no choice," I muttered unhappily. 

"Actual combat is the best practice there is. If you lose, you're weak. If you win, you might be onto something. It's simple. Keep winning and you'll grow stronger," he stated and turned his back on me. "One more thing: I don't need weak underlings."

"Understood." 

And understand I did. When Timoteo sent us off to school he told Xanxus to watch out for me. If I got hurt despite that, he'd get into serious trouble with the old man. Since Xanxus wanted the Vongola more than anything he couldn't risk it. So if I turned out to be a weakling our deal would be void and I was certain that'd be the end of me. After all I was one hundred percent sure that Xanxus was right about the whole 'testing the Vongola' thing. Without his tutelage, lacking as it may be, I'd simply be fucked. 

It didn't even take a week until someone picked a fight with me. Over something as stupid as bumping into him on the crowded hallway. Judging by how quickly a ring formed around us the other kids were eager to see how I'd do. The boy was bigger and taller than me, so likely a few years older. It was tough luck that my first fight had to be against him. Something odd happened. He threw the first punch and I was too surprised to dodge, so I took a mean right hook to the gut. As I doubled over in pain and felt like my insides were on fire, red hot rage overcame me. It was stronger than anything I'd ever felt before. The sheer intensity of it made me tremble. He mistook it as fear and started taunting me. 

"Guess the Vongola ain't all that it's cracked up to be," he sneered triumphantly. "They must be so embarrassed for a weakling like you!"

"Shut up."

The crowd fell silent. I don't know how I did it, but my voice had dropped an entire octave. My mind was clearer than it had ever been and I knew exactly what I wanted to do. Something dark and ugly had taken hold of me and it was out for blood. A side of me came to the surface that I never even knew existed when I instinctively used my speed to surprise him. I hurled myself at him and knocked him down to the floor, where I started pounding his face and every vulnerable part I could reach. He tried to shield his face with his hands and throw me off, but it was as if the rage had tripled my strenght. I dodged his attempts to grab me before he even completed the movements and most definitely broke his nose at some point. When I got the idea that digging my fingers into his eyes might be good plan, a teacher came running and started to pull me off him. 

"Stop it! Stop it right now!" She screeched. "He's unconscious, for christ's sake! Stop!"

Just like that I was back in my right mind and stared in horror down at the bloody mess I'd made. The kid wasn't fighting back anymore. Both of his eyes were swollen shut and his lips cracked, not to mention the blood running out of his nostrils. It was a gruesome sight and my peers gave me looks full of fear as I stood up. The teacher called for reinforcements and two men came to take the kid away on a stretcher. I got the scolding of a lifetime and house arrest for the remainder of the week. After I was taken to my room I sat down on the bed and began to shake like a leaf. I didn't feel bad or guilty at all. I was shaking because I was overcome with a brilliant, fierce joy. It scared me more than anything.

Word spread around school like wildfire. Instead of deterring potential attackers like I hoped it had the exact opposite effect. Just more proof that I was surrounded by lunatics. A month after my first battle I'd been in six fights, all of which I won by some miracle. Well, not a miracle. My challengers knew I was fast and prepared for it, but they didn't expect my secret weapon. It even surprised me when I realized what it was. Y'see I always believed I was a calm girl, but it looked like I had quite the temper lurking within me. Before I got involved in all these brawls I never thought I could get that angry. My reputation grew and so did the number of people, boys and girls alike, who wanted to beat me. It was alarming, but what Xanxus had said was true. I got house arrest only when my victims were too badly damaged so I was careful to avoid mauling them. Other than that there were virtually no consequences. It seemed like fights were expected in a mafia school. At first I worried what Nono would say since I had no doubt he kept tabs on me. When no stern letters had arrived by the time summer holidays finally rolled around I was a little nervous. Sybilla and a few others that I had been tutoring took to walking around school with me, since they developed some sort of bizarre hero worship. It was useful since I couldn't get ambushed that way, like I had in my second fight. That one almost cost me some teeth so I was glad. 

"What will you do during the holidays?" The blonde girl asked me during lunch break on the last day of school. 

"Oh. Ummm. I'll probably get to practice fighting," I said and tried not to shiver at the thought. 

"Wow, I bet you'll be even stronger next year," she said with an awed look.

"I hope so," I said and looked over the schoolyard. 

We'd taken to sitting beneath a large tree at the edge of the park behind the school building. It was easy to spot people who tried to approach me that way, besides I liked the shelter it provided from the Italian summer sun. Besides Sybilla there was a mousy haired boy named Enzo and another girl with black hair whose name was Antonia. We ate our lunch in peace and I let my thoughts wander towards the coming weeks. I had no clue what they would bring, but it certainly wouldn't be boring. Xanxus hadn't called on me in more than half a year, which in itself wasn't surprising when I thought about it. I was nowhere near his level and certainly not useful yet. Yet. 

"Say, when is your birthday?" Antonia asked and bit into her apple. 

"Huh? Why?" I asked and turned towards her.

"We thought about getting you a present!" Enzo beamed until the raven haired girl kicked him in the leg.

"Shh!"

"Oh Enzo. It's too late now," Sybilla sighed and gave me a small embarrassed smile. "It's true.."

"It's the least we can do, since you've been helping us so much," Antonia added. 

"Oh, you guys," I beamed. "That's so sweet!"

They were giving me expectant looks and I floundered. Should I give them my real birthdate? It would be the easiest. 

"Um, it's the 20th of January," I replied with a small grin. 

"Okay!"

"Duly noted."

"What are you guys gonna do over the holidays?" I asked out of curiosity.

"Gun practice!" Enzo announced with a grin.

"Mom is gonna teach me how to mix poison!" Antonia sighed happily.

"I think my older brother will finally show me how to fake signatures," Sybilla said with a blush.

"Oh."

What a school. I grinned helplessly at my friends. Somewhere along the way they managed to become important to me after all. Math was the most boring subject so I chose to take a nap. The bell woke me and I left for the bathroom in the five minute break between classes. The last subject of the day was going to be art, so I was not in a hurry. When I came back I immediately noticed that my three friends were absent. I sat down and frowned a little. One tiny kid came running into the class looking like he'd seen a ghost. 

"Guys," he gasped and clung to the doorframe for support. "A woman! Outside! She got Enzo and Antonia! Sybilla told me to come get Yumi before she took after her!"

I was out of my seat in seconds. "What woman?! Where'd she go?"

"I've never seen her before!" The terrified boy squeaked. "She looked scary.. I think she was headed towards the gym!"

"The gym? It's not gonna get used today.."

"Scary!"

I ignored the startled kids and hurried out of the class. Our arts teacher was just coming down the hallway and I started running in the opposite direction. Thinking furiously I climbed out of a window and slid down the drain. The gym was in the park, a good distance from the school. Why did that woman take my friends? It must be to lure me out, but why? I swallowed and slowed my pace as I approached the dark building. It was eerily silent until a scream came from inside. My heart jumped and I headed for the entrance keenly aware that I was unarmed save for the pencil in my pocket. It was dark inside, but bright enough to see the two chairs in the middle of the basketball field. My stomach lurched when I saw Antonia and Enzo tied up on the chairs and clearly unconscious. They were facing the entrance so I could see their faces. Dread clenched my insides when I saw the state they were in as I got closer. Antonia was hanging to the side, eyes wide and unseeing. There was a gory wound on the left side of her head from which blood kept pouring down her face and onto the floor. Enzo was slumped forward so I could see the blood staining his hair where he'd been hit in the back of the head. 

"Ah, there you are, signorina Vongola."

That voice sent shivers down my spine. It sounded perfectly calm and conversational. It didn't fit the woman that emerged from the shadows at all. Half of her head was shaved in a sidecut the other half had shaggy black hair with green tips. Thick black lines surrounded her bright green eyes in a cat eye shape. Her face had the gaunt look of a drug addict and she was clad like a punk with a red mini skirt and a black sleeveless vest over a mesh shirt. The combat boots she wore thudded heavily on the floor as she walked between the two chairs. There was a baseball bat wrapped in in barbed wire resting across her bare shoulders. Her lips were painted black, which made her grin look even more threatening.

"Who are you?" I asked warily.

"My name is Sabina Barrolo," she said and swung her bat before I could react. 

It connected with Antonia's skull and the sickening crack that followed made bile rise in my throat. 

"NO!" I screamed when it came away dripping with blood. "WHY? What have you done!"

"Why? Imagine for a second what it's like to be locked up in a mental hospital for ten fuckin' years! The day you get released you're so fucking happy, looking forward to seeing your family again! Especially your cute lil' baby brother who you haven't seen since he was two!" She sounded increasingly aggressive and swirled the bat in her hand. "When you come home there's no one there! Cause they're all at the hospital! Cause your baby brother's been put in a coma! Cause he sustained a severe concussion and almost died when some putrid little piece of shit beat him the fuck up!"

The color left my face. My first fight... I hadn't seen the boy since then. No one told me anything... I looked at Antonia and wanted to throw up. This was my fault. Sabina calmed down and leaned on her bat as she spoke.

"I've been watching you, Vongola scum. You're fast and have hidden strenght that comes out when you get angry. I want a fair fight, but I'm twice your age. So I figured I'd give you a fighting chance by making you really angry," she explained with a broad unhinged smile. "What better way than to kill those bottom feeders you hang out with?"

Kill? I froze. No. She didn't. She wouldn't. Antonia wasn't breathing. My pulse went into overdrive. No. No. 

"Aww, what's with that look? You're not angry yet?" Sabina sneered and hefted her bat.

"No! Please wait!" 

She swung around with her whole body and smashed the bat against Enzo's skull. It broke on impact, grey matter, bone splinters and blood flying everywhere. My mouth opened in a mute scream. Nononononono.

"You better hurry up, cause I'm gettin' impatient."

"N-no," I felt tears welling up in my eyes, frozen with shock. 

I'd never seen a dead body before. I'd never seen anybody get killed, much less someone I cared about. It felt like there was a crack in my soul. 

"Oh boy," Sabina sighed. "There's one more. Third time's the charm."

She walked over to the control panel on the wall and yanked on a lever. I heard a screech and a metallic click then something fell from the ceiling. My knees gave out when I saw Sybilla dangling from a rope, swinging wildly from side to side. Her face was blue and her eyes bugged out, expression frozen in horror. My friends.. my poor ten year old friends.. Dead because of me. Killed because I won against the wrong kid. I knelt on the floor, staring up at the dead girl hanging from the ceiling. The crack widened. It ached. Something cold was seeping out of my soul. Or seeping in, it was hard to tell. It hurt. Sabina let out an unhinged high pitched laugh.

"Hahaha! How pathetic! Get up you worm! Fight me!"

My mouth opened wide, but I couldn't formulate words. So I screamed. It made the woman flinch and echoed through the empty gym, amplifiyng the noise. It was a scream of soul deep agony and the longer it lasted the more I felt myself slipping away. It's hard to describe. Like stepping out of your body and taking the backseat while someone else took over. Except that someone else is you, but not. Not wholly. A side of you that is primal and unreasonable. A side that wants revenge and won't stop until it's satisfied. It felt like freezing fog was swirling in my brain as I got up. 

"Are you angry now?" The woman asked warily, giving me a sceptical look. "You look too calm."

"I am," I replied darkly. "Very angry."

"Good!" She cackled and swirled her bat in a fluid motion. "Let's hash this out! I demand blood satisfaction for the wrongs commited against my family!"

"Blood?" I asked and licked my lips. "Alright."

Being fast was as easy as breathing. Sabina was fast, too. She parried my punches and I felt the sting as her bat grazed my side and drew blood. The bitter cold inside me grew. I felt like I was standing on a glacier at night, watching the battle unfold as puffs of breath dispersed in the air. More blood, I thought viciously. Make her bleed! 

"Yes," I said aloud. "Let's do it!"

Sabina started swinging her bat in rapid motions and I sustained cuts on my arms and legs as she pushed me backwards. When my back hit the wall I reached into the pocket of my blazer. The mad woman stopped less than a foot away from me and bent down so her face was directly in front of mine. I could see that her pupils were dilated as if she was hopped up on drugs. A crazed grin split her face. 

"Gotcha!" She leered. "Little Vongola bitch! You're less than nothing! Guess you're not all that angry, after all!"

"I am beyond angry," I growled with a broad smile of my own. "You have no idea what you've done."

"Oh- IAAAAAAAAGHHHHH AAAA!"

My hand shot up with the pencil clutched in it. I stabbed it into her eye without hesitation. She jumped back and clutched at her face, screaming like a banshee. She'd dropped her bat in favor of writhing around in agony. 

"It's not enough," I growled. "You're not suffering enough!"

"Waaaaahh! My eye! Mu- my fuckin' eye! You little bitch! Whore! Imma gonna kill you!" Sabina howled and reached towards me, the other hand covering her eye. 

Blood ran through the cracks of her fingers. My grip on the pencil tightened and I shot forward, running at her full speed. Before I got within reach I stopped abruptly and used my momentum to whirl around and roundhouse kick her in the chest. Sabina hit the floor and rolled. I was there when she came to a stop and dropped down on her ribcage with both knees. 

"You fucking bitch!" She yelled and dug her nails deep into my left thigh.

"Suffer more," I told her and gripped the pencil with both hands.

Her other eye burst with a wet squelch as I stabbed it in deep. Inhuman shrieks tore from her throat as her arms flailed about. Bloody black holes stared up at me. Disgusting. I stood up and watched her writhe on the ground. There was no mercy in me. 

"You're not bleeding enough," I muttered as I stomped down on her chest. 

There was a crack that sounded like a dry twig snapping. I did it again and cracked another rib. I looked around with a frown, but there was only that dumb bat. I went over and retrieved it from the floor. It was still sticky with Antonia's blood. I lifted it up and looked at it, then at Sabina. 

"How does it feel?" I asked as I hit her in the face with it. 

The barbed wire tore red streaks across her skin. Sabina let out a warbled cry. That woman had clearly ceased to act like a human. So it was okay if I ended its suffering, right? Well, I didn't want to. Not yet. That icy mist began to disperse however and I began to feel more like myself again. With it came the lurch in my stomach when I registered the metallic scent of blood all around us. The desire to see her suffer began to recede when I realized that torturing her further wouldn't soothe the pain in my soul. My mouth curled as I watched her twitch and lifted the bat over my head. 

"Y-you fucking Vongola bitch!" The woman sobbed. "I-I'll fucking kill you! Kill you! Vongola whore! Fucking-"

Crack. It was over. I was panting harshly, staring down at the gory mess. The door burst open and I squinted at the two figures outlined by sunlight. One of them let out a sharp whistle. 

"Whoa. What a mess," an unfamiliar loud voice exclaimed. "I see how you two are family."

"Shut the fuck up, Squalo."

"Ah," I muttered quietly. 

"What the hell is this, trash?" Xanxus asked, coming into focus once the door shut behind them.

He looked pissed off. I didn't have it in me to be afraid, though. The other boy had short silver hair and apparently ditched his school jacket, electing to only wear the white dress shirt. He surveyed the scene with a mixture of surprise and appreciation. Neither of them batted an eye when I unceremoniously dropped the bat. 

"We may have a problem," I stated faintly.

"I can tell," Xanxus snorted and crossed his arms. "Squalo, get the guys and clean this mess up. I don't want the stiffs to stink up the place over summer break."

"Got it, boss," Squalo said and pulled a cellphone from his pocket.

He punched in a number and wandered away. Xanxus was still staring me down with furrowed brows, but he didn't quite look murderously angry anymore. I wondered when I'd become able to differentiate between his varying degrees of anger.

"That was your first kill."

"Yes."

"How did it feel?"

I looked down. "I don't know."

"The fuck? Do better."

I swallowed and tried to analyze my chaotic thoughts. I was still angry and sad and horrified at what I'd done. Did I regret it? No. That bitch deserved it. 

"If I could do it again, I would," I confessed quietly. "Some people can't suffer enough."

"Hah," he grinned. "Say it."

"It felt good," I muttered.

"Louder."

"It felt good!" I almost shouted.

Squalo threw us a look before he continued talking with somebody over the phone, apparently coordinating the clean up. A little smile spread on Xanxus face as we stared at each other. 

"Good. You're not entirely useless."

I hung my head as I felt tears begin to prick at the corners of my eyes. None escaped, but it was a tough battle. Slowly I began to realize that this was only the beginning. It wasn't going to get any easier from here. Xanxus turned on his heel and strode out of the gym without another word. Nothing he could've said would have made me feel any better anyway. When Squalo was done with his call he started walking after Xanxus, but unlike him he paused when he noticed I wasn't following. 

"Voi!" He barked at a volume that made me jump a little. "What are you waiting for? Come on already!"

"S-sorry," I mumbled and almost slipped on the bloody floor. 

I made a face and dragged the soles of my shoes over the floor in hopes of getting rid of the moisture. Squalo looked impatient as hell, but he waited until I was close before he strode out of the gym. I forced myself not to look back as I followed him mutely. My insides hurt as much as the stinging cuts on my skin. It was hard to believe that less than an hour ago my biggest worry was how I'd entertain myself over the summer break. Apparently the two boys didn't intend to go back to class as we headed for the dorms. I lifted my head and noticed that we were in the boy's wing. Squalo led me up a staircase and down a hallway before we stopped in front of a set of double doors. Inside was some sort of recreational room for the boys, complete with a fireplace and a pool table. There was no one but Xanxus, Squalo and me inside. I stood there until the silver haired boy let out an aggravated huff and grabbed my arm before he steered me towards a leather chair.

"Honestly, you're acting like an idiot right now!" He barked as he pushed me onto the chair.

"I killed somebody," I argued in a reedy voice. 

"We saw. Nice work. Four bodies isn't too shabby for a first kill."

"J-just the one."

"What about those three kids then?" He asked with a frown.

"They.. were my f-friends," I mumbled without looking at anyone. "She u-used them to bait me. Then she killed them to make me angry."

"Did it work?" Xanxus asked from his throne like leather chair.

I shot him a quick glance and swallowed past the knot in my throat. "Yes."

"You couldn't get mad at her before?" Squalo raised his brows. 

"N-no," I said and felt a fresh wave of tears coming on.

"Voooi! Stop crying!" He sounded almost contrite. "It doesn't matter. We'll take care of it. You're not gonna face any consequences."

"Even though it's my fault?" I asked in a small voice.

"You're Vongola," Xanxus stated and rested his head on his hand. 

"H-huh?"

Squalo smirked while the raven haired teen looked at the fire with a bored expression. I glanced inbetween them and wondered what the hell that was supposed to mean. Even this school had to have a limit to its crime tolerance. Besides, when did he become influential enough to simply let corpses disappear with no questions asked? Was he... was he the leader of the Varia already? But Squalo still had his left arm.. It was all a bit confusing. 

"The Vongola didn't get this powerful by playing nice," Squalo added after a few beats. "If anything, people are going to respect you more now that you have a bodycount."

"I don't want them to get the wrong impression," I objected. "I acted out of self-defense."

"Trash." Blood red eyes turned on me with an annoyed look. "Stop crying. It makes you look even uglier."

"What?!" I squeaked in outrage. 

"It's good that you started out young," Squalo supplied.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I demanded.

"It makes you a less likely candidate to end up at the bottom of a river wearing concrete shoes," he smirked and glanced at the other teen. 

"He had it coming. Massimo was even more useless than her."

I stared at Xanxus in horror. Did he? ...He did. One of Timoteo's own sons.. I couldn't believe how ruthless he was. It's one thing to read about his deeds, another to look at him knowing what he was capable of. A small furrow appeared between his brows when he noticed me staring.

"We're mafia," he said darkly. "Don't look at me like that."

"He was your brother," I muttered uneasily. 

"He was a whore-mongering, good-for nothing idiot. All he ever did was drain the old man's wallet. Trash like that doesn't even deserve to be considered worthy of inheriting the Vongola."

I quickly looked down when his voice began to rise. "I get it."

"Make sure you don't end up like him. Underling or not, I don't tolerate weakness."

My throat felt hot and my eyes were stinging but I clenched my jaw and forced myself to think of nothing, nothing at all. Eventually the urge to cry lessened. This was the kind of guy I'd sworn loyalty to. It was hard not to feel angry at myself for being so dumb. There was no going back and I began to dread what the future would bring. I already felt tainted now, what was it going to be like after he started using me like one of his other pawns? I swallowed and clenched my fists. This was the bed I made, now I'd have to lie in it. A short ring interrupted the silence. 

"Driver's here," Squalo said from his spot by the window. "Enjoy your holidays."

Xanxus stood up slowly and walked towards the door. I needed no invitation to follow after him, stewing in my thoughts all the way back to the mansion.


	7. Chapter 7

At the end of it all I rationalized that my first kill shook me so much because of the emotional baggage attached to it. Had Sabina not involved my friends I might not have felt like I was dragging lead weights behind me for the entire first week of the holidays. Despite my initial doubts Xanxus made good on our deal, albeit in his own way. One morning after breakfast I founding him holding court in the livingroom where he occupied a large armchair. I entered quietly and sat down on the backrest of the sofa, watching some news channel on tv. A report on a recent series of red light murders came on. Four prostitutes had been found dead so far with no substantial clues to the killer. It all happened in a town whose name made me frown.

"Hey, that's pretty close to us. Isn't that town Vongola territory?"

He shot me a glance before he turned back to the tv. "I know who did it. The cops won't find him. He's with the Cadagina family. They're our allies, but if they cause trouble on our land they have to pay."

I grunted in agreement and looked up curiously when I felt his eyes on me. There was an ominous little grin on his face, which I decidedly didn't like.

"What?"

"You're gonna kill him for me, underling."

"Okay," I replied, which made him blink.

He'd probably expected more resistance, but in my eyes it was a pretty clear cut case. You see, I decided to approach the whole killing thing not like a twenty four year old woman from regular earth, but an actual ten year old from the world of KHR. Make a game out of it. Don't think too much, just do as you're told. Everything else was bound to make me go crazy. Xanxus let out a huff and kicked the black suitcase that was resting on the coffee table towards me. I opened it curiously and found a gun as well as a bunch of papers and a thick wad of 50 Euro bills inside. 

"There's names, locations and the blueprint of the hotel he's holed up in," Xanxus drawled. "The rest is up to you."

Once more I felt a strong urge to roll my eyes or make a sarcastic remark, but I figured I'd save myself the headache. Literally, as he had a glass of whiskey in his hands and I knew he was fond of pelting annoying subordinates with those. I closed the briefcase and stood up feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. Another person was going to die by my hands. Strangely it didn't even occur to me that I might be killed instead. The driver took me to the town and set me off two streets away from the hotel. Briefcase clutched in my hands I took a look around and spotted a construction site. It was late in the afternoon and I couldn't believe my luck. The workers had already left and I managed to slip into the half-finished high rise building undetected. It had concrete stairs already and I made my way to the fourth floor, where the walls were still metal bars and mesh sticking up in the air, waiting to be reinforced with concerete. I sat down behind a block of concrete and opened the briefcase. The blueprint of the hotel was puzzling as I had no experience reading those. I followed the lines traced out and the little x'd that marked doors and windows, but ultimately decided to just take a look myself. Luckily the construction site was directly across the street from the hotel, so all I had to do was study the six story building and compare it with the blueprint. It began to make sense after a while. I considered the gun and frowned. I didn't know much about weapons, but I was pretty sure that only experts would be able to fire a gun at that distance without missing. Would the bullet even travel that far? I sighed in aggravation and looked up at the cloudy sky. 

"Okay. Maybe I'm overthinking," I said aloud. "This is a manga. Bianchi kills people with poisoned food, Lambo survives grenade explosions. Thirteen year olds sprout mysterious flames on their foreheads and kick adult ass. Come on. You can do this."

So I grabbed the money and went down into the street. There was a souvenir shop and I went and bought a stuffed rabbit. I slipped around the corner of the building and ripped open its back before I put the gun inside the filling. Might as well use my young appearance to my benefit. I then went up to the hotel and slipped inside. The foyer was empty save for the receptionist, who was busy reading a magazine. Still I tried to be quiet as I snuck past him, ducking a little so he wouldn't see me over the desk. The elevator arrived and I quickly hid behind a potted plant. Two men in suits came out. They wore sunglasses and identical blank expressions. I waited until they left through the front door before I headed for the stairs. So at least two armed guards. Probably more. I kept my eyes peeled and counted four more patrolling the following floors. Who was this target that he had so much protection? I didn't bother reading the other notes inside the briefcase since I only wanted to go on a recon mission. When I arrived at the top floor there were two guys standing guard in front of a suite door. One of them sat on a chair, the other was smoking a cigarettte. Eight guards for one mafiosi seemed a little excessive.   
Once I was back outside I climbed up to my perch on the half-finished building and began to read about my target. The more I read the more disgusted I felt. He was some third rate mafiosi who meddled in local politics and used his membership in a mafia family that was allied with the Vongola to worm his way up the food chain. I read that he was aiming to become a member of the regional senate by collecting dirt on the other senators. Aside from that he had a preference for 'barely legal', read underage, Asian prostitutes. The younger the better. The reason he chose to murder some of the whores he fucked was unknown, but it hardly mattered. What tied him to the murders was the fact that some of his fellow family members apparently disliked him enough to make his deeds known within the allied family intelligence network that existed behind the scenes. All very discrete, of course. It smelled like some internal family dispute within the Cadagina. The people who didn't like him were cited as being original family members and the ones who supported him new blood brought in only recently, since it looked like the small family was under threat of dying out.  
So what to do? I laid low and watched the hotel. When it was getting dark I spotted a car with tinted windows that parked right by the front entrance. A fat guy in a pinestripe suit with slicked back black hair came out with his arm around a young woman. She couldn't be more than eighteen, judging by her thin build and face. The girl wore a short chinese style dress, high heels and had her shiny black hair done up in two buns. They walked into the hotel together. I checked the time display on the rotating sign on a nearby bank. It was half past nine in the evening. Twenty minutes later the girl emerged from the front entrance alone and with a red bruise on her cheek. One of her eyes was swollen shut and she was sobbing loudly as she stumbled away. Disgusting. Anger began to lick at my insides.   
The next day I snuck inside the foyer and checked for surveillance cameras, somewhat rueful that I hadn't done that the first time I went in. Thankfully the only video feeds I spotted in the monitor behind the reception desk showed the underground parking garage below the hotel. I snuck past the receptionist and hid in the staircase. It didn't take long until a young Asian girl came in and talked briefly to the receptionist. She wore a kimono and had her face painted white, but her lips were red and she had fake lashes on. Despite the getup I could tell how young she was. The girl made her way towards the stairs and kept glancing around, so she had to be nervous about something. 

"Hi."

She jumped when she saw me and put a hand in front of her mouth, giving me a wide eyed look of surprise. 

"Ohmigosh, you startled me!" She exclaimed loudly.

I shot a quick glance at the receptionist before I beckoned her closer, out of sight. She followed me a bit warily. 

"Are you here to see Signore Rossi?" I asked.

"Y-yes, how did you know?"

"Nevermind that," I replied quickly. "Did you come here by choice?"

"I..I um.. Yes.." She stuttered, looking down. 

"How old are you?"

"What is this, an interrogation?" She asked and gave me a look from beneath her lashes. "I'm eighteen."

"Listen, that guy is dangerous. He kills girls like you."

"I have to do it," she whispered. "He's offered my matron a ton of money. I couldn't refuse... Even though I really wanted to."

"You're in luck," I told her with a grin. "Did he give you the key to his room?"

"Yeah," she replied warily.

"Let's switch places."

"Huh? Who are you?" She peered at me. "What are you going to do?"

"Offering you a chance to get out of this arrangement. Or do you want to get abused by him?"

"N-no! I really... Thank you," she replied and stifled a small sob as she handed me the key. 

"No, thank you," I told her with a grin. "There's a backdoor. Leave before anyone sees you."

She nodded quickly and I made my way upstairs. The two guards eyed me warily as I approached and I clutched the stuffed rabbit to my chest. 

"Who're you?" One of them demanded gruffly.

"I'm here to see Mr. Rossi," I told them with a terrible Japanese accent.

"Jesus fuck," the other guard exclaimed and looked me over.

"Benito."

"Look at her, Jim!"

"It's none of our business."

"Fuck," Benito said and spat on the floor. 

"Shut up. You got the keys?" Jim asked and gave me a look over the rim of his sunglasses.

"Yes," I said and showed him.

"Go right ahead. Boss is waiting for you."

"Fuck," I heard the other guard curse more quietly as I unlocked the door. 

It was a lavish suite that had to cost a fortune. There was a floor lenght mirror in the short hallway and I could spot an unmade bed through a half open door. That was where I heard a man's off tune humming so I followed the sound. I peered around the corner and saw the fat guy in his boxers sitting on the bed and scrolling through his smartphone. I was faced with a dilemma. If I simply shot him, the noise would alert his henchmen and I'd have the whole eight guys on my ass in no time. I cursed the fact that I'd neglected to buy a silencer, even though I had no idea where to get those anyway. With a flash I remembered those Italian movies where the assassin uses a pillow to muffle the sound of his gun and looked around. There was a sofa in the livingroom and I tiptoed over, removing one of the ugly beige pillows. I pulled the gun from inside my rabbit and pushed it against the pillow. Was I supposed to be really close or would it work from a distance? There was no time to find out as I heard him get up and walk towards the door. I saw him stand in the doorway and his eyes widen when he spotted me. I felt nothing when I pulled the trigger. The pillow trick didn't work as well as I hoped. There was still an audible crack and loud thud when he collapsed on the floor. I had no time to think as I rushed over to the door and locked it, adding the door chain for good measure. Then I looked around frantically for an exit. Dimly I registered the shouting that erupted outside and the way the door rattled. Crap. Fuckity fuckshit. I stalked through the suite and checked every window until at last I saw a balcony outside the bathroom. I opened the door and looked down. There was another balcony below. Swallowing past the fear that constricted my throat I climbed over the railing, holding on with a white knuckled grip as I lowered myself. 

"Fuck," I hissed loudly as I let myself drop.

My feet hit the floor and I immediately clutched onto the railing. My heart was pounding like a jackhammer as I glanced inside the suite. It was dark so either the occupant was asleep or there wasn't one in the first place. I didn't fancy trying my luck so I climbed over the railing and let myself drop on the next floor. Three balconies later I was on the first floor. I wondered if they figured out how I escaped, how long climbing had taken me and if they were waiting for me already. There was a large dumpster below and I climbed over the railing again and winced when I hit the hard plastic lid. I slid to the ground and felt rather unsteady on my feet. I was shaking with adrenaline as I walked quickly out of the side street. The front of the hotel was clear, but two cars screeched to a halt and men in suits jumped out. I spun on my heel and ran back down the alley. At the back of the hotel two suits were advancing on the kimono girl. 

"I don't know what you're talking about!" She yelled.

"You were in on this!" One of the men yelled and drew his gun. "Fucking whore!"

My aim was steady and I shot both men down without even flinching from the recoil. The girl sunk to the floor and stared at me with wide eyes.

"Y-you're a hitman!" She accused. 

"Hitwoman," I corrected her and lowered my gun. "Rossi is dead."

"R-really?" The girl sighed with palpable relief. "Thank god."

"Get away before more of them arrive," I snapped and whirled around when I heard running footsteps. 

"I-I know the way," she stammered and quickly got to her feet. 

Two more goons came running out the backdoor. I shot both of them down and started moving backwards. 

"Come on!" She yelled and tugged at my shoulder. "This way!"

We ran past the dumpsters and into a less crowded backstreet. I simply followed the girl until we were in a less posh area of the city. When we came to a stop besides a small bar I was panting harshly, shaking all over from adrenaline. The girl didn't fare much better and she wiped the sweat from her forehead, smearing the white makeup.

"Thank you," she gasped out. "I knew.. two of the girls he killed."

"You're welcome," I muttered and hid the gun inside my jacket. 

"How can I ever repay you?"

"You helped me escape, that's enough."

She stood up to her full height, which was two heads taller than me, and grinned brightly. "What's your name, kid?"

"Yumi."

"What a fitting name," she smiled. "I owe you my life. I'm Tsuki. Seems we're both quite out of place in this country."

"You're... Japanese?"

"Half, just like you. Listen, if you ever need my help just call. There's the number of my brothel. Just ask for Tsuki."

I blinked down at the scrap of paper she pushed into my hands after scribbling down her number. "Uh, okay."

"I won't forget this! Take care, signorina Yumi!" She said and began to head down the street, turning back to wave at me.

I stuffed the paper into my pocket and looked around. There were mostly men on the street, some in groups some alone. There were many bars and clubs with neon signs on either side of the road. I shrugged to myself and went inside the nearest bar. It was a rustic little tavern filled with the smell of cold smoke and alcohol. Since it wasn't that late yet there were only a handful of patrons. The bartender gave me a disdainful look as I hopped up on a bar stool. 

"Kids are not allowed in here," he told me sternly.

"Can I use your phone?" I asked. 

"Did you hear what I just said? Get lost."

Wordlessly I reached inside my black blazer and put the pistol down on the bar. His eyes grew wide and he nearly dropped the glass he'd been polishing. 

"Phone, please."

"Here," he said and quickly handed me a telephone. 

I dialed the number of the Vongola mansion and waited three rings until somebody picked up. It was the voice of one of the maids.

"Hello?"

"Hi, this is Yumi. Um, I need somebody to come pick me up."

"Signorina Yumi! Where have you been?! Master Timoteo is so worried!"

"I'm at," I put a hand over the speaker and looked questioningly at the bartender. "What's this place called?"

"Blue Oyster," he replied quickly.

"I'm at the Blue Oyster. It's in Villa Cinzetti."

"I will inform signore Vongola at once! Somebody will be there to pick you up soon."

"Thanks," I replied and hung up before I handed the phone back to the wary bartender. "Sorry for the trouble."

After I hid the gun in my jacket again I casually glanced at the nearby table where an elderly guy was staring at me. He quickly looked down when our eyes met. 

"What kind of brat are you?" The bartender grumbled and started polishing his glass again.

I shrugged and ordered a glass of orange juice, which he promptly poured and set down in front of me. I took a sip and sighed inwardly. Why on earth hadn't Xanxus told Nono about my mission? What was he playing at? After half an hour a black limousine parked in front of the bar. I hopped off the stool and patted my jacket down. 

"Here, for the trouble," I said and put down a fifty Euro note on the bar. 

"Wait, your change!" He called after me but I merely waved over my shoulder.

The driver jumped out and came around to hold the door open for me. My heart sank when I climbed inside only to find Nono already sitting there. He took one look at me and sighed. Nobody said a word until we were on the highway.

"I take it you are unharmed?" He finally spoke up.

"I'm sorry!" I burst out. "I thought he told you!"

"He? You mean Xanxus?"

"Yeah!"

"He never talks to me anymore. It's getting quite troublesome," Nono said with a frown. "I allowed him to take over the Varia recently, but this is just going too far. You're not one of them, so he can't just order you around."

"He's the leader of the Varia? The Vongola's kill squad?" I asked with wide eyes. 

"Yes. After the former leader Tyr's defeat by Squalo Superbia he filled in the gap. Originally Squalo was supposed to take over, but he passed the position on to my son. It seems the two of them get along rather well. Normally I'd be pleased, but they have been starting to act out. Sending you out on a hit is the final straw. I will talk to him later. You will not be going on any more missions and that's final!"

"What?" I asked with a frown. "But it went well! That scumbag deserved it."

Nono shook his head. "That may be so, but you're under my care. I will not risk you getting hurt. You're ten years old, you should enjoy your childhood to its fullest. This kind of life doesn't suit you, Yumi."

I privately disagreed, but he had a stony look on his face that warned me against arguing. When we got back I was starting to feel utterly tired and quickly retreated back to my room. It was just as I left it and I hit the mattress with a sigh. Damn that Xanxus for getting me into trouble. So he'd already taken over Varia. That meant there were only two more years until the Cradle Incident.  
I was certain that they wouldn't get boring.

The next morning I found the house rather empty. Neither Nono nor Xanxus were around after I finished breakfast. Almost a whole week went by like that, during which I felt like I was going crazy with boredom. I still had the gun and the wad of cash from my mission, though I made sure to burn all documents related to the job in the fireplace. The less evidence, the better. Since the old man wasn't around I began to explore the house. It was huge and had three seperate wings full of interesting things. The maids and other employees apparently had the south wing to themselves. The west wing was being used as living quarters for the family. The east wing was mostly empty, save for the room I occupied. Despite its deserted state it was in pristine condition since it was getting cleaned regularly by the maids. It felt kind of eerie to walk along the broad hallways and only hear your own echoing footsteps. While silence had never bothered me before, the complete absence of other living things was beginning to unnerve me. 

Even if Nono wanted me to live a normal life I already felt altered. At night I kept dreaming of that last day of school when my friends died because I was too weak to save them. Too slow to stop Sabina, whose bloody eyeless face I kept seeing, before she smashed their skulls. I took to the backyard and set up various targets to practice my aim. The maids kept giving me worried, disapproving looks and I knew they were reporting back to Timoteo, but I didn't care. I'd become determined to get stronger, to never let anyone I cared about die again. It became somewhat of an obsession. I used the rest of my money to buy clips of ammo from a local gunstore and practiced day and night before an unnerved butler suggested I take to the local shooting range. At least those targets were moving around, even if it was just from side to side. If anyone was disturbed by the presence of a little girl with a gun they never let it show. The people of Brisallore knew the members of the Vongola family. 

One day I ran into Alfonso by chance. I was just coming out of a bakery with a fresh donut in hand when he walked past. I stopped in my tracks and stared. He'd hit a growth spurt, but his clothes were still the same. Now that he was almost taller than me his pants cut off just above his ankles. When he noticed me staring he stopped and turned around. His hazel eyes grew huge when he recognized me.

"Yumi!" He exclaimed in shock.

"Alfonso," I replied.

"Wha-what are you doing here?" He looked me over critically. "What are you wearing?"

"I joined the Vongola family," I stated and bit into my donut. 

"Y-you look totally different. What happened to you?" He asked with an uneasy look.

I shrugged carelessly and glance to the side. "I wanted to thank you. For telling Nono all about me when I was living with you guys. It's made quite an impression."

"T-that was.. He ordered us to. You gotta understand, we weren't pretending to be your friends!"

"In that case.. I'm glad," I said with a small smile. 

"You're not mad?"

"Well, I was a little disappointed," I confessed quietly. "In the end I got over it, though."

"I'm glad," he said and relaxed visibly. "We thought you hated us. After we heard that Don Vongola took you, we were seriously worried. Not even my dad could tell us what happened to you. Somebody said they were experimenting on or torturing you all this time."

"Did you feel bad?" I asked with a bright smile. 

"Y-yes of course!"

Okay, so maybe I was still a little mad. After I saw how scared and uneasy he looked I dropped the act, though. I ran a hand through my long hair and winced when it caught on a knot. 

"Tell the others that I'm doing well. You needn't feel guilty for following orders."

"I will," he said quickly and flashed me a grin. "Man, it's awesome to see you again! You have no idea how many kids admire you for standing up to Don Vongola!"

I felt my cheeks flush a little and glanced to the side in embarrassment. "W-well.. I couldn't just stand by after what happened..."

"Oh yeah, that was when I lost my teeth, right? Is.. is that why you went after him?"

"Ye-yeah. It was dumb, though. Totally a dumb idea! He caught on immediately when I tried to pickpocket him."

"Must've been scary," he commented with a big grin. "Say, why'd you do that?"

"So I could get the money to have your teeth replaced," I muttered as I felt my face burn brighter. 

"Really?" He laughed a little. "That's awesome! You're pretty great, you know?"

"Thanks.."

"Hey, if you ever wanna come over again, I'm sure the others are dying to hear your story!You gotta visit! Please, Yumi!"

I looked up startled when he grabbed my wrist in excitement. Could it be that after almost a whole year here I wasn't used to human contact anymore? Warmth from his hand seemed to spread up my entire arm.

"Oh um! Alright, sure!" I stuttered out in surprise. "You're still living at the hangout?"

"Yeah! I've become so much better at making getaways! You won't belive it!" He beamed at me with bright eyes. 

"Wow, you're even better now? You'll become a great burglar, I'm sure," I laughed. 

"Yeah! Dad said Vongola Intelligence can always use guys to obtain locked up evidence, so my chances at getting a job with you guys are pretty good!"

"Really?" My eyes widened. 

"Yeah," he grinned and finally let go of my wrist. "I won't keep you any longer. Promise you'll come visit?"

"I do," I replied with a small grin of my own. "I'll see you soon, Alfonso!"

"Ciao!" He said and gave me a two finger salute before he strode off.

The smile remained on my face all the way back to the mansion. For once there was somebody in the livingroom when I returned. It was Xanxus, who lounged on the dark leather armchair like he owned the place. When he noticed me standing there his eyes narrowed a little. 

"Hi."

"Hn. What are you smiling about?"

"I've been fine, thanks for asking. No lasting damage after that job you sent me on," I snorted and went into the kitchen to grab a drink.

When I came back into the livingroom he was back to ignoring me in favor of the news report. I sat down on the backrest of the sofa and began to sip on my glass of juice. 

"I'm not allowed to work for you anymore," I said after a while. 

"So I heard," he drawled. "Disregard that, trash. You're my underling. That means only I get to order you around. If I give you a job to do, you do it."

"Xanxus, you do realize that we're both living under your father's roof, right? None of us are legal adults yet, so yes, that means he gets to tell us what to do."

"You're worried he'll get mad?" He asked with a small disdainful grin. 

"Uh, yes?!"

"Then just don't tell him anything."

"What?!"

"You're noisy," he growled and I saw the grip on his glass tighten. 

A frown grew on my face and I went to put my empty glass away. Typical. All he cared about was himself. I couldn't believe how arrogant, entitled and absolutely infuriating he could be. Ignoring Nono's wishes like they didn't matter. Acting like the kind old man was merely a nuisance he'd have to ignore until he turned eighteen. With a dangerous temper like that, it was no wonder how he was going to react to finding out he was adopted. I swallowed hard. Maybe I should influence the plot a little after all. Wouldn't it be doing the world a favor to keep him frozen for the rest of his life? Sure, the consequences would be hard to predict.. But wouldn't it be better? I pondered these thoughts with an uneasy feeling as I went back to watch the rest of the news report. When it ended and the violin strings of the opening theme of a soap opera filtered through the speakers he switched the tv off. 

"Your mission was a success. What more do you want? Praise? A cookie?" 

I stared at him and seriously considered throwing one of the fluffy pillows on the couch right in his stupid face. Wonder what he'd say to that. 

"More cash," I snapped instead. 

"Oh?" He raised his brows with an amused expression.

"For ammo clips. I've been practicing."

"Hah, so you were already disobeying his orders! I don't know what you're complaining about!"

My face flushed and I scowled at him, but he merely smirked back, head propped up on his fist.

"You don't really want to quit, do you?" It wasn't a question.

I swallowed and looked at the floor. Nono was genuinely concerned for my wellbeing and wanted me to live a normal life. I couldn't blame him for that. What he probably didn't know was that I.. I honestly didn't want that anymore.

"Not really," I muttered quietly.

He burst out laughing and I was so startled by the sound that I looked up at him. When I met his gaze it was blazing.

"Not bad, trash. Not bad at all."

It was the highest form of praise I had ever -and probably would ever- recieve. My face was still burning and I simply couldn't help but grin back at him. That was the second time I felt we had a quiet understanding.


	8. Chapter 8

The very next day I found a wad of cash sitting on my usual spot at the dinner table. My eyes widened as I counted the notes. It would most certainly be enough to keep me practicing for the rest of the summer holidays. By then I had established a daily routine of eating breakfast, heading to the gun range and practicing until noon. Then I'd go get something to eat and go back to shooting until around four. We had some homework over the holidays which I only did begrudgingly. Timoteo wasn't around very much, but I knew he was keeping up with our activities. I didn't see more of Xanxus until one week before school was going to start again. 

"Don't you guys have any homework?" I asked with a pout.

I was lying on the floor of the livingroom with an open textbook in front of me. Xanxus was in his chair with a glass of whiskey in his hand. 

"Don't be an idiot," he replied without looking away from the tv screen.

"So you're not gonna do it?"

"I don't give a shit about school! I've got better things to do!"

"Alright, alright. Don't yell at me," I muttered and went back to my questionnaire. 

"....Squalo is gonna do it for me," he conceded after several minutes of silence.

I took it as a sign that he was at least trying to be civil and felt duly honored, so I merely hummed in response. When I came downstairs to study in the most comfortable room of the mansion I didn't expect to get anything done after he appeared and plopped down on his chair to watch tv. Hell I'd expected to be evicted, but none of that happened. Instead I found myself peacefully co-existing in the same room as the Varia boss. That had to count as a minor miracle, right? Only the damn 200 question questionnaire remained of my homework. I was halfway through when the doorbell rang. One of the maids went to get it and I started chewing on the end of my pencil. Not that I had any trouble with fourth grade homework, it was just so damn much to write and I was feeling lazy. 

"VOI!"

I blinked and looked up in surprise when Squalo entered the livingroom. He looked different somehow. When I spotted the metallic glint of his prosthetic left arm I stared. He wore a long sleeved white shirt, black jeans and sneakers. He grinned a toothy smile when he spotted Xanxus and leaned against the doorframe to the hallway. 

"Yo, I got the job done."

"Hn." Xanxus didn't even look at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" The boy shouted.

I flinched a little. Up close he was even louder. "You really don't have an indoor voice, do you?"

He twitched and stopped leaning against the doorframe when he spotted me on the floor. There was genuine surprise on his face before it turned back to his usual grin.

"Ah, haven't seen you in a while. You're that crybaby from before!"

"My name is Yumi," I replied calmly and stared up at him. "I'm not a crybaby."

"Really?" He drawled and raised one silver brow at me. "So how many people have you killed by now?"

"Hm," I stared up at the ceiling and began to count on my fingers. "There's her.. and those two.. that guy Rossi... those other four guys.. So about eight people."

Squalo's eyes widened while Xanxus just smirked at the tv. 

"Voi, that's pretty good for a little squirt like you!" He shouted with a toothy grin. 

"Haha, thank you!" I grinned happily, pleased that at least somebody was able to praise me for a job well done. 

"Shut up," Xanxus growled suddenly. "I can't hear a damn thing."

"VOI! I came all the way down here to tell you about that job and you're just gonna watch tv the entire time?!"

I flinched when his head suddenly jerked back after Xanxus' whiskey glass hit him, making him stumble a little from the force of his throw. It shattered and shards of glass sprayed across the floor. 

"VOOOIIII!"

"Go be noisy somewhere else."

I sighed and closed my textbook. That was that, then. A maid scurried over with a dustpan and brush in hand while Squalo looked like he was about to murder someone. I tiptoed around the broken glass and tugged at his sleeve. 

"Hey, let's go outside. You can teach me how to handle a sword."

"What?" He glared down at me. "Like I have time to play around!"

"Please?" I widened my eyes and stuck out my lower lip. "You're so good at it and I only want to learn from the very best!"

"Hmph!" He scowled and crossed his arms.

In that case I'd simply have to... 

"VOI! Are you gonna cry? Stop looking at me like that, dammit!" He shouted when my lower lip started trembling. 

"Pleaaaase big brother Squalo?" I begged and wrapped my arms around his middle.

"VRROOOOOI!" He screamed and tried to pry me off. "Don't cling to me! What are you?!"

"If you guys don't stop being noisy..." Xanxus' threatening growl made the hairs on the back of my neck rise.

"Oh shoot," I said.

"V-voi-"

"Uwah! Dodge!" 

I threw myself to the floor and shielded my head as a shot rang out. The hallway mirror shattered loudly and Squalo yelled out curses in several different languages. So that was how we ended up in the backyard with only minor cuts and bruises. Squalo's scowl was mighty indeed, but at least he'd agreed to show me a few sword tricks. There was an old saber that had been hung on the wall in an unused bedroom, so I went to get it. Squalo had his mechanical sword, of course. A butler kindly set up a big wooden log on a chair outside. 

"Hmph," Squalo huffed and smirked before he sliced it right through. "Easy!"

"Wow, that's amazing!" My awe wasn't fake, that had to have taken some serious power. 

Seeing it in a video was one thing, but in real life? Those swords skills were hella impressive. As the sliced wood clattered to the floor he smirked triumphantly.

"Now you do it!"

"Oh, um, alright!"

"Hey! What are you doing? Your grip's all wrong!" He shouted when I held out the saber.

"Huh?"

"Here," he sighed and adjusted my grip on the handle. 

I blinked when he took my hands and moved them into a more secure position. That was the second time I'd been touched. Going so long without physical contact only made me so much more aware of it. It was sort of bothersome. I glared at the sliced log and tensed. 

"Right. Here I go," I muttered and swung.

The saber clanged against the wood and slid off, only splitering the bark a little. Hitting it with a kitchen knife would've done more damage.

"Uwah! This thing is really dull!" I said and stared at the saber.

"So what?" Squalo yelled and yanked it out of my hands. "It doesn't matter! A sword is a sword!"

With that he swung around and sliced deep into the log. I stared and blinked when he tried to yank back it out. Nope, that thing was stuck.

"VROOOI!" He yelled in aggravation and put his foot against the wood while trying to get it out.

"Oh, I hope that's not an heirloom or anything," I mumbled. 

"What?" He glanced back at me before doubling his efforts. "You should've said so from the get go!"

"I didn't think it'd get stuck!" I replied defensively.

"Trash."

We both froze and stared at the terrace. Xanxus stood there glaring daggers at us with both of his guns drawn. 

"Uh oh..."

"V-voi, wait a minute!"

His eyes narrowed as he aimed at us and I instinctively jumped to the side. It was a reflex deply ingrained in me from before. Squalo let go of the saber and stepped to the side. A second later the log burst into tiny little pieces. My eyes widened in shock. So he'd already mastered the guns and managed to imbue them with his flame of wrath. Impressive. 

"Hn," he huffed and turned around. "Worthless."

I bent down to pick up the now scorched saber and eyed the crack running through the middle. Squalo let out a hiss and glared at the other boy's retreating back. Somehow I didn't get the impression that he was truly angry or anything. That's right, he had to have way more experience in dealing with Xanxus than me. After all, those two were both Varia. What made him follow a guy like that by choice? I really wondered. 

"Thanks for the lesson," I said and looked up at him. "I think I'll stick to guns from now."

"Keh. It's probably for the best, seeing what a weak little squirt you are," he grunted and retracted his mechanical sword. 

"Ah. I intend to get stronger," I said and looked at the copse of trees that was slowly recovering from all the damage.

"What's your deal?" He asked harshly. "Are you trying to become an assassin for real?"

I smiled and shrugged. "It's not the best choice, I know. A girl like me probably looks like a weakling to strong guys like you and Xanxus."

"That's right!" He said loudly and crossed his arms. 

"However... I won't accept that. I'm determined to grow stronger and then I'll surpass even you."

"Hahaha, keep dreaming!" He laughed loudly. 

"I guess I'm curious, too. I want to see what this body is capable of," I said and looked down at my hands as I flexed them with a broad grin. 

"Huuh?" He stared at me with furrowed brows. 

"I will maximize my potential. Everything else would be disrespectful." To the girl whose body I took over, I added mentally. 

"You've got some strange ideas, kid," he told me in as quiet a voice as he was capable of, which was still normal speaking volume. "But... I guess you have potential, too. As long as you cultivate that, you might turn out to be not useless at all."

"Thanks for saying that!" I grinned brightly at him. "I like you, Squalo!"

"Hn," he huffed and glanced to the side. "Don't get too full of yourself. You still got lightyears to go until you're worthy of facing me in a real fight."

"I will get there," I promised, still grinning brightly as I pointed the cracked saber at him. "It'll be great fun!"

"Voi. You're really strange. Xanxus must be rubbing off on you."

"Huh?" I blinked and lowered the saber. 

That couldn't be right. We hardly ever saw each other. Should I be worried if those few times we hung out made such lasting changes? Squalo put his hands in his pockets and began to trudge back to the mansion. I followed him quietly and went to put the saber away. When I came back to the livingroom Xanxus was back to watching tv while Squalo was flipping through my questionnaire with a big grin. 

"That's my summer homework!"

"Heh! What's this shit? This is too easy," he said and let it drop on the coffee table. 

"Well, it's made for fourth graders. Of course it'd look easy to you, right?"

"VOI! What's that supposed to mean?"

"Hm?" I tilted my head to the side with a small mischievous grin. 

"Shut up," Xanxus growled threateningly.

"Boss, this little kid just insulted me!"

"Eh, I did no such thing!"

The grip on his glass tightened and I wisely refrained from making any more smart remarks. Instead I sat cross legged on the floor by the table and opened my textbook again. Squalo let out an aggravated huff and dropped down on the couch. It was blessedly quiet for a whole five minutes before the silver haired boy began to fidget. I tried to ignore his little shifts and huffs, trying to focus on answering the remaining 35 questions. It was mostly to get us practicing our handwriting, I guessed. My chicken scratch probably wouldn't impress the teacher. I tried nonetheless, wary that I might have to do extra work if I didn't write nicely. 

"Voi!"

He muttered his trademark slogan under his breath, but it still interrupted my concentration. 

"Voi!" A little louder.

I grit my teeth. The mitrochondria is-

"Voi!"

"Shut up, oh my god," I complained loudly.

"VOI! What did you just say?" He glared down at me. 

"She's right. Shut up," Xanxus said in a bored drawl.

I smirked at the outraged silver haired boy, whose face grew indignant. What I didn't expect was for him to suddenly slide down on the floor next to me and grab my textbook.

"VROOI! This shit is easy! How long are you gonna take to finish it?!" 

"What?!"

I startled when he tore the pencil out of my hand and started scribbling on the sheet. I never would've expected quick writing to be one of his hidden talents. A minute later he gave me a triumphant smirk as he presented the finished paper to me. My eyes widened in awe.

"Wow, Squalo! You- you did it!" I scanned the page and my face dropped when I reached the bottom. "Y-your handwriting... It's.."

"Heh."

"ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE!"

"VOOOI!"

"You two... are starting to piss me off!" Xanxus barked.

I let out a yelp when his guns were back in his hands and a crazed glint entered his eyes. Squalo gulped. My eyes dropped to the sheet in his hands. I could see his finger tensing on the triggers in slow motion and dove at Squalo. To be honest I don't know what I expected. To get flung behind the couch from the force of the explosion was not it. At least I landed softly.. on Squalo's lap. With my homework in my hands, safe and sound. 

"Hah," I sighed with relief and let my head drop.

"Get off me!" 

Did I imagine the weird pitch in his voice? When I looked at him Squalo was very pointedly avoiding my gaze, keeping his eyes on the bottle green sofa instead. I hurried to scrambled off of him and stood up slowly, peeking over backrest at Xanxus. The raven haired teen met my eyes with a fierce glare and I quickly ducked back down.

"No good," I muttered worriedly.

"Shi-shit," Squalo cursed under his breath. 

"We're really sorry! We'll just go now, ok?" I called out in a shaking voice.

"It's been a while, trash. Think you can still dodge me?"

I gulped and shared a wide eyed look with Squalo. Slowly footsteps began to come closer. I held up my pointer finger and gestured at the open balcony doors. Squalo nodded curtly and crouched down.

"Hold," I murmured, listening for Xanxus's steps. "Hold... Let's GO!"

We both started running at the same time, just as the other boy kicked over the sofa and made it crash to the floor we'd been sitting on moments ago. It was a heavy turn of the century piece that could have crushed the both of us easily. Squalo pulled ahead and was out before me. A bullet zinged past my head and I let out a small shriek. Was he seriously trying to kill us?! Just because we made some noise? 

"This is too much!" I yelled as I zig zagged across the lawn. "This temper... is too much!"

"Voi! Shut up and run!"

We made it to the copse of trees and I saw Squalo raise his brows at the poor state of it. True, the bark was all warped and splitered from our last training session half a year ago. It didn't look like Xanxus was in a hurry to get us. So maybe he wasn't homicidally pissed off. Just a regular murderously pissed off, then. Chances were that he'd calm down if he got to destroy several somethings. 

"Listen, we need to let him shoot the trees. Just try not to get hurt," I told him quickly.

"Are you stupid? His aim's gotten way better since he took over the Varia," Squalo hissed. 

I frowned. If it was that noticeable, things weren't looking too good for us. "You-"

I muffled a scream when the bark next to my head splintered, showering me with wood. Squalo growled and drew his sword with a series of clicks. 

"Don't! This is going too far!"

"Just look at it as practice," he snapped.

"Who even brings a sword to a gunfight?" I muttered.

"VOI! Boss! Stop being such a dick and chill out! You really need to get laid or something!" Squalo yelled, much to my horror.

"O-oh shi-"

A series of explosive shots nailed the trees and the flashes almost blinded me. I heard Squalo yell somewhere in the mess and ducked away before a thick branch came crashing down. That had been the wrong thing to say, I could tell. 

"You damn trash!" I heard his hoarse voice shout. "Stop hiding!"

"VROOI!" Squalo roared and charged. 

So what did I do in that dangerous situation? I ran the hell away and hid in my room until the explosions subsided. It wasn't that cowardly. I merely deduced that, given their incredible powers, those two would be the perfect match for each other. They both could get the rage out of their system with a nice duel to the death. No need to get me involved, I thought with satisfaction as I finished the questionnaire after erasing Squalo's horrible writing.


	9. Chapter 9

It felt awkward to go back to school. Everybody knew by then what happened in the gym. People stared at us as we got out of the limousine and made our way across the schoolyard. Xanxus was walking ahead of me with his usual scowl, giving off an aura that made people look away in fear. The crowd parted for him like the red sea before Moses. I walked behind him and clutched my bag to my chest, trying to look casual and failing. I couldn't bring myself to look at anybody, worried about what I might see. Were they going to think of me as a murderer? Would they.. fear me?

It was sort of nice to be back in the dorms and I realized I'd missed the liveliness of school. Nonetheless I felt lonely in the crowd now that my friends were gone. Class was mind-numbingly boring as always. I didn't bother paying attention anymore and just slept through all my classes. After all there was nothing they could do to me. My grades were impeccable. Besides that not even the school director wanted to mess with the Vongola children. It was hard not to feel jaded after a while. Maybe that was why Xanxus was always in such a foul mood. How ironic that that was the only valuable information I learned during the next semester. It felt like I fell into a dark hole until January rolled around. 

My head was resting on my crossed arms on the desk and I was staring at the snow falling outside the classroom window. The teacher kept droning on and my classmates were either paying attention or scrolling through their smartphones. I glanced down at mine and blinked slowly when I noticed the date. January 20th. My birthday. Huh. Had it really been a whole year already since I arrived here? Time flew by really quick. This body had started to grow a bit more. The black hair had grown longer. Today it turned eleven, I supposed. Not like I knew for sure. All I knew, in my head, was that the real me turned twenty five today and still had to sit through this elementary school bullshit. A surge of anger went through me before it faded into apathy. Why bother? I closed my eyes and went back to sleep. 

After classes for the day were over I wandered out of the building dressed in a knee lenght black coat and pastel pink cashmere scarf. Since we got to wear knit thights beneath our uniform skirts in winter my legs were only moderately cold. I wandered around in the snow until I felt my feet grow cold. What did it matter, as long as I got to feel something else beside the apathy that took a hold of me. I spotted the big tree we used to sit under during breaks and smiled a little smile that was hidden beneath my scarf. My hair was starting to feel moist from the snowflakes that landed in it and I decided to go back inside before I caught pneumonia or something. It felt like walking into a wall of heat when I entered the large entrance hall. Students were milling about, laughing with their friends. It filled me with deep loneliness. No one even knew what day it was. None of them cared. Why should I? What was there to celebrate? I sighed and trudged up the large set of marble stairs. The dorms were on the second floor, which was a lot emptier than the lower levels. The emptiness of the hallways suited my mood and I took my time taking in the large pictures on the walls and the red velvet curtains that framed the tall windows. Extravagant. Why did we need curtains up here? It was all just some pointless display of wealth. When I opened the door to my room my eyes widened a little when I spotted a flat wrapped box sitting on the desk. I put my coat and scarf away before I walked over to examine it. Shiny dark grey paper, wrapped with a white ribbon. It looked almost too expensive to tear open, so I carefully pulled the paper apart. Inside was a simple black box. I lifted the lid and almost dropped it. There was a beautiful dark grey metal gun with a stylized Y engraved on both sides of the grip. I lifted it and tested the weight. It seemed very balanced, likely custom made. When I looked back in the box there was a cylindrical object in there which I identified as a silencer. 

"Whooooa," I drawled quietly. "This is amazing!"

I almost missed the simple white slip of paper below the gun. It was a piece of parchment the size of a credit card. I picked it up and admired the elegant handwriting.

"Y follows X. It's only fitting," I read aloud and didn't bother to smother the huge grin that grew on my face.

Who knew he had a sense of humor? Who knew he had a fricking kind side? It left me speechless as I marveled at the beautiful weapon and traced the Y on the grip. Warmth suffused my entire being and drove the last traces of the lingering cold away. That night I went up on the roof even though the temperature was way below the freezing point and I felt the air bite into every exposed bit of my skin. Still, I had to find out if.. And yes, he was there. Wearing a long thick fur coat with a hem made of some animal's tail, hands deep in his pockets and staring at the snowy landscape. I closed the door behind me with an audible click and smiled when he sent me a glance. 

"Hi."

"Hn."

My scarf slid down and exposed my bright smile as I took a few steps towards him ever so slowly. He eyed me warily until I was within reach. I huffed out a laugh as he looked at me as if I'd suddenly gone insane when I crept ever closer. I opened my arms wide and grinned. 

"What are you doing?"

"Huh? Don't tell me you've never been hugged before?" I smiled after I'd wrapped them around his middle.

I could tell how surprised he was by the way he tensed at the contact, but I was even more surprised at the warmth emitting from him even in this freezing weather. 

"Uah, you're so warm," I muttered and rested my cheek against his chest. "Thank you for the gun. I absolutely love it."

"Get off me," he growled, but it lacked the usual vitirol. 

"Alright," I sighed as I slowly let go. 

The corners of his mouth twitched down for a second before the bored expression returned. 

"Go inside before you freeze."

"Got it, boss!" I grinned and gave him a short salute before I sauntered back inside. 

One of these days I was going to get a hug back. I was determined to make sure he remembered what human touch was and how good it felt after going so long without. First of all, though, I was going to have to warm my feet up before my toes fell off. 

The stupid thing was that I completely forgot when Xanxus birthday was supposed to be. Even with all their disagreements I was sure that Nono would have thrown him a party. So how come I never noticed anything? It was really awkward and I felt pretty guilty for not finding out after he gave me such an amazing present. This wouldn't do. I called the mansion and waited patiently until someone picked up.

"Hello?" It was Amanda, the maid. 

"Hello! Um, hi Amanda. This is Yumi."

"Ah, Signorina! Why are you calling? Is something wrong?"

I smiled at the genuine concern in her voice. "No, not really. I just wanted to ask something. Do you.. happen to know when Xanxus' birthday is?"

"The young master?" There was a certain unease in her voice as she spoke. "I believe it's on October 10th. Quite a coincidence, what with the two X's in his name. That's why it's so easy to remember."

"Oh," my expression dropped. "I missed it! How could I miss it?!"

"Signore Vongola used to throw big parties for his birthday, but the young master requested that he stop. Since you two have been busy in school, it might've simply slipped your mind. Don't fret, signorina!"

The elderly maid sounded as if there was a story behind her words, but I thought I got it. Xanxus' foul temper was legendary. He hated noisy and annoying people. Big parties tended to combine those two things into a disastrous cocktail. Still.

"So he never celebrates?" I asked in a small voice.

"Those who wish to give him presents do, of course, but no. There are no official celebrations anymore. Whether he invites anyone for a private gathering is something I can't tell you, I'm afraid."

"Oh," I replied and chewed on my lower lip. "Alright. Thank you very much, Amanda."

"No problem. I'm happy to help," the maid replied warmly. 

"Okay, bye."

"Goodbye, signorina Yumi."

So his birthday had been a while ago and I failed to notice. Guilt started to weigh heavy on my conscience. Even if he celebrated privately, which I somehow doubted. He wasn't know for being a very social person. Aside from Squalo there wasn't anyone he regularly hung out with. Maybe the Varia threw him a party. Not much of their activities was known. I laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling. What kind of present do you give a person like Xanxus? The heads of his enemies on a platter? I snorted. No, it would have to be something more personal. When I turned around and spotted the quill of a tiny down feather poking out of the pillow I suddenly knew. 

 

"Hm? You want a Japanese lucky charm?" Timoteo said over the phone. 

"Yeah!"

"Ah, well. That'll be hard to obtain. I'm unfortunately not very well versed in those things, but there might be an online shop that sells them."

I pouted. Now that I had a good idea of what I wanted to make I felt too impatient to wait for international shipping. 

"Isn't there a quicker way?" 

The old man paused for a moment. "If you can wait another three days, an accquaintance of mine will be returning from his trip to Japan. If I call him now he might be able to get one while he's still there."

"Yeah! That'd be great! Can you tell him to get one that protects against demonic possession?"

"Uh.. certainly."

"Great! You're the best, signore!" I cheered.

He chuckled. "Ah now. Why this sudden interest in charms? Are you having trouble?"

"Nope. It's for Xanxus."

"Huh," he muttered, clearly surprised. 

"I'm making him a belated birthday present."

"Oh. Well. That's nice of you."

The scepticism was plain to hear in his voice. It saddened me to hear him sound so resigned. If only Amano-sensei had written those two to eventually make up in the future.. But I couldn't remember that ever happening. A sad smile played around my lips.

"I try," I replied quietly. 

"That's good," he told me in a serious voice. "Keep trying, Yumi. I believe that if you do, you might eventually get through to him."

"You do?!"

"Yes. He acts like he doesn't need anybody, but I think that deep down he's lonely."

I honestly couldn't imagine that, but Nono had to know him better than I. Damn, but as far as I could tell his defining characteristic was wrath at any and everybody. We hung up and I considered his words. Nothing changed through my presence. It was kind of reassuring. In this world, any deviance from the original plot might mean the death of somebody important. I couldn't take that upon me, too. It was bad enough that I killed people with my own two hands. Slowly but surely I stopped thinking of my surroundings as fictional so those deaths began to fully sink in. Paradoxically my nightmares stopped after that.

The bead arrived four days later. It was a small wooden thing with intricate carvings all over. I added it to the quill of the long thin red fake feather I'd bought. The color and shape of it had reminded me of a phoenix and it was well crafted so it didn't look like an obvious fake. To the end I glued a small clip that wouldn't stand out too much. I regarded my work proudly and set to wrapping it into red paper that I bought especially for this occasion. My handwrapped gift didn't nearly look as good as the one he'd given me, but it was made with love. Surely that had to count? Xanxus raised a brow at it, then at me when I presented it to him.

"What's the meaning of this?" He asked as I handed it to him.

"It's a late birthday present!" I beamed. "Sorry that I forgot!"

"Hn." He simply tore the ugly wrapping paper off and I winced, worried that he'd damage the charm.

Nope. It was still intact. He held it up and studied it. The small wooden bead seemed to intrigue him as he poked it.

"Where did you get that?"

"I made it myself."

"I can tell. I meant the bead."

"It's from Japan."

"Japan, huh?" 

"Do you like it?"

He gave me a sideways glance before he huffed and put it on the desk beside him. My expression fell. He rolled his eyes.

"What's with the ugly face? You gonna cry?"

"S-sorry, um," I fought with the tears of embarrassment and disappointment.

"Ugh, hurry the fuck up. I don't have a mirror in here. Put it there," he said and pointed at the back of his head, where the other feathers were fixed. 

I blinked and stared at him, but he looked disgruntled enough to be serious. Suddenly I felt extremely awkward as I picked up the feather and eyed him. He was sitting with his back to the wall since the desk chair lacked a high backrest. Next to him was a huge bookshelf filled with books on...medieval warfare and torture methods. Charming. There was seriously no space. 

"Could you move...a ..little," I trailed off when he leveled an impatient glare at me.

Swallowing past the sudden surge of nervousness I leaned forward a little to peer at his neck. Reaching the back from my position would require me to lean into his space and I didn't think he'd appreciate that either. Oh well. I took a calming breath and simply leaned forward, further into his space that I'd ever been, and fixed the damn bead in the cluster of feathers already attached to him. 

"There!" I said with a grin once I was done.

"Finally," he snorted with amusement. 

I got the fleeting impression that he'd enjoyed my discomfort, but maybe I was just reading too much into things. I bade him goodbye and left the room, feeling relieved for many reasons. 

When spring break rolled around I remembered my promise to visit Alfonso and the others at the hideout. The weather was really mild, much warmer than what I was used to from my home country. Temperatures crawled up enough to no longer require a scarf every time I left the house. We went back to the Vongola mansion as usual. Xanxus hadn't changed at all. He was still brooding, ill tempered and a violent killjoy. I decided not to mention my plans to visit the others. For some reason I was convinced he wouldn't take it well. Let's call it female intuition.   
At either rate, on the second day of the holidays I headed out in the afternoon and went to my favorite bakery to buy a round of cookies. It was remarkable how the kids had grown in their own ways. Puberty hit Alfonso like a freight train. I know keep repeating this, but shit, I still felt bad for finding him cute. I guessed he was around my physical age so between eleven and thirteen at most. Still not old enough for the acne and breaking voice, but old enough for his features to begin to hint at the handsomeness that was bound to manifest later on. They were overjoyed to see me and slightly apprehensive at first, but the cookies made them warm up real quick. No one made chocolate cookies like grandma Calzetti, after all.   
We chatted happily about all the changes that happened over the past six months and I found out that Francesca discovered a talent for hacking while Alfonso was working on his lockpicking technique. He'd always been fast and agile, but the doors kept giving him trouble. Over the course of my visit I slowly began to notice that he tended to speak up and bring the conversation back to himself, grinning brightly every time I looked. It was cute in a way and I allowed myself to indulge him, not having the heart to curb his obvious efforts. Perhaps I should've tried harder, since he insisted on walking me home when it started to get dark. 

"Can't be too careful. All sorts of criminals around after dark," he said and winked with a cheeky grin.

"Okay," I said with amusement. "Only to the gates, though."

"Sure," he shrugged and put his hands in his pockets. 

I remembered clearly how his last encounter with Xanxus had gone and didn't want a repeat. We talked more as we went, greeting familiar faces when we saw them. It was as Nono said, Brisallore was a mafia village. Everybody knew everybody. Alfonso was more than his usual cheerful self, his gestures were more extravagant and his voice higher. It made me laugh and I found myself enjoying the company of such a bright person for once. After losing my friends I hadn't bothered to get to know anybody else, but it turned out that people didn't forget me as easily as I thought. A warm glowing feeling spread through me and when we reached the gates of the mansion grounds I was grinning from ear to ear. When we stopped there was suddenly an awkward pause. Alfonso glanced at me with his hazel eyes and I thought that he was going to grow up into a real stunner. Suddenly a boyish grin broke out on his face. Before I knew what happened he darted forward and planted a swift peck on my cheek.

"Alfonso!" I exclaimed with a shocked laugh.

"See you later!" He called and hurried off with a goofy grin.

I shook my head and smiled to myself as I trailed the white gravel path up to the mansion. The windows were lit up and I inhaled deeply, enjoying the smell of the fresh air. It was always somehow cleaner around here. I'd begun to associate this smell with home. I let myself into the house after entering the code and trailed towards the dining room. It was near eight so we were about to eat. Or so I thought. Nono wasn't there yet, which was weird since he was always punctual. A maid was milling about and quickly straightned when she saw me. I smiled and nodded at her in greeting, which made her relax visibly. Seeing how they must be used to Xanxus temper I'd secretly decided to recompensate them by being extra nice. 

"Good evening. Where is Nono?" I asked curiously.

"I'm afraid the signore isn't home today. He's on a business trip, he said," the young maid spoke softly. 

"Ah. And the little signore?" I asked with a wink and conspiratorial grin that made her mouth open in shock.

"A-ah? Master Xanxus?" She asked quickly and peered around. "I'm not sure he will attend dinner."

"Too bad," I muttered and waved at her before I headed to the kitchen.

The servants always kept some leftovers in the fridge and I helped myself to a slice of cold meat and a bread roll with butter. The kitchen itself was something straight out of a cooking show, all chrome and perfection. Cold white neon lights lit up every corner and I felt as if I was eating in a space station. It was funny and not in the ha ha sense. After I put my makeshift sandwich together I peered into the hallway since the older maids would surely reprehend me if they saw me sneak food into my room. It was all clear though so I headed upstairs. Sometimes I wondered how Nono and Xanxus could stand to live in here. Parts of the mansion looked like a history museum. It was huge and lonely. Perhaps the Vongola bosses of the past had larger families. With a stab of guilt and pity I remembered that Xanxus, or at least someone, offed Nono's three sons, which was the reason they'd have to contact Tsuna in the first place. Perhaps the house really did use to be livelier. I was an only child and remembered only too well what it was like to have no one but your thoughts for company. Growing up like that was bound to mess with your social skills. Add to that a superiority (or was it inferiority?) complex and you had yourself a sociopath. 

After digging in I found my thoughts return to Xanxus. Strong personalities had always intrigued me. What drove people like that? I couldn't imagine. Truth to be told, sometimes the past year seemed like a fever dream and I fully expected to wake up in my own bed. Hanging out with people like Squalo or even Xanxus was totally insane. There were no people like that in real life, at least none I'd ever met. Single minded, almost entirely defined by one characteristic. Straight from the pen of a Japanese mangaka. I shook my head with a bemused smile. And yet here I was. I didn't in fit in, obviously, since I was a real person. A Westerner with only a vague understanding of Japanese shounen manga tropes. It led me to wonder how these people percieved me. Was I acting suspicious or outlandish in their eyes? Despite them being "Italian" they were clearly written like Japanese people, since that was all Amano-sensei knew. Strangely enough, they seemed real. Interacting with them was like interacting with an average person, for the most part. It hurt my head to think about and I decided to just stop it. I was here and I'd have to adjust. 

After finishing my simple yet satisfying dinner I wondered if I should start my homework. As I was a lazy sod I wasn't inclined to. I thought of Alfonso and wondered how to proceed. There was obviously no way I'd start something with him, no matter how much I liked him. Should I make it clear he was only a good friend to me? The poor think had seemed so eager to impress me earlier. I didn't want to crush his hopes. I tapped my lips with my index finger and frowned. Wasn't that a bit arrogant, though? 

Thinking in circles wasn't gonna get me anywhere so I decided to head back downstairs and satisfy my sweet tooth. On my way through the dark hallway I spotted a ray of light emnating from a half open door and snuck towards it curiously. I peered inside and bit back a gasp of surprise. Xanxus with his shirt halfway unbuttoned was making out with a stranger. I'd never seen this girl before. She was quite stunning, but the longer I looked at her the more of a bad feeling did she give me. For one she looked entirely to collected for somebody who was having her breasts fondled and her neck sucked. Then there were her pale blue eyes. Admittedly I always thought blue eyes looked cold, but hers actually were. They didn't move, they were staring straight ahead. As if she was waiting for the bus or something. Well whatever. It was their business. I drew back from the door. Suddenly my appetite was gone and I decided to head back to my room.


	10. Chapter 10

The next morning Nono was still gone and there was no trace of Xanxus either. It had been over half a year since the last job he gave me. I wondered what was up with that. My aim had gotten a lot better since then and I used my gun regularly at the shooting range. I'd seen Squalo a few times at school but kept my distance, since I assumed he didn't want to be associated with a kid either. My boredom made me wander the house since I knew the shooting range opened at ten and it was only half past eight. It was pure chance that I heard some rustling from inside one of the unused guest rooms. Curiously I peeked through the crack in the door and spotted the same girl from the day before rummaging through the drawers. My brows furrowed. No one ever used that room, what was she hoping to find? Before I could get away she suddenly looked up straight at me. Oh shit, I thought uneasily. The girl stood up and studied me. Alright, play it cool, I told myself. You're an eleven year old kid. 

"Oh hi! I'm um, I'm sorry," I stammered with wide innocent eyes. "My name is Yumi, who are you?"

"Hm? A kid?" She muttered to herself and stared down at me. 

I grinned brightly and tried to hide my inner panic. Up close she gave off an even more unpleasant vibe. Something was definitely wrong with her. She let out a huff and glanced to the side with a bored look.

"Go away kid, I lost something in here last night. Shoo!"

I took a quick step back and hurried off. Once I'd rounded the corner I peeked at the door until she visibly moved back inside the room. Not even an introduction? She really had to underestimate me. I kept standing there until she left the room and tried the door on the next room. I knew that that was where one of the maids lived. It was locked. The girl glanced up and down the hallway so I quickly drew back. There was a small metallic noise and I peeked again to see her poking a lockpick in the lock. After the door opened she peered in, looked around again and went inside. I waited for about fifteen minutes before she emerged. The pockets of her skinny jeans bulged out a bit more. If they weren't at least two sizes too small I might not have noticed. Added with her tiny tight top it was no wonder he picked her up. Focus, I told myself. This girl had to know where she was. What kind of idiot tried to steal from the Vongola mansion? Either she was dumb or... a professional. The fact that she carried a lockpick spoke for the latter. This was getting interesting. Had he been drunk? What other explaination was there? Hormones, maybe. I didn't doubt his intelligence or observational skills for a second. She went down the hallway at an infuriatingly unhurried pace. I considered my options. My cellphone was in my room and if I went to get it she might be gone before I could take pictures. It was a shame that Timoteo wasn't home, since I was sure he'd believe me without evidence. 

She then went down the hallway and I hurried behind a marble bust to follow her. At the end were two doors on each side, which was where the four oldest maids lived. With baited breath I watched her pick the lock on the first room to the right and go inside. This woman had some nerve! I didn't know what to do since I was unarmed, but I knew I had to do something. When she emerged a little while later my heart stopped. A beautful gold necklace with a small diamond pendant hung around her neck. I knew that necklace. It was Amanda's. 

"Hey you!" I said and stepped out in the open, glaring at her. "That's the maid's necklace you stole!"

"Hm? Oh, you again," the girl tsked and threw her long black hair over her shoulder with a bored look. "What are you talking about? This is my necklace. Do you have proof I stole it? Didn't think so."

I fumed quietly as I watched her saunter towards me with a smirk. "You won't get away with this! I'll tell Xanxus!"

"Oh yeah? He doesn't give a shit about the personnel. Besides, who'd you think he'd rather believe? Some random kid? Or his girlfriend?"

"Girlfriend?" I gaped at her. 

"Naturally! Have you seen me?" She grinned and trailed a hand down the side of her torso. "Don't take it too hard. We can't help being born as we are."

Anger had been licking at me from the moment I recognized the necklace, but after hearing that she was his girlfriend it intensified into a persistent throb. 

"What terrible judgement," I murmured and narrowed my eyes. 

"What did you say?" She demanded with a ticked off look. 

My eyes landed on the necklace. I'd seen it once before. Amanda had been cleaning the hallway and I passed by, noticing it by chance. 

"Whoa, what a beautful necklace!" My eyes were big as I watched the diamond sparkle in the sunlight.

"Thank you," Amanda had smiled and touched it. "It was a gift from my late husband. He took me to Venice on our 30th anniversary. He used his last strenght to take me there, even though it must have been painful. He was full of cancer by then. And yet he did, because I was his beloved. He died one month later."

"I'm sorry," I'd said, feeling abashed at bringing it up, since the memory made her look sad.

"Don't be. I wear it whenever I feel lonely because that way I can feel close to him again."

I swallowed hard. "That's lovely."

Amanda had nodded with a small smile and tucked it back into her blouse. "Some would call it sentimental, but you're allowed to be when you're my age."

"Aren't you worried it'll get stolen?"

"No. Because I'd rather die than let someone take this from me," she'd said and pulled a small handgun from her apron with a deadly serious look. 

 

The nerve! After hearing how much it meant to the kind old maid there was no way I could let her take it. She stared down at me with a smug smile on cherry red lips. 

"Come now kid, get lost. If you don't, I'll say that you're the one who stole it! After all we Bellinis always get our way. We're Italy's best blackmail specialists!" 

"Blackmail, huh." I heard a door slam downstairs and glared at her. "Even so you're not the best at gathering information."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Blackmail was disgusting business. Even though it was a big part of how mafia families operated I still hated it. The fact that she thought she could cow me into submission under threat of blaming theft on me was the final straw. 

"You waltz in here like you own the place. You steal from honest, hardworking people. Do you even give a shit about Xanxus or did you only fuck him to get access to this place?"

She looked taken aback before her eyes narrowed in anger. "You little shit! How dare you speak to me like this! Looks like I'm gonna need to beat your ass!"

I braced myself before I felt the sting of her slap, but it still hurt like a bitch. Her ugly fake nails left burning streaks on my face. The only reason I let that filth touch me went into effect. Not only was anger a potent stimulant for my hidden strenght, pain was too. It was a deadly combination, one that I needed when I was up against someone that much older and stronger. My fist shot out and sunk into her stomach. The girl doubled over with a loud gasp. I grabbed a fistful of hair and slammed her head down on my knee. How dare she! I remembered her apathetic face from the night before, the way she sauntered through these venerable halls and violated the maid's living spaces. This cheap looking arrogant bitch! How on earth did a slut like this charm Xanxus? It enraged me, having to look at her pissed me off beyond belief. She staggered back and clutched at her bloody nose with wide eyes. It dripped down on her tight white shirt. Not even wearing a bra. 

"Disgusting," I hissed. 

"Y-you..." She growled darkly. "My parents are gonna hear about this! You'll get sued into oblivion, you little shit! I'll make Xanxus throw you out on your flat ass!"

Hearing that name on her lips made my blood boil harder than ever before. "Let's see what's in your pockets, whore."

"Argh! I've had it with you!" She screeched loudly and ran at me, reaching out with those sharp looking claws. 

My body was small, my muscles underdeveloped. In comparison she was nearly fully grown, probably closer to eighteen than sixteen and heavy around the hips. By any means I shouldn't have been able to do what I did next, but the force of my wrath gave me superpowers. As soon as she was within my range I grabbed her arm, spun around and threw her over me. She crashed down to the floor hard on her back.

"Ack!" She choked out and went still.

I stared down the hallway panting harshly. Sure enough I heard fast footsteps approach. I bent down and tore the necklace off her neck. There was a metallic click and I stood up with a frown. Xanxus was there and took in the scene, gun in hand.

"You've got terrible taste in women," I told him and held out the necklace. 

On the ground before me were several rings, bracelets and earrings that had spilled out of her stuffed pockets after landing so harshly. She was out cold, eyes rolled to the back of her head. He narrowed his eyes and stalked towards us. For a moment I tensed, unsure of what he'd do next. If she really was his girlfriend..

"Well done," he said with a sneer. "I had something else planned, but this'll do. Dealing with this bitch was an assignment. The Bellinis have dirt on several family members."

"Oh," I said and smiled with relief. "Here I thought you were dating her."

He looked at her, then his eyes travelled up to meet mine. Doubt washed over me all of a sudden and my smile faltered. 

"No," he snorted. "My tastes are more refined."

I glanced to the side and jumped a little when the girl let out a pained groan. 

"Unh... What.. Oh! Xanxus, baby!" She sat up abruptly. "You have got to beat that bitch up! She hurt me!"

"Not yet, I haven't," I growled and clenched my fists. 

"Shut up," he snapped. 

"But baby!"

"I said shut up. Tell me your phone password."

"What?" She stared up at him with a frown. "Why?"

"Do it," he growled and withdrew a rosé gold yPhone from his pocket. 

"My yPhone! Give it back! Please?"

"I swear to god," he snapped and aimed his gun at her.

She let out a shriek and scooted backwards until I put my foot on her back to block her retreat. She craned her head up to glare at me. I returned it with a toothy grin.

"Give him your password, bitch."

"Y-you fucking-"

Seeing as there was no way out between the two of us she relented. Xanxus entered it and smirked in triumph. He fiddled with the phone for a while longer until it let out a succession of beeps, then dropped it on the floor.

"H-hey!" She protested. 

Xanxus paid her no mind and shot the thing. Then he set his burning stare on her, making her flinch. 

"You people are idiots," he told her quietly. "Messing with the Vongola is suicidal. Do you have a death wish?"

She let out a whimper and quickly shook her head. She was trembling so hard I felt the vibrations in my foot. I'd say I felt bad for her, but that simply wasn't true. Those people had been in the game far longer than I. They had to know. Compare it to stealing. Just because you managed to steal something from the corner store of a shabby little village doesn't mean you can suddenly go and rob Fort Knox. It doesn't work like that. By the dawning horror on her face she was coming to the same realization. Now what? I wasn't sure whether he'd let her go. An assignment meant that you didn't neccessarily have to kill the target. It was more convenient in a lot of cases, but she was a young girl. From a shitty family, yes, but still. Weirdly enough the homicial rage I'd felt earlier had all but dissipated. 

"What are you gonna do?" I asked him, ignoring the way she flinched when I broke the silence.

"Me?" He raised one of his split brows. "I'm not gonna do anything. I deleted all information on the phone, which means she doesn't have anything anymore. That was the last step, the others are taken care of."

"W-what do you mean?" She asked in a trembling voice.

Xanxus gave her a cruel grin. "What do you think?"

"No.. my family?" She put a hand in front of her mouth and sobbed violently. 

"You're not seriously letting her go?" I asked slowly. 

"Told you I'm not gonna do anything," he put his hands in his pockets and smirked at me. "You decide."

I frowned. What was he playing at? Why should I decide how to end this? It was his assignment, wasn't it? Well. I considered my options. Let her live and risk her carrying a grudge that might come to bite us in the ass way down the road. Or kill her and have one more death on my conscience. I looked at Xanxus and slowly realized that the choice was already made, he just wanted me to see it. There was no time to wonder if I was really enough of a monster to kill somebody sitting before me unarmed. He smirked and tossed me the gun. I caught it and fired at the back of her head. With a wince I switched the safety on before tossing it back at him. That thing had a lot of recoil. Almost too much to handle with one hand. There it was again, that difference in strenght. The girl slumped to the floor, but I didn't spare her another glance. A strange calm blanketed my mind as I stepped around her. He gave me a searching look before glancing away with his usual bored expression.

"I get it," I said quietly. 

"About time."

That was that. Amanda was overjoyed to have her necklace back and thanked me at least a dozen times. I smiled awkwardly and rubbed at the back of my neck. She didn't bat an eyelash when I told her about the mess we'd made in the hallway and waved my apology off with a warm smile.

"Don't apologize, signorina! What you did was a good thing. Don't let it trouble you. Those girls bring bad luck."

"I dunno about that," I muttered and headed to my room. 

It was only eleven in the morning, but I was already done with the day. Truth to be told I didn't get the entire meaning of his actions. I only knew that he wanted me to see that sometimes it was better to show no mercy. Maybe the rest would become clearer in time. After deciding that I didn't feel like introspection today I took a nap. When I woke up a few hours later I found my conscience weirdly clean. I say weirdly, because I expected to feel a lot more anguish over my deeds, or at least some guilt. I guessed I'd finally started to acclimatize. It wasn't like she hadn't known what she was doing. If she still did it and accepted the consequences, then I didn't have to feel like a cold-blooded killer. Far be it from me to feel proud, but I was a little gratified that I'd managed to help Xanxus out. At least the entire thing wasn't completely without merit. My muscles ached like all hell when I got up. Suppose that was the price for my burst of strenght.


	11. Chapter 11

I spent the remainder of my holidays doing my usual routine. Only I slowly began to feel like the shooting range wasn't offering me much of a challenge anymore. The targets could only move from side to side, there wasn't any merit to that. Xanxus was hardly at home, neither was Timoteo. I supposed the former was doing Varia work while the latter was a bit harder to figure out. When the silence got too much I went online and surfed the internet. It was surprisingly like the internet back home, sans memes. Don't laugh, but there was a serious meme void. I guess since the manga started getting published in the mid 2000's and Amano-sensei was Japanese it was to be expected, but still. So I therorized that everything was like in the real world if she didn't specifiy the differences. Like, bullets still killed people except if they were essential to the plot. Don't ask me how that works, I don't know. Magical realism. Same reason why my body had supernatural properties. Speaking of which, I went outside and started running to test out my speed. It was wicked fast and I noticed how much better I'd gotten at moving since last year. I looked forward to seeing how much better it was going to get with age. 

At the end of the holidays we went back to school unwillingly. Xanxus looked bored out of his mind in the car already. I could empathize. Fifth grade classes were little better than fourth. Still far below my level. At this rate the school year was going to stretch out like bubblegum. To my surprise, even after everything that happened, people didn't stop challenging me. The fights that happened now and again were a great relief from the nagging boredom. I still won every single one, though I noticed my challengers were getting tougher as well. It was abit like a video game. One afternoon I came back to my room only to find a simple note on my desk. 

"Be at the common room at 4," I read aloud and glanced at the clock. "Fuck, that's in five minutes!"

I promptly hurried back out and through the hallways until I stood before the boy's common room. There was no mistaking what the note meant. I knocked and waited, but no one told me to come in so I simply let myself inside. Squalo looked up and smirked when he saw me. Xanxus was sitting in a huge leather chair and staring at the fireplace. Even in the early summer heat the thing was lit. 

"You called?" I said and went to lean against the pool table.

"How many fights have you been in?"

"Hm. Twenty four," I said and glanced at the ceiling. "Ah, minus today."

"Heh. What a little monster," Squalo chuckled. 

"Trash. I have a job for you."

I perked up and stared at him. It had been a year since my last. Despite myself an excited thrill went through me. Squalo frowned.

"Voi, wait a minute. What are you gonna make her do?"

"Shut up, trash," Xanxus threw him a warning glance. "Read the briefing. Your aim has improved somewhat, so you can be our backup."

"Hm," I said and went to pick up the sheet of paper he was referring to. 

It detailed who the target was, a member of the Russian mafia named Vassinovich. My stomach dropped when I read that he was the leader of a child pornography peddling ring. They had clients all over Europe. He was currently in a neighbouring town to meet a big name client in person, booked into an expensive hotel. The Varia had been ordered to kill him by Timoteo himself. For this job they were apparently going to cooperate with the police in order to get a hold of the other members of the ring. I swallowed. So it was sort of a big deal. Further down on the paper I saw a vague sketch of the hotel layout. Several X's marked where they positioned guards. There were a lot of them. Those Russian guys were also expected to be more heavily armed than the guys who'd been protecting Rossi, back then. It would be nigh impossible to get him in the hotel. Unless. 

"Who's going in to kill him?" I asked and looked up at the two teens.

"I will," Squalo said with a frown. "Xanxus is going to back me up against the guards. There are gonna be some on the roof as well. That's where you come in."

"Sure," I replied slowly. "Just.. only two of you against two dozen of them?"

A smirk spread across his face. "Who do you take us for? We're Varia. That name stands for Quality in the mafia world."

I shifted and chewed on my lower lip. Of course. Those two guys were monsters, after all. It was easy to forget when you got to see them all relaxed on their downtime. Perhaps it would be an useful reminder to watch them in action. On the other hand I couldn't help but worry. 

"What if...," I spoke up slowly. "What if I went in instead? He likes kids, right? Fighting that many guys in close quarters is-"

"No."

Both of us looked at Xanxus, startled by the vehemence in his voice. He was glaring daggers at me.

"Why not?" Squalo began slowly. "She has a point."

"I said no," he growled and turned his glare on him. 

"Hey, I can hold my own!"

"He's a pedophile," Xanxus yelled and slammed his fist down on the armrest.

His words were followed by heavy silence. I swallowed and looked down. The very worst of the worst. It was true that even thinking about it gave me the creeps. I just thought that he might consider my plan to be sneaky a better way than to go in guns blazing. Then again, the more of those bastards died the better. Perhaps that was why he'd chosen the riskier route? He didn't have to yell at me, though. 

"Voi. Take it easy, boss," Squalo supplied. "She's trying to make herself useful. It's an option."

"It's not an option," he snapped instantly. 

The two boys glared at each other and I felt the hairs at the back of my neck rise. It was truly amazing how every time I saw them they'd managed to grow in leaps and bounds, strenght wise. The pressure that hung over the room during their stare off was insane. Monsters, I thought with a shudder. 

"Fine, whatever," Squalo finally looked away with a huff. "See if I care if you get shot."

"Don't be ridiculous, trash," he settled back in his chair and glanced away with a fierce frown. 

I let out a quiet breath of relief when the tension eased. Let that be a lesson, I thought with a shudder. Next time I wasn't going to offer myself up. They'd be fine without me, that much was evident. Who knew he'd get that pissed, though? Weird. Ah, perhaps he was mad I questioned his plan. That had to be it. 

"Um, do I get a sniper rifle or anything?" I asked timidly. 

"Buy one," he grunted.

"Yeah, but where?"

"I know a local arms dealer," Squalo spoke up quickly with a glance at the other teen. "I'll give you his number."

With that he pushed off the wall by the window, where he'd been leaning and gave my shoulder a small push as he walked past. Taking the hint I followed him out of the room. We walked for a bit before he turned into a small alcove and beckoned me to follow him. 

"What's with him?" I asked quietly. "He seemed mad."

"He's always like this," Squalo grunted. "Don't question him in front of others. Pisses him off. Unless you want shit thrown at you."

"No thanks," I winced. 

A thoughtful look appeared on his face. "Although.. Nevermind."

"What?" I peered up and saw him frown. 

"I think your plan was decent enough. It's weird how he shot it down instantly."

"Yeah," I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "It's almost like he's worried about me or something. Tch."

I expected him to scoff and smirk, but his pale grey eyes lit up with an epiphany. My brows crashed down as we stared at each other.

"It was a joke," I said quietly. 

"Yeah," he replied vaguely. "He's not the caring type."

Still he looked like he was thinking hard about something. I rolled my eyes and glanced away. It was best not to get my hopes up. Squalo looked like he arrived at some sort of conclusion and let out a hiss. 

"What?"

"Voi, don't do anything stupid," he told me suddenly. 

"Huh?" I squinted at him.

Squalo dug through his pockets and pulled out a slip of paper, on which he then wrote a cellphone number before handing it to me. I glanced at it and put in my pocket. 

"That all?"

"Yeah. Try not to get hurt," he said and wandered off. 

I ended up calling the number later and was surprised to hear a young guy speak up on the other end.

"Uh, hello?"

"Hi, this is Yumi. I'm a. Um, an associate of Squalo? Superbia Squalo."

"Oh! Really?" The guy sounded surprised. "What do you want?"

"Yeah, I was told you sell weapons? I need a rifle. Sniper rifle."

"Oh. Uh. This is kind of sudden," he said with an awkward laugh. "You see, I normally don't handle requests. Uh, hold on. I'm gonna check the computer."

I blinked at the wall and grinned a bit. He did sound kind of overwhelmed. It made him sympathic in my eyes. He didn't sound like some dirty gritty arms dealer either, more like a school boy. If Squalo recommended him he had to be good, though.

"Ah. Uh. Yeah, I'm gettin' there. When do you need it?"

"Soon-ish," I replied and tried to remember when the job was supposed to go down. 

"Okay. So what kind of rifle? Do you have a model in mind?"

"Uh," it was my turn to sound clueless. "Something with a 200 meter range?"

"Wow, okay. Plus a scope, then?"

"Yeah."

"No offense, but you sound pretty young. This isn't a prank call, right?"

"Of course not!" I replied instantly.

"Right. Sorry."

"You sound young yourself," I told him with a grin tugging at my lips. "You're still in school, huh?"

"Uh yeah. How could you tell?"

"I guessed."

"Oh. Seems I've been caught," he replied with a warm laugh.

By now I was grinning outright. I decidedly liked this guy. We agreed on a sum and I gave him my number so he could text me the details. It was a clear sign of his inexperience that he didn't ask me to verify my identity or check that I wasn't an undercover cop. As a show of good faith I deleted the message after coyping down the data, along with the number. I had to suppress a laugh when I read his name. Dino Cavallone. Just my luck. As agreed I made one of the servants back at the mansion transfer him the money. In return I recieved another message with the trade location. It was at the edge of the school grounds in a part of thick forest. Since it was all so new and exciting I went there myself one evening. I leaned with my back against a tree and didn't wait long until he showed up. Also by himself. He was about as tall as Squalo with shaggy golden hair and soulful brown eyes surrounded by thick lashes. He looked like one of those surfer stereotypes and I grinned a bit despite myself. When he spotted me he broke out into a rogueish grin.

"Ah, you must be signorina Yumi!" He exclaimed and came forward to shake my hand without hesitation.

"Hi, yeah. You must be Dino," I grinned up at him.

"Wow, you're even shorter than I expected! The rifle's almost as big as you!" He laughed and rubbed the back of his head. "Sorry for the confusion. My body guard usually handles transactions. I picked up per chance."

"No worries, I hardly know what I'm doing either," I laughed. 

"Ha, good," he grinned and handed me the package. 

I broke out into a fit of giggles. It was wrapped in brown paper and tapeed haphazardly, looking like an ugly christmas gift. He must've done that himself. True, Dino blushed a bit and rubbed the back of his head. 

"It's okay," I told him and tried to calm down. "As long as it gets the job done."

"Ah, I almost forgot. Here's an additional clip, on the house. Romano says it's custom for first time customers to recieve a gift," he said and proudly handed me the clip. 

"Thank you," I beamed up at him and stuffed it into my pocket. 

Dino smiled back before he put his hands in his pockets. The smile faded a bit as he watched me hoist the wrapped rifle. 

"I don't like being nosy, but what are you planning with that? Do you have backup?"

I guessed that what he was asking was whether I knew what I was doing, or if this was going to be traced back to his family somehow if I fucked up. With a small sigh I nodded.

"Yeah, it's all covered. Vongola business."

"Oh?" His eyes grew wide. "I had no idea!"

"Huh? Even though we're so popular at this place?" I gave him a crooked grin and nodded back at the school. 

"Uh, I don't pay much attention to rumors," he replied and looked at the school with a small frown. "I don't like it here. I don't even want to become a mafia boss."

"Hmmm," I replied with a secretive smile. "You would make a good boss, I think."

"Huh?"

I shrugged. "You seem like a nice guy."

"Nice guys usually don't run families," he replied darkly.

"Have you met Timoteo?" I smiled at him. "You can be both. Nice and a great Don."

"Still," he glanced away and hunched his shoulders. "It was nice meeting you, Yumi. I gotta go back now, though."

"Sure. Take care, Dino." 

I watched him walk back at an unhurried pace and clutched the package. If only he knew... but in the following ten years he'd change his mind for sure. I headed back to my room and stored the weapon under my bed. The call came in the middle of the night, much to my annoyance. Blearily I grabbed my phone and picked up with a grunt.

"Get up underling, we're moving out. Be there in ten or else."

With that he hung up, leaving me reeling and cursing his name. An adrenaline rush kicked in and allowed me to get ready in record time. I tore the wrapping paper off the rifle as I ran and crept through the dark hallways towards the boys' common room. The two of them were ready to go and looked up when I barged in. 

"Nice weapon," Squalo commented with a smirk.

"Focus, trash. We're shipping out in ten minutes. You'd better have the plan memorized," Xanxus said and glowered at the both of us.

"Of course," he replied indignantly.

"Yeah!"

"No heroics," he said, glaring directly at me. "You have one job."

"I know," I replied with a small frown. 

"If you fuck up," he began and I raised my hands defensively, rifle resting against my shoulder. 

"I know," I stressed. "I'll take care of the guys on the roof and let you do the rest."

"This is a Varia grade mission. Our reputation is at stake."

I resisted the urge to snap at him that I got it, no need for posturing. His eyes narrowed as if he'd read my thoughts so I quickly smoothed my features. Squalo let out an amused snort, which thankfully diverted his attention. 

"You got something you wanna share?"

"No way," Squalo smirked. 

"Good. Then fucking focus. I won't tolerate you fucking up either," he growled. 

"Voi!"

Maybe I should give him a stress ball for his next birthday. Or a whole package of them. I could have them shipped to his office anonymously. Fantasizing how I'd pull that off helped against the sudden surge of nerves. We got in the car, each of us going over the mission briefing again. My job would be relatively easy compared to theirs. I just had to take care of the six or so snipers on the hotel roof. They'd probably be in communication via headsets, so I would have to work quickly. Truthfully I had no idea how it would go, since I didn't exactly have practice with living targets. There was no more time to worry, as soon as we arrived two streets from the hotel the three of us got out and went our seperate ways. I went into the hotel on the opposite street via the back entrance and began to climb the stairs. There were hardly any people inside and I waited patiently for them to pass. I had a small headset in my ear with a mic attached to a band that wrapped around my neck. It was very high tech. Nobody was speaking, which I took as a good sign. As soon as I arrived at the top floor I spotted the roof door and slipped outside. The big neon sign spelling the name of the hotel was going to be my cover. I crouched down behind a big D, no pun intended, and set up my rifle. It didn't have kickstands, which was something I was going to have to rectify at some point. As it was, I set up the rifle and checked the opposite roof through the scope. There were four guys clad in black combat gear. They hadn't spotted me yet, so I laid low. 

"I'm in position," I said tensely. 

"Good," Squalo's voice came through the headset. "I'm at the corner of the street. Three guys at the entrance."

"Four guys behind the hotel," came Xanxus bored drawl, followed by an explosion. "Two now."

"VOI! Don't just start shit cause you're bored!" Squalo yelled, making me flinch at the volume. 

"Shut up and move it."

"Dammit," I cursed quietly and took aim. "One guy down. Two. Three. Number four running from sight."

"You don't have to narrate, trash."

I felt heat creep into my cheeks and bit my lower lip. It was a nervous habit. I pressed my eye to the scope and watched the opposite building. Finally there was the barrel of the rifle creeping out. I crawled to the side and dragged my weapon with me. As soon as a head appeared I fired. My insides felt cold, my head was clear and focused. The inital nervousness disappeared as soon as I started working. Three more guys ran to the roof and hid behind the staircase. I could hear yelling over the headset, mostly Squalo's. They were inside already. Those snipers couldn't do anything now. I still had to take care of them. Shots zinged off above me and I ducked down, wary of stray bullets. 

"VROOOI! DIE SCUM!"

"Hn," followed by several loud explosions.

One of the reinforcements went down. I heard yelling from across the street in some sort of harsh, rough language. It didn't matter. One of the snipers ran out of hiding and I fired quickly, but missed him. Cursing under my breath I ducked and began to reload. Since the weapon was new I was slow. The extra clip from Dino came in handy. Two more to go. 

"What's your status?" I asked tensely and took aim again. 

"Mind your own business."

"VOI! I'm on the third floor."

"Already? Wow."

"Two more to go, don't get cocky."

I almost asked if Xanxus was always this surly on missions, but refrained. It would benefit no one if they got distracted. Suddenly a series of shots uncomfortably close to me rang out and I quickly robbed behind the sign. What? Were they planning on forcing me on the defense? There was more yelling, followed by another burst of fire. Huh. I peeked out and saw one of the guys with half o his upper body out of cover. As soon as he spotted me he fired again. I drew back. Huh. Did that guy loose his cool? I could use that. There was no telling how much longer this was going to take. I had to act soon or the roof wouldn't be clear when the two Varia members came back out. That would be just unacceptable. I edged my weapon out and fired, but missed again. I had to retreat and cursed my slow reflexes. If only there was a way to use my speed... Huh. Maybe there was. It was a gamble and I was sure I'd get my ass kicked if anything went wrong, but. I swallowed and considered the distance to the next letter. The rifle was heavy in my arms. I tried to get angry about something, anything, but it wasn't working. I was too calm. 

"Fuck it," I muttered and ran.

As expected a shot rang out as soon as I left my cover. A pained groan escaped me as I hit the ground and rolled behind the next sign. Fucking hell. It grazed my right calf, I could see the fabric of my jeans grow dark with blood. No flesh wound, thankfully. 

"What are you doing?" 

Nothing prepared me for the black rage I could hear in his voice. It sent a shiver down my spine and paralyzed me in the spot. I swallowed and chanced a look at the roof. Sure enough, I could feel my heart beat pick up a notch. It stung and I could feel every throb of my pulse in the wound. A fire lit me up from inside. There it was. Apparently those four seconds took too long.

"Fucking answer me, trash!"

"I'm okay," I replied quickly, wincing at the sound of a loud explosion right in my ear. 

It was true enough. I took aim and got the next guy. The third one was a bit trickier, staying mostly hidden. My next sprint went much smoother. He hadn't expected me to run while aiming, I could see his eyes widen through the scope. The grin on my face disappeared as soon as I fired and got flung back by the recoil. I grunted when my back collided with the sign. 

"Oof. Okay. Snipers are gone," I muttered.

"Took you long enough! Voi Xanxus, where the hell are you?"

"On the fifth floor. The hell are you?" Came the aggravated reply. 

"Coming right up. Voi, what the fuck. What did you do?"

"Shut up and get in. I'll cover you."

I tensed and listened to them bicker. There was some more yelling and I guessed that Vassinovich had more guards in his room. They'd stand no chance, of course. From then on out it was fair game. For some reason I decided to check the roof one more time before I left. My heart stopped before it went into overdrive. 

"Shit," I cursed and hurriedly took aim. "Six more guys on the roof! Stay inside."

"Hurry up and take them out. The bastard is dead. Somebody must've called for reinforcements."

"Okay," I whispered to myself and took aim.

What happened next was almost like a blur. It was as if I'd suddenly entered a trance. One deep inhale and I was suddenly firing away without pause. The pain in my leg and the insane pressure of the situation shut down any unneccessary thoughts as I took out the snipers before they could find cover. When I was done I stood up and grimaced at the pain. I slung the rifle on my back and hurried downstairs. 

"I'm on ground floor," I said and kept an eye on my surroundings. 

"We're heading down," Squalo replied tersely. 

My heart dropped when a convoi of three black SUVs came to a stop in front of the hotel. Men in black combat gear jumped out and rushed in. I pressed my back to the side of the other hotel.

"Hurry, there's a shit ton of reinforcements," I hissed quietly. "Coming in through the front!"

Even though those two guys were amazing already, two dozen trained mercenaries at once were too much. Their adult selves would be able to handle it, but they weren't there yet. I was relatively sure of it, at least. 

"Going out through the back."

"Fuck these slav bastards," Xanxus hissed. 

"Let's meet at the pick up point?"

"Yeah."

I nodded to myself and hurried back to the place where we'd been dropped, careful to stay out of sight. The car was already waiting and I practically threw myself inside. A minute later the door opened and Squalo dropped in, looking a little rough around the edges. Xanxus came in through the other side looking unruffled. I exhaled a shaking breath and slumped in the seat.

"Everyone's alright. I'm glad," I muttered and pulled the headset off. 

"What did you expect?" Squalo smirked.

Xanxus stared out of the window and rested his head on his palm. Squalo stretched and scratched at his cheek. I rubbed both hands down my face and smiled faintly. That was my first real job. Once we were back at school the two guys climbed out quickly. I followed a bit more slowly and winced when my leg throbbed in protest.

"Voi, what's wrong?" Squalo asked all of a sudden and I noted with dismay that he was looking at my leg.

I flushed with embarrassment and grit my teeth. Why oh why did he have to notice? I'd been so careful... 

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"Trash."

I swallowed and slowly looked up into Xanxus' positively livid face. His red eyes were burning into mine and it took everything I had not to look away. 

"It's nothing," I insisted weakly. "Just grazed my leg. I'll live."

"How did that happen?" He asked slowly. "You had cover."

I swallowed and finally looked away uncomfortably. "I had to move to get them."

"You what?" He barked and grabbed the front of my shirt. "You left your cover?! With enemy snipers targeting you?! I thought I said no heroics!"

"That was dumb," Squalo agreed with a frown.

"It was fine! I know it sounds stupid, but-" I coughed when he shook me roughly.

"Are you fucking stupid?" He yelled. "You could've died!"

"Yeah, but I didn't."

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say. He reeled me in so he was practically in my face. It had been a while since I had the full force of his rage directed at me. I didn't miss it at all. 

"Listen here, you little shit. When I give you an order I expect you to follow it to the letter! I fucking hate people who think they're to good to follow orders. You're not even near good, let's make that clear. So what gives you the right to fuck around on a mission? Huh?!"

Tears welled up in my eyes, I couldn't help it. The worst thing was that I knew he was right. I wasn't good, I was just lucky. It had been the only thing I could do to access my hidden strenght. 

"I had to," I choked out. "Had to put myself in the right mind. There wasn't. Wasn't another way."

"So you let them shoot you?" He asked with a disgusted look. 

"Look, calm down," Squalo said and frowned at him. "She's fine."

"Shut the fuck up," he snapped at him before he turned back to glare at me. "If that's how it's gonna be then go burden someone else. I don't give a fuck anymore."

My insides froze over and I stared at him with wide eyes. Tears blurred my vison when he let go abruptly and turned around to stalk off without another word. No. This couldn't be happening. I dropped to my knees heedless of the pain and muffled a sob behind my hand. Everything had gone to shit. Stupid. I was so stupid. Something soft landed on the top of my head. I reached up and felt that it was a piece of cloth. A cloth tissue? Squalo turned to walk away as well, but he turned back once to roll his eyes.

"He'll calm down. Don't do anything dumb," he said before he left. 

It was probably meant to comfort me, but at that moment I was inconsolable. I buried my face in the cloth and sobbed. The pain in my leg only added to my misery. It was all over. Once again I'd managed to fuck everything up. I dragged myself into my room and cried into my pillow until I fell asleep. Come morning my jeans were stuck to my leg and getting them off re opened the wound. Several curses fell from my tongue as I grabbed a washcloth and pressed it on to stop the bleeding. I couldn't very well go to the school nurse with this. Thankfully there was a first aid kit in the girls' common room. After disinfecting and wrapping my leg up I went to class and took a nap. My mood was shittier than it had been in a long time. Now that Xanxus and I were done I floundered for direction. It hurt to think about, so I didn't. With a rueful smile I declined my classmates offer to eat lunch with them and went to the library. 

I'd spent the past year training myself to become a somewhat decent assassin and underling to my chosen boss. It looked like I'd done a shitty job after all since said boss had dumped me over a stupid mistake. In hindsight it really was a dumb plan, but the only one I could think of at the time. As soon as I admitted it to myself I began to feel indignant and angry about the treatment I'd recieved. I did the best I could with what little I had; it wasn't fair. Didn't all of us make it out relatively unharmed? A small graze was no reason to flip out like that. Brooding in silence helped me get over the shock and hurt. It's always been like that, I was pretty good at transforming sadness into anger. As a melancholic person by nature, there had been many times when I was sad as I grew up. Something kept me going, though, so I guess I was never truly depressed. It was the same thing that made me transform the paralyzing sadness into something productive, something I could use as fuel.


	12. Chapter 12

Over the following weeks I didn't see either Varia member around. It suited me just fine and I ignored whatever rumors people were spreading about them, too. We were done and I wasn't going to spend my time agonizing over it. Sometimes I felt my joints ache and wondered if I was finally growing. When summer break drew near I still hadn't talked to Xanxus and begun to dread the coming ride home, during which we would be confined within a car for two hours. I held onto my anger and hurt to portect myself from the anxiety that was bubbling below the surface. I packed my suitcase as slowly as humanly possible and looked up when I heard a car horn outside. Taking a calming breath I walked outside to where the driver was waiting at the trunk of the car. I handed my suitcase over and went to open the door myself. Okay, so my heart skipped a beat when I sat down behind the driver's seat knowing full well who sat on my right. My jaw clenched and I stared out of the window, reminding myself that I was very angry at him. It felt like it took forever until we were on the highway. 

The scenery was quite beautiful and I was glad the car was climatized since it was already hot as hell. The hum of the AC, the quiet music playing from the speakers and the dull roar of the engine were the only sounds. The silence between us quickly became oppressive. After all was said and done I was itching to give him a piece of my mind, but I reasoned it would be futile. That guy was as dangerous as he was stubborn, which again proved true when he staunchly refused to speak. When we drove through a tunnel I used the opportunity to study his reflection in the window. He hadn't changed much, maybe he'd grown a few centimeters. Other than that I could see him looking out of the window on his side with his usual resting bitch face. I glanced away and remembered I still had Squalo's tissue in my suitcase. It wasn't too far off to assume he'd come around at least once over the coming six weeks. My lips curled at those foolish thoughts, but I was desperate to distract myself. 

Gradually I began to relax and think about everything I planned to do. The shooting range offered me no challenge anymore and I didn't intend to stop improving my skills. Underling or not, I'd promised myself to get stronger. I looked down at my lap and clenched my fists. Next on my to do list was improving my physical strenght. That last job taught me a lesson I wasn't forgetting any time soon. I had to be able to get to that elevated state without being angry or in pain, ideally at will. A plan began to hatch in my mind. As soon as we arrived I climbed out of the car and hurried inside, ignoring Xanxus entirely. It wasn't my fault he was such an emotionally stunted dick. I shouldn't have to feel this bad after he chewed me out, but I couldn't shake the feeling that the longer we didn't speak the worse it was getting. It was pretty annoying when I considered everything I had on my plate. I couldn't deny that I wasn't just angry, I was hurt and scared of how he'd react if I yelled at him, but I also knew that if I never stood up for myself nothing would ever change. That was a worry for another day, though. 

"Welcome back!" Timoteo greeted me with a smile as soon as I stepped inside the mansion. 

"Signore!" I beamed up at him. "You're here!"

"Yes. I've been busy this past year, forgive my absences."

"Of course," I grinned and went in for a hug.

I couldn't help it, his grandfatherly smile drew me in. Even though I knew that his gentile behaviour could be an act when it suited him I felt like he was one of the few people I could trust in this world. He let out a chuckle and patted my back. When I drew back I grinned brightly and took a step back. Shoes clacked on the polished marble floor and my smile dimmed. Timoteo's expression turned a little more somber as well. I heard a huff behind me and grit my teeth. 

"Old man."

"Xanxus. I trust you've been well."

"Yeah."

Resisting a wince at his bored tone I tried my best not to let it show how uneasy I felt. The old man shot me a look and I knew he saw right through me. Curse that Hyper Intuition. I let out a huff of my own and excused myself. Let the two of them talk alone. I didn't need to be there when Timoteo grilled him and Xanxus inevitably got pissed off. Instead I headed up to my room and put my things away, since the suitcase was already there. There wasn't a single minute to waste. I'd seen enough shounen anime to know that you have to train hard if you want to get anywhere. One Punch Man, amirite? Well that was a bit unrealistic, but my goals were set. I headed out into town while noting with relief that the house was still standing when I left. After buying a big box of donuts I headed for the hideout. A warm welcome awaited me and I spent the first fifteen minutes handing out donuts, then the young kids pestered me to tell them my story. It became somewhat of an urban legend how one of their own became part of the Vongola family by facing their boss.Those little shrimps were too cute with their big eyes so I couldn't resist indulging them. They gathered around me in a circle and I told them how it went down. When I mentioned the market chase they gasped. Apparently Xanxus was familiar to them as well. After I was done with my tale I looked up and saw Alfonso leaning against the wall, watching us with a smile. I grinned and waved at him.

"Hey, I saved you a donut."

"Thanks," he said and took a bite. "Long time no see, Yumi."

"Ohh big brother Alfonso!" The kids cheered and began to crowd him instead. 

"Looks like you're really popular, huh?" I chuckled. 

"Yeah those kiddies love me," he grinned and tickled a girl that was clinging to his legs. 

I laughed and watched him wrestle them off one by one. He hit another growth spurt and was now a few centimeters taller than me. The clothes hung off his lanky frame and his limbs seemed too long for his body. He shook some of his shoulder lenght hair out of his face and came to sit beside me on a bedroll. 

"So how have you been?" He eyed me curiously. "How's school?"

"It's weird," I deadpanned, which made him laugh. "School for mafia kids is totally different. They even allow fights so long as no one ends up hospitalized."

"Sounds awesome!"

"Maybe," I replied and glanced to the side. "There's just. A problem, if you will. I think I hit a dead end."

"Huh? Why?"

"My aim has gotten better. Like, a lot. I need moving targets, but the shooting range isn't doing it anymore. That's not the worst of it, though. Look," I said and flexed my thin arm. 

He stared at it with a critical frown. "Not a lot of muscle, huh?"

"No. I need to get stronger. So I thought I'd use my holidays to work out as much as I can."

"What are you planning?" He asked eagerly. 

"Hm. It's boring at the mansion. Xanxus won't help me anymore. So maybe I could stay here, if I ask Nono."

"That would be great!" He said brightly before his brows drew together. "Wait, why won't that guy help you? Xanxus."

"We had a deal, but.. It's a long story. Something happened and now I'm no longer his underling," I said and frowned at the floor when the memories hit me.

"I won't pry, but it's not surprising," Alfonso stated carefully. "It would be great if you could stay with us. Even if you don't I'm sure the others will help as much as they can."

"Yeah." I smiled faintly. "That would be great. In return I'll supply you with as many donuts as you want."

"Donuts!"

"Yay!"

The horde of kids set upon us again and I laughed as they tried to climb all over me. That afternoon I had more fun than I'd had in a long time. Even if the basement was a filthy hole in comparison to the mansion's splendour, it felt a lot more homely. My cheeks hurt from laughing so much when I made my way back in the afternoon. Alfonso regretted not being able to accompany me, but he had something else to do. It was nice to be back in Brisallore. The maritime breeze felt fresh on my hot skin and I drank in the salty air. Seagulls screamed and circled above the harbor, where tiny fishing boats returned from the sea. It was downright idyllic. When I returned to the mansion it was close to eight and I went into the large dining room to find Nono at his usual spot. Xanxus was running late. I sat down beside the Vongola boss and surveyed the food with a smile. 

"Is the fish good?" I asked sceptically. 

"Very," he replied with a mild smile.

"I usually don't like it, but this looks tasty..."

"Try the trout, it's delicious."

"Hm," I murmured and cut a small piece off. 

Some buttered bread and olives went on my plate as well. Nono watched me with a small smile, but I could tell something was bothering him. 

"Are you alright?" He asked after a while. 

"Hm? Yeah, sure."

"He was reluctant to tell me, but I found out about your involvement in Varia work nonetheless."

I swallowed and lowered my head. "Yeah, it won't be happening again."

"Oh?"

I blinked at him. "Didn't he tell you the whole story?"

"He did," the old man replied carefully. "Or is there something I'm missing? Xanxus said you acted against his orders and sustained an injury."

"Which means he won't get me involved anymore," I concluded and tasted the fish. "Wow, tasty!"

"He didn't say that."

Something went down the wrong pipe and I started choking. He clapped a hand on my back until I felt like I could breathe again. 

"Ugh, no no, I'm pretty sure that was the last time," I assured him and dabbed at my mouth with a napkin. "He was really pissed, even though it wasn't that bad."

"Is that so," he inquired with a curious look. 

"A bullet grazed my calf," I explained and barely refrained from rolling my eyes. "It was just a scratch!"

Timoteo looked between my eyes for a second before he shook his head with a chuckle.

"What's so funny?" I frowned at him.

"Ah, nothing," he said with a secretive smile. 

"That reminds me. I have a request," I began and put my cutlery down. 

"Shoot."

"It's a little weird," I hedged and fiddled with the cloth napkin while avoiding his gaze. "Over the summer I want to work more on my abilities. For various reasons I don't think I'll get to do that here. So... I was wondering if I could stay at the hideout instead?"

Before he could say anything I heard a hoarse laugh from the doorway. A jolt of nerves went through me as Xanxus approached the table with a darkly amused grin on his face. When out eyes met I grit my teeth and frowned. 

"You can't be serious, trash. Do you miss the dirt so much?"

"It's none of your business," I replied and promptly ignored him in favor of Timoteo, who watched the exchange with raised brows. 

"I don't see why I should forbid it," he spoke slowly.

"Great!" I smiled with acute relief. 

"You'll come crawling back within the week," Xanxus snorted and speared a piece of steak. "They don't even have running water."

"I don't expect you to get it," I replied and met his gaze evenly, which seemed to piss him off. 

"Watch you tone," he snapped.

"Why? You're not my boss." Anymore, I didn't add since Timoteo was present. 

His eyes narrowed and he seemed to bristle with barely controlled rage. Maybe this was a bad idea, but I couldn't help it. Anger had been simmering in my guts for weeks and demanded an outlet. 

"Now, now," the old man spoke soothingly. "Let's have diner in peace."

"I'm full," I replied instantly and scooted back on the chair. 

I could feel eyes drilling holes into my back all they way out of the room. The tension began to seep from my shoulders as soon as the door closed behind me. I let out a deep breath and grinned slightly to myself. Maybe this time around the holidays would be fun. I decided I was done and headed up to my room to pack everything I expected to need, which was mostly clean clothes. I vividly recalled what it was like and took a shower as well. As I was getting impatient to leave I simply tied my wet hair up in a bun since it was going to dry in the summer heat anyway. Then I pulled my gun out of the suitcase and stared at it. The beautifully engraved Y on the handle was still looking as fresh as the day I got it. Doubt nipped at the back of my brain. Wasn't what I was doing basically running away? Well, yeah. A braver person might have tried to talk to him and confront him about his shitty behavior, but that wasn't me. With a sigh I put it in my bag and slung it over my shoulder. In all honesty Xanxus intimidated me. Dealing with him was like walking on thin ice all the time, never knowing when he might snap. It was way too stressful and frustrating, especially since he never made an effort to be civil. So I decided I had enough. My poor heart just couldn't take the abuse anymore. At this rate I was bound to get wrinkles at age 30. I closed the door to my room and turned around. 

"Are you leaving?" Amada asked, nearly giving me a heart attack in the process.

"OH! Amada! I didn't see you there," I sighed and put a hand over my heart. "I- yeah. Going to spend the summer with my friends."

"That sounds nice," she replied with a small smile. "It must get boring in here for such a young girl."

"Ahaha, yeah," I rubbed the back of my head and glanced to the side. 

"How long will you be gone?"

"Ah. Um, six weeks."

"The entire time?" Her eyes widened slightly. "Has the signore allowed it?"

"Yeah," I replied with a small grin, not at all offended by the question. It was just a sign that she cared. 

"I see," she replied with a small frown that gave me pause. "The mansion will be lonelier for your absence."

Uh. It sounded like there was a double meaning behind her words, but honestly? It flew right over my head. I stared at her and wondered if really mattered. The staff was used to this, surely? I wasn't even home that often. So if they didn't care, then who did? The aging maid ran a hand over her greying hair, which she always wore in a tight bun. 

"I'll be going then," I stated slowly. 

"Please be careful," she said with a small smile, but her dark eyes were worried. 

"Of course."

With that I gave her a small wave and went down the large marble staircase into the foyer. The red carpet sucked up the noise of my footsteps as I headed for the door. The house itself didn't matter much to me. It was always people who made you feel like home. Wasn't it a bit sad that the people I saw twice a year meant more to me than the ones with whom I lived? I just felt a bit wistful. Xanxus was good looking, sure. I was pretty certain that he could mean a lot to me if his temper wasn't so utterly unpredictable. He was one of those manga crushes that I had a hard time imagening in any romantic setting. Seeing him in person with all his uh, vibrant personality in full technicolor just made these thoughts disappear into the very back of my mind. I resolved to stop thinking about him for the next six weeks and just focus on myself for now. I had a young body to cultivate, after all. Um, ignore how creepy that sounded just now. I put a hand on the handle of the door and pulled. It didn't open. I stared at the shiny dark brown wood.

"What the fuck."

I pushed the handle down in its entirety and pulled hard, but no luck. It only rattled in the hinges. I slowly turned around and searched the foyer, but there was no one. What the fuck. It was only quarter before eight, the doors got locked at eleven. An uneasy feeling washed over me and I headed across the hall to the small backdoor. Also locked. Slowly I felt sweat break out all over my body. 

"What's going on?" I murmured in an uncertain tone. 

This was ominous. I went back upstairs to ask if Amanda had accidentally locked the doors already, but the aging maid was nowhere to be found. I recalled that there was another door that led to the terrace downstairs in the livingroom and headed there. It was slowly getting darker and I didn't want to make the trip to the village at night. A fire was lit in the big stone fireplace despite the heat. Swallowing past my nerves I entered and immediately spotted Xanxus lounging in his chair, watching tv with a bored expression. I decided to ignore him and headed straight for the balcony doors. Also locked. 

"This is ridiculous," I complained and turned to face him. 

He shot me a look before his eyes returned to the tv. Anger began to simmer in me again. I stalked over and glared down at him.

"If you want to talk you could've just said so instead of locking me in like a psycho!"

"Hn. What makes you think I locked the doors?" 

"It's a bit early for the general shut down, isn't it?" I asked sharply. 

He glared at me and shut the tv off. I narrowed my eyes in return. 

"I don't like being challenged," he stated slowly. 

A sarcastic remark was at the tip of my tongue, but I refrained. This was more of an effort at reconciliation than I'd expected. Instead I crossed my arms and refused to look away. 

"I never did."

"You disobeyed orders and got hurt," he pointed out. "If I'd known you'd act like that I wouldn't have called you in."

"I told you that I had to move. That rifle was heavy as shit and I wouldn't have been able to lug it along. So it was either get angry or hurt." I sighed deeply and ran a hand down my face. "Look. I'm going to work on it. I know it was a stupid move, okay. There was no other choice. I couldn't risk them getting you, it was taking too long so I made a call."

"Did it scar?"

"Huh?" I blinked at him in confusion before I got what he meant. "Not much."

"Let me see."

"Do we have to do this now?" I sighed in aggravation, but rolled up the hem of my black jeans nonetheless. 

There was a faint thin stripe at the back of my right calf. It was very light pink that would fade to white in time. He nodded and turned his eyes back on the tv.

"Let that be a lesson."

"That's it?" I frowned. "Can I go now, or?"

"You really want to live in that hole? We have a gym."

"It's not that," I argued. "I need more real life practice. If I run with the others it'll be good experience."

"Like you're gonna learn anything from a bunch of kids," he snorted and rested his head on his palm while giving me an annoyed look. 

"I've decided," I replied stubbornly. "Alfonso and the others will help me."

"Who's that?" His brows twitched down minutely. 

"A friend," I replied vaguely. 

"What kind of friend?"

"A friend," I repeated a bit more vehemently and glanced at the door. "It's getting dark, I have to-"

"Stay."

"Huh?" I breathed and blinked at him. 

It hadn't sounded like an order, more like.. a request. Xanxus was glaring at the tv again, the epitome of boredom. If it wasn't for the tension around his eyes I could've sworn I imagined it all. For him to ask anything of anybody... It was a major miracle. My resistance melted along with my determination to get away. I admit I was totally in awe at this turn of events, which was so much better than I could've ever imagined. Perhaps I wasn't giving him enough credit. I pursed my lips and sat down on the floor besides his chair, dropping the bag next to me.

"I won't get to the village anymore before it gets dark today," I muttered and stared at the too tan face of the reporter. "Sides I'd hate to have to break a window to get out."

Xanxus snorted. We watched the rest of the news report until that stupid soap opera came on. Feeling mollified I stood up and grabbed my bag. He gave me a bored look.

"You done with your little hissy fit?"

"Maybe I should be asking you that," I muttered quietly.

"What?" He narrowed his eyes.

"It.. it's not like you didn't overreact either," I said softly, eyeing him warily for signs of erupting violence. 

"Hn. You pissed me off. Can't use that on a mission." Interestingly enough his voice didn't raise like I expected. 

I thought I got the gist of it. Back then I, too, had felt the pressure and the adrenaline rush and felt how jumpy and tense it made me. If I'd had to worry about someone much smaller and more inexperienced I might have lashed out as well. It was an explaination for his behaviour, but not the ferocity of the reaction. Squalo had looked surprised as well, as if it was unexpected. Xanxus stood up slowly and put the remote down. 

"If you run off in the middle of the night the old man's gonna be pissed," he said. 

I shrugged, pondering the meaning of it all. "I won't."

"Then go the fuck to bed."

"Huh?! Why?"

"It's past your bedtime, kid," he smirked and raised a brow at me.

"Hn," I imitated his huff and raised my brows right back.

It only made him grin wider and I quickly walked away before I could break out into a grin. Feeling too emotionally drained to do much else, I went back into my room and slept.


	13. Chapter 13

The next morning I got ready much slower than usual and gave my appearance a critical once-over in the mirror. My face didn't quite look as round and chubby anymore. This face had delicate features and naturally slim brows, so I wouldn't have to pluck them. It almost made me jealous before I remembered that I'd get to keep this body. My lips were full and my nose small. Completely unlike my real face. I'd call it an improvement but then I'd have to feel bad about my actual body. Even after all this time I was still wary of suddenly waking up and realizing this was all just a dream. If I was completely honest the thought scared me. I didn't want to go back. My bright blue eyes blinked slowly and I wiped away a stray eyelash on my left cheek. My hair was black now, the color I always wanted it to be but never could dye it that way cause it clashed with my skin tone and gave me a sickly appearance. Not anymore, the color complimented my complexion now. It was almost too good to be true. Humbling even. A small smile grew on my face and I studied the way it made my eyes light up. I hadn't spent a lot of time looking at my new face so far, always feeling alienated and weirded out by what I saw. I figured it was time to get used to it.

When I came downstairs, wearing a casual tank top and shorts combo I walked past the livingroom and paused when I heard yelling. It was clearly Squalo's loud voice arguing with the occasional bored drawl that was Xanxus. His dark and slightly hoarse voice sounded like he smoked a pack of cigarettes every day, but I knew that wasn't the case. Either way, I liked the sound of it. Squalo, however, was another matter. That guy just didn't seem to see the point in speaking in a normal volume. 

"VOI! Are you taking this seriously?!" 

"Of course I am."

"So why'd you only send out a handful of guys?!"

"Don't question me. If they're Varia then they'll handle it."

"It's still risky! I'm just saying, nobody's gonna challenge your authority, you know that as well as me. It's about your dad."

"Idiot. You think I tell him everything?"

"Voi, what's that supposed to mean?"

I moved on to let them have their privacy. Timoteo was out of the house again. For such an old guy he sure traveled a lot. I had to hand it to him, he was in good shape. Most old people I knew preferred to stay at home and watch tv all day, only going outside to walk their dogs. My mind turned back to the conversation I just overheard. I gnawed on my lower lip as I went to fix myself a bowl of cereal. Theoretically I knew that Xanxus ran the Varia like his own private army, as the events of the coming Cradle Incident would show. I just didn't like the fact that he kept Timoteo in the dark about it. That ambition of his was frightful. Unbridled flames of rage, I thought with a shudder. He was burning too brightly. Some time in an ice block to cool him down would do wonders. I almost felt bad for thinking it and wasn't that a new development? As I chewed my cornflakes I thought about fire. How it could scorch and burn entire forests to ash if left unchecked, but also how it gave you warmth and light in the cold dark night. Without it there would be no life possible at all. 

slurped the rest of milk from the bowl and put it in the sink. The gym he mentioned was actually in the basement of the mansion and sported almost every fitness instrument you could imagine. I went to work and tried everything out. After working out for about half an hour I was sweating like a mule and decided to call it quits. The Italian summer was something else. Heat crept into the house and stuck to my skin no matter how often I showered. Temperatures here were about ten degrees hotter than what I was used to and I suffered accordingly. In the end I just tied my hair up in a bun and put a large water bottle into my gym bag. My muscles felt worn and tired, but I decided to head to town nonetheless. Even if I wasn't staying with them I still wanted to hang out with the others. 

They welcomed me into their midst and were all too eager to let me accompany them on their thieving runs even if I declined to take anything. Now that would've been just insolent considering my circumstances. I learned a lot from watching their techniques and getaway methods. They relied equally on speed and agility, which was surprisingly helpful. Speed was already a given for me, but getting the hang of jumping ledges and climbing up house walls was another thing. I never thought I'd some day be good at parkour. Some of the kids were familiar faces and it was easy to make smalltalk as we hung out in town. Time seemed to fly by and I became closer with some of the older kids. Francesca didn't come to the hangout often anymore since she took extra computer science classes after school. Ernesto started an apprenticeship in a local butchery. Alfonso was still there although he had to be getting close to the age when the kids graduated, so to speak. He was in fact the oldest one there, I realized sometime during my second week of holidays. The smaller ones just   
adored him to the point of hero worship. It was a different form compared to the way they treated me and I realized that they genuinely loved him. He was their big brother. It made something warm grow in my chest when I saw them play fighting in the afternoons after they shared their stolen food. 

"Do you have any plans for your future?" I asked as we sat together on a bedroll and watched two little boys wrestle. 

"I want to work for the Vongola famiglia, of course."

"Beyond that, I mean." I shot him a glance and admired his profile. 

"Man, I don't know. I don't like to plan too far ahead." He shrugged and threw me a small grin. "What about you?"

"Ah." I drew my knees up to my chest and rested my head on them. "I'll probably be working for them, too."

"Probably?"

"Well, it's not like I can do anything else."

"You could go into politics," he suggested with a grin. 

"No thanks," I replied with a grimace. "I'd be awful at it. I'm a horrible liar."

"Really?" He laughed at me now. 

"Yeah. Like you wouldn't believe. I start stammering. Can't look 'em in the eyes."

"In that case," he said and raised an eyebrow in amusement. "What other career options are there for somebody from a mafia family?"

"Well, I could become a Don's wife," I said with a small smirk and waggled my eyebrows.

"Huh. I guess that counts." He glanced away before he gave me an impish grin. "Nobody says you have to marry a Don, though. You're not Vongola by blood."

"Well, no. I doubt the signore or Xanxus would let me marry anyone less, though. We'd have to elope in the middle of the night and change our identities."

"We, huh."

"Me and my potential husband," I clarified quickly and felt my ears burn. 

Alfonso kept grinning to himself and didn't push the issue. We spent the rest of the evening chatting and entertaining the kids until it was time to get back home. When I came back I decided to skip dinner since I'd had plents of muffins in town. Instead I headed for the livingroom, which was unoccupied for once, and sat down to do some good old channel surfing. It felt like it'd been forever since I got to sit down and do something so normal, which made me enjoy it all the more. A melodramatic soap opera caught my interest and I watched in amusement as the protagonist got threatened by his wife with a meat cleaver. The plot wasn't clear to me, but those kinds of shows went on forever anyway. There was probably not point trying to figure out who cheated with who and who was related. 

"How could you do this to me?! She's my sister!" The crying wife screeched, mascara running down her cheeks.

"Monica, I swear it's not what you think!"

"Yeah right," I snorted with amusement and settled in more comfortably. 

The plot grew more and more ridiculous with twists and turns every two seconds. It was fun to watch and I couldn't help but start to laugh the more bizarre it became. After a while Xanxus showed up and he glowered at the tv when he saw what was on.

"Turn to the news," he demanded as he sat down on his usual chair.

"Nope. I was here first."

"Trash. Remember your place."

"But it's just getting good!" I pouted at him. "Bernadette just confessed that she's Felicia's real mother, not her aunt! Dino and Gracia are fighting again because he wants a paternity test! Don Giovanni just went into the confessional and told the priest that Monica and Carlo are in fact half-siblings."

"Why do you never trust me?!" A blonde actress screamed and threw a vase at her boyfriend.

I watched with huge eyes and a gleeful expression as it shattered into a million pieces and the boyfriend went down, two seconds late and flailing dramatically all the way. Xanxus snorted.

"I can feel my brain cells dying," he commented dryly. 

"Look, that guy's clearly dead!" I giggled. "Oh, these two are now siblings. They were planning their wedding."

An elderly lady in baggy brown robes appeared and made huuge eyes at the woman. She was supposed to be a nun, but it was obvious that she'd had multiple face lifts and those fake eyelashes weren't doing her any favors either. 

"Signorina, your father just went to confessional!" She announced.

Upon hearing her raspy, deep voice I couldn't help myself. Roaring with laughter I threw my head back and pounded a fist on the armrest. 

"Holy shit!" I gasped in between fits. "Holy- her voice. Oh god."

Xanxus stared incredulously at the nun, then at me. When our eyes met I erupted into laughter again. He let out an irritated huff, but there was an amused gleam in his eyes. 

"It appears.... that secrets unfold....hidden secrets!"

"Secret secrets," I imitated her haunted voice before I started laughing again.

"Hn," Xanxus smirked at me. "You're enjoying this drivel, aren't you."

"Only ironically," I replied and wiped at my eyes. "It's so bad it's good."

The older teen crossed his legs and rested his head on his fist. We watched the rest of the episode together, only interrupted by amused snorts and fits of laughter. After it was over I was practically lying on the couch, weak from laughing so much. I switched channels to the news station and let my head fall back on the leather. 

"Jeez, now I have to watch it again tomorrow."

"Spare me," he replied calmly. 

A small smile grew on my face. Everything turned out better than expected. He even let me finish watching the episode! I felt a little bad for thinking him incapable of being nice. It was very much possible to relax in his presence. As long as you didn't annoy him he even remained calm. It felt a little like progress. The guy I met last year wouldn't have tolerated my company, that much I was sure of.


	14. Chapter 14

The next week I focused my efforts on working out at the gym. There wasn't that much I could do, considering my as of yet prepuberescent body, but I figured if I took it easy I might be able to at least improve my stamina. It's a little embarrassing, but I reasoned to myself that if Naruto was 12 when that manga began and already pretty strong, so I ought to be able to build some muscle as well. If I already had to end up in a manga world, I figured that manga logic should apply to me, too, dammit. It got old really fast though. The sweltering heat didn't let up either and on a Saturday morning I decided I deserved a break. During breakfast, for which both Vongola men were present for a change, I decided to breach the subject. 

"Nono, I'd like to go to the beach with some friends today," I began and shot the older man a hopeful look.

Brisallore's beach was some ways behind the harbor. Antonio suggested that we should go there sometime and I intended to take him up on the offer. I'd gotten the impression that it was a roundabout way of asking me on a date, so I suggested we take some of the street kids with us as a precaution. He didn't seem to keen on it, but agreed nonetheless. Nono raised a brow and smiled genially. 

"Oh? That seems like a good idea on such a nice day. What kind of friends will you be taking?"

"Oh, some of the street kids," I replied evasively. 

"Do I know them? What are their names?"

I wisely refrained from rolling my eyes. Why all the prying? I put my spoon down and scratched the back of my neck. 

"It's Francesca, David, Pablo, Isabella and.. Antonio."

When he heard the last name his eyes lit up in recognition. It made me want to cringe when he suddenly smiled with a knowing look.

"Ah, that boy. Your friend, for whose sake you tried to rob me."

The way he said it sounded all too meaningful. I desperately fought the heat starting to creep up my neck. Worse yet, I could feel a pair of eyes drilling into the side of my head. 

"Uh, yeah. He, um, he suggested it."

"That's very nice of him."

"Yeah. So...?"

"Of course you may go," he said and glanced down the table, where I suddenly didn't want to be looking. "Why don't you join them, Xanxus?"

"Like hell. I've got better things to do," came the brisk reply. 

Please, I thought desperately, please just drop it. This is awkward enough. Nono smiled and shook his head once.

"You've been working hard lately, Xanxus. Varia work can be very exhausting. Take today off and go to the beach."

"Ah, Nono..." I spoke up hesitantly. 

"I insist."

There was really nothing I could say to that. His smile was real, but so was the steely determination behind his eyes. An angry grunt from the other end of the table told me that Xanxus was less than pleased with the idea, but realized that further arguing was pointless. For one absurd moment I was grateful that the desire to inherit the Vongola was the one thing that could be used to reign him in. At least for now. As much as I'd grown to respect and even like the guy I was under no illusion that dealing with an unfettered Xanxus wasn't going to be very very stressful. Now that meant I was going to have to make sure he didn't murder Antonio. My face scrunched up. As if it wasn't bad enough that one of my only friends was obviously crushing on me.   
The ride to the hideout was short and quiet. I clutched the straps of my duffel bag, in which the maids had packed some towels, sun cream and fresh underwear for me. I wore my bathing suit under my regular clothes and chewed on my lower lip as the landscape flew by. Walking to the hideout would've taken half an hour at most, but of course Xanxus was too good for that. When the limousine parked in front of the run down building it earned us quite a few looks. I smiled awkwardly as we entered the building and headed downstairs. Not many urchins were hanging about, but those that did perked up when they saw me. 

"Yumi! Big sister's here!"

As if on cue I was swarmed by the kids who demanded my attention all at once. "Hey, settle down!" I laughed and patted a small girl's head. A hush fell over the room when a second set of feet came to a stop somewhere to my left. Ah. 

"This place still looks like shit," Xanxus sneered. 

"Who... who's that?" The little girl hid behind my legs. 

"Xanxus." I sighed. 

Antonio stepped from the shadows and smiled at me. "Yumi! You came. And.. oh."

My smile grew strained as the two boys stared at each other. "Hi Antonio. Er.. Mind if Xanxus joins us?"

The blond boy looked like he minded very much, but seeing as the kids all looked sort of spooked by the older boy's presence he visibly fought with himself before he gave me a strained smile of his own. 

"The more the merrier, right?" 

I sighed. Oh joy. The walk down to the beach was quiet at first, but the kids slowly began to perk up the closer we got. It helped that the ill-tempered Vongola heir hung back, scowling at the bright scenerey as we walked. He looked completely out of place with his usual black trousers and white dress shirt. I didn't even know if he brought swimming trunks. The image of Xanxus having fun at the beach was so completely unlikely that I guessed he'd make a getaway as soon as we arrived. Nono more or less ordered him to go, but he hadn't said anything about staying. Antonio did a great job of entertaining the kids and keeping up light smalltalk, for which I was grateful. He shot a few glances at the taller boy, but didn't make an effort to talk to him.

"What's with him?" He murmured to me as we walked side by side down the holey tar road that led to the beach.

"Nono made him come with me, dunno why," I muttered back. 

"He looks like he'd rather be anywhere else."

"Well yeah."

"Can't you, you know.. Tell him to go away?"

I shot him an incredulous look that made him cough and blush a little. "Doubt it."

"I'm just saying. I mean, it's not like I hate him or anything."

"He broke your teeth."

"Well, yeah... But I got new ones, didn't I?" He flashed me a bright grin.

I found myself smiling back despite my misgivings. Even if the situation was awkward there was something about Antonio that always managed to make me relax. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. The blond boy grinned and put a hand up to his hazel eyes to peer down at the beach.

"Looks like we're in luck. Few people around yet. This place is gonna be crowded in the afternoon."

"So this is a popular spot, huh?"

"Yeah. It's beautiful and free."

The sea was glistening in an almost azure blue under the sun. The beach itself was a strip of yellow sand, not the biggest I'd ever seen but a more than welcome change of pace. As soon as I stepped into the sand I felt my shoulders sag and put a hand up to shield my eyes as I looked around. I'd only ever seen this place from a distance, but it really was beautiful. 

"Where do you wanna settle down?" Antonio asked me with an impish grin. 

I grinned back and pointed at a spot not too far away from the water. "Right there!"

"Ugh," I heard from somewhere behind us. 

I peeked over my shoulder to find Xanxus taking in the scene with a deep scowl. That's right, he was wearing his usual black dress shoes. That had to be uncomfortable in the sand. Any time now he'd ditch us to go elsewhere. Paying him no mind I rummaged through my bag and set down a large towel. Antonio meanwhile went to a few bushes and emerged a little later with a large umbrella in hand. 

"Where'd you get that?"

"There's a hidden stash. Locals know it," he replied as he set it up beside our towels. 

The kids dashed off to play almost immediately, leaving us to set up shop. Antonio finally sat down next to me and shot me a quick grin. I handed him one of the sandwiches the maids packed and grinned back. 

"Thanks for inviting me. This place is great," I said as I looked at the ocean. 

Shrieks of laughter reached our ears and we watched the kids playing by the shoreline. I could tell that Antonio was watching me. 

"Yeah, I thought you might like it."

Silence settled between us and I couldn't help but feel that it was getting charged. I peeked at him from the corner of my eyes. He looked like he was debating something with himself. Then I considered the scene. It was just us beneath an umbrella. Xanxus was leaning in a patch of shade cast by a tree several feet away. I tried to glance at him subtly and found him leaning there with his arms crossed, doubtlessly in a foul mood. Even so he hadn't left yet. It was strange, I thought he didn't care about Nono's orders. So why was he still here? Antonio followed my gaze and furrowed his brows ever so slightly. 

"Do you like him?" He asked suddenly.

The question caught me off guard. Did I? Well. I looked down at the towel and brushed a bit of sand off my shorts. 

"I don't dislike him," I answered slowly and frowned at the sand. "He's not that bad. I think he can be nice if he wants to. Uhm. Of course with most people he's..."

Antonio listened quietly and looked at Xanxus with a frown. "He's an asshole."

"Shh," I hissed quickly before I let out a sigh. "He's not-"

"I can hear you, trash." 

I swallowed and felt my pulse pick up speed. Guess we weren't out of earshot after all. Damn. So he heard .. everything? I felt weirdly embarrassed all of a sudden. Antonio rolled his eyes and demonstratively turned his back on the older boy. He gave me an oddly determined look all of a sudden. 

"I like you," he rushed out.

My mouth opened in shock as I stared at him. No one had ever said that to me before. Not with these connotations. My heart jumped and I swallowed, suddenly nervous. Antonio reached out slowly and put his hand on mine. No mistaking his meaning now. His skin was clammy, but he kept looking at me steadily. My heart surged with admiration for his courage and I felt several emotions warring within me. I couldn't possibly accept his feelings. Could I? No! What was I thinking?! Panic began to well up inside me. How was I supposed to turn him down?! After everything he-

Click.

My eyes widened when I heard the metallic noise. Antonio too stiffened and swallowed. Slowly I turned my head to the side where Xanxus was still leaning against the wall, but he had one of his guns drawn. He regarded it casually as if to check for some imaginary stain, then his crimson gaze landed on us. I felt the blood drain from my face. What. The. Hell. I hadn't seen that look aimed at me since we met! Then I realized that he wasn't looking at me, he was looking at Antonio. Everything clicked into place. Nono's sudden interest in my relationships. His insitence on Xanxus chaperoning me, for that's what it was. Shit. What the hell was he thinking? I felt the stirrings of anger rising under my panic. 

"Put that gun away," I hissed at the older teen before I turned to Antonio with a small frown. I gripped his hand briefly before I drew away. "That was very brave of you, but.. I'm sorry. I can't accept your feelings."

Hurt flashed through those hazel eyes. His gaze snapped back to Xanxus and I stood up quickly. 

"It's not because of him. I'm sorry Antonio, I just see you as a friend." 

Thankfully he was looking at me again, but it was hard to meet his gaze. He nodded curtly before he turned his eyes back to the ocean. I grit my teeth and grabbed my bag. Well then. As soon as I stepped back on the road I walked past Xanxus without sparing him another glance. Sure enough I heard his footsteps following me at a sedate pace. I didn't speak until we were back at the main street, where a limousine was already waiting. Once we got moving I looked up at Xanxus, who stared me down. 

"Remember your place, trash," he said in a low voice. 

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You may not be Vongola by blood, but you're still the Don's ward. It's time you stop hanging out with those kids. It makes them forget your station. "

I bit my cheek so hard I tasted blood and forced myself to look away. Of course I remembered all those lessons about mafia etiquette. Rules for the female members of the famiglia were strict. You were pretty much a bargaining chip in the hands of the Don. It was expected that you remain pure until your (strategic) marriage so as to not lessen your "market value". I'd merely thought those rules were antiquated nowadays and didn't really expect Nono of all people to be enforcing them still. 

"You don't know Antonio. He's a nice guy."

"Antonio Aquino's family has served us for six generations. He's a struggling burglar with average grades. His medical records include teeth replacements and several broken bones; a testament to his lack of ability."

I stared mutely at him as he listed his information in a bored tone. One split black brow rose at the look on my face.

"What? I take my role as future Don seriously. I have to know who my underlings are going to be. So I can seperate the wheat from the chaff when I take over," he added with a light growl. 

"Why d'you care who I date?" I stressed with a frown of my own.

"I could give less of a shit about that," he seethed. "It's the Vongola name I care about. I won't let you taint it."

"Geez," I huffed angrily and crossed my arms. "If you're so obsessed with your reputation then I'll just go get Nono's blessing before I get a boyfriend!"

Xanxus narrowed his eyes at me and for one wild moment I seriously expected him to lash out. I froze in my seat at the look he leveled at me. The maelstrom of emotions churning in his eyes was frightening in its intensity. I wondered if I overstepped by pointing out the flaw in his logic. He wasn't in charge yet and it looked like he hated being reminded of it. 

"The old man is getting ready to hand over the reigns," he sneered instead. "That's why he's so busy with my elder brothers. He thinks I'll be satisfied with just the Varia."

That was more of his thoughts than he'd revealed to me in over a year and I was taken aback by the ferocity in his expression right then. A cold shiver ran down my spine as I remembered who I was talking to. The tacit understanding we'd reached due to our peaceful domestic life had clearly blinded me. Crimson eyes bore into mine. The soundproof black seperation between the driver's seat and the backseats was up, so there were no other witnesses to what he said. Xanxus crossed his long legs and glowered.

"I'll be the next leader of the Vongola. And once I take over, I'll cut down everyone who burdens this family. You'd better make sure you don't, trash."

My mouth had grown dry with terror. The most horrifying thing wasn't his borderline maniacal expression, it was the fact that I knew he was serious. Deep in my lizard brain I realized what a psychopath he really was and it made the gooseflesh rise on my arms. People like that weren't supposed to be real and it was unfair that I had to be the one sitting here with one. Apparently he liked what he saw on my face for a satisfied little smirk curled on his lips and he directed his gaze out the window. I tried hard to hide the way my hands were shaking. What had I gotten myself into?!


	15. Chapter 15

The rest of the holidays stretched out like bubblegum. I worked out tirelessly and practiced at the shooting range when I was done. After four weeks of this some results were already showing. I had to be careful not to overextend my young body. It was more difficult than you'd assume since I wasn't really sure how much of a work out I could handle without causing lasting damage. It was a trial and error process basically. Timoteo was still shining with his absence and Xanxus often left for days on end to go do god knows what. Probably Varia stuff. I didn't ask. In all honesty I was still a little spooked after that stunt in the car. He both frightened and intrigued me. I just couldn't figure out which I felt more. On one hand he was capable of kindness, such as when he remembered my birthday and gave me that gun. On the other he was a merciless killer. After some consideration I concluded that I was currently on his good side, but it was a tenuous position. Nono and Xanxus were my only allies in this crazy world. Considering what and who else was out there -one only had to remember Mukuro exists- they were my safest bet for survival. At least while I still was this young and vulnerable. It made me realize that there was no reason not to use the Vongola resources to my benefit. This body of mine was capable of greatness and had some superhuman abilities. It was time to build on that beyond mundane means. 

"Nono, do you know somebody who could train me for combat?" I asked one evening during diner. 

Nono rubbed over his moustache and wrinkled his brows. "I do indeed know somebody who is an excellent teacher. Unfortunately he's currently busy on an assignment."

Reborn! I thought excitedly. He means Reborn! The tiny hitman had to be training Dino at the moment. What a shame. I would've loved to see him in the flesh. Nono looked down the table to where Xanxus was cutting up his meat.

"Why don't you ask one of the Varia members? They're all excellent fighters."

"We're not the Vongola's babysitting squad."

"It might be a good opportunity to work on your teamwork. While the Varia members are all highly skilled individuals, you could become even stronger if you learn to work together."

"Hn," the angry teen snorted derisively. "Hardly. Teamwork is for weaklings."

Nono let out a quiet sigh and shot me a rueful smile. "Sorry about that. I'll make some calls and find you a tutor."

"It's alright signore," I told him with a small smile. "I'll find somebody who'll train me."

"Well, if you say so."

In fact I already had somebody in mind. Superbia Squalo was an obnoxious loud asshole, but he was also a strategic genius who'd listen to a good argument. And besides... he was at least as deadly as Xanxus. I was fiercely determined not to be a victim in this. I wanted, no, I needed to become stronger. Strong enough to hold my own against those people. I didn't want to remain their plaything. As grateful as I was, I still had a will of my own.   
So it was that I found myself at the boy's common room after school started again. It looked the same as always with only a few more certificates and trophies on the walls. Squalo hung out by the pool table with a few other boys, who eyed me warily as I approached. When the silver haired teen spotted me he made a gesture and the boys left. So they were underlings. Recruiting early. Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised anymore. 

"Voi, what do you want?" He crossed his arms and stared at me.

"I need a favor," I replied and met his gaze head on, which was a little difficult since he'd hit a growth spurt and was now two heads taller than me. 

His voice was still as loud as ever, but it sounded deeper somehow. So puberty was finally coming to an end, huh. His mouth stretched into a broad grin, showcasing sharp pearly whites.

"A favor, huh? Do you know what you're asking, squirt?"

"I do," I replied steadily and fixed him with a determined look. "Squalo, I want you to train me."

"Hah!" He let out a bark of laughter. "Hahaha! You gotta be shitting me! Me? Train you?"

"Yeah," I replied calmly. 

Of course I'd expected this reaction. Squalo was the human embodiment of pride. He'd probably think himself too good to waste time on a child like me. Hence why I came prepared. I sighed and let my shoulders droop.

"Please, Squalo! I really need a teacher. I figured I'd start by asking the strongest person I could think of."

"What about Xanxus?"

"He said no."

"So now you come to me?"

"Yes. And I only asked him first cause we live together. You're just as strong as him so you were the logical next choice."

"Hn," he snorted with an amused look. "What makes you think I'd even consider it? You're weak. I won't waste my time."

"I already told you, didn't I?" I gave him a toothy smile. "I'll definitely get strong enough to fight you. I just need a little help for starters."

His pale grey eyes widened slighty before his grin turned sharp. He reminded me a bit of a shark that smelled blood. Slowly he let his arms slide down to his sides. 

"What would be in it for me?"

Trying hard to hide my eagerness, I pretended to think long and hard. "Well, you'd gain a worthy opponent in a few years. And your prestige within the mafia would definitely rise if you train Don Vongola's ward. Everybody would have to acknowledge what a skilled fighter you are."

"They already do," he replied haughtily. 

I rolled my eyes. "Come on, don't even pretend you're not interested already."

"Voi! Don't be such an arrogant brat!" He punctuated his words by giving me a noogie.

It burned like hell and he didn't hold back in the least. My eyes watered from the pain as I gingerly touched the aching spot on the crown of my head. Squalo gave me a ruthless grin. 

"Ow, dammit. So are you gonna do it, or what?"

"Heh, sure. Mark my words, I won't go easy on you brat. If it turns out you don't have what it takes our deal is over." He eyed me warily. "If I think it's not worth it I'll tell you so."

"Alright," I replied eagerly. "Don't worry, you won't regret it."

"I'd better not. Now... since you're my apprentice, go fetch me a beer from the fridge."

I stared at him. Squalo stared back. It wasn't even 5pm. It took me a few beats but I finally sighed and walked over to the small fridge in the corner of the room. The back of my neck prickled, which was all the warning I got before a whoos of air narrowly missed my cheek. I jumped and stared at the dart that had embedded itself in the wall next to my head. 

"Oi, shitty brat. You gotta stay alert at all times. This is a mafia school, remember?" 

I glared at the silver haired teen, who was giving me a sadistic grin and weighing another dart in his good hand. I fumbled for the fridge, never taking my eyes off him. Since I wasn't familiar with it I felt over the grip and tugged. Squalo raised a brow and threw lightening fast. This time I dropped into a crouch and let out a muffled curse. It was only due to my fast reflexes that I avoided getting stabbed. 

"What the hell!"

"Language," he chuckled. "Come on, this is taking too long."

"Dammit," I cursed under my breath and grabbed the handle.

It rattled when I yanked the door open and blindly grabbed a bottle from inside. Then I threw it closed and swallowed when I saw him twirling another dart between his fingers. Shit. With that aim and speed there was a good chance I'd get nicked. Unless... I tried to focus through the tension thrumming in my veins. It'd been a while since I last used my speed. At the moment I was neither angry nor in pain, so I couldn't really grasp anything that would trigger it. Still I tried, but reacted a second too slowly. A stinging line of pain grazed my cheek as the dart grazed me. I hissed and flinched. 

"Come on. I'm getting impatient!"

Dammit all, but at least now I had a little pain to center me. It was easy to slip into that place of intense focus suddenly. I saw his eyes widen in slow motion as I ran towards him. I evaded two more darts easily and only stopped once I was directly in front of him. 

"Voi.."

"Here's your beer," I said and pushed the bottle into the foot of space between us.

Squalo stared down at me as if he wasn't sure what he was seeing. After a moment he broke out into a sharp grin and grabbed the bottle. 

"Good," he said and turned back to the pool table. "Now get lost. Don't you have homework or something?"

Taking it as the dismissal it was, I left the common room. Now that was over I let out a shaky breath and went to the bathroom to inspect the shallow cut. It didn't sit right with me that I was now indentured to two dangerous future criminals, but I had little choice. I trusted Squalo to keep up his end of the bargain, so I'd better figure out a way to live up to my bold words. The first step had to be to manage entering the "Zone" as I called it without being hurt or angry. Both were liabilities in real combat. I went back to my room and tried to meditate on the issue, but in all honesty I was too impatient to get started. I'd been really close while Squalo was threatening me, I realized in hindsight. If I'd had more time to prepare I might have done it. The intense focus that came with the Zone had been there, all that was missing was the "Spark" to trigger the full immersion. Since physical pain wasn't the only trigger I guessed that it was more of an emotional issue. I laid down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Which emotion was strong enough to work with?   
Anger. Not just any anger, it had to be so strong that I felt it in every inch of my body. Perhaps other deep emotions would do the trick? I rolled on my side and let out a sigh. What did I have to be emotional over in this world? I sure as shit didn't feel guilty for the murders I commited.   
Sadness? I missed my own world less and less.   
Loyalty? Hm. I thought of Nono, who'd earned my trust. Still, the man never laid all his cards on the table so I didn't manage to really open up to him. Xanxus? My face scrunched up. Hell no. I felt a lot of ways about him, but I wouldn't put my hand in fire for the guy.   
Happiness? An interesting idea, but I hadn't been really happy about anything in a good while even since before I arrived here. That day at the beach had come the closest to what I would call a good day and it ended badly.   
My eyes began to close on their own accord. I wondered if some darker emotions might do the trick, though I didn't like the implications of that in the least. What would I become if I let myself go down that road? There had to be another way.


	16. Chapter 16

During break the very next day Squalo stopped me and made me follow him to the back of the school, to the dense copse of trees where I'd met Dino before. The silver haired teen eyed me for a moment. In return I gave him a brief once over. Aside from the glove that hid his mechanical left hand he didn't look much different. His hair was still short and spiky at the back, his eyes still as sharp and grey as ever. The boy never wore his school blazer and I suspected the teachers were wary of reminding him to do so. It was a bit sobering to see what utter pushovers the adults at this school were. Then again, they were on the payroll of the very people whose children they had to teach. I hardly cared either way. Considering how below me the classes were I was grateful for the added excitement of schoolyard brawls. I wasn't the only one who was growing stronger. The other kids were developing their skills as well. Several of the opponents I'd beaten before were coming back for revenge and some of those fights were close calls. 

"Voi! Don't ignore me!"

I blinked at the rude interruption of my thoughts and shifted on my feet. "Sorry."

"You'd better be," he said and narrowed his eyes in annoyance. "My time is precious, so stop wasting it. I actually have a job for you."

"A- wait, what?" I frowned. 

"A job, dumbass. It's the best practice," he grinned sharply. "Don't look so shocked. It'll be a good way to gauge your current skill level. Here's the deal: A money transporter will leave from the Trovato Private Bank in Villa Cinzetti tomorrow at eight in the morning. It's supposed to deliver twenty million Euros worth of money to the next bigger bank in Arrolo. The money belongs to the Vongola Don and the Dons of some of our allied families. Problem is, there is a police mole working undercover in the Trovato bank. He's gonna accompany the truck. There's a laptop in his possession that contains.. sensitive information. Names, addresses, account movements. Our contacts managed to identify him two hours ago. We can't be sure how much he already told them and who else is behind this. They haven't tried anything to cross us in years. There must be some new ambitious law school graduate somewhere who's decided he's gonna take on the mafia."

Squalo clicked his tongue. "You got all that?"

"Sure," I replied slowly. "What do you want me to do?"

"VOI! You're supposed to get the fucking latop, what else?" He shouted before he ran a hand through his hair in agitation. 

"Okay," I glanced through the foliage at the dark grey brickwork of the school building. "Hell. Don't you Varia guys normally operate in squads for stuff like this?"

"Voi, you're not as dumb as you look. You picked some off this stuff up already?"

I nodded absently. "Yeah well, I aim to join you guys eventually."

He let out a loud bark of laughter that made me flinch and glance at him again. "Hear hear. Better not tell the Don about that. He'll never allow it."

"You know Nono?" Squalo looked away with an interestingly conflicted expression. 

"He's the big boss. Xanxus and him don't really get along. They have different ideas on how to run the Vongola."

"You support Xanxus, though."

"Voi, of course I do." Squalo looked at me seriously. "There's no one else I'd follow."

I smiled and clasped my hands behind my back. The wind rustled through the trees and blew around my bare knees, making me regret forgoing longer socks. If only autumn would stay away a little longer... Hearing about Squalo's unflinching loyalty warmed my chest for some strange reason. The boy looked uncomfortable all of a sudden and I grinned carelessly. 

"I'll get that laptop for you, boss!"

"Boss, huh?" Squalo grinned back sharply. "Don't let me down, minion."

The bell signalled the end of lunch break and I hurried back inside. Great, now I only had to think of a way to ambush a security van with an undercover cop inside. Not good. I didn't really want to murder innocent people without provocation, but at first glance it looked like I'd have to kill them to stop them. 

Well, in the end all my carefull planning and preparation were for naught. I'd counted on the undercover cop being a good guy, but he all too readily ignored a crying little girl directly in his way. That only left me with the option of a surprise attack. I snatched the briefcase out of his grip and ran like hell, pulse hammering in my ears because I didn't know what to do next. He chased me down against all expectations and even my speed was barely enough to escape in the labyrinthine network of little alleys and streets that made up Villa Cinzetti. Luck was on my side as I peered into the suitcase and found the laptop there. The noise I made when I shot off the lock must have alerted him to my position, though, and I hurriedly climbed up the fire escape stairs of a nearby four story building. Once I was on the flat roof I swallowed dryly when I saw the gap between the roof and the next house. It was at least a four meter distance. There was no way I'd make it. Metallic clangs alerted me to the man climbing up behind me. I backed away from the top of the stairs and felt the staccato heartbeat throughout my body. I glanced at the gap again. It was all or nothing. That guy was armed, I'd seen the sleek black gun in his holster. My thoughts raced as I watched the top of his head appear. Unable to formulate a proper plan, I was left panting and shaking. I didn't want to die here. The very idea seemed outrageous. I'd come so far against all odds. Would I let reality stop me now? No. I glared at the gap, feeling suddenly reminded of that one scene in The Matrix. Wasn't this the exact same thing? 

"Alright, fuck it."

I ran. An immediate rush of adrenaline lanced through my system and unlocked something deep inside of me. I saw the edge approach and felt the shadow of a doubt, but it was immediately wiped away by the fierce bright joy that filled me as soon as I pushed off. It felt as if as soon as my feet left the ground I also left my body with all its mortal trappings behind. I felt new, transformed and lighter somehow. It only lasted for a few moments, but they felt like forever. When my feet slammed on the concrete roof I stumbled from the force of the impact and barely managed to catch myself. It was difficult with my left fist locked around the handle of the suitcase like an iron vice, but letting go was not an option. My heart skipped a beat at the shot that rang out behind me and spurred me into action. No time to think, I had to keep moving. The next roof wasn't that far away, but it still was more distance than I'd ever managed to jump in P.E. Class. My head felt weirdly light and there wasn't a single ounce of worry inside me as I jumped this time. I knew I'd make it as surely as I knew that the world would keep turning.  
I jumped across four more streets until I couldn't see my attacker anymore and my entire body was starting to shake with the comedown from the rush. Cursing my luck I realized this building had no fire stairs, but the next one did. There was some blue neon sign at the front of it that had to mean it was some sort of business. While ignoring fire safety regulations on private houses appeared not to matter in a city ruled by the mafia, the state would probably have to say something about it if the same happened with business buildings. At either rate I rallied and prepared for the last jump. It took the last of my strenght and I winced as the impact of landing rattled my bones. I tried to take a step and tripped. There was a moment of air rushing past me before the impact knocked the breath from my lungs. I laid there for a few moments just trying to catch my breath and stop trembling all over. A pair of polished black leather boots appeared in front of my face. I tensed. 

"Congratulations, brat. You learned how to fly."

"What?" I tilted my head and squinted up at the silver haired teen. "Fly?"

He snorted. "It's a basic skill for any hitman worth his or her salt. The fact that you managed it means that you're not totally worthless."

"Thanks?" I screwed my face up in pain when I realized I must've scraped my chin on impact. 

"The boss will be pleased," Squalo said and I felt him take the briefcase out of my limp grasp. 

My eyes closed briefly before I sat up and instantly felt every single muscle in my body protest the action. Squalo gave me his cruel shark grin and I tried not to wince as I stood up. I'd have to stop showing weakness in front of them sooner rather than later. 

"So Xanxus knows?"

"Don't look so surprised. No Varia member does anything without his knowledge," he smirked. "He's the one who delegated this mission to me and I've decided to delegate it to you."

"I made it," I sighed and sagged a little with relief, only just realizing all that happened. 

"'Course you did," he said and turned towards the stairs. "I don't choose incompetent minions."

I grinned to myself as I followed him down. To my surprise there was a limousine waiting in the street beneath the building and Squalo climbed inside without hesitation. I followed and sat beside him, glancing about the street outside. It looked vaguely familiar. This had to be the amusement mile. 

"Let's debrief on the way back. Who saw you?"

I swallowed and tried to think back to the moment I decided to ditch my original plan. "At least five security guards and that cop."

He nodded slowly. "They got a good look at your face."

"Probably," I replied with a sinking feeling.

"Alright. Those money transports are done by private companies. We'll be able to deal with them. The cop is another matter."

"He was a dick," I stated bluntly. "I was playing the hurt little girl and all, and he barely looked at me."

"Voi, you don't look that innocent."

"I don't?" I replied, affronted by his wicked grin.

He just chuckled and reached for the can of beer in the cup holder between the seats opposite us. "Who else?"

"Uh, weren't many people on the road, I think. Maybe I'm on the security feed from the bank entrance."

"Probably," he said and took a sip. "I don't give a shit about how stealthy you were, by the way. I'd just like to know how much paper work I'll be saddled with after this."

"You deal with paperwork?" I raised my brows at him. "Didn't think you had the patience."

"VOI! I can be patient if I want to!" He drained the rest of the can in one go and crushed it in his mechanical fist. "Fucking Xanxus always dumps his on me, so I have to do twice the work. If I wasn't patient I'd have speared him long ago."

I chuckled softly and hid my grin by looking out of my window. It looked like they were already a great team. If I recalled correctly they didn't even know each other that long. Maybe one or two years? I realized that after so long without reading the manga I was getting a little hazy on all the details. Hopefully it wouldn't come back to bite me in the ass later. I was getting antsy waiting for the final verdict. Squalo looked thoughtful as he scrolled through his phone. 

"Yeah, it's already in the local news," he sneered, but there was a hint of glee in his eyes. "No word about the cop. Typical. They'd never admit to the public that they were tryina bust us. The locals stand behind the Vongola," he announced triumphantly.

"What will you do with the laptop?"

"Hack it, drain the data and then melt it down. Lussuria is our tech guy, he'll crack that thing in no time."

"Aren't you worried there might be a bug inside?" I asked. 

"I'm counting on it," he said with a grin that I decidedly didn't like. 

"Where are we going?" I asked as I realized I didn't recognize the route. 

"A Varia safehouse. It'd be stupid to take it anywhere else."

"But then they'll know where it is!" I protested.

"So?" He raised a brow. 

"So they'll find the safehouse!" I argued. 

"Losing one doesn't matter. We'll just set up elsewhere."

"Can you do that?" I wondered. "Isn't that, like, expensive?"

"We're the Varia," he deadpanned with a downtwitch of his lips. "Now shut up."

As if on cue we drove down a ramp into the underground parking lot of a nondescript appartment block. I followed him outside and looked around, but there was nothing out of the ordinary. Squalo confidently marched towards a door with a green fire escape sign above it, but pulling on the handle didn't cause an alarm. I followed him curiously and was momentarily stunned by the sudden change in scenery. Outside was the bleak concrete and steel boredom of an ordinary parking lot, inside looked like the salon of an exclusive gentleman's club. I didn't even want to know how expensive it'd have to be to set up shop like this. 

"VOI! Lussuria!" Squalo roared once the door shut behind us. "Get your fairy ass over here!"

"Tch! You're so rude, Squ-chan!" 

I blinked as the whirlwind of color and overwhelmingly sweet cologne that was Lussuria appeared before us. It took me a few moments to realize that Lussuria had spoken in Japanese and I'd understood him. When I did, I felt a swell of pride and incredulousness. Lussuria wore a huge dark green fur coat with an even bigger pink collar. He also had on white gloves and thigh high boots. As if that wasn't enough of an aesthetic shock, he also wore huge sunglasses that almost covered half of his face. He wore his hair in a blond mohawk with green tips. I blinked several times. Squalo growled in annoyance and hurled the suitcase at him. He caught it gracefully and twirled around once, sending another wave of cologne at us. Squalo's nose wrinkled in disgust. 

"What is this, hmm? A present? For me?" He cooed and peeked inside. 

"Yeah, whatever. Get me the data by five or you'll get my boot up your ass, you fucking deviant."

"Squuuu-chaaan," Lussuria whined and clutched at his chest above his heart. "You wound me! And mind your language in the presence of such a cute little girl! Rude boy!"

"Whatever," the silver haired teen growled and stormed off. 

I was left standing there awkwardly in the presence of the most flamboyantly gay man I'd ever seen. (I'm not kidding. The place I'm from is very conservative.) I blinked up at him and realized how much taller and older he was. 

"Uh, hi. I'm Yumi," I said and held out my hand. 

"Ohh, what a cute name, it really fits you," he cooed and shook my hand with a bright grin. 

"Thanks," I said and hesitantly returned his smile. "You look really cool."

"You think?!" He perked up and puffed out his chest, twirling around to display himself.

I laughed and nodded eagerly. "It's so bright and bold! I love it!" 

"Awwww! Oh em gee!" He put both of his hands on his cheeks and wriggled a bit, obviously pleased by the compliment. "You're such a sweetie! I like you already! I'd love to show you around, but Squ-chan is gonna pop a blood vessel if I don't get started!"

"No problem," I laughed. "I totally understand."

"You do? Alright, sweet cheeks! I'll see you later, yes?"

"Yep!"

"Okie dokie! Look over there, there should be something non-alcoholic in that fridge! We also have those cute little snacks imported from France over there! Just help yourself, okay?"

With that he spun around and waltzed off into some backroom, possibly to get working. I looked around, but no one else was home so I went to the fridge. As expected it was filled to the brim with alcohol. Pushing aside glass bottles of various sizes I found a lone bottle of coke in the very back. The black leather couch was far more comfortable than expected. I rested my head against the backrest and stretched my legs out, feeling tiredness wrap my head in cotton and make my limbs heavy. This job really took a toll on me. Not even the familiar sweetness of my drink would keep me awake much longer. I shifted and curled up on the couch, politeness be damned. A while later a hand grabbed my shoulder and shook roughly jolting me to wakefulness in an instant. Dazed, disoriented and alarmed I did the first thing that came to mind. I grabbed the offending hand and dug my nails into the flesh. 

"Aaaahahaha! Ushishishi!" 

The hand was yanked out of my grasp and I scrambled up and away from the offender. It was another teenager, blond and sporting a familiar haircut that covered his eyes. Oh shit. He rubbed his wrist and I could feel a heavy stare even through his bangs. 

"Who are you?!" I squeaked. 

"I'm a prince! You shouldn't treat me so rudely!" He replied indignantly.

There was a snort from somewhere to my left. I glanced to the side and immediately brightened when I recognized the dark haired teen lounging on a lone black leather chair with his legs crossed casually.

"Xanxus!" I chirped and scrambled off the sofa.

He gave me a wry, amused look before he glanced back to the blond boy. Belphegor. I recognized him of course. Eyeing him warily I began to inch closer to Xanxus. Would there be knives? Blood? Bel let out another of his trademark laugh/chuckles before he slowly sat down on the couch I'd just vacated. Between the two of them I decided to stick with the devil I knew. I sat down on the floor beside Xanxus chair close enough so I could lean my back against it. I was well aware that I must look like an obedient pet sitting beside its master, but my dignity only ranked second to my survival instinct these days. 

"So that's her?" The blond finally spoke. 

"Hn."

I gave him a mistrustful look. "Who are you?"

"I told you, I'm a prince. You should address me as 'Your Highness' from now on. My name is Belphegor."

I craned my neck up to try and catch a glance of Xanxus' face, but the angle was too awkward. "Is he for real?"

"Unfortunately yes," came the low reply. 

Belphegor let out his trademark laugh again, with a mildly annoyed undertone. I shrugged. 

"So you're Varia, too?"

"Of course. Shishishi. You wanna see my special trick?" Suddenly there were four knives between the fingers of his right hand and it worried me deeply that I didn't know where they came from so quickly. 

"Ohhh," I said instead, playing at being a curious eleven year old. "That's so cool."

At once I could swear I saw some of the hostility leave him as he shifted minutely. He didn't say anything else, but looked pleased. The knives disappeared without a trace. Scary. The grin never left his face. It was unsettling how little I was able to read him. When I shifted and felt the side of my left shoulder touch Xanxus' leg I suddenly felt more at ease. His presence was still as threatening as ever, but at least it was familiar. I'd take whatever little comfort I could get. The blond leaned back on the couch and mirrored Xanxus' pose, crossing his ankle over his knee. They all looked so young. I just couldn't get over it. By then I was starting to see the hardness in their eyes, though. It was what would forever set them apart from normal teenagers and most normal humans, in fact. They...we... were killers. I looked down at my limp hands and clenched them. That's right. I was no better than them. 

"Cute," Bel said and his grin turned sadistic. "If she's still alive that must mean Lussuria likes her."

Xanxus didn't deign to answer. If Bel knew then he understood that I was more or less part of the Vongola family. None of them would dare to lay a hand on me. Not while Xanxus was their boss. Knowing what events were yet to come, I'd better work on getting in their good graces then. I was hazy on the details following the Cradle Incident. Would Squalo be their new leader? As second in command, that position might fall to him. I couldn't remember. Had Amano-sensei even lined out the details? I grit my teeth in annoyance. Filling out the blanks suddenly wasn't so fun anymore, not when my survival hinged on it. At least Squalo didn't seem to dislike me. Lussuria probably didn't. Bel on the other hand eyed me like he was looking for a weak spot to slip a knife into while no one was looking. 

"What are you even doing here, little rabbit?" Bel asked and rested his cheek on his fist, still smiling in that unnerving way. 

"I... um," I swallowed and suddenly felt very conscious about the volatile teen next to me. "Squalo brought me here."

"He did?"

I very pointedly avoided looking anywhere to my left. "Yeah, um. It was a.. job.."

"Ushishishi," Bel laughed and his volume rose when Xanxus shifted.

It felt as if the temperature just rose a few degrees. Sweat broke out on the back of my neck. I'd neglected to inform Xanxus of our deal. I glanced around the room, feverently praying that the silver haired teen might make a convenient appearance. 

"Is that so?" The silky tone of his voice made my blood run cold. 

"I can explain-" 

My voice cut off in a squeak when a heavy hot hand suddenly landed on top of my head. My heart nearly jumped out of my chest as I abruptly realized where his Flame of Wrath usually manifested. 

"Why is it that you suddenly follow somebody else's orders?"

My lower lip trembled. Fuck. Fuckity fuckshit. I should've said something! Why was I so dumb? Shit. Every second that passed made my throat grow hotter. I had to think, I had to-

"VOI! What the fuck!"

I could've cried with relief when Squalo appeared through a door at the back of the room and glared at all of us. The weight on my head didn't budge though. 

"Trash. Explain this," he growled and gave my head a rough shake. 

Squalo's eyes narrowed at me. "For fuck's sake. The kid did a job for me. The Trovato thing."

"Alone?" 

I shivered at his tone. Suddenly, a small voice at the back of my brain protested faintly against this treatment. I wasn't some unruly pet! I'd chosen to do this job. Yeah okay, maybe not telling Xanxus was a bad idea, but I'd done it for a reason. 

"Yeah," Squalo grinned suddenly, though his gaze was still sharp. "I watched the whole thing, of course. She didn't do badly. The kid flew."

When that heavy weight lifted I nearly sagged with relief, so the immediate slap to the back of my head that followed bowled me over. I sucked in a breath as my eyes watered and rolled to the side before scrambling to my knees. Xanxus was so furious I could almost see the sparks flying from his eyes. Bel got up quickly and excused himself with a mean grin in my direction. Even Squalo was tense, but he stood his ground. I stood up slowly and grit my jaw. The back of my head throbbed with pain, but I kept my resolve to show no weakness. Shame, fear and regret warred for dominance inside me, but I was too stubborn to give in to any of them. 

"I'm sorry for not telling you," I said through gritted teeth. 

I didn't apologize for anything else. He must've caught that judging by his angry glare. Squalo let out a loud sigh and tossed a flash drive on the coffee table. 

"There. We got everything. We know where he lives and who he works for."

Angry red eyes rose from the stick to narrow at me. I jutted out my chin even if I wasn't bold enough to meet his gaze. 

"I got the job done, alright? That's all that matters."

"Not if the old man catches wind of it."

I looked at the ground. Nono, of course! How could I have forgotten about him?! Then a thought hit me and I frowned. 

"Then just don't tell him. Isn't that what you said?" I glanced up at him. 

Xanxus looked me over. Then his lips quirked into a terrifying smile. It made both Squalo and myself tense. 

"Did you get hurt?"

"N-no."

"Good." He took the stick and slipped it into the left pocket of his pants. 

I flinched when he fixed me with an unreadable look, feeling like a deer trapped in the headlights of a freight train. I couldn't move a muscle while we both waited for his final verdict. 

"Next time you're feeling suicidal, come to me. I've got more than enough work for someone like you."

I swallowed thickly, feeling the frustration rise inside me. He had to get it! Why didn't he...? His eyes narrowed and I froze. 

"No word to the old man. No bruises in visible places. No broken bones. Squalo...," he glared at the silver haired teen who met his gaze evenly. "Make sure this idiot stays alive."

"Yeah, whatever," he grunted. 

"If you're gonna play at being her senpai," he spat, "Then she's your responsibility, too."

"Shared custody? How domestic!" Lussuria chose that moment to make his grand entrance. 

At his side I spotted a little figure clad in a purple cloak with the hood drawn in its face. Mammon! I blinked in surprise. The Arcobaleno acknowledged none of us. Lussuria waltzed into the room and sat down primly with his legs crossed tight and smiled. 

"What were you talking about, anyway?" He asked and tsk'd when he spotted me. "Why is the little girl looking like she saw a ghost!? Honestly, you're terrible with kids! Come, sit with mama Lussuria!"

He patted the sofa next to him. I glanced around, feeling under their scrutiny as if I was suddenly thrust into a shark tank while wearing a swimsuit made of raw meat. Then I rolled my eyes heavenwards, let out a long sigh and went to sit next to him.

"You're the only person in this room that I trust," I told him matter-of-factly.

"That's a bad idea," Bel commented from where he leaned against the doorframe. 

"You wound me, Bells!" Lussuria whined. "I'm great with kids! And I haven't even threatened to collect your body, yet."

"Yet?" 

"Shut the fuck up!" 

The room fell silent as all eyes turned on Xanxus. Their immediate obedience was a sight to behold. The Varia were, after all, the most dangerous people in all of Italy. 

"Squalo is going to give you your new assignments. Then get the fuck out of here."

"Voi! Listen up! Lussuria and Mammon, you get a new mission to Spain. Read the fucking details. You've gotta take out the boss of some new upstart drug dealing ring. Make it look like an accident. Bel! You're gonna go to Sweden. There's a rogue killer on the loose who is some sort of distant nephew of Don Vongola's."

He nearly threw the stacks of papers at them, looking as if he was about to run out of patience and murder them all. They collected their papers obediently and filtered out of the room, leaving just the three of us. My stomach growled loudly. As I felt my blood sugar sink, so did my reverence for the both of them. For over a year I'd been living in near constant fear for my life and it was starting to wear on me. Frankly I was pissed off at everyone and tired of playing the obedient little underling. Now that I was hungry, the malcontent that had been festering inside me for a long time rose to the surface. I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. 

"I'm hungry," I announced into the silence. 

"So?" Squalo sneered.

"I wanna go home. You guys are mean."

"Jeez," he rolled his eyes. "Call a cab or something. You clearly need a nap."

"I'm eleven," I argued back. "You're supposed to be more responsible than me!"

"I'm not your fucking babysitter, I'm your boss," he snapped back. 

A sudden disturbance in the force made the both of us freeze and glance at Xanxus. Shit, right. I swallowed guiltily. Maybe I should've considered him first. He hated crowds and noisy people, but even more so having his authority questioned. This was the final straw. I hastily checked for the nearest exits.

"Trash," he growled hoarsely while clenching the armrests of his chairs with a white knuckled grip that threatened violence. 

"Eep.."

"Whoa boss, put the guns away! Think of our budget-"

BOOM! My adventure very nearly ended there. As my heart went into overdrive from the sudden burst of adrenaline the sight of his glowing guns had triggered, I started running for my life. Furniture went flying past me and narrowly missed. Only thanks to my freakish speed did I manage to evade a swift and brutal end long enough to find the exit and run out into the parking lot. As soon as the metal door swung shut behind me I rounded a corner and paused to gasp for breath. With my hands on my knees I frowned as I felt a surge of regret come out of nowhere. 

"The hell," I mumbled stubbornly, frowning at the unbidden surge of guilt. "Jeez, I'm so fucked."

Of all things, I felt guilty about keeping secrets from him. Yeah, the guy who unironically tried to murder me mere seconds ago. What was happening to me? Was this... acclimatizing? Or was I just going insane? 

It took a while until I realized it, but when I did my surprise surpassed my curiosity. I'd been neither in pain nor angry back at the hideout and yet I could use my speed without thinking. Then I thought back even further to my first meeting with the Varia boss. My brows rose at the dark ceiling of my bedroom. Our first meeting at the market.. Where I first used it. That time was the same, wasn't it? So what did that mean? It felt like the solution was really close, but I just couldn't figure it out yet.


	17. Chapter 17

The next day I went back to school and nobody asked about my absence on the previous day. Ah yes, the benefits of mafia school. It was getting late autumn and the end of the school year came ever closer. It took some getting used to, since back in my home country it always ended in summer. I asked Squalo about it one day as we were hanging out in the boys' common room, which wasn't unusual anymore. 

"So why does school always end in October?" I asked as I dangled my feet over the armrest of the large leather chair I sat across.

"Does it matter?" He asked back mulishly, not even looking up from his writing. 

As I discovered, Squalo did have a calm side that rarely anyone got to see. It was during times like these, where there wasn't anyone around to trigger either his annoyance or battle lust, that he didn't constantly yell. Mind you, his voice was still loud and his manner still abrasive, but he didn't have that angry edge to him. Hanging out when he was like this was.. nice, for a lack of a better word. After the Incident I didn't make any more friends in school. Now that I had someone to talk to I realized how lonely I'd been all this time. I looked at him from upside down, since my head was hanging over the armrest. There was a v of concentration between his brows and he was scribbling furiously on a bunch of papers, changing between his right and left hand constantly. 

"Didn't know you were ambidextrous."

"I'd be a shitty king of swordsmen if I could only wield with one hand."

"You still prefer your left, though," I pointed out. "The one you lost."

"I didn't 'lose' it," he said and finally looked up. "I cut it off myself."

"Did it hurt a lot?" I asked quietly. 

Squalo looked away and shrugged. "It was a neccessary sacrifice and the only way to beat Tyr."

"The former boss of the Varia," I said with awe. "Man, I would've loved to see that fight!"

"You'd have starved before the end of it, brat," he countered with a smirk before he picked up his pen and twirled it in his mechanical hand. "It went on for three days without pause."

"Seriously?!"

"Voi, did I stutter?" He barked, but his proud smirk belied his tone. 

I swung my legs around to sit properly on the dark brown leather chair. "You're awesome, Squalo."

He blinked once before he let out a huff and went back to writing. A small smile curled at the corners of my mouth. He didn't look quite so serious anymore now. Mission accomplished. 

"So why does it end in October?" I asked after a while. 

"This is a mafia school. It can do what it wants as long as it meets the Ministry of Education's criteria. Basically as long as they can prove that they're just as good as a regular school, or even better, they're golden."

"Huh. So who owns this place?"

"A private corporation," Squalo said and tossed a folder off the table. "Founded by the five biggest Mafia families. Of course the government knows who really runs this place, but as long as the corproration and the mafia remain seperate entities they can't do anything about it. They send a comission to inspect the school once a year, but they've never found anything amiss. Obviously. Didn't know you care about this stuff."

"I don't," I replied with a shrug. "I'm just making conversation. Between f- collegues."

"Ha, collegues. You're the brat under my wing, alright?"

"About that-"

"No." He gave me a slight frown. "No can do."

"But why?" 

Squalo rubbed the back of his neck and let out an annoyed sigh. "Remember what happened last time?"

My face fell. "He's not over it?"

"It's just how he is. Ask him if you're so eager for work."

"I barely see him anymore," I frowned. "What's keeping you guys so busy?"

"Nothing," Squalo frowned back. "He's the boss. He may not like it, but even he has to do some administrative work sometimes. Maybe he got himself a girlfriend. Like I know everything he does."

"Oh, I thought you guys were plotting something," I said with a small laugh and noted with interest that he stilled briefly before he started twirling his pen between his fingers again, slightly faster than before. 

Squalo leaned over the table and gave me a sharp look. His grey eyes glinted like steel and I braced myself automatically. The guy who came into the room took one look at us and left. 

"Listen, brat."

"My name is Yumi," I cut in quietly. 

Squalo frowned with irritation before he continued. "You don't need to know everything. Got it?"

Mentally I tried to parse his words and make sense of the subtle warning in them. Unease filled me and I nodded once to signal understanding where there was none. What was he playing at? That I wasn't a Varia member and had no business knowing their secrets? That they were planning something out of line? All of the above? I sat back in the leather chair and Squalo did the same. I felt simultaneously less and more lonely than ever before. And I still hadn't gotten an answer. I chewed on my lower lip and watched him continue writing. They weren't taking me seriously, were they. None of them. My eyes narrowed with irritation. It was definitely time to stop cowering in fear. 

By chance I ran across Bianchi again. We were just leaving the kitchen after another session of cooking class when our paths crossed. I grinned when our eyes met and wandered over. She'd grown taller than me and her hair fell over her shoulders in soft pink waves. Something else was new, too. She carried herself with a noticeable kind of confidence and self-assurance. 

"Hi Bianchi!" 

"Ah, Yumi," she replied calmly. "You've been well?"

"More or less," I laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of my neck, thinking of all the times I nearly died. 

A small frown creased her brow before her face smoothed back into her usual tranquil expression. "I see."

"How have you been? Your hair's gotten so long! It's really pretty!"

"Thank you. I only wash it with mineral water," she replied airily. "I've been well. I met an amazing man."

"Oh? You got a boyfriend?" I eyed her with interest, remembering something about that.

"Yes," she smiled softly. "His name is Romeo."

"Oh." I blinked. "Like that Shakespeare play."

"Hmhm, you could say that." Her gaze was dreamy as she stared into the distance. "Love truly is the most magical experience. Look forward to it, little Vongola."

I swallowed and unwittingly thought about Antonio's hurt expression when we last met. Uh, sure. 

"Eh, I don't want a boyfriend," I replied with a grimace. "It'd be too difficult."

Her pitying look was almost patronizing. "A shame you carry the burden of that name."

"It sucks," I complained as we slowly walked along the almost deserted hallway. "I didn't think they'd be so old fashioned!"

She raised a finely plucked brow and tsk'ed in a low voice. "They have to be."

"Huh?" I turned to stare at her. Bianchi looked almost regretful. "Why?"

"The Vongola is the mafia. They're the heart of all our alliances. To remain in power they have to be flawless. You know that, right?" She said an waved her hand in a dismissive fashion before shooting me a conspiratorial smile. "That doesn't mean you have to live like a hermit, though. If you truly love somebody you'll find a way to be with them."

"You mean like a secret affair?" I whispered and looked around.

Bianchi nodded with a genial smile. "I'll let you in on a little secret from woman to woman. We're all bound by mafia rules, but you wouldn't be the first to break them. We girls have to stick together. If you ever need advice or help, ask me."

With that she winked at me and sauntered into what I assumed was her classroom. Stunned, I considered myself lucky to be in her good graces. Bianchi was truly an amazing girl.  
Over the course of the next two weeks I made a point of hanging out with her as often as I could. Whenever she was busy or with her unlucky boyfriend I hung out with Squalo, who pointedly refused to send me on any more missions but had no qualms about teaching me some dirty tricks. I saw very little of Xanxus to the point where I seriously wondered if he was avoiding me on purpose. That idea was ridiculous, of course. A Xanxus didn't avoid anyone. He just made himself rare so I could not ask for any more missions. It was fine, though. Yes, it was terribly boring to be taught stuff I'd learned years ago. Something else was keeping me busy, however. My body was finally starting to enter puberty. One cold autumn morning I woke up to find my pyjama pants bloody. It was fucking great because I had no pads or tampons anywhere. So I crept through the hallways frantically searching for Bianchi and hoping no one noticed the odd shape of my pants, since I'd stuffed a towel into my undies. The older girl took pity on me and guided me to her room before bestowing some pads onto me. 

"Thanks Bianchi," I nearly sobbed with relief. "I owe you one for real!"

"Don't worry about it," she replied with a small grin. "This time I'll pass."

I threw myself at her and hugged her fiercely. It had been a while since somebody hugged me back and Bianchi did without hesitation. It made me start crying in earnest. The first time I went through puberty was relatively smooth sailing. With no small amount of dread I wondered if this time would be different.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, this is the chapter that justifies the Underage tag. It's just awkward frotting, but still. The end is probably unsatifying as of yet, but I'll continue once my work schedule allows. Apologies for the inconvenience.

I got my answer about six days later, on the 10th of October. I awoke to the cool grey light of a cloudy morning falling through the windows. After a few beats my groggy mind had fully risen from the depths of deep, wholesome slumber and left me feeling slightly disoriented. I inhaled deeply and stretched, feeling downright rejuvenated. My brows twitched down when I recalled the hazy memory of a dream running through my mental fingers like sand. What stood out to me instantly was that it had left me with a dull heat throbbing lazily through the lower half of my body. I sucked in a breath and pressed my thighs together experimentally. It... had been a while. I hadn't masturbated or even thought about it in a year. Try as I might I couldn't recall the dream, but it had to have been really good to finally re-awaken my sex drive. Grinning to myself I reached down, ran my fingers carefully over my panties and was instantly rewarded with a familiar pleasant jolt. I glanced around my room and shrugged. Why not? It wasn't like anyone was there to judge. It would be a welcome distraction.   
Suddenly, unbidden, I realized what day it was when my gaze snagged on the digital alarm clock on my bedside table. It gave me pause and the low sensual pulse between my legs slowed in its insistency. Xanxus birthday. I let out a groan of frustration. Of course. I completely forgot, again, and had no present for him. Again. I turned around and smothered my face in the pillow. Great, just great. Way to ruin the mood. Or, maybe? The dreadful combination of thoughts swirled lazily around my brain. The arousal between my legs had subsided a little, but this was too good of an opportunity to let it go to waste. I wriggled my hand between the mattress and my body and unhurriedly rubbed a few fingers against my crotch. What could I possibly give him this year? The addition to his collection of weird hair accessories last year had been a stroke of genius, but this time I was out of ideas. Maybe a stress ball? I muffled a snicker in the pillow. Xanxus had everything he could possibly want except the Vongola. And a girlfriend, as far as I knew. Heh, maybe I should rent him a hooker? Would be more expensive than a stress ball, but hopefully have the same effect. All kidding aside, I would never do that. Even if the look on his face might be worth it.   
The more I thought about it the less funny it seemed to me. So far I'd carefully avoided thinking about Xanxus in any deeper way beyond him being a scary motherfucker I had a shaky armistice with. Of course I was fully aware of the effect he had on me, but chose to ignore it in the interest of self-preservation. At the very beginning of my adventure I'd privately decided to avoid getting romatically entangled with any characters no matter how tempting the prospect. There was too much that could go wrong. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply through the fabric of my pillow. Damn, but it felt so good. How on earth could I forget how good this felt? Just more proof that I was in over my head. I sighed and spread my legs a little for better access. It was getting a little too hot under the covers so I wriggled until it dropped off to the side. Not long now, I was getting close. Jolts of pleasure were running down my legs and into my toes. I turned my head to the side so I could breathe properly. For me to get this far without thinking about anything specific was a clear sign that it'd been way too long. This body reacted beautifully to my ministrations and it wasn't even strange or anything. Everything was a lot more intense than I remembered, but technically that could be cause this was likely its first time getting this kind of attention. My hips bucked against the mattress and I bit my lower lip. Release was tantalizingly close. I felt it build up at the base of my spine, making my toes curl with bliss. Just a few moments more... Three sharp raps on my bedroom door had me freezing in place. 

"Yo brat, are you in there?" Squalo bellowed through the wood. 

"Ye-," I sqallowed and licked my lips, feeling the heat shoot into my face. "Yes! Don't come in!"

"What?" A short pause. "What the fuck are you doing in there?"

"Hey, that's rude!" I shouted back indignantly. "None of your business. Go away!"

"VROOOOIII!" 

After his enraged shout I hastily withdrew my slick fingers and wiped them on the bedsheet. I rolled around and dragged the covers up under my chin. Heart beating furiously, I stared at the dark brown door. The only thing between me and mortal embarrassment.

"Go away!" I yelled again. 

"Open the damn door or I'm breaking in!" 

"Why?!"

"Voi don't test me, brat!"

I swallowed nervously. Would he be able to tell what I'd been doing? I curled my fingers into a fist and slowly lowered the cover. After crawling out of bed I slowly wobbled towards the door. My lower parts throbbed unhappily at being denied release. My legs felt weak and I wanted nothing more than to slam my head against the wall with frustration. Nevertheless I opened the door and gave Squalo a baleful stare. He wore the Varia uniform pants and his usual white dress shirt, which looked quite odd. As if he'd been interrupted in the middle of changing or something. His hair was messy and he narrowed his eyes at me soon as our gazes met. 

"What?" 

"Don't 'what' me, shitty brat. You're being summoned."

"By whom?"

He turned away with a grunt. "Big boss."

"Nono?" I straightened up. "He's summoning me?"

"Are you deaf?" He snarled and started stalking down the corridor. "Get moving, I'm supposed to bring you there."

"Wait, I'm not dressed yet!" I yelled after him. 

"Then hurry the fuck up!"

Not daring to waste any more time I forced down my frustration and began to throw on some clothes I had lying around the room. A pair of black yoga pants and a shirt as well as a jeans jacket in case it was cold out. On the way out of the door I grabbed my cellphone off the desk and stuffed it into my jacket. It was a delightfully old school folding cellphone much like the one that I remembered having in 5th grade. I jogged down the hallway to where Squalo was waiting impatiently and gave him a curious once-over. 

"What's up?" I asked as we walked down the hallway and into the foyer. 

"I was about to get changed after I came home from a job," he grunted as we walked down the grand marble stairs. "Big boss called, so I had to drop everything to come get you."

"Sorry," I said, but he only shrugged in response. 

I got the impression he wasn't terribly fond of Nono. I wondered why that was. Surely he wasn't so blindly loyal to Xanxus that he simply took over his dislike for the old man? Then again.. Who knew. We walked through the foyer of the school dormitories and out onto the schoolyard. A sleek black limousine was waiting on the gravel driveway by the fountain near the gates. I raised my brows. Even more surprisingly Squalo climbed into the car after me. 

"So what's the big issue?"

"I don't know."

"He didn't say why he's summoning me?"

"The big boss doesn't need to explain himself to underlings," Squalo said and raised a brow at me as if I was dumb. 

"Fair enough," I replied and stared out of the window. 

A little while later the car stopped by a nondescript high raise building in one of the nearby towns and I realized that we weren't driving straight to the mansion. My mood lifted when Lussuria came swaggering out of the front door wearing a huge red feather boa around his neck. Squalo let out a little growl. 

"Fuck, we're taking him, too?" He grumbled. 

"Hey Lussuria!" I said cheerfully when he opened the door.

"Hi girl! Oh, Squ-chan's here, too!" He cooed and sat down next to me, opposite Squalo. 

"Unfortunately."

"Oh that's right! Weren't you out on a surveillance mission for 3 days straight?"

"Didn't catch a wink of sleep," the silver haired teen grunted. 

"Aw, poor baby!"

"Shut up, fruitcake."

"Don't be rude now."

I watched their exchange with interest. It was pretty clear that they knew each other well since Lussuria didn't seem offended by his crass insults. They bickered amiably all the way to the mansion. Squalo really did look tired on closer inspection, but he was holding up amazingly well for someone who'd been awake for 72 hours. Nono greeted us at the front door with his usual genial smile. 

"Welcome, welcome. I'm glad you're finally here!"

"Signore Vongola," Squalo said as respectfully as I'd ever heard him.

"Hello sir," Lussuria said and tossed his boa over his shoulder. "Thanks for inviting us!"

"Hi," I said with a smile that grew when he beamed at me. 

Secretly I'd been worried that he'd disapprove of all the things I'd done. Seeing him now it didn't look like he was mad or disappointed in me, much to my relief. 

"Now, you must be wondering why I invited all of you here. It's a surprise!"

"Oh boy!" Lussuria cheered. "I love surprises!"

"Can't say the same," Squalo muttered loud enough for everyone to hear.

"I heard that your school is planning a weekend trip to Valiano, so I've decided to drive you all there."

"Eh?"

"Yes yes, you won't have to be stuffed into buses like the rest of your classmates. I'll be taking you with one of the cars in my collection."

"Oho, an old timer?" Lussuria whistled. "Sounds fun!"

I blinked slowly. Nono really sounded excited and smiled hugely. Was he.. was he thinking he was doing us a favor? And why? The door opened behind him and Xanxus stepped out of the shadows. A hush fell over us as the Varia boss came to a stop next to Nono, who still looked enthusiastic. Play it cool, I told myself. There was no way he'd know what I'd been doing in the morning, but I still couldn't look him in the eye. Even though I hadn't been thinking about him per se while I.. Just purposefully vague parts of him like those strong yet elegant hands... I tried to steer clear of romantic thoughts of any kind where he was concerned for fear of accelerating my headlong fall down the rabbit hole. It wasn't working very well. Nono clapped his hands to get our attention.

"So, what do you say? Are you ready for a ride in a real vintage car?"

"Oh absolutely," Lussuria grinned and adjusted his cat eye sunglasses. 

"Perfect!" The old man cheerfully ignore the dubious faces of the rest of us. "Did you bring your suitcases?"

Lussuria nodded enthusiastically just as the driver dragged a huge hot pink suitcase out of the trunk with a groan. Squalo crossed his arms and looked sullen. The driver then lugged a slimmer black suitcase, which looked slightly squished, out of the trunk as well. I glared accusingly at the silver haired teen. 

"You didn't tell me to pack anything!" 

"You got stuff at the mansion, right?" He replied and nodded at the building. "So pack something now."

"That won't be neccessary, I had the maids prepare a suitcase for you," Nono informed me with a smile. 

"Oh."

"So if everyone's ready.." He said and raised a brow at Xanxus.

The dark haired teen let out a small huff and surveyed us with a distinterested look. "How is all this shit supposed to fit in your car, old man?"

"Ah, I'll have the suitcases transported seperately, of course!" Nono replied with a brilliant smile. 

I quietly wondered what the point of all this was supposed to be. What did he hope to accomplish by piling all of us in his car? Speaking of which, it was an old white Jaguar of the kind that had the spare wheel stuck on the side. Sorry, I'm not an expert. The car looked really elegant. There was just one tiny problem. We were five people and it only had seats for four. 

"Ah, that's quite the dilemma," he said and hedged a look at us. "I'm afraid that most of these old beauties only have four seats."

The three guys were suddenly giving each other intense looks. Xanxus let out a small growl. "I'm calling shotgun. Any objections?"

It was clear he expected none. Lussuria, however, was not to be cowed. "Ah ah, boss. As the oldest and biggest among us I should obviously sit in the front."

"VOI! I wanna sit in the front!" Squalo barked loudly. 

Tension began to rise. Nono let out a small sigh. Somehow I suspected that he was enjoying this far too much. He seemed entirely too pleased for some reason. 

"Now, boys. I'm afraid I have to agree with Lussuria there. It wouldn't be a fun ride for him if his legs started to cramp. Be reasonable."

"Uh, what about me?"

The four of them turned to look at me. Nono rubbed his bear with a thoughtful expression. "Well, since you are clearly the smallest and lightest one... Sorry about this, Yumi, but you'll have to sit on someone's lap."

My eyes widened at this ludicrous proposition. No way. That was like something out of a.. manga.. I lost the fight with my blush and stared at the ground, unwilling to look at either boy. 

"I-isn't that a bit.."

"What do you say? Who's gonna volunteer?"

Silence followed his words and I swallowed thickly, embarrassed beyond belief. This was like a horror scenario from my old life, in which I'd been a chubby teen and such questions always led to horrible awkwardness. It took quite a lot of willpower to remind myself that things were different now. It wasn't a weight issue anymore. After a few more tense minutes Nono spoke up with an exasperated tone.

"Fine then, I shall make the decision. Yumi, go sit with Squa-"

"Fine," Xanxus growled.

I looked up. Both boys' expressions were sour. I swallowed thickly, feeling my throat close up against my will. Be cool, I thought desperately, be cool. It's not your fault. They're not pissed at you. They don't think you're.. disgusting. It's all fine and dandy. Even so my eyes were starting to burn and I blinked rapidly. Nono gave me a concerned look.

"Is this alright with you, Yumi? If it's not-"

Now the raven haired teen was glaring at me with fury in his eyes, daring me to object now that he'd deigned to volunteer. I quickly shook my head at the old man.

"N-no, it's okay."

"If you're sure.." He spoke slowly and I nodded again. "Good. Xavier will take care of your bags. Hop on in, kids!"

Feeling more miserable than I had in a while, I followed Xanxus to the left side of the car. Nono got in the driver seat and Xanxus climbed in the seat behind him. Alright. Be cool. It's not a big deal. I swallowed my resolve and climbed into the car as well. The legspace was tiny. I sat down on Xanxus lap and thought of naked grandmothers and disgusting things. His bony knees dug into the backs of mine and I spread my legs a little to avoid the uncomfortable sensation. Thankfully my body was still tiny and Xanxus a lanky teen who still had to fill out his frame. When the others were seated as well Nono turned on the engine with a little hum. It growled more loudly than modern cars, but the sound wasn't awful. 

"If you want to open a window you'll have to turn that small lever," he said over his shoulder. "Not much electric stuff in here, haha."

"Sure," Squalo replied curtly and resigned himself to staring out of his window. 

"Does this thing have a radio?" Lussuria asked.

"Ah, yes. Turn that button to search for a channel. You have to do it manually, it won't find one automatically."

"I see. How interesting!" The older teen chirped and began to turn the knob, finding mostly static and a few faint strings of music. 

The car jolted to life when Nono began to pull out of the driveway. This thing didn't have seatbelts. How in the world was he allowed to drive it? Oh, right. Mafia boss. Xanxus was completely silent behind me. Except for his slow breathing I didn't hear a sound and didn't feel like striking up conversation. This was much, much closer than I ever wanted to be to him. I felt his chest against my back and confirmed with a quick glance into the window that he was staring out at the scenery with a grim expression. An apology for the inconvenience was at the tip of my tongue, but my pride held it back. This wasn't my fault after all. 

"How long is this gonna take?" Xanxus asked and up close his voice sent a shiver down my spine.

"Ah, about an hour. I was planning to take the mountain route since it's the most scenic."

"But not the fastest."

"How kind of you to show us the sights!" Lussuria spoke over Squalo's grumbled complaint. 

The first twenty minutes were completely fine. Squalo was out like a light after five, sleeping with his head against the window. Lussuria had given up pretending to listen to Nono prattle on about old cars and pulled out his cellphone to text. Sitting on Xanxus' lap was surprisingly comfortable and his chest was warm. After a while I started to relax against him. I was almost asleep, feeling my eyes difting shut slowly. Then Nono made a small dismayed noise. 

"Ah! This is where the mountain serpentine begins. Hold on to your hats, I'm afraid the road is not in the best condition."

I didn't realize what he meant, so the first bump made my head smack against the car roof. It jolted me awake well and truly. The scenery had changed a lot and we were now driving up a narrow winding road full of potholes. Nono was doing his best to avoid the bigger ones, but the ride grew unpleasant from there on out. Squalo let out a muffled curse when the next pothole made his head smack against the window and shifted his position so it was resting againt the side of the car instead, stubbornly refusing to wake up. Lussuria clicked his tongue, but continued to text. Xanxus made no complaints. He was the one I suspected would be the most annoyed by this, but he kept quiet. I rubbed the top of my head with a wince and shifted on his lap so I was sitting a little lower. My jacket was wedged weirdly against his chest and made an uncomfortable crease in my back. I tried to shuffle and tug it straight so it wouldn't bother me anymore when the next deeper hole caught us by surprise. I slid forward and had to put my hands against the back of Nono's seat to avoid falling and by extension pushed back against the older teen. After that was over I relaxed back against him, suddenly noticing that in all the shifting his knees had ended up digging into the back of mine again. I rolled my eyes and boldy spread my legs a little so my knees were at the outer sides of his. Finally satisfied I relaxed again. Even when the car wasn't jumping over deeper holes the road was hellishly uneven. It felt like I was riding a horse with how often I ended up bouncing on my human seat.

It has to be even more akward for him, I thought wryly. After all he's a healthy teenage boy and all this bouncing... must be.. uh, no. I felt heat creep up my neck for thinking something so absurd. He was five years older than me and I was a skinny little girl. How absolutely ridiculous. I shouldn't think about stuff like that. Oddly enough I felt something digging into the back of my thighs. Hm, must be his cellphone or something. I mentally shrugged and returned to my musings. Xanxus would consider it an insult to his pride if- The next bump was one of the deeper ones and I pushed my hands against the driver seat and shifted, effectively preventing myself from sliding off. When I leaned back I noticed that weird hardness was directly beneath my ass now. It was rather uncomfortable. Maybe a lighter? Did Xanxus smoke? It wouldn't come as a surprise. Then again, maybe he- The heat was burning in my cheeks now. Goddamit. Xanxus was still deadly quiet, still breathing evenly. What the hell was this? Was my imagination running wild or ..was that..? Really? I already felt mortified; it had to be so much worse for him. I tried to wriggle away from what I now strongly suspected to be an awkward boner and give him some space. In the midst of my shifting, however, I felt two strong hands clamp down on my hips with an iron grip, effectively freezing me in place. The breath got stuck in my throat and I felt my pulse speed up. 

"Don't fucking move," a slightly hoarse voice growled directly into my left ear. 

A cold shiver ran down my spine and the hairs at the back of my neck rose. I didn't dare to move a single muscle so on the next bump that immediately followed his words my head came dangerously close to the roof again and my full weight pressed down against his, well, erection. My entire face was burning and I prayed to every single god I knew that Nono kept his eyes on the road and Lussuria his on the cellphone. A few smaller bumps followed and I felt the bulge through my thin pants very clearly. It was directly between my sitting bones, tantalizingly close to my private parts. Xanxus hands were like hot brands on my hips and his breath blew softly against the back of my neck, since I had pinned my hair up in the rush. Another set of smaller bumps had me craving even closer contact. I screwed my eyes shut and prayed for mercy. Why in the fuck was this turning me on so much? Could it be that my puberescent body was overly sensitive? Or maybe I just fucking wanted to get off already since this morning?? I forced myself to relax and dug my cellphone out of my pocket. Maybe some simple game would keep me distracted. We drove around a bend and Nono suddenly had to brake sharply when another car approached, resulting in a lurch forward that had me drop my cellphone on the floor. 

"Damn these selfish drivers," Lussuria muttered. "Didn't even slow down"

"Ah yes, the foreigners are always driving way too fast on the serpentines," Nono commented. 

Meanwhile I stared at the phone peaking out from below Nono's seat. It couldn't very well stay down there, could it? I made up my mind and bent down to grab it. The way Xanxus' hot hands tightened almost painfully in warning made another jolt run down my spine and curl at the base of it. I quickly snatched my phone and sat back up. I felt it now, pressing up against the base of my privates. Each little jump sent hot little jolts running down my legs. The grip on my hips was damn near bruising. I wondered hazily if I'd find marks there tomorrow and shivered at the thought. Boldly I canted my hips forward just a little to feel more of that delicious friction. It was so very big and insistent, pushing up against me. A hot hungry sensation unfurled inside me demanding more, more more. Xanxus breathing was no longer steady. Between the long measured breaths I could hear a slight hitch every now and then. So this wasn't leaving him entirely unaffected. 

This knowledge emboldened me enough to spread my legs a little further. In response I heard a hiss behind me. I felt it too. That delicious friction between his bulge and my privates barely hindered by the yoga pants. I could almost feel the texture of his jeans so thin was the cloth. In this position every little bump was sweet torture, especially with how irregular they were. What I really wanted was to turn around and grind down on him, but that was a real pipe dream. The sensation was almost overwhelming and I felt myself getting wet for real. It was a dangerous game to play, but I couldn't stop. I figured that if he really wanted to stop he'd say something or simply force me to sit still, but Xanxus was not doing any of those things. I just heard him breathe unevenly and felt his hot grip on my hips twitch occasionally. My own breathing was far from regular, so I tried to breathe as quietly as humanly possible. While I yearned to move more I didn't dare to push my luck. As of yet my actions were not particularly incriminating and no one would be the wiser if they looked. What mattered the most was that Nono remained oblivious. At the same time I was getting more and more wound up as we neared the top of the mountain. Every little bump made my thighs quiver and it was getting harder to bite back the breathy little sighs that wanted out. My panties had to be soaked through. It should have been more mortifying than it was. I couldn't really think straight anymore.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who commented! Your encouragement means a lot & I'm glad your're enjoying this fic ^_^
> 
> This is the aftermath of the previous chapter. It's meant to provide some closure. Our protagonist is finally doing some much needed toughening up! Hooray!

There was nothing to do but sit there quivering, hoping to god that no one noticed anything or I'd never live this down. My lungs were screaming for air, my head was feeling light and yet the heat kept building irresistably in my belly. 

"Oh boy. Another rough patch coming up, kids."

Nono's words made me shiver with dread. At this rate, I was going to come. From sitting on a guy's- well not just any guy, Xanxus -as if that wasn't bad enough- lap. Holy shit. I honestly didn't think I'd ever be that desperate. We hit the rough patch without warning. The car was nearly jumping up and down even though Nono slowed down considerably. I closed my eyes and pressed my lips together, resigned to my fate. Every bump made heat flare through me faster and faster. I felt it coming like a tidal wave, bright and unstoppable. Orgasm crashed through me and I stiffened. My toes curled and I exhaled shakily, quivering in delight. When it was over I slumped back against the solid wall of heat and muscle that was Xanxus' chest feeling completely boneless. The older teen's tension hadn't eased yet and now that my senses were coming back his crushing grip on my hips was getting uncomfortable. My brows twitched down when I noticed the car getting even slower and the bumps stopped coming. I didn't dare to open my eyes yet, considering how comfortable the two of us must look. 

"Let's take a quick break. We've been driving for a while now. There is a small overlook right there. Go on, enjoy the view. Stretch your legs," Nono said in a jolly voice. 

"Wowee, I have to take pictures! The view is simply anazing!" Lussuria said.

"Wha-? Why're we stopping?" Squalo grunted sleepily, followed by a loud yawn.

"Pee break, Squ-chan!" The flamboyant boy spoke. 

My heart was picking up speed. A break?! So we'd have to get out of the car. My pants were black, I was pretty sure I'd be fine, but...

"Feign sleep."

I froze when I heard those words growled into my ear. That tone... I'd never heard it before. Swallowing hard I forced my features to slacken and my posture to relax. After we came to a stop I heard three car doors open. Two of them slammed shut soon after.

"Aren't you coming out, Xanxus?"

"Can't. The brat's fallen asleep," was the curt reply.

"Oh. Well then." The third car door slammed shut.

I swallowed hard and felt my heart hammering in my chest. One warm hand left my right hip only to wrap itself snug around my throat. My eyes flew open in shock as it squeezed painfully tight and not in a playful manner. This is bad, my brain screamed in panic as I struggled to breathe past the pressure. 

"You shitty brat," Xanxus rasped hoarsely right next to my ear.

There was a strain in his voice I'd never heard before. I heard him inhale sharply and glanced through the window in alarm, but the three other guys were standing with their backs to the car. There was a sort of plateau overlooking the valley and they seemed to be enjoying the view from up high. 

"Fuck," he hissed in aggravation. 

He shifted underneath me and I felt a stab of pleasure go through me unbidden when he started to grind himself against my backside with rough, ungraceful thrusts. I held still since it was the only thing I could do and focused on drawing in as much air as I could. After a few thrusts I felt him freeze and heard a single low grunt. Just when I started to relax thinking it was all over the grip on my throat tightened even further. 

"Not a single word about this leaves this car. Am I making myself clear?" He spoke in an eerily quiet, threatening voice that made the hairs on the back of my neck rise and squeezed hard in warning.

"Crystal," I managed to choke out. 

"If I hear anything you are going to regret it." Hot breath against my ear and venom in his words.

My stomach dropped and I felt my eyes start to burn. I nodded quickly. Finally he let go and I sucked in some much needed air. I didn't dare to glance to the side, afraid of what I might see. With dread I realized that this was it. There was never ever going to be a repeat of this. Xanxus had sounded too angry, too serious when he spoke. I hung my head in shame. I'd pushed too far and this was the result. 

The rest of the ride passed by uneventfully even though Squalo had shot us a curious look when they returned to the car. Throughout the ride I caught him looking three times. There was a curiousity in his gaze that I didn't like. Xanxus made his threat clear and I really didn't want to find out what happened if I broke my promise to keep quiet. The more time passed the more I wondered about his behaviour. After we arrived at the scenic little town that served as an impromptu resort for the school to spend the weekend at, there was no more time to wonder. We got out, met up with our respective classes and got settled into the hotel. The teachers told us the planned schedule which predictably involved sightseeing and visiting the local museums. I zoned out since Mrs. Visalla's voice was unbearably monotone. My thoughts were drawn back to that awful ride. Why did he react so strongly? Being embarrassed was one thing, threatening to murder me another. It all made no sense. I could understand him not wanting anyone to know that the mighty Varia Leader got awkward boners like a regular teenage boy, too. It's not like I would've blabbed about that anyway.

Hadn't I gotten myself off illicitly, too? It was a one-time thing for chrissakes. No, there was a deeper issue at play here. Was it Nono's presence that worried him? Huh. My brows crashed down as I considered it. Xanxus wanted to become the next Vongola boss more than anything. He was even willing to murder his adopted brothers to archieve that goal. Was it an age issue? There was a five year gap between us after all. It wasn't a legal issue since he wasn't an adult yet, but I could understand how it might be frowned upon if a seventeen year old got off with a twelve year old. Was that it? Seemed like the most reasonable explaination. Was he worried that Nono would be angry if he found out? Probably. He'd have to see it as a threat to his inheritance.Sigh. And now I was literally back to square one. Him seeing me as a threat to what he wanted the most. Just like when we first met. Felt like for every step forward I was taking two back when it came to getting through to him.

Once we went back to school things remained the same. Nobody called on me. The second half of fifth grade seemed to stretch out like an endless sea of boredom full of unremarkable days. I began to look forward to my host body's twelfth birthday. Since I already found my new features very pleasing I had high hopes that I'd grow up to be beautiful. Now I know what you're thinking, vanity is a sin and all, but I was honestly thrilled. Don't we girls all, at the bottom of our hearts, want to be pretty? Feminism aside I think we do. It's not a bad thing, either. After all it makes us strive to make the best of what we're given and that's what we should do in every aspect of our lives. At least in my opinion. 

So I went to Bianchi. Talking to the older girl was always nice and distracted me from my current issues. There was a wide array of subjects she was proficient in, ranging from current fashion trends to makeup styles, from the latest loopholes in the law to all kinds of "specialists" she had connections to. Despite being only three years older than me she was already so mature. More importantly, she was absolutely ready and willing to pass on her knowledge and teach me her tricks. There was no trace of arrogance in her and she was always sincere when we talked. The only thing I noticed that might be considered a small flaw was that she was absolutely oblivious when it came to the men in her life. 

"-and he came home smelling of women's perfume. When I asked he said that he'd been trying out different perfumes to find one to give to me. That's so romantic, don't you think?" Bianchi sighed with a blissful smile. 

I gave her a dubious look, but her gaze was far away. Just how long had she been with Romeo before the bad breakup during which was going to murder him? I know the manga makes fun of her persistent infatuation with Reborn that borders on obsession, but isn't it also a deep and rare sort of loyalty? I couldn't quite fault her for it, though I didn't enjoy being told about Romeo's various escapades either. It was the same when she talked about Gokudera. He already seemed wary of her, from what I could gather, even without the poison cooking fully developed yet. Bianchi never talked much about her father. I began to suspect that he was at the core of her issues. Still it wasn't my place to pry, so I let it rest. 

A side effect of her having a boyfriend was the assorted knowledge that came with it. Bianchi readily took it upon herself to give me the talk. Yes. That talk. After learning that I was living with two men she'd given me a worried, almost aghast look and vowed to bestow all her 'women's knowledge' onto me. Which I already knew. It made things awkward to say the least. I knew how sex worked in theory. Did I mention that I was a virgin in both my old and new body? Well there you go, I've said it. I'd been a virgin at age twenty four. It's weirdly embarrassing to admit. I guess I.. cause of my introvet lifestyle I never really sought out clubs or other large social meetings where I might've found somebody. And I didn't just want anybody, I had standards. Both of these factors contributed to my lack of sexual encounters. It was fine though, honestly. After all I had fingers. 

"You should always wear protection," she told me wisely. "If you get pregnant without being married..."

We gave each other serious looks. I swallowed hard and nodded quickly. 

"I get it Bianchi. Don Vongola wouldn't approve."

"Oh, I don't think he's the one you need to be worried about," she said and tossed her hair over her shoulder. "Well, not as much. He'd certainly disapprove. But that son of his..."

"Xanxus?" I asked, to which she nearly flinched. 

"Yes, that one. I've only seen him a handful of times, but he always seems so angry. Like he's ready to tear your head off for looking at him. I wouldn't want to cross that guy. You being his father's ward and thereby almost like an adopted sister...."

An involuntary shudder ran down my spine. Definitely not. No way. She got it completely wrong. I decidedly had no familial feelings towards him whatsoever. Not that she needed to know that.

"He'd kill me," I muttered and cast my eyes down.

"That's a possibility," she agreed. "So do as I said. And once you're older you can start taking the pill for extra protection. My aunt is a gynecologist. I get my prescription from her."

Bianchi winked at me. I frowned with confusion. "So?"

"She understands our situation," the older girl emphasized the last word meaningfully. "She's not so keen on these stuffy traditions either, so she won't say anything to my parents. So if you need anything, I can make arrangements. When you're older."

"Uh, sure. I appreciate it, Bianchi. Thanks."

"Always. And remember to stay safe."

"Yes."

With that I bade her farewell and left her dorm room. Bianchi was a big fan of incense and the cloying smell of whatever she burned in there always made me feel light headed. What a ridiculous idea. Me, in my twelve year old body, having sex. No way in hell. That would be pretty much self-harm. For the briefest moment the image of blonde curls and warm hazel eyes flashed before my inner eye. How long had it been since I last saw Antonio or even thought about him? Guilt suffused me. How could I call myself his friend if I never tried to make up for my, in hindsight rather rude, rejection? Additionally I felt a tight knot of frustration building in my throat. It was so unfair that I wasn't allowed to have friends lest Xanxus threaten to take them away. I still didn't understand why he even gave a shit. I didn't see him for three quarters of the year and yet he had the audacity to play himself up as my guardian. Or supervisor, rather. I considered talking to Nono about it, but quickly scrapped the idea. What was he supposed to do? Issue a restraining order? Hardly. Xanxus was, after all, his most beloved son. It was hard not to notice how he played favorites. In my two years of staying with them I'd never seen Nono's other sons around. The servants were reluctant to volunteer any information, but I gathered that they were afraid of Xanxus despite being nearly twice as old as him. Other than that the temperamental boy had almost completely free reign over both the Varia and the Vongola's money. He got what he wanted all the time. That was most likely why he thought he could do whatever he wanted to me. Control me. It made me gnash my teeth in frustration and swear to myself that I would break free of this gilded cage no matter what. I remembered how I thought -two years ago and so afraid- that I made my bed and had to lie in it. Now though I decided that I couldn't live like this. Eventually I was going to have to get up. 

There were holes everywhere. He'd told me to stay away from him in school and so that was exactly what I did. I spent more time with my classmates who may not have forgotten about the Incident, but they knew now that it wasn't my fault and readily and collectively forgave me. It was amazing to see how I wasn't the only one whose power was growing. The brawls in the school corridors and yard didn't stop, but by now I knew who my challengers were and how they fought. This made things both easier and tougher, since they developed their techniques. Squalo didn't give me any more jobs, but he occasionally taught me sword tricks if I begged and flattered him enough. Initially I had my doubts after that disastrous lesson at the mansion, but he organized a basic sword for me and an actually sharpened blade was easier to handle than a dull one. After a while we both noticed with surprise that I wasn't half bad at it. 

"Voi, keep your pace steady!" He yelled from two meters beside me as I kept slashing at the strawman standing before me. 

My hands hurt and I knew there were blisters forming after an unusually long training session. I frowned in irritation. 

"How long am I supposed to keep this up? It's been two hours!" I complained and took a step back to re-adjust my grip. 

"So?" He barked and crossed his arms. 

"I've got blisters! Look!" I cried and showed him the raw spots on my palm. 

"Boo hoo. Get back to work." 

I narrowed my eyes at him. Squalo looked weirdly intense, squinting his eyes as if he was trying to figure something out or thinking really hard. His posture was relaxed, but there was a stiff set to his shoulders. I shook my head and rolled my eyes. 

"Got any work for me?" I asked routinely as I fixed my eyes on the mangled strawman. 

"No," he grunted in response. "Now focus."

"I am," I replied stubbornly. 

"Cut it in half."

"What?"

"Voi, did I fucking stutter?"

I glared at the strawman, which was being held up by a metal pole. Great, finally a good sword and now I had to trash it. He seemed to think that I had to be as talented a swordsman as he if he was going to spend his time teaching me. Oh well. I inhaled deeply and let calm wash over me, centering my focus on the blade before me. Worrying endlessly only weakened my power. I remembered that I was special; this body was capable of incredible things. There was nothing to it but try to advance even further. That was my ultimate goal. I gripped the handle with both hands and set my eyes on the puppet feeling a strange determination settle in my gut. 

"That's it," I heard him say from the side. 

Ignoring him I breathed deeply and felt the determination creep along my veins, filling my body with anticipation. It energized me and suddenly nothing seemed impossible anymore. It was the same feeling that had enabled me to fly across the chasm between two rooves. Once more my body felt incredibly light. A cold fire filled my veins with every beat of my heart. My head felt empty, clear of thought. There was only a single idea in my mind and it was to cut that thing in half. I went into a half crouch and tensed my grip. With a burst of speed I flew towards the target. There was no hesitation and no doubt. I raised the sword over my shoulder and put my whole body into the swing. A high pitched metallic ring echoed across the smaller schoolyard behind the building. The top half of the strawman clattered to the floor along with the neatly seperated pole. A few stray whisks of straw sailed through the air. I inhaled and slowly lowered the sword. 

"Heh," Squalo said with a vicious grin. "Not bad for a shrimp. Not bad at all."

"This again," I murmured and went to pick up the discarded sheath to store the blade away. "When are you guys going to say 'good'?" 

Squalo was grinning viciously and bared his pointy teeth. Slowly he uncrossed his arms. I met his stare unflinchingly. After a few beats his eyes narrowed, though I saw something aking to approval in their pale grey depths. 

"Don't let it get to your head, shrimp. Cutting a metal pole is child's work. Literally," he barked a laugh as I scowled. "It's gonna take a lot more than that before I call you good."

"Ugh. Fine," I huffed and slung the sheat's strap over my shoulder. 

Squalo kept grinning as I winced at my raw hands. "If you keep practicing you might make a decent swordsman yet."

"You sound eager," I pointed out bluntly, completely done with acting like the good little underling. 

It seemed like he was in a good mood for once seeing as he didn't immediately snap at me. Instead he gave me a calculating look that set my teeth on edge. Once again I was reminded that much like Xanxus, Squalo was a completely unpredictable psychopath. It was a bittersweet reminder not to get too comfortable around him. At least his rage was not so easily triggered. 

"Call it instinct," he said and flexed his mechanical hand, "But I think you'll be good someday. Very good."

I felt my eyes widen as I stopped in my tracks and stared at him. He walked past me unbothered by my stare. I hurried to keep up with his long strides, feeling quietly elated. So he felt it, too. Good to know it wasn't all in my head. A huge smile grew on my face. He shot me a sidelong glance and snorted. 

"When's the last time you killed?"

Caught off guard I nearly stumbled and grabbed the sheath to keep it from sliding off my shoulder. 

"It's... been a while," I hedged. 

Squalo clicked his tongue with an annoyed look. "That's no good. You need to stay sharp."

What could I say to that? That I didn't want to kill anymore? That the lives I'd taken already weighed on my conscience? Suddenly I thought of my classmates, who were all growing in power. The others, less familiar faces. Those who still sought me out to brawl. They didn't pull their punches. It hit me like a tonne of bricks then. They never hesitated to go for weak spots, to use a moment of distraction. They were... we were all.... my head spun with revelation. I stopped in my tracks and Squalo didn't seem to notice until he was almost all the way down the corridor. Black hair fell into my eyes as I lowered my head. Feeling like breaking and sinking at the same time. It was a dizzying mix of emotions, a war between who I used to be and who I'd become. How could I reconcile those two versions of me? Would I have to let go, let my former life go to move on? The prospect was frightening. Didn't that mean that I was finally going to have to accept the reality of the situation, that there was no going back? Didn't that mean that I had to kill a part of myself? The twenty five year old me who was firmly rooted in reality? But who was I then? 

"Voi! Get moving, brat!" 

Out of the maelstrom of emotional turmoil in my chest rose a surge of anger like a tsunami, sweeping aside everything else. Slowly I lifted my head and glared at him. Squalo stilled as our gazes met across the hallway. It wrapped around me like a protective coat and quieted the ache of confusion in my heart. It filled my throat with fire and my limbs with strenght. All at once I welcomed this surge of unfamiliar power and made it my own. 

"Don't you fucking call me brat," I rasped hoarsely as I stared him down. 

His nostrils flared as he stared at me like he'd never seen me before. So suddenly that it startled me out of my reverie he began to laugh. It started as a chortle that turned into a full blown belly laugh. I gripped the strap of the sword sheath and grit my teeth with embarrassment. I didn't know what had come over me and it was slightly unnerving. Was I cracking under the pressure at last? When he finally stopped laughing he grinned brightly. It was a sight to behold. He looked excited and approving. Of what, I wasn't sure. Only that it was mildly terrifying to be looked at like that. 

"Uh," I muttered intelligently. 

I wasn't sure if I should apologize. Didn't want to, at any rate. He turned around without another word and rounded the corner without waiting for me. I tsked. Rude. When I made it back to my dorm room I felt worn out. The events of the day kept replaying in my mind while I got ready for bed. When I laid down and closed my eyes I couldn't help but feel like I'd finally done something right.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have a hard time splitting this monster up in chapters. It's all one word document on my pc. >.>

Winter holidays began in the week before christmas. The Vongola mansion was covered in snow when we arrived home. It was already dark and the lights cast by the many windows made it look homey in ways that softened my heart. Xanxus looked sullen as he stared out of the window, hands stuffed in his pockets. It's like he forgot I was there. I used this rare chance to observe him discreetly. At times like this he truly looked like the moody teen that he was. Not like the ruthless mafia Don he aimed to emulate. In all honestly I liked him better like this. It made him look more human. Safer. My gut did a funny thing where it was suddenly all aflutter and I had to avert my gaze. I pressed my tongue to the roof of my mouth and forced my thoughts back to neutral territory. Nono welcomed us in the entrance hall, dressed in a knit vest over a white dress shirt, wearing cord trousers. He looked so happy to see the both of us that it made my heart melt. As always I went in for a hug. Xanxus hung back and acted aloof as he always did, but his greeting lacked the usual rancor. 

"Yumi! I'm glad you're doing well! Welcome home!"

"Hi Nono," I grinned as he let go. 

"Xanxus, son. You've grown taller again."

"Old man," the raven haired teen replied and crossed his arms. 

"I've got a special surprise planned this christmas," he announced as he guided us to the dining room. 

From the corners of my eyes I could see Xanxus' brows twitch into a frown. After the road trip incident I'd become hyper aware of him whenver he was near me. We hadn't spoken since then and he'd ignored me the entire ride. His cold shoulder treatment made my chest ache. I stuffed the emotion down into a corner of my heart, where it belonged. I tried to remind myself that he was being a controlling jerk and I should be mad at him with limited success. Nono sat us down at the table and a servant began to bring food from the kitchen. Nono looked happy and excited to see us. I focused my attention on him, desperate for distraction. 

"I've decided to host a christmas party this year!" He announced and spread his arms out. "I'll invite the entire family here. It's going to be a merry gathering!"

"What, all of them?" I gaped. "That's got to be like, a thousand people!"

"Not all of them. Just those who are in Italy at the moment," Nono chuckled. "Which would be.. around a hundred people. The Varia is invited, too, of course."

"Hn, they'll love that." Xanxus' voice dripped with sarcasm. 

I winced. Nono turned his bright grin on me. "Your friends from the hideout will be coming with their families, too. What do you say to that?"

"Really?" My eyes widened. "You.. you've invited them? That's great!"

My heart soared in my chest when I thought about how much these kids deserved an evening of good food and laughter. I looked forward to seeing them again. Especially Antonio. The way we'd parted at the beach didn't sit right with me. I was sure he'd have gotten over his little crush by now. We got along just fine and I wanted to keep him as a friend. The others, too. Nono looked satisfied with my enthusiastic response and grinned.

"Yes. You'll see, it's going to be a wonderful party with all of them here. This way you'll get to meet more family members."

"Great," I replied distractedly, wondering what I'd say to Antonio after this mess. 

"Oh, and I've invited an old friend of mine over the weekend. Sergio Carvelli and his son will keep us company for two days."

I nodded absently. Nono gave me an oddly mischievous look. "Arturo is around your age. You'll see, the two of you will get along splendidly."

What is it about old people that they just assume that, because two kids are the same age they must get along? I never have and never will understand that logic. An uncomfortable sensation interrupted my musings and I automatically glanced down the table, where Xanxus was cutting up his steak with a most ferocious expression. I blinked at him before returning my attention to my own food. It was excellent as usual. 

"Arturo is such a good boy. Very polite. I hear he's also a talented fencer. Won the school championship two times in a row," the old man went on.

I nodded in polite confusion. That sounded like he was a well-groomed upper class boy. Nono kept smiling at me until I returned my attention to my food. 

"I expect you'll be a good hostess. Ah yes, during his stay it's your responsibility to entertain him." At my incredulous stare he chuckled and put his cutlery down. "What's with that look? Since you're my ward it is my responsibility to prepare you for your future duties, which includes hosting social events for the family."

A stone dropped in my stomach and I swallowed hard. Ah yes. My 'future duties' as a mafia wife. Suddenly it all made sense. Nono was trying to set me up with this Arturo. I felt almost scandalized once I realized what was up. I mean, shit. It's one thing to read about arranged marriages, another to suddenly have somebody decide which guy you should fancy. I dabbed at my mouth with a napkin, keeping my eyes on the table. Alright, I told myself. Alright. Let's approach this rationally. You knew this was a possibility. This is happening. Just.. Let it happen. Give Arturo a chance. I didn't think Nono would force me into anything. When I looked into his smiling, sincere face that belief solidified in me. Alright. I could do this. Just.. let it happen. I let out a small huff and folded the napkin besides my plate.

"Alright," I said. "I'll try my best."

"Great," Nono said with apparent satisfaction. 

There was a loud clack from the other end of the table. Both of us looked up when Xanus forcefully put down his cutlery. He was glowering at his empty plate as if it had personally offended him. When he looked up there was fire in his eyes. 

"I'm going out." He announced harshly. 

"Xanxus, it's eleven in the evening!" Nono protested with furrowed brows. 

"So what?" The rebellious teen growled and shoved his chair back. 

"You know you won't be let in until the morning, right?" I asked dryly, already exasperated at his little tantrum.

The look that remark earned me made me freeze in my chair. There was something dark and savage in him. Something beyond control. I should stop underestimating that, I thought with faint panic. 

"Shut up," he snarled. "Who the fuck asked you to open your stupid mouth, trash?"

"Xanxus!" Nono snapped.

The wild eyed teen pushed to his feet and stomped out of the dining room without another word. The door slammed behind him and then the tempest that was Xanxus was gone. I sighed and relaxed slightly. Nono rubbed his temple. 

"That boy," he said quietly to himself. "He needs to learn some self-control. Don't take his words to heart, Yumi."

"I know," I replied quietly. "I won't."

Easier said than done. Lately everything he did and said took on a special quality of importance to me. It fucking hurt to be treated like this. I knew it should pearl off me like water off a duck's feathers, but it didn't. Nothing I did seemed to matter to him except when I did something he deemed wrong. There was just no pleasing him. If I was never going to be worthy in his eyes then why not stop trying? The rest of diner went quietly. I went to my room and unpacked. The hollow ache in my chest wasn't going away. I stared out at the dark forest behind the mansion and felt my eyes grow wet despite myself. 

"Goddamit. Why him?" I whispered hoarsely at my reflection. "Why him?"

A sob tore its way out of my throat and I clamped my hand over my mouth, fighting a fierce and desperate battle against my own heart. Why him? Why why why? Why was I so dumb? So hopeless. I should've never picked up that manga again. I should've never given Xanxus a second look, should've never looked at fanart, should've never read fanfic. I should've never sat down in that fucking cardboard box. I lost so much more than I gained. When that thought hit, it hit me like a truck. I sunk down to my knees and wept, sucking in harsh breaths inbetween sobs. None of this should be real. I shouldn't be fucking suffering like this! 

"Why?" I croaked out and wiped furiously at my eyes. "Da-dammit."

There was no answer from the empty room. I was left to my own despair as I sat there alone. No one was going to save me. There was no waking up from this nightmare. From here on out, I was on my own. I had to save myself. I buried my face in my hands and rode it out until I stopped crying. When the hiccups and the sniffles subsided I just breathed with my eyes closed until I felt ready. I stood up slowly and changed into my pyjamas feeling oddly mellow, the aftermath of a good cry. At the end of it all, this was my life now. For better or worse. As I buried myself under the covers and killled the light I swore to myself to be my own best friend, my own lover, my own savior. It calmed that wild, hysterical part in me that wanted to cry and yell about the unfairness of it all. 

"Suck it up," I murmured into the pillow. "Roll with the punches 'n shit."

What else could I do?


	21. Chapter 21

Sergio Carvelli was a portly old man with slicked back black hair that was lined with grey at the temples and an enormous black handlebar moustache. He was broad shouldered and tall. At first he was intimidating when he loomed over me, dressed in an expensive pinestripe suit, but then he broke into a broad grin and bent down to pick me up and spin me around once. It was such an unexpected turn of events that I let out a surprised squeal. 

"HAHA! What a lovely little creature you have there, Nono!" He bellowed and gently set me down. "What is your name, child?"

"It's Yumi," I said and staggered a bit from the whiplash. 

"Oho! What a cute name! It fits the bambini!" He shook hands with Nono, who watched us with a huge grin. "Good to see you again, old friend."

"Good indeed," Nono replied benevolently. "Where is your son?"

"ARTURO!" He bellowed loudly enough to make Amanda nearly drop her broom on the other side of the foyer. 

"I'm here father," replied a slightly disgruntled male voice behind him. 

The broad man stepped to the side to reveal a tall, lanky young boy with short wavy black hair and ice blue eyes. His features were classically handsome. I blinked and stared. He literally looked like the stereotypical tall dark and handsome hero of some gothic romance novel. He had a straight aristocratic nose, elegantly curved eyebrows, a finely chiseled chin and jaw. Hell, I'd never seen anybody so perfect my entire life. He looked like somebody drew him. Normally I would've swooned a bit, but I was too flabbergasted that somebody so perfect existed. And he was only a teenager! No doubt he'd grow up to be a major heartthrob. The boy looked a bit glum as he stepped forward and regarded me. In the face of such perfection I grew instantly self-conscious. Old habits die hard, I suppose. After a brief moment of study he stuck out his hand. I grasped it, but he surprised me by twisting it around and bringing it up to his mouth for a swift kiss. My jaw dropped. Signore Carvelli let out a booming laugh. Nono joined him with a twinkle in his eyes. I felt absolutely overwhelmed. 

"It is a pleasure to meet you, signorina. My name is Arturo Carvelli," he said smoothly and released my hand. 

"Uh, I'm Yumi," I said and shot a helpless glance at Nono. Should I..? "Yumi Vongola."

"Such a well-mannered young man. Make yourself at home. Yumi, we've prepared the guest quarters in the west wing. Why don't you show Arturo his room while his father and I talk?"

West wing... I scrunched my face up. Wait a second! That was where the family slept! So the honored guests got to stay with the Vongolas. I'd never been there before, but knew the vague directions. I glanced at Arturo, who underneath his polite expression looked vaguely wary and bored. 

"Sure. Follow me," I told him and turned towards the stairs. 

"Ah, wait up!" He called after me. 

I stopped in my tracks and fought not to blush, suddenly self-conscious. I knew exactly shit about etiquette. At least Xanxus wasn't there to make a snide remark about my humble origins. Arturo looked vaguely amused as he walked up to me with a large black suitcase in tow. 

"Good to go," he nodded at me with the hint of a grin.

"Yeah ok," I muttered.

The west wing, I noticed, looked a lot more homely than the other wings of the mansion. For one it was decorated with family pictures instead of the generic scenery and still life paintings. The sideboards contained various knickknacks and I spotted some random items lying around. To my surprise I spotted what was undoubtedly Xanxus' room with ease. The wood beside the doorhandle was a little worn and splintered as if it was used to being thrown closed with great force. There was a crack in the wood in the lower panel. A few old dark stains were on the carpet in front of the room, persisting despite the maids' efforts. For some reason I was certain they were blood. A shiver ran down my spine. 

"What's wrong?" He asked and gave me a curious look. 

"Nothing," I replied quickly and led him further down the corridor. "Have you been here before?"

"Just once," he said. "When I was very young. We stayed in these two rooms."

Relief flooded me when he pointed at the two adjoining rooms at the end of the corridor. When he raised one brow with a good natured grin I fought down a blush and knew I'd been caught.

"So you're not staying with the family, I take it?" He surmised. 

"No," I said. "I stay in the east wing."

"Ah. Pardon my curiosity, but I've been told you are the Don's.."

"Ward," I said.

"So he didn't adopt you." 

"I guess not?" I shrugged. "He's just my legal guardian."

"Count yourself lucky then," he said with a wry grin. 

"Huh?" I blinked at him in confusion.

The raven haired teen nodded down the hallway. I followed his gaze and raised my brows when it landed on the abused door. When I looked at him he gave me a knowing look.

"One less target on the list," he said and ran a hand through his messy hair. 

"Lucky me," I muttered.

Arturo laughed lightly, which made his already bright eyes light up. 

"Indeed," he chuckled. "I think I like you, Yumi."

"Thanks," I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck. "Listen, about that."

The boy sobered and his face turned solemn, gaze cautious. I bit my lower lip and glared at the door. 

"I know," he said quickly just as I opened my mouth. "I know, okay? This isn't the first time I've been toted around like some sort of prize mare."

I gave him a concerned look when his brow creased. He looked thoughtful. "It's just how it is, isn't it?"

"Yeah, absolutely," he nodded at me. "As I said, I actually like you. Unlike other girls I've met. So let's just.."

I blinked up at him in surprise when he grabbed my limp hand and gave me a small grin. There was no maliciousness, no ulterior motive in his eyes. Just amusement and honest curiosity. I relaxed and hesitantly returned his smile. 

"Let's just get to know each other, yeah? Make the weekend fun."

"Sure!" I replied eagerly. 

We both looked up when heavy footsteps came up the stairs. The hairs at the back of my neck rose when Xanxus rounded the corner with a sullen look that darkened when he saw us there. He stopped abruptly and glared. 

"Getting familiar already, huh?" He sneered.

The ugliness of his derisive tone made me frown. Arturo squeezed my hand and I looked at him. He raised a brow, apparently unperturbed by the older boy's foul mood. He was the first person I'd seen who didn't cower under that wrath. My lips parted in shock when he tugged at my hand with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. 

"Let's go," he told me with a little grin. 

Somehow, when I looked at his easygoing demeanour the tension seeped from me. My wariness dissipated and I felt at ease again. It returned when I glanced at Xanxus, but more mildly. 

"Um, sure!" I hastened to say and started to move.

He didn't let go of my hand so I had to hurry to follow him down the hallway. Towards where Xanxus was standing unmoving. My hackles raised. Those red eyes were like laser beams when they landed on our joined hands, almost burning in their intensity. I couldn't do this now. So instead I looked at the back of Arturo's head, hoping he didn't mind the way my palms started to sweat. When we walked past him his red gaze zeroed in on Arturo and for one heart-stopping moment I thought he was going to do something, but nothing happened. I didn't dare to breathe until we were descending the stairs into the foyer. Once we'd made it into the livingroom I let out a shaky breath. When he turned around I could see how pale he was. 

"That- that was so brave!" I burst out after closing the door behind me. 

Arturo just shrugged and distractedly ran a hand through his hair. He gave me an indecipherable look before he dropped his hand. 

"Must be difficult to live with that guy," he said quietly. 

"You have no idea," I said with feeling and let my shoulders sag. 

Arturo frowned and shook his head once before his expression cleared. "Hey, is that Linkin Park?"

My gaze landed on the CD on the coffee table. "Yeah!"

"You listen to them, too? Cool. What's your favorite album?"

"Hybrid Theory! The classic emo album," I cackled a bit self-depreciatingly. 

"Sometimes you need to feel a bit emo," he nodded wisely.

I grinned. "You get it."

"So what's your favorite song?"

"In the End. What's yours?"

"Crawling," he drawled.

I smirked and held up my hand for a high five. Arturo blinked before he returned the high five with a grin of his own. After discovering our similiar interests we quickly found out that our tastes in music were pretty much the same. I couldn't quite believe that I finally found somebody else who enjoyed the same kind of stuff that I did. Suddenly I found myself talking in depth about things that nobody else ever got. It was such a great liberating feeling and from the bright interest in his eyes I could tell that he must be feeling the same. 

"Wow, I can't believe you know Centhron!" He exclaimed and made a sweeping gesture with his hand. "This is like, a first. I was right all along! You're pretty great, Yumi!"

"Ha, right back at you, buddy," I grinned.

We'd taken to lounging on the couch. I switched on tv and turned the volume down low. Arturo threw me a smirk before he snatched the remote and turned it to a lifetime channel. An unbidden burst of laughter tore its way out of me when that wacky sitcom came on again. The horrible nun was back full force, ranting and raving while waving a burning candle about. 

"Oh fuck no," I gasped in between giggles.

"No way, you watch 'Red Roses', too?" He smirked. 

"You do?!"

"Absolutely. It's the worst show of all time, which is why it's so good. It doesn't take itself seriously at all. Look at her," he said and gestured at the tv with the remote. 

I did and promptly broke out into another fit of giggles. We spent the following day almost glued together, playing badminton in the backyard, taking walks across the mansion grounds and most of all talking. Arturo was so easy to get along with. He was a born conversationalist, attentive and perfectly charming in his replies. It made me feel increasingly bad, because I felt absolutely nothing for him besides growing friendship. Saturday afternoon we were lounging on the couch in the deserted livingroom again when he suddenly let out a deep sigh. 

"Yumi, I like you. I really do. I just don't think this is working," he said regretfully. 

"What's not working?" I asked quickly, feeling my heart clench with dismay. 

He inclined his head and raised an eyebrow at me. "This. You. Me." He gestured between us.

"Yeah, I know," I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck. "I like you too. Just not like that. Our dads are gonna be so disappointed."

A frown creased his brow and he looked away, uncharacteristically downcast. It pricked my curiosity. In all the time we spent together I'd never seen him look so defeated. It felt off somehow, the gravity of his expression far exceeding this turn of events. I leaned towards him and touched his arm.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he replied before giving me a worried look. "It's got nothing to do with you, Yumi. It's just.."

"You can tell me. Promise I won't say anything," I reassured him quickly. 

Arturo's shoulders slumped. My alarm increased when his composure crumbled. 

"It's my father," he said darkly. "He's been pushing me to 'accquire' you, as he put it. I don't know what's gotten into him. Ever since he joined that club..."

"What club?"

"Renaiscentia. They're a history group, or something. Never knew he was into re-enactment," he muttered. "He's been talking about the past glory of the mafia all the time."

I blinked. "Wait a second, accquire me!?"

"Yes," he sounded pained and gave me an apologetic look. "He ordered me to make you fall in love with me by any means neccessary."

"What?" I gaped at him. "And you.. you went along with it?"

"At first, yes," he admitted. "You have to believe me, though. I'm not pretending to like you. I really feel like we've become friends."

"That's..." I was at a loss for words. "Should I have expected this?"

"I know what you're thinking. This isn't the first time dad has tried to set me up, so I've grown used to it. Just.. This time he's been really serious about it." Arturo's gaze grew dark with worry as he glanced away as if remembering something. "He's never been so insistent. He even threatened to send me away to military school if I fail. Can you imagine that? Me? At military school?"

I winced in sympathy at his pained expression. He was thin and lean, had long pianist's fingers and noble features. They'd eat him alive. He shuddered. My thoughts began to race. 

"We have to figure something out," I said with a thoughtful frown. "They'll expect results. I don't want you to get sent away, but since we're clearly not in love..."

"And pretending would only buy us so much time," he added with a nod. 

We glanced at each other with matching worried expressions. Renaiscentia. That sounded a bit too much like Renaissance to me. 

"Say, do you know anything else about that club your father joined?" 

"Only that they're some sort of exclusive mafia club. Ever since mom left, he's been really down. He always went to a gentleman's club on Sundays. I think that's where he heard of Renaiscentia. Then he joined that group and it's like he's changed his entire personality. You know, he never used to wear suits." Arturo sounded wistful. "He even carries himself differently. He's become so arrogant..."

"Do you think the club might have something to do with this?" I asked slowly. 

"What?" He blinked. "You seriously think the club put him up to try and set us up?"

"I'm the Don's ward, after all," I reminded him dryly. "If my history lessons taught me one thing, it's that all the smaller mafia families are always vying for Don Vongola's favor, throwing their offspring at his or her children. If we were to get married, that would put your family in a huge spot of favor."

"So you think that they're using my father to get at the Vongola? That sounds like a conspiracy theory," he pointed out gently. 

"You said it yourself that he changed completely after joining them," I challenged. 

"Father is not so weak-willed," he replied stiffly. 

"I'm sorry," I said and put my hand on his. "I didn't mean to offend you. Perhaps there is another explaination."

"Maybe," he replied warily. "It doesn't matter. Right now we have to come up with something."

I swallowed and slowly removed my hand. My gaze wandered around the room in the vain hope that a solution to our dilemma would come to me. Instinct told me that there was something dangerous afoot, but without proof there was nothing we could do about it. That dark throne like leather chair snagged my attention. Xanxus shone with his absence ever since the day before. I wondered where he'd gone off to. Was he really still sulking? 

After first meeting Mr. Carvelli I thought he'd be a nice old man, but diner that night put a damper on that impression. He talked in a loud, domineering voice and frequently interrupted Nono whenever he spoke. His gestures were wide and exaggerated in their grandeur, his expression set in a firm look of smugness mixed with self-satisfaction. Worst of all, he seemed to assume Arturo and me were as good as married. 

"And I'm sure the girl will have a boy first," he announced and shot Nono a smug grin. 

"Old friend, isn't that reaching a bit too far into the future?" Nono asked in a gentle but firm voice after the other man had spend an incredibly uncomfortable quarter hour talking loudly about what a good match we were. 

"Nonsense!" Boomed Mr. Carvelli and beconed one of the maids over to fill his cup with his pointer finger. "You there! More wine!"

I winced internally at this show of machismo. Even Nono's brow creased a little. I couldn't believe what a gigantic asshole he turned out to be. Arturo looked deathly embarrassed where he sat opposite me. When our gazes met I saw great sadness and resignation in his eyes. It made me determined to get to the bottom of this. I'd googled Renaiscentia when we'd parted to get ready for dinner. It was an exclusive club indeed. You needed a password to even access their website. The other entires in the search engine were not particularly helpful, but vaguely ominous. Time for plan B. After dinner the two old men went to the libary together, even though I could see a certain strain around Nono's eyes by the end. Arturo excused himself after his dad was out of sight and I decided to give him some space. He looked really worn out and I felt my heart go out for him. That was why I just had to find out more. Xanxus came home after midnight. I heard the front door rattle when he threw it closed behind him. It was not surprising to find out he had a spare key. His arrival had startled me from dozing on a chair and I stood up quickly. When he noticed me he glared.

"What are you doing still up?"

"Where have you been?" I asked back defiantly. 

In response his eyes narrowed. I sighed and dropped my crossed arms. I wasn't here to fight.

"Listen, it's about Arturo-"

"What about that limp-wristed offspring of a third-rate family?" He sneered. 

I took a calming breath and gave him an annoyed look. "That's uncalled for. He's nice."

"Hn."

"Do you.. do you know anything about Renaiscentia?" I asked quietly.

In response I saw how his gaze turned instantly guarded as he regarded me warily. Bingo. I crossed my arms and stared at him.

"Where did you hear that?" He asked back.

Somewhere I heard a door open and quickly glanced around. "Come with me for a sec. Please."

To my sheer amazement he actually listened. We slipped into the kitchen, which looked eerie in the darkness. Xanxus closed the door behind him and I listened for footsteps. For a moment we were both quiet until the footsteps disappeared. 

"It's the name of a club," I said after a few beats, watching him like a hawk. "A secret club. Something about history?"

"What's this about?" He asked briskly. 

"Can you tell me more about it?"

"No. Not unless you quit wasting my time and tell me where you heard that name."

"Fine," I sighed. "It's the name of the club Arturo's dad is a member of. He's worried-"

"And he should be," Xanxus hissed and straightened to his full height, looking suddenly incensed beyond belief. 

"Why?" I asked defiantly. 

"Because," he said and glared down at me. "They're a bunch of lunatics."

A stone dropped in my stomach and I swallowed. "I knew it."

"If he's involved with them," he growled. "Fuck. That means-"

There was an explosion outside. We both ducked instinctively and stared at each other. With the kitchen windows facing the frontyard we could see many human shapes moving in the dark. In front of the gates were several black vans, out of which men clad in black combat gear were pouring. My heart started pounding in my chest. 

"Oh no. We have to get to Nono!" I panicked. 

"Stay put," he snapped and withdrew his guns from his jacket. 

"No way!" I hissed back. 

"Yumi, I swear to god-!"

My wonder at the fact that this was the first time I heard him say my name evaporated when we heard windows shattering in the front hall under a salve of gunfire. People were yelling outside and the assailants began to advance on the mansion. Thinking quickly I remembered that I left my own gun in my room in the east wing. There was an old saber hanging over the fireplace in the livingroom across the front hall. Xanxus glared at the kitchen door and switched the safety off his guns. 

"I'm coming with you," I hissed quietly. 

He narrowed his eyes at me. "You're a liability. Stay here."

Hurt by his words I grit my teeth and glared. There was no convincing him. I refused to stay here when there was a good chance these people were out to kill all of us. This was Renaiscentia's work, I was sure of it. Nono's life was in danger. After all he'd done for me I couldn't just do nothing. 

"You're gonna have to stop underestimating me," I grit out and tensed. "Cover me."

"YOU-!"

I used a burst of speed to slip past him and out of the door. My heart nearly jumped out of my chest when I saw the mercenaries about to climb through the front windows. I sped across the hall and into the livingroom. Without thinking I grabbed the old sword and tossed the decorative hilt aside. I let out a breath of relief when I saw the edge was still sharp. When I snuck up to the door I saw Xanxus standing in the shadow behind the kitchen door. Even through the twilight I saw his burning gaze. He was angry. Very angry. Good, I thought viciously. Let him loose on the invaders. I have to find Nono. It didn't occur to me then that I might end up dying. The adrenaline sharpened my focus. There were two dozen men at the very least. All of them armed with heavy rifles. What the hell were they trying to accomplish? Throw the mafia into chaos by killing the Vongola family? Who'd profit from that? The smaller families, I thought grimly. I caught his gaze and gestured at the stairs. He gave no sign that he understood. I had only one shot at this. Between the two of us he was definitely better equipped to take care of that many armed men. That left the job of saving Nono to me. I swallowed hard and nodded once. Five guys were already inside. A series of explosive shots sent them flying, their blood spraying through the air in wide arcs. My stomach twisted at the sight so I focused on my breathing. In and out. Then I started to run. Going upstairs with my speed was a new experience. I only needed to take a step every four stairs, but even that felt like it was too slow. I heard a shot zoom past me and miss by a hair's breath. Then another series of explosive rounds and screaming. When I made it up I hurried down the hallway before it occurred to me to sneak. They said they were going to the library.. The door was slightly ajar, casting a stripe of orange light into the dark hallway. Two agitated voices were arguing inside. I crept across the floor, mindful to only walk on the carpet instead of the wooden floor, sword firmly in my sweaty hand. 

"-no longer willing to be a vassal in my own territory!" Mr. Carvelli was saying. 

"You're not my vassal your're my friend, Sergio! Who put that nonsense in your head?" Nono demanded, sounding more upset and strained than I'd ever heard him. 

Once I got a good look inside I realized why that was. Carvelli had him pinned to the wall with an elbow to his throat. His scepter was lying several feet away on the floor. 

Carvelli looked positively unhinged. His gelled hair was askew and his eyes wide and fevrish. The garish fist sized medal pinned to his suit caught my eye. It glinted in the light of the fireplace, showing a diamond shaped ruby surrounded by a green circle. It was pompous and tacky, with no other purpose than to rub one's wealth into your eyes. Nono struggled against him. 

"Your damn family has kept us down, has kept this entire region from evolving for centuries! This province is a backwater shithole because you've kept all the wealth to yourself! You never cared about any of us! You never helped build an infrastructure because you enjoy playing king to our peasants!" Carvelli snarled.

Images of Brisallore came to my mind. They way it looked, the way people dressed. It was very.. 50's, to say the least. Maybe he had a point? Nono's face twisted at the accusations. 

"That's not it! I've kept foreigners out to protect our independence and our way of life! What would this region look like if it was overrun by investors? Do you want to turn this place into a tourist trap like Venice?"

"You're all that's standing between us and the future! How many people support your vision, huh? Do you think the many families that had to bend their knee to the Vongola enjoy the way you run things? Let me tell you one thing: this system is antiquated! It's time we return to the way things were before the Vongola seized power!"

"The council of five?" Nono rasped. 

I gasped quietly. The council of five had been the ruling body of the mafia many centuries ago, before the Vongola established itself as the most powerful family. It had consisted of the heads of the five strongest mafia clans. From what I'd been told it was a mess of plots, backstabbing and inefficiency. Carvelli sneered.

"We must return to the old order. It's the only way forward. We don't want you calling all the shots anymore, Timoteo. You're too weak to lead. It's been so easy to keep you blind from our activities. You senile old fool, you must think you're invincible in this place. How easy it was to bypass your security! My men are overruning this house as we speak. Who's going to save you now, tyrant?"

"I am!" I said as I stepped forward. 

Carvelli turned his head around and let out a bark of ugly laughter when he saw me standing there. 

"You? A slip of a girl with a stolen sword? Don't make me laugh. Go back to your room, kid. I'll deal with you later."

An unholy rage overcame me. Him, too. All of them underestimated my power. The very real power thrumming through my veins. My vision dimmed until I felt like I was standing on that glacier again in the middle of the night. Suddenly I felt a presence behind me. 

"Kill him," a female voice murmured beside my ear. 

It felt like the ghost of a pair of arms wound around my shoulders to rest on mine. A ghostly hand gripped the fist with which I held the sword. A shiver ran down my arms. A strange calm blanketed my thoughts. 

"Kill him," whoever she was whispered again, a bit more insistently. 

I swallowed hard. "Y-yeah."

"Do it for me," she whispered. "You owe me, remember?"

My eyes widened and my head snapped up. I was back in the room and Carvelli was still glaring at me. Nono gave me a worried look. 

"Listen to him, Yumi. Don't do anything rash!" He winced when Carvelli's elbow dug more into his throat. 

My heart was hammering inside my chest and I felt cold all over. Yet my head was clear and my muscles steady. I was sure I'd never been this focused in my life before. 

"Insolent brat! I'll teach you to mess with an adult!" Carvelli barked and delivered a vicious sucker punch into Nono's gut that made him groan and sink to the floor. 

He turned to face me and cracked his knuckles. Then the door flew open and Arturo burst into the room with a panicked look.

"Stop it, father! I'm begging you! Stop this madness before it's too late!" He took a step towards his father and held out his hand in supplication.

"You!" Carvelli barked angrily. "I told you to stay in your room! You can't do anything right, just like your worthless mother!" 

He crossed the room in two long strides and backhanded his son so hard he hit the wall and sunk down unconscious. I had enough. 

"You're mad," I snapped. "Completely insane! Look at what you've done! Arturo is your son!"

"Arturo is just as weak as his mother!" Carvelli growled as he turned towards me. "She ran to the police and ratted us out! Has he told you that yet? Seems like he's taking after his traitorous mother!"

"Arturo is a better person than you. I can tell already, even though I've only spent a day with him," I growled back and widened my stance. 

"Enough of this! I'll teach you to mess with an adult!"

"I don't think so," I said and lifted my sword. 

I was fast and my strikes were true, but the old man had experience. He blocked my strikes with brass knuckles he slipped on out of nowhere. And he was fast, too. Really fast. I estimated that one punch with those knuckles would end the fight. Tension thrummed through me as I evaded his brutish strikes. So he was a brawler. As I thought. His fighting style was unrefined, based entirely on overpowering his opponent. His massive build allowed him to chase me around the edges of the room. The problem was that I, despite everything, hesitated to go for the kill. This wasn't just a faceless goon. He was Arturo's dad. I grit my teeth as I dodged another heavy swing. Carvelli was completely mad. Whatever had happened to him? What had Renaiscentia done? Who were they? What was Xanxus not telling me? Those questions distracted me. I was one second too slow to dodge the next swing. His massive meaty fist sunk into my stomach and sent me flying clear across the room. The wind was knocked out of me and I saw stars when my head slammed against the wall. My vision blurred and I gasped for air like a fish out of water. 

"That's what you get!" He spat. "Insolent brat! I had high hopes for you and Arturo, but that's over now! I don't need you or him anymore! The Vongola will burn! Renaiscentia will lead the mafia into a new age of prosperity!"

A sudden urge to vomit overcame me and I twisted to the side to empty my stomach on the hardwood floor. All my strenght had been sapped with that one strike. It was all over now. My body wouldn't move, not even when he walked towards me. Fierce self-loathing overcame me. I'd been the arrogant one, thinking I could take a mafia boss. What was so special about me? A cool breeze wafted through the room. When Arturo had burst inside he hadn't bothered to close the door behind him. Come to think of it, I wasn't hearing any noise from outside anymore. That could only mean Xanxus had finished off the reinforcements. If anyone could take Carvelli, it was him. I only had to guide him here. Just one little thing. I could do one little thing, right?

"Come on. You promised me. Remember? You promised you'd use my body well. You said you would maximize its potential. That wasn't a lie, was it?"

That voice. Again? Who..? Was that her? The girl whose body I wore. Ah. That's right. I promised her. I grit my teeth and closed my eyes. It took all my remaining strenght to push myself up from the floor. 

"Yes. Yes! That's it!" She sounded eager. The sound of her voice in my head sent a shiver down my spine. "My body remembers me. It remembers how to kill, how to fight through the pain. You can't afford to weaken those instincts with your hesitation!"

"Ungh," I groaned as I got to my feet.

Carvelli was almost upon me. I glared up at him. The voice in my head laughed, a cold tinkling sound. Who was she? 

"I'm not an angel," she said with a grin in her voice. "Neither are you."

Ah. That's right. I breathed deeply, feeling the pain of my bruised flesh. This was real. I.. was not bound by the rules of logic. In retrospect I think that was the moment I fully accepted that I was no longer living in the world I knew. This was a whole different reality. This body... had so much potential. I wouldn't waste it. I'd promised her, after all. In response I felt a surge of power deep within me. Yes. I accepted everything. The power, the burden, the consequences. Carvelli hesitated and did a visible double take as he looked me in the eyes. 

"What's with that look?" He sounded unnerved. "You're too young to be looking at me like that!"

"I'm not so young anymore," I replied calmly. "And you've made a grave mistake."

I dropped into a crouch and pushed off the floor with a burst of speed. Carvelli let out a groan when my crossed forearms hit his middle, sending him skidding back towards the open door. I didn't stop there and dodged around his left side, kicking Nono's scepter towards him in the process. When I came to a stop in the doorframe he was fuming, his face red with rage. I couldn't stop smiling.

"You're dead!" He howled. "Dead! You hear me! I'll kill you all!"

"Not if you die first," I said and dropped down into a crouch. 

A shot rang out and a burst of fire and light zoomed over my head. I watched Carvelli's head explode with satisfaction. His heavy body crashed to the floor with a loud thump and then it was over. 

"Took you long enough," I said over my shoulder. 

Xanxus appeared with a might scowl on his face. I grabbed Arturo below the arms and stood up, dragging him over to a chaiselongue. Out of sight of his father's corpse. Nono stood up and dusted himself off before he regarded us with a stern look. 

"What you've done here today might upset the balance of the entire mafia world," he said with a deep frown. "Killing the Don of an allied family on our territory.. It will undoubtedly cause a huge scandal. I hope you understand what a terrible mistake this was."

"We saved your life!" I cried in outrage. "He was gonna kill you, Nono!"

"Forget it," Xanxus sneered and turned to leave. 

I stared at Nono, who only shook his head with a mournful look at Carvelli's corpse. I couldn't believe it! Nono was mad at US. We, who saved him! I scrambled up and hurried after Xanxus, fighting to keep my composure. 

"I can't believe it!" I burst out as I tailed him down the stairs. "He didn't even say thanks or anything!"

"That's the old man for you," the raven haired teen said and narrowed his eyes. 

"He chided us! For saving him and the entire mansion!" I threw my hands up in frustration. "This is insane!"

"Trash." He stopped short and rounded on me, making me freeze in my step. 

I swallowed as I looked at his annoyed face. There was a certain.. how to call it? Old hurt maybe? Resignation? In his eyes for the briefest moment. He let out a low grunt of annoyance. 

"He doesn't approve of our way of doing things," he sounded much calmer than he looked and he was staring me in the eyes as if willing me to understand. "This is why I don't tell him anything. Do you get it now? You did good, by the way."

I gaped at him. What? I almost pinched myself to be sure this wasn't some sort of fever dream. Xanxus snorted and looked away. I could swear the corners of his mouth curled in the barest ghost of a smile. 

"Uh? Thanks?" I stammered.

"Don't let it get to your head," he said and turned around, walking off to god knows where.

I was too stunned to follow. What?!?! As soon as I hit the mattress I was out like a light, but when I got up the next morning I couldn't stop replaying last night in my head. Did Xanxus seriously praise me? Really? Maybe it should've been telling that that was what stood out the most to me, but I was too flabbergasted to analyze it further. After an hour of puttering about my room, getting ready as slowly as humanly possible, a warm glow began to spread through my entire body. When I emerged I was practically beaming. It dimmed when I came downstairs to front hall, where the maids had covered the broken windows with plastic wrap. Arturo was standing there with his suitcase in tow, deep in conversation with Nono. I approached them slowly, feeling inexplicably guilty. 

"-will do my best to- Oh! Yumi!" Arturo turned to face me with a small smile.

I returned it hesitantly. "Hi Arturo."

"Please don't blame yourself for what happened," he told me gently. "I alone bear the burden of my father's actions, and it is I who must redeem my family."

"No, don't say that, it's not your fault-" I protested immediately, but he shushed me with a finger on my mouth. 

I blinked and felt my face flush at the unexpected contact. He smiled gently in return. Nono eyed us with a small grin. 

"What's done is done," he said with a hint of regret in his voice. "I must return to my family and settle business there. I'm his only child and therefore the new head of the family."

"But you're so young!" 

"That's why I offered to take on the role of his official guardian until he turns eighteen," Nono interjected. 

I stared between the two of them. "Really? How would that work?"

"I'll simply handle the paperwork while leaving Arturo free reign to make his decisions. I will of course send a trusted family member with him to offer counsel and guidance."

"That's very kind."

"It's the least I can do, since his father's untimely demise is my responsibility."

"But-!"

Nono shook his head with a serious expression. I frowned. Arturo clenched his jaw and lowered his gaze. 

"I heard what happened," he said quietly. 

"Arturo," I murmured and reached out for him. "I'm so sorry..."

"Thank you Yumi," he replied with a tiny smile. "I'm glad we met."

My throat constricted and I nodded quickly. I stepped forward and hugged him tightly. After a beat he returned the hug. When we parted he blinked rapidly and straightened to his full height. He nodded at Nono and smiled at me. The front door opened and a driver came inside. 

"Farewell for now," he said to both of us. "May we meet again under better circumstances."

"Take care, Arturo," I said and swallowed past the knot in my throat.

"Goodbye young man. We'll be in touch," Nono spoke solemnly, but he smiled at the boy. 

Arturo threw us a final smile before he turned around and walked after the driver. Once the door had closed behind him I felt a knot in my stomach. I shot a glance at Nono. The old man was staring at the door with something dark and unhappy in his eyes. He blamed Xanxus. I averted my eyes. It wasn't right. It wasn't right, but it also wasn't my place to say anything. I could do nothing but feel upset and unhappy with the old man. How could he be so stubborn? Was he really so set in his ways, so certain that he was right that he refused to see that there had been no other way? Cervelli was mad. I'd seen it in his eyes. Utterly mad. Despite our powers we were only two teenagers. We couldn't have restrained him. Could we? I grit my teeth as the thoughts plagued my brain. A warm hand landed on my shoulder and squeezed gently. I looked up at Nono's weathered face. 

"We must all walk our own paths," he said quietly.

I stared at him as he removed his hand and turned to walk away. I understood less than ever before.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas party 1/2

When the preparations for the christmas party began in earnest Timoteo pulled Xanxus and me to the side and told us to behave. I found it highly unfair that I was a target for the reprimand as well, but Xanxus merely huffed in annoyance like he was used to being lectured. 

"Oh an another thing," the old man said in a tone that brooked no argument. "You are both to dress for the occasion. The dress style is formal attire as per usual. The family tailor will be glad to heed your requests as she puts your outfits together. She will be along shortly. If you have any special requests feel free to address her."

"Yeah yeah," Xanxus muttered.

"You have a family tailor?" I boggled once again at the sheer luxury. 

"Obviously. Do you think anything we own is off the rack?" Xanxus sneered after Timoteo left. 

"That's so upper class of you," I said with a small grin.

"Whatever," he replied and glanced away. 

"So we get to design our own outfits?" I asked.

"Yes."

My expression lit up with fiendish delight. Xanxus sent me a wary glance. Rubbing my hands together I let out a small cackle. Oh, I had a ton of hilarious ideas already. This whole 'future mafia wife' shtick annoyed the crap out of me and I'd decided to do anything I could to prevent any further set ups. This just seemed like the perfect opportunity to deter potential admirers and have myself a good time, too. 

"What are you planning, trash?"

I met his narrow-eyed gaze with a smirk. "Nothing."

His eyes narrowed in annoyance and warning. "Don't lie to me. You're up to something."

"I've never designed a dress before," I admitted easily. "I'm just looking forward to this."

"Hn," he huffed and dug his hands into the pockets of his black pants. "As if a common street rat like you has any idea about high fashion."

"Oh, but you do?" I raised my brows. 

"Of course!" He snarled. "I design all of my own clothes!"

I blinked. Once. Twice. Realizing his mistake he glared hard at me. Xanxus never willingly volunteered personal information, so this was a first. It made me smile brightly. Before he could do something as dumb as immediately retreat and sulk about his mistake I grabbed a hold of the sleeve of his shirt. He'd rolled it up to his elbows and I pinched the cloth between my fingers. 

"This feels really soft. Very fine material." I commented.

I could tell by the way he tensed that he either didn't like being touched or simply wasn't used to it. Either could be true. I blinked up at him innocently.

"You really know about this stuff, huh?" Without waiting for an answer I barreled on. "D'you think you could, you know, help me design my dress?"

The incredulous stare I was subject to put a little damper on my self-confidence and I wilted a bit. My shoulders dropped along with my hand. 

"Sorry, uh," I muttered and rubbed my left elbow. "You're actually right. I don't know anything about fashion. Forget it, I'll just have to do it myself."

I turned around and made to walk away. When I heard an annoyed sigh behind me my mouth curled into a grin. 

"If you do that you'll end up embarrassing the family, won't you."

"Maaaybe. Probably."

It wasn't like I had planned exactly that, or anything. So that was how we ended up meeting the Vongola's personal tailor, which was a lovely old lady named Suzette. She was tiny, even compared to me, and wore glasses so thick her eyes looked like pinpricks. She seemed really fond of Xanxus and nodded along as he listed all the features he wanted on his suit. He even let her pat him down and take his measurements while holiding still obediently. It was a downright bizarre sight and I was secretly glad to be privvy to it. The fun ended when it was my turn to step on the small stool and hold out my arms. 

"So, you're the new addition to the household. The Don's ward, I heard."

"Uh, yes. I'm Yumi."

"Aha, aha. Very nice. How come I've never gotten requests from you?"

"Uh.. I didn't know we had a tailor."

"So you have worn store bought clothes all along?" The tiny old lady stared me down and I felt instantly shamed. 

Both Italians stared at me accusingly. I lowered my head feeling appropriately chastised. "Yes," I confessed quietly. 

"Che!" She huffed as she measured my arm lenght. 

"She's a street rat. What do you expect?"

I bit my lip. How long was he going to make fun of my origins? Well. At least another year if my calculations were correct. Then he'd learn. And there would be hell to pay. An involuntary shudder ran down my spine. Leave it to Xanxus to ruin my holiday cheer. 

"Do you have any preferences for your dress in mind?" The tailor asked. 

"Well, I want it to fit the occassion. Make it very chistmas-y."

"Christmas-y," she repeated flatly. "As in..?"

Bit by bit my mood improved as I outlined, in great and exaggerated detail, that I wanted the most garish, obnoxious dress possible. 

"And I was thinking it should look like a classic christmas sweater on the top. With like, a green skirt or something," I told her cheerfully. 

The little old lady actually stopped writing on her notepad midway through my rambling and now exchanged an aghast glance with Xanxus, whose face gradually darkened until he was glaring again.

"No." 

"Come on," I wheedled with a wide grin. "It'll be hilarious!"

"You'll look like a madwoman in that," the tailor said and showed me her sketch of the dress.

Even unfinished it looked absolutely hideous. A snort escaped me. Then I couldn't help myself anymore and started to laugh. I almost fell off the stool from laughing so hard. My sides began to hurt, but I couldn't stop. It had been forever since I had so much fun. Xanxus looked quite contrite, but his glare lost some of its edge as he watched me. 

"We're not doing that," he said firmly. "You're insane."

"Hahaha, come on! Where's your holiday spirit?" I chuckled and grinned at him.

He looked off to the side with an exasperated huff. The old lady glanced between us before her brows furrowed. I wiped at my eyes and chuckled to myself. 

"Hn, I knew you'd be useless at this," he grunted and stalked over to the table where the tailor had laid out different fabrics. 

She perked up and hobbled after him. They began to speak in low voices, her nodding along to whatever he said. He pointed at several fabrics and she began to write along. Curiously I climbed off the stool and wandered over to them. 

"Make it a carmen collar, three centimeters off shoulder," he was saying, sounding much more calm and professional than I'd ever heard him. 

The tailor put down the finishing strokes, then both of them turned to face me. She unceremoniously flipped her notebook around and I boggled at the elaborate classy dress she'd drawn there. It looked absolutely beautiful. High class, too. The sketch looked like something from a runway fashion show. 

"Whoa," I murmured and inspected the many elegant details. "It looks amazing. You're really good at this. A natural."

"He's truly got a keen eye for fashion," the old lady agreed. 

Xanxus stuffed his hands in his pockets and glanced away trying hard to look bored, but I could tell he was secretly embarrassed. Well well, today was just a day of firsts. 

"The finished product will look even better," the tailor said. "It'll take around four days to finish, so the final fitting will have to be on the morning of the party. Rest assured, it will be done. Whenever the Vongola requests something my entire workshop focuses on the order."

"Uh huh," I muttered absently. 

Once she went to pack up her stuff I trailed the older boy out of the livingroom. 

"Aren't girls supposed to be into fashion?" He groused. "Why are you so terrible at this?"

"I've not had a lot of time to read magazines," I replied mildly, trying to keep up with his long strides. "Besides I never really cared for it."

"Hn. Figures."

"Why should I bother, though, when I have you here? You're clearly an expert," I said and grinned up at him. 

"Don't expect there to be a repeat of this. I couldn't let you ruin our reputation with your terrible taste in fashion," he said and narrowed his eyes at me. 

From the fact that he was neither seriously trying to lose me nor yelling at me to get lost I concluded that he was in an amiable mood after getting so much praise. That was something else I'd noticed about him. He acted totally differently around women than he did around men. The first time I noticed this was when he talked with the older maids. He was calmer and more subdued then, less prone to flares of his violent temper. He let Suzette into his personal space without complaint, even let her touch him. I remembered then that he'd been raised by a mentally ill single mother before being adopted into the mafia. It must have been like jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. No wonder he was always so closed off. It had to be stressful, to constantly keep everything hidden inside. Like his eye and obvious talent for fashion design. It must look like a weakness to him, to be good at something so 'girly'. Something warm and achingly tender unfurled in my chest. It was alarming, but I couldn't fight it. I bit my lower lip and very slowly wrapped my hand around his wrist. Xanxus stopped abruptly and frowned at me in confusion. His brows rose at the look on my face. Oh, I was a mess. 

"For what it's worth," I said with a huff and a small smile. "I wanted to thank you. For the dress. I'm sure it'll look beautiful."

"Of course it will," he replied in a low voice.

I swallowed and quickly let go before I did something dumb. Then I gave him a lazy salute and tried not to hurry to get away. My heart was beating a bit too fast and my gut was doing funny things. Maybe I'd eaten something weird that morning, but there was also a really good chance that I was simply fucked. 

Time flew by almost without me realizing it. When I woke up on the morning of the party and caught sight of the date on my new digital clock I nearly jumped out of bed. It was half past eight and the dress fitting was supposed to be at nine! I grabbed the next best clothes I could find and hurried to get dressed. My hair had grown again and I still hadn't gotten used to its black color and smooth texture. It was naturally straight, too. There was something magical about just being able to leave my hair open and it looking good without any additional effort. At either rate I went downstairs and grabbed a sandwich when the maids weren't looking. It was easy to sneak food out of the kitchen when the entire household was busy preparing for the grand party. No one even had the time to stop and scold me for getting crumbs on the hardwood floors. The livingroom had already been decorated and I marveled at the garlands lovingly made out of mistles and ornaments. A lone candle was burning on the low coffee table before the tv and it was the source of a heavenly cinnamon scent. An involuntary grin grew on my face when I saw Xanxus helping Suzette set up shop. 

"Morning!" I said cheerfully. 

"Good morning," Suzette replied and gave me a look over the rim of her glasses. "Wipe your fingers before you touch my fabrics."

"Oh. Sorry," I mumbled after I finished licking my fingers. 

"Hn," Xanxus snorted after he set up her folding table. "Stop expecting manners from that brat."

"Hey," I muttered and tried to discreetly wipe my fingers on my pants.

Suzette opened a large black body bag and I caught sight of a beautiful crimson fabric inside. She nodded at me with her usual stern expression.

"This is your dress. I made it personally so I expect it will fit, but just to be certain you should try it on."

"Cool," I said and shot a glance at the older boy. "Uh.."

He glared at me. I glanced at Suzette. The elderly tailor tapped her foot. "Well?!"

"Can you leave?" I finally gathered the courage to ask.

"Hn. Like there's anything to see," he grunted, but turned around and left anyways.

Suzette carefully lifted the dress from its confines and shook it a little. Seeing it now it was a wonder it even fit into the bag with all the frills and all fluffing it up. It was impossible to look my fill, there were so many small details that made me want to squee with excitement. She turned it around and then I saw that there was no zipper. Oh no. You had to lace the thing up. My jaw dropped. 

"How did you manage all that in just four days?!" I gasped as she undid the laces. 

"Lifelong practice, of course." There was a definite note of pride in her voice. "Here. Undress and then step into it. I'll help. Then get on that stool."

I did as she asked and marveled at the soft texture of the fabric. Nothing bit or itched, it felt almost like a second skin. Suzette's hands were firm and deft as she laced the backside up. I glanced at the floor lenght mirror across the room and let out a high pitched noise. 

"Amaziiiing!" 

"Hold still, will you."

"Wow, I can't- Are those pearls? And- oh my god, is that-" I put my hands in front of my mouth as I tried to make out all the tiny details all at once. 

Suzette stepped around me with a gleam of amusement in her eyes, which softened her stern look. She gave me a critical once over and nodded to herself. I could hear her mumbling under her breath. My gaze flitted between her and the mirror as I was unable to contain my excitement. This was the most goddamn beautiful thing I'd EVER worn. It complemented my complexion and made my eyes stand out more. I downright felt like a princess and I wasn't even wearing makeup. The tailor stepped towards me and tugged at the hem of the dress to adjust it in some places. 

"So how long have you and master Xanxus known each other?" She asked casually. 

"Uh, about two years now?" I muttered and frowned, trying to recall the time. "No, more like one and a half."

"I see."

"Why?" I asked and peered down at her. 

"Hold still and keep your spine straight!" She snapped and I immediately hurried to obey. 

My eyes were magically attracted to the mirror again. "It's amazing! To think that he came up with all of this on the spot..!"

"No," Suzette replied slowly and shook her head once. 

"Huh? What do you mean?" For some stupid reason my heart began to pound. Must be the weather. 

"I mean stop stretching the fabric! You'll have plenty of time to stare at the dress when you're getting styled."

"Huh?"

Suzette sighed. "One of the maids will attend to you before the party. You'll get help with your hair and makeup since you're so young."

"Really? How do you know?" I stared at her.

Suzette grumbled and finally took a step back to regard her work. "I've served the Vongola family since before Timoteo took over. Experience is the best teacher."

"Wow!"

Afterwards she helped me slip out of the dress and I hurried to put my sweatpants and shirt back on, flushing despite myself. Suzette took her sweet time folding the dress back into the bodybag, so I awkwardly said my goodbyes and left. By that time the foyer was abuzz with servants flitting to and fro. Two butlers I'd only ever seen in passing were busy hanging up a huge garland across one wall. Three maids rushed about with arms full of boxes with Christmas ornaments. It was pandemonium. I decided to slip off to the library just to catch my breath. Unsurprisingly the only person even more antisocial than me in this house was already there and occupied with thumbing through a history book. 

"The Art of Interrogation. Nice," I commented dryly. 

"Get out. I'm reading," was the gruff reply. 

"I'll be trampled to death out there!"

"Hn."

I sighed and sat down on a lone wooden chair. The library was a small room with the walls completely hidden by massive bookshelves. There were two plush armchairs and Xanxus sat on one while resting his feet on the other. He looked bored and slightly grumpy, as usual. 

"So-"

The door flew open and a very agitated looking Squalo appeared. A fierce glare was on his face and Xanxus looked up slowly. 

"Bad news, boss," the silver haired teen said grimly. "Stabfly's coming."

"Shit."

"Who's Stabfly?" I asked curiously. 

"Bel's little sister," Squalo said after he noticed me there.

"A fucking psychopathic cunt," Xanxus said. 

"Oh," I swallowed. "So why is she coming?"

"She's madly in love with the boss and thinks they're dating," Squalo said grimly, but the corners of his mouth were twitching. 

Xanxus glared at him and shut the book with a snap. "Who told her about the party?"

"Fuck if I know," Squalo grunted. 

I glanced between them feeling increasingly alarmed. If those two called her insane.. considering that all of the Varia qualified as bonafide psychopaths... 

"Can't you.. you know, univite her?" I asked hesitantly.

Squalo slowly shook his head. "Gotta ride it out. You know, brat, it'll be for the best if you make yourself scarce tonight."

Images of my dress flashed before my inner eye. It was beautiful, but flashy. I swallowed. Squalo turned his gaze on the boss. 

"Tell Bel to keep an eye on her. It's his goddamn sister."

"You know how he is."

"Goddamn inbred royals," Xanxus growled. "I don't care. She's his problem."

"Voi, Xanxus! We should make a contingency plan!"

"Wrong. You should make a contingency plan." Xanxus narrowed his eyes at the silver haired teen. 

"VOI!" Squalo hollered. "Why me? It's your goddamn house!"

"I've got better things to do than to hang out with losers," he huffed. "Now get out of my house, trash."

"You...," Squalo growled and balled his fists.

Xanxus hurled the book at him without warning. I flinched when it hit him straight in the face with a loud smack. Squalo stumbled backwards and held his nose.

"VROOI! YOU ASSHOLE!"

"Get out," Xanxus bellowed angrily. 

Blood trickled down Squalo's pale face. He glared fiercely at Xanxus while holding his nose. Boys. I stood up slowly and walked over to Squalo, who turned his glare on me. I merely grabbed his left arm and tugged him towards the door.

"Come on. I'll get you some tissues to stop the bleeding," I said with a small smile before I turned to narrow my eyes at Xanxus. 

"What?" He growled.

I just shook my head and began to pull and prod Squalo out of the room. Once the door closed behind us I guided Squalo to the kitchen. As soon as he was out of sight of the boss the tension began to slowly leave his frame.

"I can't believe he did that. So rude," I muttered to myself as I tore off some kitchen towelettes. "Here."

Squalo took them without a word and dabbed at his nose. He looked downright murderous. 

"I don't know how you handle him," I told him with a small shake of my head. "I'd go insane if I had to hang out with him all day."

"You wouldn't understand," he said matter of factly and tilted his head back. "Godammit."

"Is it broken?"

"No."

"I'm sorry, Squalo."

"Huh? What for?"

I shrugged and dug my hands into my pockets. "Your nose. Does it hurt? I can get you some ice."

"You don't have to baby me, I can handle myself," he replied gruffly. 

I grinned at how petulant he sounded. Squalo was the embodiment of pride, I remembered. If I wanted to be nice to him I'd have to dress it up somehow. 

"Yeah, I know. Though if you're coming to the party tonight, wouldn't it be better if your face wasn't bruised so much? I mean, the ladies like bad boys, but if the bruise is too nasty they won't be able to see how handsome you are-" 

My eyes widened and I hurriedly turned to the side to fake a cough. Did I just fucking say that? Oh my god. Oh fuck. Right now I really wanted to smack myself. And also sink into a hole in the ground. 

"What's that?" Squalo sounded like he was grinning. I was too mortally embarrassed to look at him, though. 

"Nothing. I'll get you some ice," I squeaked quickly and went to crouch before the freezer. Maybe some cold air would help cool down my burning face.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas Party 2/2

After that little incident I kept myself busy by looking up different hairstyles on the computer Nono let me use sometimes if I asked. It was in his own private bureau and I couldn't help but marvel at how much trust he put in me. I was one hundred percent certain that there was all kind of sensitive information and more than enough dirt to get all of us booked into prison for life on that thing. Then again, the old man was a sly one. He probably had it all encrypted and triple protected. Even though it would have been a good opportunity I didn't snoop. It was always a tantalizing idea but I never went through with it, lest I loose my internet privileges. In all honesty I was a little scared of what I'd find. Even though the manga tried to downplay and cutesify the mafia business, I knew that it was a dirty one. The logic I figured out by which this universe operated was that unless Akira Amano specified the details, real world functions applied for the most part. That meant that the most powerful mafia family of Italy stayed in power because of -and was held up through- violent means. This wasn't a charity, after all. 

"Hmm," I murmured as I scrolled through the Long Hair section.

"Having trouble, young mistress?"

I looked up when I heard Amanda's voice and found the old maid standing in the door with a kindly smile. Her hair was in a tight bun as usual and her uniform pristine. Yet she had opted to spread some holiday cheer by wearing a thin golden hairband with two golden antlers on top. 

"Oh Amanda! Your hairband is cute!" I said with a grin. "I'm trying to figure out what hairstyle would go with my dress."

"Suzette sent me a picture via mail. I must say, she has truly outdone herself this time. I haven't seen such a beautiful dress since.. Ah, well." Amanda's smile dimmed a bit before she gave the screen a look over the rim of her glasses and came closer. "May I help?"

"Please," I very nearly begged and scooted the chair to the side. 

"Alright. Hm, no. Scroll down please. Wait! Wait! Not so quickly! I'm not the youngest anymore. Slowly. Aha. There we go."

I suppressed an exasperated grin as I very slowly scrolled down the page displaying rows upon rows of pictures of the finished hairstyles side by side. Amanda studied the page with a critical expression, shaking her head and clicking her tongue occasionally. Every time I proposed something she disagreed.

"No. No we can't do that. It would be too much."

"What why?"

"You're too young, signorina. These are for older girls."

I narrowed my eyes at the screen. "Why?" I asked rather petulantly.

"Don't be mad, now. You're only eleven."

"I'm almost twelve!"

"Still. A more natural look would only be appropriate." Amanda shot me a fleeting look and furrowed her brows. "Signorina.. You are very pretty and you act mature for your age. It's... easy to forget how young you are sometimes."

An involuntary shiver ran down my spine and I frowned. Amanda nodded once after glancing between my eyes.

"You understand?" 

"Yeah," I frowned. "D'you think.. I mean have you ever heard.."

"No," she said quickly. "Not in this house, at least."

"Oh."

"Women in the mafia don't have it very easy. Especially not when they're unmarried. Being Don Vongola's ward protects you, but it also brings a lot more attention. I don't mean to scare you, signorina. I just want you to be safe. As does Don Vongola."

"Thank you," I said quietly. 

Once more I became startlingly aware of my circumstances. So far it had been mostly fun and games, but my body wouldn't stay eleven forever. Sooner or later somebody would come along and, after Nono gave his approval, claim it. I looked at the floor for a moment. It didn't sit right with me. This was all so.. No. I wanted to be in control. I needed to be in control of myself and my own fate. Right then I decided that I would never be somebody's trophy wife. I grit my jaw and frowned. No, I'd sooner kill myself than to be anybody's plaything. Already my strenght and endurance had grown in leaps and bounds. Going by experience, this trend would continue. If there was any continuity in this at all, then it meant that I would not be swept along the tide of the plot if I became a main character instead of some background filler. Thinking along those terms helped somehow. I smiled at Amanda's worried expression.

"Alright then. Natural it is. What do you think of that?"

"Oh. I like it. I think it would match the dress very well."

"Great. Shall we?"

"Let me just gather my tools," Amanda said.

It was a simple style. My hair would be open and swept over my left shoulder. A portion of the hair would be braided and a few curls had to be added. All in all I was content with it. Not like there would be anyone at the party I intended to impress. In fact.. I swallowed. It would probably for the best if I didn't stand out too much tonight. Stabfly and all. Hopefully Bel would have her under control. Then again... I didn't trust that guy as far as I could throw him. Better to be safe than sorry.

Amanda returned with several different brushes, clips, ties and a curling iron. She didn't waste any time and got to work. By the swift and sure movements of her hands I knew that she was used to this. She had me sit on the chair backwards so I was hugging the backrest as she worked. My mind kept drifting off, but the silence between us was far from stifling.

"So about what you said before. About the dress I mean," I began after a while.

The maid let out a long sigh. "A curious one, aren't you."

"Yep. It's okay if you don't wanna talk about it, though."

"I've been working in this mansion for over fourty years now. Signore Vongola hired me when I was a young girl of barely twenty years. He's around my age, actually. When he hired me he'd just taken over the Vongola from his mother. Suzette has served the Vongola even longer than me. It was her who originally designed the maids' uniforms for the staff, by the way. At either rate, it was also her who designed all of Signora Vongola's dresses."

"Signora? As in, Nono's wife?" I held my breath. No one ever mentioned her. I was dying to learn more. 

Amanda nodded slowly. "She was.. Beautiful doesn't really do her justice. She radiated warmth and beauty like the sun. Theirs was an arranged marriage, though you wouldn't have been able to tell when you saw them together. They got lucky. It took them no time at all to fall madly in love with each other."

A surge of emotion welled up in my chest as I listened. 

"After the birth of their second son Enrico she began to show signs of illness. At first it seemed like a harmless cough, but after they had Massimo it became much worse. Every day she faded more and more. There was nothing the doctors could do."

"Was it cancer?" I asked quietly.

"No. They had no idea what caused it. Though the rumor mill was churning with all sorts of absurd ideas. Some even suspected supernatural causes. Nonsense if you ask me. Signora Vongola died ten years ago at the age of fifty three."

"That's sad."

"Yes," Amanda replied quietly as she brushed the hair over my shoulder. "At least she was spared the knowledge..."

She bent down to unplug the curling iron and twisted the cord up, lips pressed tightly together. I had a pretty solid idea of what she'd been about to say. Awkward. Amanda seemed upset despite her calm expression. She truly was a loyal soul. There was no way she could know that Nono had remained faithful to his wife even after her death. She'd learn soon enough. The Cradle Incident that was bound to happen some time next year weighed heavily on my mind. Could I do anything? Should I? Did I even have the right to interfere? All I could do was make sure that Xanxus didn't kill anybody I knew on his rampage. Yes. That would have to do. 

"Do you have a mirror?" I asked and fidgeted with the ends of my brand new braid.

"Yes, here."

I accepted the handmirror and regarded myself. All the air left my lungs in a rush of breath. "H-how did you DO that?! It looks exactly like on the page! No! Even better! Amanda, you're a miracle worker!" I stared at the older woman with huge eyes.

"I've had plenty of practice," Amanda said with a smile and put her hands on her hips. 

"So amazing," I murmured as I stared at the mirror. 

"May I be honest, signorina? I do not think that you need much makeup."

"Oh. Er, thanks," I scratched my cheek and glanced at the mirror again. "Not even a little..?"

"Maybe a bit of mascara and some lipgloss," she conceded. "But that's all I will allow!"

"Yes, ma'am!"

Amanda's deft hands were also skilled at applying makeup. I honestly began to wonder if all the maids in this house were universal geniuses. When I was allowed to look at the mirror again I barely recognized myself. 

"Jeez," I breathed. "Is this really me?"

"Yes, signorina," Amanda said with amusement. 

"I mean, damn. I didn't realize," I murmured as I held the mirror at different angles. 

"Language!"

"Sorry."

"I'm sure you will stand out very much tonight," Amanda said. 

"Not too much, I hope," I swallowed hard.

"Do not worry, signorina," Amanda said with a smile and put her hand on my free shoulder. "Remember that you are part of this family. We look out for each other."

I blinked while trying to decipher her words. The older maid smiled, warmth and iron in her gaze, and squeezed my shoulder. Her words calmed the confusing thoughts that had invaded my brain. I nodded with a grateful smile.

"Thank you for everything. I mean it."

"Of course."

There was a sharp rap on the door. We glanced at each other.

"Come in!" I called.

Suzette opened the door and came in with an air of confidence. The tiny old lady had conscripted a butler to carry the huge black bag that contained my dress and another to carry a stool and what I assumed was her bag of sewing utensils. 

"Put it there! Slowly. Yes. Now go, this is women's work. And thank you." She said after they set her things down.

The harried looking butlers made a speedy getaway and then she set her gaze on us. 

"Good to see you, Suzette," Amanda said warmly. "May I leave the signorina in your care? I must go oversee the kitchen now. It's getting late."

"Of course, old friend." For the first time the old lady's face lit up with a smile. "I'll handle things from here on out. Good job."

"Thanks." Amanda winked at me. "Good luck."

"Huh?"

The tailor's head swirveled around and she set her beady little eyes on me. "Put on the makeup already, did you?"

"Um, yes?"

"Fantastic!" Suzette bellowed. 

"Sorry?!"

She hobbled over to the bag and unzipped it. The dress was just as fascinating as it had been in the morning. I still couldn't believe I was allowed to wear that. This was mine and it was amazing. I quickly undressed and went to Suzette, who yanked the dress away from me.

"Careful now! Are your hands clean?! Show me!"

I obediently held out my hands for her to inspect. She huffed and quickly unlaced the back of the dress. I chanced a look at the grandfather clock at the far end of the room. It was half past eight already?! 

"Good, now get on the stool. We're on a strict timetable! The party starts at nine!" 

"Yes, ma'am!" I said and stepped on the stool careful not to step on the trim of the dress. 

"At least she didn't slather you in face paint," Suzette grumbled behind me as she did up the laces. "I couldn't bear to see stains on the silk."

"Is this real silk?" I stared at the crimson fabric. 

"Only partially. The top layer is made from silk, the skirts have cotton elements. All of the highest quality, of course. That boy really knows how to pick 'em." There definitely was a hint of pride in her voice along with a hefty dose of approval.

Silk was pretty expensive when it was quality stuff. I once saw a shirt made of silk online and it cost around two hundred bucks. I didn't want to know how much the whole dress cost. It made me rather self-conscious. 

"Shoulders straight!" She bellowed. 

"Sorry."

"Make sure you don't get any stains on this," she continued. "No crumbs, either. Fat stains are a nightmare. You cannot wash this dress, am I making myself clear?"

"Yeah yeah."

"Good!" She finished tying me up and stepped around me to regard her work. "This will do. Very good."

"How do I look?" I asked.

Suzette quietly swept her eyes over me. A look of understanding dawned on her face. She nodded once to herself and smiled suddenly. All of this worried me. I bit my lower lip before remembering the lipgloss.

"One day you'll make somebody very happy," she replied rather vaguely. 

Despite myself I flushed at her words and resisted the urge to cross my arms in front of my chest. Suzette looked satisfied with herself and began to fold the black bag together. 

"Do you have shoes?" She asked casually.

A stone dropped in my stomach and my eyes widened when I realized that I did not, in fact, have any shoes.

"Shit!" I cursed and grabbed my forehead. "Fuck!"

"I never! Language!" Suzette gasped as she rounded on me. 

I gave her a miserable look before glancing at the clock. "Oh no. I'm such an idiot! What do I do?"

"Che! You're lucky to have me. I always come prepared!" She announced triumphantly as she withdrew a box from her large bag. 

She lifted the lid and showed me a pair of relatively flat black pumps. My eyes began to water as I looked at her.

"Suzette... You didn't..."

"Of course I did. I've been doing this job for a long time now so I've seen it all. Including airheaded ditzes who forget to buy shoes for their dress!" Suzette chuckled to herself. "Try them on."

I did and they fit perfectly. My eyes watered up again and I had to blink very quickly to prevent any tears from spilling. 

"Oh my gosh, they're perfect! You're a lifesaver!" I said and bent down to give her a quick hug. 

"Che," she gumbled and patted my back. 

When I drew back I couldn't stop beaming at her. Suzette sighed and shook her head. That was the final proof that I was definitely surrounded by angels. Well meaning, utterly wonderful angels. I fanned my face and tried walking a few steps in the shoes to see if they were comfortable and of fucking course they were. Angels. 

"Suzette, I think I'll name my firstborn after you," I said with elation and spun around to watch the silky smooth fabric spin around me in gentle waves. 

"What if it's a boy, huh?" She replied gruffly and crossed her arms. 

"Hm," I said and stopped spinning abruptly. "Then I'll have to make it his second name or something. That's not weird, right?"

"Airhead," Suzette sighed and shook her head. "Go downstairs. The guests will start arriving shortly and the hostess has to greet them."

"What? But-"

"No buts! Go!"

I swallowed nervously and gave her a quick smile. "Alright. Thank you again, Suzette."

"Have fun, kid." The elderly tailor turned around and went to put her stuff away.

That was it, then. Time to go downstairs and wow them all. Nervousness began to eat away at my composure as I left the bureau. It took a good deal of concentration to avoid stepping on the hem of the dress. I had to make my steps a lot smaller than they usually were. When I walked past the kitchen I caught the eyes of Amanda, who grinned and gave me a thumbs up. The foyer was mostly empty save for a small group of six older men in suits who were talking to each other. Two butlers flanked the front door to take the guests' coats and other items. Slowly and with my heart beating in my chest I approached the group. They looked nice at first glance. 

"Oh, who do we have here?" A guy with bi-colored hair said when he noticed my arrival.

He looked younger than the others in the group and had black hair on the back of his head while the front part was blonde. Unlike the others he wore a rather easygoing expression. I smiled hesitantly and straightened my back.

"Hi, I'm Yumi, the Don's ward. Welcome to our Christmas party!"

"Ah, of course!" The man replied with a grin. "We've heard quite a bit about you! I am Ganauche III, Timoteo's Lightning Guardian!"

"Nice to meet you," I replied and shook his hand.

"So that's her, huh?" A darker skinned man with braided red hair said and gave me a nod. "I'm Bouche Croquant. Mist Guardian."

"My name is Coyote Nougat," a man with shaggy silver hair and a metal left arm said with a stern tone. "Storm Guardian."

"Brow Nie Jr.," a man with a styled bob sighed. "Sun Guardian."

"I am called Visconti," a stern looking old man said and briskly shook my hand. "Cloud Guardian."

The final guardian was a bored looking man with several impressive scars across his face. "Schnitten Brabanters, Rain Guardian."

"It's nice to meet all of you," I said with feeling.

And I meant it. This was the closest I'd ever come to the real protagonists of the story. My heart quickly abandoned all anxiety and went straight to being excited. I smiled brightly at all of them. 

"I hope you enjoy yourselves," I grinned. 

"It's been ages since Timoteo threw a Christmas party," Ganauche grinned back. "This'll be good."

"You know there is a reason for that," Coyote said with a small frown.

"Remember what happened last time?" Bouche chuckled.

"Don't remind me!" The lightning guardian groaned. "After that, things can only get better."

I sensed that there was a whole story behind this, but the arrival of the next guests distracted me. I gave the guardians an apologetic look and extracted myself politely. So far so good. Maybe I could do this. Ít was just kind of annyoing that I was the only one being a good host. No trace of either Timoteo or Xanxus. Well. Fat chance that he'd greet the guests. Haha yeah right. After a while my head began to spin after learning so many names and faces. All I could do was smile and nod politely and shake hands left and right. At least the infamous Stabfly didn't seem to be among the guests yet. The crowd slowly began to move upstairs towards the grand ballroom. Funnily enough I hadn't realized that it even existed, but it was there and it was huge. The decorations were spectacular and there was a huge buffet at the right side of the room. The dancefloor in the middle was still pretty much empty as the crowd gathered at the sidelines. There was a small stage across the door where four musicians in suits were strumming their instruments. At either side of the stage were two glass double doors leading to two seperate balconies. A huge crystal chandelier hung in the middle of the room to illuminate the dancefloor. I sorta stuck to the side and eyed the buffet. Timoteo wasn't kidding with his estimate. The room was quickly filling up with men in suits and women in dresses. All of them were part of the famiglia. Some of them even looked the part, wearing slicked back hair and smoking cigars. At least I wasn't drawing much attention. It was a huge relief to be honest. My stomach began to growl and I glanced longingly at the buffet. My job was done, so surely I could have some snacks now? As I moved closer and grabbed a plate from the stack I got in line behind a rather large woman in a pink dress. My eyes wandered over the various snacks and fingerfoods. Suddenly somebody tapped my shoulder. I turned around and felt my stomach clench when I came face to face with none other than Antonio. He grinned when he caught my eyes. 

"Hello there."

"Antonio!" I gasped. 

The taller boy smiled and turned to load a bagel on his plate. I bit the inside of my cheek as the big lady finally moved and quickly piled some food onto my plate. 

"It's good to see you," I said quietly. "Can I talk to you later?"

"Sure," he replied with a small smile. 

When I finished picking my diner I stood off to the side and grabbed a small sandwhich bite. It was delicious and I watched Antonio as I chewed. Damn, but that boy cleaned up nicely. He even wore a suit and his wild curly hair had been tamed by some hairclips. The bright smile was still the same as ever. He joined me by the sidelines and bit down on a fried onion ring. 

"Mm, this stuff is delicious," I said after finishing my sandwich.

"Yeah," he replied through a full mouth.

I made a face at him, but couldn't hide my grin. He returned it, which looked pretty funny with his stuffed cheeks. It was a little sad how quickly he was eating, as if he was scared the food would be taken from him. Quietly I began to wonder if the whole hideout thing was really such a good idea. It seemed to foster a couple of unhealthy ideas in the stree rats' brains. 

"Whoaa, I'm stuffed," Antonio said and glanced regretfully at the buffet. 

"Yeah, same." I made grabby hands at his plate and put it on top of mine before taking both to a pile of dirty dishes at the end of the table. 

My heart picked up speed as I thought about what to say. He didn't look unhappy or terribly wistful. Just a bit more wry than usual. My hands felt rather empty when I returned. 

"Umm, how have you been?" I began nervously. 

"Pretty good, actually. I keep working at my skills and one of dad's friends said he could use somebody like me. Once I turn fifteen he'll take me as an apprentice," he said with a proud grin. 

"Oh, that's nice!" I smiled. "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks."

"Listen," I said and bit my lower lip. "I'm sorry for how I left you that day at the beach. It was really rude of me."

"Huh?" He blinked at me in confusion. "Why are you apologizing?"

I hung my head so I wouldn't have to look at his earnest expression. "For not being able to return your feelings. You're a great guy, Antonio. I..," I hesitated over my next words, fearing that they might sound too arrogant. "I hope you'll get over me. You deserve to find somebody better."

"Heh," he chuckled.

I looked up in confusion at his grinning face. There was a twinkle in his eyes as he winked at me. 

"It's alright, Yumi. Don't worry about me. I realize that I can't offer you anything at the moment. That's just how it is, but... I'll work really hard. You'll see." Antonio took my hand and squeezed it. "I'll wait for you."

Those were exactly the words I didn't want to hear. I stared at him in dismay. He really looked like he meant it. 

"Antonio," I sighed.

"It's alright. You don't need to say anything. I understand," he smiled and let go of me, taking a step back in the process. 

I watched him grin and disappear into the crowd with a sinking feeling. Damn it. He didn't understand anything. There was no way I'd ever be able to date him, least of all because I really wasn't in love with him. I didn't even have a crush, I just thought he was handsome. It just seemed impossible to get it through his thick skull. An uproar of laughter from the other end of the room caught my attention. Ah. There he was. As if on cue, a dancing couple stepped to the side to reveal Xanxus standing there surrounded by his flock. The Varia all showed up and even wore suits for the party. Ugh. Having them all in one building just seemed like a bad omen. I considered just turning around and keeping out of their way when Squalo suddenly looked up and caught my eyes. Oh shit. He jabbed an elbow into Xanxus' side and said something while staring at me with what looked like a smug expression. I desperately fought against the flush I felt coming because this was an ugly throwback to my teenage years. Surely they wouldn't make fun of me, would they? Did I really look good? My self-consciousness was back in full force when the raven haired teen bothered to slowly look in my direction. I really really didn't want to go over to them now. I tore my gaze away and stared at the floor in embarrassment. Yeah, I was getting the fuck out of here. An enraged cry caught my attention and I looked up again to see Squalo holding his stomach standing slightly bent over while the others laughed at him. Xanxus said something and the other Varia members began to disperse. Even Squalo left with an angry expression and headed straight for the buffet. I could feel my heart jumping in my chest and abruptly turned around. Nope. Not doing that. No-oh-oh. Instead I headed across the room, dodging dancing adults left and right. The weirdness of being tiny again struck me full force. At last I made it through the crowd and arrived at my destination. The bar. Several maids were busy mixing drinks while the patrons waited. After the one nearest to me handed over a fancy drink to an elderly man she spotted me there and did a double take.

"Signorina Vongola?" She asked hesitantly.

"Can you make me something non alcoholic please?" I asked dejectedly. 

"Certainly.."

Oh how I craved a drink. I wondered miserably if the evening could possibly get any worse as I sat down on a bar stool. The maid kept shooting me worried looks as she mixed something together until finally handing me a large glass of what looked like a pink milkshake.

"There you go, signorina."

"Yumi. Just Yumi please," I replied tiredly and took a sip.

Yup. Definitely a strawberry milkshake. At least it improved my mood a little. She smiled a little and went back to work. My eyes widened with delight when I suddenly tasted vanilla and I glanced down to find two scoops of vanilla ice cream floating in the milk. I glanced up at the maid with a smile that dimmed when I saw her fumble and nearly drop a shaker with a spooked expression. She put it down and bent down quickly. When she stood back up she had a bottle of whiskey in her hand. From that she poured a solid three fingers into a glass and dropped a few chunks of ice. The man who'd wedged himself at the bar beside me frowned. 

"Hey, that's not what I ordered!"

Suddenly an arm appeared beside my head and took the glass of whiskey from the maid. When it retracted again the guy beside me scowled and twisted around in his chair, only to freeze. 

"I don't like it when people run from me."

A chill went down my spine and it had nothing to do with brain freeze. The guy next to me scrambled out of his seat and left abruptly. The empty space was then filled by Xanxus who sipped his drink with a bored expression. He turned his back to the bar and watched the ballroom instead. I glanced back down at my milkshake feeling sort of caught. 

"Really," I said listlessly as I watched the ice melt.

"You don't look like you're having fun."

"Neither do you."

"Was it something that trash said?"

I inhaled slowly. Did he.. watch us? Talk about being creepy. "No."

"Stop lying to me." I could tell he was having a hard time keeping his voice calm. At least he was trying. 

"He didn't make me upset, Xanxus. I just.. I guess I'm not used to wearing fancy clothes. I get self-conscious sometimes."

"Hn."

"You were right, though. This dress is wonderful. I love it." I said and shot him a small grin. 

Instead of replying he took another sip. Suddenly his brows crashed down and his posture tensed. Alarmed I turned around on my seat and tried to follow his gaze. There, at the other end of the room. I saw her. It was hard to miss her in fact, considering her huge canary yelleow dress. 

"Is this... Stabfly?" I beathed.

The girl was tall and slender. Much like Bel, a huge fringe covered her eyes from sight. She also had blonde hair that was twisted up into loose buns at either side of her head. A small crown hung onto her head for dear life, sitting sort of crooked and resting against one of her buns. She too wore a huge, shit eating grin full of teeth. Considering the sheer size of the skirt of her dress she had to be wearing a huge petticoat beneath it. Oddly enough she didn't wear any jewelry or gloves, unlike the other ladies. As she walked towards us in a straight line I could hear the distinct sound of bare feet slapping on the tiled floor even over the low chattering voices. People took one look at her then parted to let her through. I saw not a few worried faces. 

"Xanny!" She chirruped in a high pitched child-like voice.

A bit of spittle went down the wrong pipe and I started coughing. What the.. Did.. Did that just happen? I took one look at Xanxus' stony expression and had to suppress the hysterical laughter bubbling up inside me. 

"I thought I told you to never show your ugly mug near me again," he growled. 

"Oh Xanny," she sighed and clutched her hands together next to her face. "You're so rough. I like it~"

"Mpfhf," I pressed my palm against my mouth in a vain effort to choke down my laughter. 

"Ohhh, who do we have here~?" She glanced down at me. 

"Mhhh- I- I'm Yumi," I gasped out and bit down on the inside of my cheek. "H-hi."

"Awww, you're cute~ You may call me big sister Stabfly~!" She announced and patted the top of my head.

Whoa. My eyes widened a little. She was scary strong. Just that little pat accurately conveyed that she could probably toss me across the room if she wanted to. It nearly forced me to bow my head. High time to tail it out of there.

"I, um, it sure was nice to meet you, but I gotta go!" I said with a bright smile and took a step to the side.

"Okay~ Xanny and I have so much catching up to do~!" She beamed at the older boy, who looked about ready to explode.

"Haha," I chuckled nervously and took another measured step away. 

Stabfly neatly inserted herself into the space I'd vacated and promptly began to chatter at Xanxus. Alright. Maybe she wasn't as horrible as they said. Feeling somewhat reassured I made my way across the room, as far away as possible. I found Lussuria and Bel hanging out near the buffet. 

"Oh sweetie, what a beautiful dress!" Lussuria crooned once he saw me. 

He wore a white suit with a purple dress shirt and dark grey tie. And, of course, a hot pink feather boa. 

"Looking sharp yourself, Lussuria!" I smiled. 

"Nawww, gosh. You're such a sweetheart!" He said and took a sip of his pink cocktail. 

"I met your sister," I told Bel.

His grin widened slightly. "Ushishishi. Did she like you?"

"Yes."

"Shishi."

"You look pretty similiar. I can see the relation," I said. 

"Bel-chan, aren't you supposed to keep an eye on her?" Lussuria puckered his lips in disapproval. 

"Shishishi. I like watching her wreak havoc. It's fun." 

"The boss won't be very happy with you, though."

"Shishi. It's not my fault he picked her up that one time."

"Yeah, but you could have warned him."

"Like he would've listened! Shishi." Bel chuckled. 

"Wait what?" I stared at both of them. 

"Oh, didn't you hear?" Lussuria tossed one end of the boa over his shoulder. "Stabfly's been obsessed with the boss ever since he fucked her."

"Wh-"

"It was supposed to be an one night stand, but she hasn't left him alone since. Apparently he didn't realize she'd be trouble. It's funny because this is Bel's sister we're talking about."

"Ushishishi. What's that supposed to mean?!" 

Lussuria pouted. "No offense Bel, but you're not exactly a model of mental health yourself."

"Says you. Shishi. At least I don't threaten to kill and abuse people's bodies."

"How much younger than you is she?" I asked Bel, curious despite myself.

"About two years."

"And you are?" 

"Shishi. Guess."

I eyed him warily. I'd rather not play any games with that guy. Lussuria chuckled to himself. The more I thought about it, the weirder it seemed. Didn't the manga only mention Bel having an older twin brother? I didn't recall there being a sister as well. Huh. 

"Vroi! What are you sad fucks standing around here for?!" Squalo roared as he appeared with a bottle of something in hand.

I took one look at his face and felt my eyebrows rise so high they nearly disappeared into my hairline. 

"Ohoho Squ-chan!" Lussuria laughed and waved a hand at him. 

"Ushishishi," Bel cackled warily. 

The silver haired teen stopped and pointed at Bel with a strict look. I tried to glance at the label on his bottle. It looked like some sort of beer brand maybe. 

"You! You're supposed to keep Stabfly in check!" 

"Shishi. She's not doing anything, though."

"She's harassing the boss, you stupid-"

"Whoa whoa whoa," I put my hands up and quickly stepped between them when I saw Bel's smile gain a sharp edge. 

"VOI! This is exactly what wasn't supposed to happen! We went through the plan three times, you-"

"Squalo," I cut his agitated ranting off by closing my hand around the wrist of the hand he had pointed at Bel. 

Squalo blinked and glared down at me. His grey eyes were so bright they looked almost silver and his hair was sticking up in places. When our eyes met he looked confused for a second.

"Oh. You're here."

"Yes," I replied patiently and gently began to tug his hand down. "Please calm down. Bel is right, she's not causing any trouble right now. I'm sure Xanxus will be able to handle her."

"No he won't," Squalo snorted, but at least the volume of his voice lowered. "You haven't seen them together before, brat. It's just a matter of time until-"

"Always so pessimistic, Squ-chan," Lussuria sighed lightly. 

"You should call me Yumi," I told him firmly with a small frown. "I don't like being called a brat."

Squalo huffed and stared off to the side with a disgruntled expression. "I'm just thinking of all the paperwork I'll be saddled with once the carnage is over."

"Have a little faith," I told him with a grin and released his hand, which then dropped limply to his side. "If I'm wrong I promise I'll help with the paperwork."

Squalo rolled his eyes, which was a pretty good indicator that he wasn't sober, and took a deep gulp from his bottle. 

"Drinking on the job. How careless, shishishi," Bel heckled. 

"VOI!"

"Bel!" I turned towards the blond boy. 

"Shishishi. Looks like the fun is about to start."

I followed the direction he was looking and spotted Xanxus still leaning with his back against the bar, looking like he was bored out of his mind while Stabfly talked at him. Now, though, she'd begun to look agitated. Our gazes met for a fleeting moment, but it still felt like in that second nobody else existed. Then he looked away again. Stabfly paused briefly and turned her head towards me before looking at Xanxus again. I tried to figure out what she was saying, since she now wore a definite frown on her face. With a shiver I turned my back on them, hoping to god that Bel was wrong.

"What does your sister do for.. fun?" I asked quietly.

Bel's sadistic smile was telling. Lussuria snorted, but even he was frowning slightly. Squalo set his bottle down with a thunk and stretched his arms over his head.

"Fuck." 

I nodded in agreement. 

"Let's hope she didn't bring her Uzi again," Lussuria said and popped an olive into his mouth. 

"Her what now."

"Ohh," Lussuria breathed. 

I glanced over my shoulder just in time to see her throw her arms into the air and walk away. I felt a cold touch on my bare shoulder and twitched. Squalo frowned as he removed his metal hand.

"Why don't you check out the balcony. The air in here is stifling."

"H-huh?"

"Shishishi. He means that you'll be safer out there once the bullets start flying," Bel supplied helpfully with a shit eating grin. 

"Vroi! This is your fault," Squalo hissed and rounded on him. "Don't think you're getting out of this!"

Bel raised his hands defensively. "Wouldn't dream of it!"

Worry gnawed at me as I looked between them. I bit my lip and cast a look at the crowd. While I didn't know most of those people, I still didn't want them to suffer. 

"Shouldn't we get people to clear out?" I asked hesitantly. "What if somebody gets hurt?"

"Ah ah ah, don't worry. Everybody in here is armed to the teeth," Lussuria said with a reassuring smile. "They'll put up a good fight before they go down!"

I frowned. Squalo glared at the older man. "Nobody's going to 'go down'! That's what we're here for!"

"Oh! Haha. Yeah, right! We're totally not here to pick up a sugar daddy! Haha!"

Squalo growled something that sounded suspiciously like 'fucking faggot' under his breath before he turned to me. He ran a hand through his already messy hair and glared at a point over my left shoulder.

"We're going to track her down and throw her out before she does something stupid. Meanwhile you'd better hang back."

"Is she that dangerous?" I asked in a small voice.

"Ushishi! Of course!" Bel said proudly. "After all we're royalty!"

"Fuck off!" Squalo bellowed before he turned back towards me.

I let out a surprised huff when he put his hands on my shoulders and steered me in direction of the balcony doors. 

"Hey! Hey! Stop it! I can walk myself!" I tried to argue as he shoved me forward. 

"Voi! Apparently you'd rather stick around and argue till you catch a bullet in the head!"

"No I wouldn't!" I protested and had to suppress a laugh despite myself. "Stop that! You brute! You absolute ogre!"

"VOI! Who're you calling an ogre!?" He sounded outraged and gave me a push that sent me stumbling out into the cold evening air. 

"Eeep! It's cold!" I squeaked.

"Stay here until somebody comes fetch you!" He barked and slammed the doors shut from the inside. 

I made a face at his retreating back and glanced down at the dark garden. A few christmas lights had been strewn around some boxwood bushes trimmed into geometrical shapes. I walked up to the railing and looked down, holding on tightly to fight the vertigo that swooped through my stomach. I'd never done well with heights. Directly below the balcony was a large pond. It was impossible to tell how deep it was in the darkness. The surface was perfectly still and reflected the moon and stars. And it was really fucking cold. Gooseflesh broke out all over my arms and back. 

"Alright, this is fucking stupid," I stated and turned back towards the door. 

People were still milling about inside as if nothing was amiss. Maybe they'd have already contained the threat, so to speak. It seemed really uneccessary for me to freeze my ass of just for- Wait, nevermind. Xanxus stalked towards the doors with a fierce scowl on his face. I actually took a step back when he burst outside. For a second I thought he was angry at me, but then he cast a look over his shoulder. A flash of yellow caught my eye. 

"Oh hell no!" I gasped when I saw the angry looking girl stalking through the crowd. 

She was carrying a rather large weapon with her that people didn't seem to notice at first. I didn't know what it was, but it was big and scary looking. Xanxus turned towards me with an annoyed expression.

"Looks like there's only one way out."

"What?" I gaped at him as I glanced between the advancing girl, the garden, the railing and the pond below us. "No!"

"Yes," he snapped. 

"NO! No, no I can't do this!" I said and took a step back.

Panice was crawling up my throat. He couldn't be fucking serious. This was a suicidal idea. No way. Utter terror seized me when he took a step towards me with a determined look. He grabbed me by the upper arms and I flinched. 

"Look at me," he demanded.

I was having a hard time stopping my eyes from flitting about and desperately searching for a way out, but eventually managed to meet his eyes. 

"Xanxus I can't do this! I'm terrified of heights!"

"Trust me," he snapped and chanced a glance at Stabfly, who went down on one knee and took aim.

That was maybe the harshest demand anyone had ever made of me. All the very good reasons why I shouldn't flew through my mind. He was a killer, had anger issues and was a selfish bastard who only ever dismissed the people who showed any kind of genuine concern for him. All of this was true. I knew it, I'd experienced it. And yet. I swallowed hard. And yet, because I was probably kind of stupid and definitely infatuated, it still wasn't enough to stop me. I closed my eyes and nodded once before meeting his gaze again.

"I do. I trust you."

His expression didn't change when his head turned around abruptly, but his eyes lit up. His grip on my arms tightened and that was all the warning I got before he lifted me up and tilted me sideways over the railing. The warm glow in my chest vanished immediately only to be replaced by sheer and utter terror. 

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" A scream ripped its way out of my throat as one of my worst fears abruptly came true. 

Existential terror gripped me and I immediately latched onto the next thing I could grab, which naturally was Xanxus. I wrapped my arms around his middle and buried my face in his chest, still screaming bloody murder. In return I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me tightly. There was an eardrum shattering explosion somewhere above. Suddenly my whole world got twisted around as I felt turned upside down. Now I was falling face forward, which was infinitely worse somehow. 

"Hold your breath!" He yelled over the rush of air and I instinctively obeyed.

Without any warning all noise was cut off as my body plunged into the icy water. For a moment I was certain I'd died, but then my senses came back and I started to struggle frantically. Blinking my eyes I desperately tried to gather my bearings, but I could only see white bubbles and blurry shapes. That damn dress was so heavy it started to drag me down no matter how much I struggled. When I wasn't coming any closer to the surface I started to panic in earnest. Then a blurry face appeared in my field of vision and hands grabbed me under the armpits, dragging me up through the ice cold water. As soon as my head broke through the surface I sucked in a deep breath and started coughing. Xanxus looked strange with wet hair. Our eyes met for one long moment and then he glared up at the sad remains of the utterly destroyed balcony. Large parts of the stone had been broken off by the explosion and it was a complete miracle that none of the falling rubble hit us. The taller boy didn't losen his grip as he started to backpaddle towards the edge of the pond. I tried to help, but my limbs began to feel stiff and weak. My head was still reeling from the events and I grabbed onto the dirt and grass as soon as it came into reach, holding, just frantically holding myself above the water. Xanxus meanwhile pulled himself up and out of the pond without much effort. He shrugged his dress jacket off and bent down to pull me up. My legs were too weak to hold my weight and I dropped on all fours. All I could do was breathe in and out, just trying to parse what the FUCK just happened. Water dripped down my face and left icy trails down my chest. I glanced down at the dark sodden fabric of the dress and swallowed when Suzette's words came back to me. You cannot wash this dress. Great. My throat started to grow tight. 

"Fuck. That bitch is gonna pay for this. Fucking cunt," he growled somewhere to my left. 

I tried to stand up, but it was bloody difficult with the fabric clinging to my skin and twisting around me. When I finally wobbled on my legs I saw him trying to get his cellphone to work, only to angrily chuck it into the woods when it refused to light up. I glanced back at the mansion and it only really hit me then that Stabfly had launched a fucking grenade at us. All of this was overshadowed however when I looked down at myself. My beautiful dress, ruined. All the effort Suzette and Amanda had put into me, ruined. Once again I'd been completely useless and unworthy of their time. Shivering uncontrollably I crossed my arms in front of my chest and stared at my feet. 

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

"What?!"

I slowly looked up while blinking frantically against the tears pooling in my eyes. Xanxus stared at me in disbelief. It was all too much. Once he saw the look on my face his brows twitched down and he came closer. My breath hitched on a sob.

"I'm so sorry for ruining the dress you made for me!" 

A tear rolled out of my left eye and left a warm trail down my cheek. I looked down again and closed my eyes in shame. A warm hand suddenly cupped my cheek and I looked up in shock. His thumb slowly, carefully wiped the tear away. My lips parted in shock at the unexpected tenderness of the gesture. Xanxus' face was calm and pensive as he studied my expression. The breath caught in my throat and I didn't dare to move a muscle in fear that it might break that magical moment. His red eyes searched mine before they travelled all over my face. I had no idea what he could possibly be seeing or searching for, but he seemed to find it nonetheless. Something like a mix of resignation and acceptance flashed through his eyes. 

"Don't cry because of one stupid dress," he murmured. "You'll have a thousand more in your life."

"Really? Promise you'll make them all?" A tiny smile grew on my face unbidden.

He huffed and caught another stray tear with his thumb. The sensation of his sightly calloused digit brushing over my face sent a undescribable tingling sensation through my entire body. 

"Promise," he muttered reluctantly. 

My smile grew until I was beaming up at him. A full body shiver shook me then and promptly reminded me that it was freezing and I well on the way towards catching pneumonia. When his hand left my face I felt bereft of the warmth and I couldn't help but mourn the loss of contact. 

"Let's go back."

"Y-yeah."

I tried to keep up with his long stride, but my whole body felt rather stiff. Eventually he stopped and turned around with an annoyed look. Biting the inside of my cheek I tried to lift the hem of the dress, but it was seriously heavy. I heard him sigh with annoyance before he suddenly bent his knees.

"Get on," he snapped.

"Wha-what are you-" My mouth closed when I realized that he was willing to give me a piggyback ride. What in the goddamn. 

It was fucking surreal so I stopped questioning my sanity and quickly climbed on his back instead. At least he was warm. I kinda held my breath as I wrapped my arms around his neck and tried not to breathe on him. I felt deeply ashamed of myself as he stood up and began to walk. 

"Sorry," I murmured weakly and rested my cheek against the back of his shoulder. 

"Shut up," he retorted immediately. 

Amazingly enough my body automatically began to relax as that heavenly warmth seeped into my skin. It made me kinda drowsy so I barely remembered the trip back to the house. I just remember arriving back on the terrace behind the livingroom and Xanxus dropping me off into the care of a very worried looking Amanda, who then steered me directly into the bathroom and drew a hot bath. She refused to listen to my clumsy apologies as she helped me get out of the soggy dress and into the water. Then I sorta fell asleep and had to be halfway dragged upstairs into my bedroom. All in all it was a pretty humiliating experience. Everything after falling into the pond felt like a fever dream in retrospect, which it well might have been since I caught a hell of a cold that night which lasted for three weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stabfly's skirt was actually so big because she had an arsenal of weapons hidden underneath it!


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm going on a road trip tomorrow! So if there aren't any more updates after this you can pretty much assume that I've crashed and died somewhere. Ayyy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To anyone wondering: No, I still don't have a coherent plot planned out for this. I don't like to plan my fics too far ahead because it tends to make me lose motivation to write everything down. Laziness is one hell of a drug.

I didn't hear any news about what happened to Stabfly and it was probably for the best. Squalo showed up once to drop a huge stack of paperwork on my bedside table with a grin. 

"Seriously," I groaned and sniffed. 

"You asked for it," he replied and tossed a cloth tissue at my face. "Blow your nose, dammit! That's disgusting."

"Your bedside manner is atrocious," I grumbled after peeling the tissue off my face. 

Still I made sure to blow my nose as loudly and obnoxiously as possible. With one brow raised in challenge I held the crumpled cloth out to him.

"Thanks for letting me borrow that."

"VOOOOI!" He hollered and took a step back with an outraged expression. 

"Just kidding," I grinned and regarded the papers. "Seriously, though. Is that really half?"

"More like a quarter, since you got sick. I don't need your germs all over this stuff," Squalo huffed and crossed his arms with a scowl. 

"Oh well. A deal is a deal, I guess. Got a pen?" 

"No. Get your own."

"I didn't know you were such a germaphobe."

"Voi! I can hardly afford to get sick!"

I tilted my head and observed him thoughtfully. "You're right. Without you there the Varia would surely collapse."

"Hmph!" He huffed and glanced to the side.

"No seriously, you're like their moral core. I've figured it all out."

"And I've figured out that you're delirious with fever," he growled and uncrossed his arms. "Get that shit done until tomorrow or else!"

"Yes boss," I said and gave him a lazy two finger salute. 

Squalo huffed and squinted at me dubiously. What a pathetic sight I had to be, wearing pajamas while cooped up in bed under several blankets. I didn't bother asking how he found me in my bedroom since he could apparently come and go as he pleased in the Vongola mansion. Considering that he was also smart as hell he probably figured it out pretty quickly. 

"Voi, don't call me boss," he said and glanced towards the door as if he suspected that Xanxus might be eavesdropping. 

"Oh come on," I said and rolled my eyes. "At least you actually teach me stuff."

Squalo huffed again. Both of us knew that there was nothing he could say against that, because Xanxus was a lazy fuck, to put it plainly. Though given recent events I personally tended to be slightly less critical of him. Ahem. Okay so maybe a lot less critical. After that display there was no doubt in my mind that Xanxus could very well express his emotions in a sane manner so long as he wasn't angry. He just chose not to most of the time, because a) he was a lazy fuck, see above, and b) his subordinates were basically all spoiled children with weapons and isssues up the wazzoo. In all honesty I began to see why he drank so heavily. 

See, I was totally not avoiding thinking about that scene at the pond. Nope. Not at all. After all it wouldn't do if I interpreted too much into it, right? Haha. I wasn't so far gone that I'd honestly believe that Xanxus of all people had some sort of ... of... tender feelings for me. Ha. Right. The only explaination for his behavior that seemed reasonable was that he'd begun to see me as some sort of sidekick or little sister figure. Which was fine, honestly. It wasn't like I had a growing crush that did funny things to my gut every time I saw him or anything. Yeah. Okay. So maybe that was a lie, but I had it under control, alright? As long as I kept telling myself that it would be okay. I had to keep telling myself that, because I was really fucking afraid of having my feelings trampled on and thrown into my face again, like that one time when one of my old classmates told my crush about my feelings for him, which had resulted in several painful weeks of mocking. Yeah. Bad stuff. Didn't really need a repeat of that in this wonderful new universe. So I kept my thoughts under a tight reign and pretended everything was okay.

It wasn't only because I was afraid of getting hurt again, though. It may sound crazy, but there was something in the air. Some strange foreboding feeling I'd begun to notice and it had taken hold of me. Like something big was afoot. A sense of impending doom, that's the term I was looking for. There was no reason to feel this way at first glance. Half of the time I felt silly for taking this stuff seriously. I had halfway convinced myself that I was simply going crazy from the boredom of being bedridden when I came across a news article while scrolling through my phone. A medium sized mafia family from northern Italy had been completely wiped out. The press suspected an internal mafia conflict as usual. It was weird though, because I knew the name of that family and they were simply not big or brutal enough to have many enemies. I glanced at Squalo.

"Did you hear about that massacre in the north?"

He shrugged. 

"Who do you think did it? The Carpallis didn't do anything, did they?"

"Voi idiot. There's no mafia family that hasn't "done" something. We wouldn't be mafia otherwise."

I shrugged off his derisive tone and raised my brows. "Is it being investigated?"

"The hell are you so curious about it?"

"I'm bored."

"So start writing then, brat."

"Hey." Squalo paused and threw me a look over his shoulder. "I thought I told you to call me by my name."

It wasn't like me to get pissed off about something so minor usually, but this time it really bothered me. Squalo paused on his way out and glared. I held his gaze. 

"Don't push your luck," he snapped. 

It only added fuel to my growing annoyance and turned it into full out anger. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

"Huh?" He drawled and turned around fully. 

A black haze fell over my mind and hushed my conscience. It was the summary of all the horrific experiences I'd survived since arriving in my new life. It was anger, wrath and the unbreakable resolve to survive at any cost wrapped into one. I was done with bowing my head and bending my knees to them or anyone. I was done with being a little girl in a grown man's world. It was as if he'd unwittingly awoken a dragon slumbering in my chest. I gingerly put my phone down on my nighttable and met his annoyed expression with a blank face.

"I'm Yumi of the Vongola family. If you keep disrespecting me I will make you pay. Do you understand?"

"VOI! What the fuck is wrong with you?" He yelled and took a step towards me. 

I blinked slowly and felt the cool embrace of a glacier at night at my back. I simply folded my hands in my lap and met Squalo's gaze with an unsmiling unwavering stare. He took another step before he stopped and stared at me. A small frown grew on his face. This close I could see the annoyance leave his gaze only to be replaced by confusion and surprise. His silver eyes flickered between mine. It was clear that he was not about to fall to his knees and apologize and I didn't expect him to. I merely wanted to make a point. My patience and politeness had been tried and tested and I felt close to a breaking point. Those guys were monsters. You can't tame monsters with concessions and nice words. And... I didn't fucking want to anymore. 

"Heh, you'd better be ready to back up those big words," he chuckled darkly and turned around again. "Otherwise you're not gonna have it easy in the future."

"Oh believe me, I am," I murmured.

Once he was out of the door I relaxed and unfolded my hands. The beautiful gun I'd recieved for my birthday laid beside my left leg underneath the covers. If there was one thing I learned, it was that if you're mafia you should never go unarmed. A small grin grew on my face as I fingered the cool metal. Baby steps.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit gets real

The shitty thing about learning from your mistakes is that you have to _make_ mistakes first. Living the life I did meant that my mistakes had the potential to be especially bad.

When my cold finally subsided enough for the maids to allow me out of my room again I set out to investigate the mafia killing. I'd looked up all available information on the internet already and the evidence just didn't match up. Who killed that family of a hundred members and for what? Nobody had been spared, not even the children. The police weren't releasing any details. Nono was away again and nobody knew how long he'd be gone. Xanxus made himself scarce, but I doubted he'd tell me anything anyway. Squalo didn't come around again after our little showdown. Instead some unfamiliar guy came to pick up my paperwork and left without saying much. In a fit of spite I'd sneezed on several papers in the stack. That would teach him. School wasn't about to start for another week. I did a bit of snooping and found out where the Varia headquarters was. It should've been unsurprising, but I was still caught off guard when I read the address. It was literally in Brisallore. More accurately, in the wealthy part of town. So I made one of the butlers drive me out there, since the constant cold rain that just wasn't letting up. The Varia headquarters were in a mansion at the back of town, surrounded by a huge yard and hidden behind some trees. Nothing about its facade gave away the nature of its inhabitants. 

I used the bronze door knocker to make my presence known and waited. A harried looking servant cracked the door open and glanced down at me. 

"Who are you?" He even sounded exasperated.

"Yumi Vongola," I replied pleasantly.

His eyes widened and he opened the door quickly. Servants were rushing about inside with various silver plates covered with silver domes. It felt more like I'd stepped into a restaurant than a kill squad's hangout. The servant who opened the door sprinted away. I followed my nose and ended up in the kitchen. Then I trailed a drove of servants hurrying down a maze of corridors until they reached a large set of dark brown double doors. They slowed down and one of them knocked hesitantly before entering. The others waited with baited breaths. There was a crash and yell inside before the man came running out while clutching his bleeding forehead. The next one entered very slowly. The three remaining servants radiated tension. Another crash sounded inside. The servant burst out of the room and a dirty silver platter got hurled after him. 

"Show me your stuff," I said quickly to the servants, who stared down at me. "Hurry!"

They shot glances at each other before they obeyed and lifted the domes over their plates. All three of them had meat with a side of vegetables. I eyed the meat. One was too burnt, the other had too many vegetables. The third was too small. I shook my head. The servants looked crestfallen. 

"Just get him a t-bone steak," I said. 

"Who's gonna cook that?" One of the servants complained.

"He killed the chef yesterday for burning his steak!"

"Damn," I winced. "Can none of you cook?"

They shook their heads. "The only one who's known to get it right is Squalo."

My eyes widened. "Get him! Quickly!"

They rushed off in different directions. What a bunch of weirdos. Who the hell hired those guys? I eyed the door. Well, now I knew who was in there. He wouldn't be pleased to see me. That much was certain. Who else was there? I wandered back the way I came and followed a less tense looking servant into another room. He knocked on a plain brown door.

"Helloooo? Who's there?" 

I perked up. That was definitely-

"Lussuria, sir. Your dinner is ready."

"Just set it down on the table, dear. I'm sort of busy right now."

"Yes, sir," the servant said and put it down on an end table beside the door.

I waited until he was gone before knocking on the door. "Lussuria, it's me. Can I come in?"

The door opened a few beats later. Lussuria appeared wearing a shiny waxed apron and long plastic gloves. When he saw me his expression lit up.

"Yumi! What a nice surprise! What are you doing here?"

"I need information," I said.

"Do come in. I was just about to finish anyway."

"What do you do in here?" I asked as I looked around curiously. 

It looked almost like a lab. There was a gurney in the middle of the room covered with a white sheet. 

"It's my workroom, sweetie. So what did you need help with?"

I was glad for the change of subject, since I abruptly didn't want to know what his hobby was. His 'workroom' bore an uncanny resemblance to a serial killer's lair. 

"That massacre in the north. I'm investigating it."

"Ah, you mean the Carpalli's mysterious deaths?" Lussuria pulled the gloves off and tossed them into the sink. "It's being investigated by the police."

I snorted. "Yeah, and I bet they're gonna find out who did it."

"Since when did you become so sarcastic, sweetie?" Lussuria looked worried. 

"What about the Vongola? Are we investigating?"

"Well, you know, the Carpallis didn't have any treaties with us. They had their own little territory and did business mostly with the slavs."

"Hm? I thought the Vongola dominated all families?"

"Yes yes, but the Carpallis were founded just three years ago. They were a group of rejects from all other families who rallied around a man named Leonardo Carpalli. Charismatic guy, or so I hear." Lussuria said as he pulled off his apron.

"So they were new?" My eyebrows rose. "Maybe somebody didn't want new competition on their turf!"

"It's custom for new families who want to secure their existence to send out a request for a treaty to the Vongola family before all others. They didn't," he said with a grin. 

"Oh. So they were.. like, rebels?" I rubbed my chin. 

"Suicidal. Arrogant. They thought they could survive on their own, outside our laws. Rumor has it that they were trying to develop some sort of 'superweapon'," he made airquotes around the word. 

"How far did they get?" I asked calmly.

Lussuria grinned brightly. I knew that he knew more than he let on and by the look on his face I could tell that he knew I knew. 

"Don't burden yourself with that, Yumi."

"A hundred people were killed, Lussuria. Children were murdered! We have the resources and the manpower to find out who did it and have them delivered to justice. I think we have a moral obligation to find the killer. That's what it means to be Vongola, doesn't it?"

"I don't understand your logic, sweetie. It's the police's job to do that. The people who were killed knew what they were getting into."

"All of them? Even the families of the men who joined?" I asked back. 

Lussuria giggled a bit and poured some desinfectant on his hands before rubbing them together. "You know, I think you'd make a good cop! Don't tell the boss I said that, though."

I groaned in frustration. He wasn't gonna help me with this. I couldn't help but feel disappointed. Despite that I was curious. Lussuria had more info than he let on. That meant the Varia knew what was up. And it seemed they weren't doing anything about it, so that meant that they were hiding something. Under whose orders? Did Nono know about this? I grit my teeth. He would, wouldn't he? After a massacre on that scale. Italy was under the Vongola's protection, after all. Lussuria suddenly patted my head with a reassuring grin.

"Don't worry, sweetie. We have our best guys on the case. It'll be solved in no time!"

"What, and you're here?" I grinned at him. "How does that work out?"

"Awhaha, you flatter me!" He began to steer me out of the room and into the foyer. "Do you want something to drink? Some cookies?"

"Hot milk would be nice," I replied pensively. "Strawberry milk and fresh cookies..?"

"Alright! Mama Lussuria will make you some! Just stay here, okay?"

"Sure!" I grinned brightly.

As soon as he went into the kitchen I was out of my seat and quickly began to snoop around. So they were doing something. It restored some of my faith in the Vongola. See, I'd begun to realize that they weren't all that noble. Their own interests always came first, the people second. Even if they were helping people, they were doing lots of bad things too. Slowly but surely I began to understand why Tsuna would want nothing to do with them. I found a room that might belong to Belphegor, going by the knife marks on the wood, but it was deserted. They also had a huge swimming pool in the basement, which was also deserted. I found a weapons room that looked like it got frequented often, also abandoned. From there I snatched a switchblade and hid it in my pockets. You never knew. I did the math and figured out that Squalo, Bel, Levi and Mammon were currently away on business. Which meant investigating the murders. There was no one else Lussuria could've been referring to as "our best". Sending out four Varia members at once meant that there was way more to the case than met the eye. It only confirmed my uneasy gut feeling about this mess. I hurried back to the foyer just in time for Lussuria to come out of the kitchen with a huge smile and a plate of fresh cookies. Which were raw in the middle. The strawberry milk had floating green pieces in it and was also cold. My smile was fake as I tried both and almost slipped off my face when I noticed that the cookies were salty instead of sweet. 

"How is it?" Lussuria cooed.

"I-it's delicious," I said with a pained smile. "O-oh boy, I'm already full! Haha. Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome! Do you want me to call someone to come pick you up?" 

I chewed slowly and thought furiously. Who the hell confused salt and sugar? "No that's okay. I'll do it myself."

"Alright. Make sure you get home before it gets dark! There are all sorts of crazy people out there, hahaha."

With a small wave he turned around and walked away. I pulled out my phone and called our driver. 

"Tavione speaking."

"Hi, it's Yumi here. Can you come pick me up?"

"Oh, of course! Where are you?"

"Varia HQ."

"I'll be there in twenty!"

David Tavione was a very hairy man in his late fourties. He reminded me a bit of Hagrid from Harry Potter, only Italian and also a heavy smoker. The limousine always smelled like cold smoke whenever he was on duty. After I slipped in the car and we pulled out of the ridiculously long driveway I leaned forward and tapped his shoulder.

"Take me to the airport," I said softly.

"What?" He shot me a glance in the rear mirror.

"You heard me."

"Signorina.. Do you even have money?"

"I sure do," I said and withdrew a plain black leather wallet from my pocket.

He stared at me with a conflicted expression. I grinned. It wasn't like its owner would miss the money anyway. And besides it was his own fault for letting it lie there out in the open. Alright, so Lussuria might get mad at me, but I couldn't be bothered right then. Tavione sighed and drove onto the highway. A quarter hour later I hopped out of the car and into the hall of the small airport. The lady at the service desk gave me an odd look as I demanded to buy a plane ticket, but one mention of the Vongola family had her hurriedly typing into her computer. An hour later I was sitting in a plane bound north feeling more alive than ever. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't afraid to travel by myself, I was just desperately hoping that nobody would notice I was missing for another few hours at least. When we landed in the airport near the town where the massacre took place I got off and slipped into the crowd. Something inside me was urging me forward as if my body knew exactly where I needed to go. 

My feet took me through an intricate network of little streets and alleys with ease as if I'd walked that exact path a thousand times. It was an eerie reminder that this body had been somebody else's first. Yes, that had to be it! Whoever she was, that cold whispering voice, she must know this place. Yet no matter how deep I looked inside she remained silent. I had to do this on my own, then. After what felt like hours of navigating the town I ended up in a run down area. Every second storefront had been boarded up and there were a few shady looking people on the street. The street lights cast a yellow glow on everything and it was getting increasingly dark. Finally I stopped and left that odd little trance I'd fallen in to. When I looked up I saw a run down dark warehouse surrounded by a ramshackle wooden fence that was mostly broken apart. I frowned. So this was where the murders took place? Where was the police tape? I slipped my phone out of my jacket and scrolled through the news articles I'd saved. The pictures quite clearly showed an expensive looking estate surrounded by police tape. Where was I? The longer I stood there the more attention I was bound to attract, so I swallowed hard and slipped through a hole in the fence. The perimeter of the warehouse was dull and filthy. It looked like it hadn't been used in years. The building itself was made of bricks and growing large swathes of mold everywhere. There was a rusted metal door at the side that was slightly ajar. So far that was the only opening I saw. 

My heart began to pound as I stared at the darkness beyond the door. For some reason I was a hundred percent sure that what I was looking for was there, somewhere inside. That meant I was about to face a serial killer. Thankfully I came prepared. Not only did I have the stolen knife, but I'd also packed my gun this morning. Looking back, the whole day had passed by in a blur. I frowned. That wasn't like me. Even so my brain was urging me to go in. I snuck towards the door and pushed. It groaned loudly and I winced at the bleak sound. Great now they knew I was here. I set foot inside and immediately got the eerie feeling of being swallowed by the darkness. At the very end of the room I saw a faint blue glow emerge from a half open door. Slowly I crossed through the hall, wary of the footprints my steps left in the thick layer of dust on the floor. There was a room beyond the hall where somebody had set up a huge monitor. It looked bigger even than a flat screen tv and showed a map of the world. At first I didn't notice, but then I saw four different colored dots blinking lazily on the map. At the desk beneath the screen sat a man wearing a long white lab coat. I only saw his head from behind, saw the gelled, neatly parted blond hair, but that was enough to make my whole body tense suddenly. My heart began to pound immediately and I frowned a little at the intense panic response. 

"My little angels... hurry up and kill those attackers," the man muttered. 

"Hhh!" I automatically sucked in a harsh breath and immediately slapped a hand in front of my mouth. 

He slowly swirveled around to face me. Both of his brows rose as he stared with an unsettling, vacant little smile.

"Oh my!" He exclaimed and stood up.

He was not very tall and pudgy around the middle. Underneath the lab coat he wore a white two piece suit and white gloves on his hands. He also wore half-moon glasses and a gold cross on a necklace. His double chin wobbled when he chuckled.

"I knew that my Angel Beacon was amazing, but not that it could literally call the dead back to life! Splendid!" He said and clapped slowly. "Splendid. Welcome back, Blue. With you here the battle will be over soon."

"B-Blue?" I stammered with wide eyes.

A frigid breeze hit my side and I glanced to the left, where I saw an exact mirror image of myself standing there. She looked kind of transparant and tinted in a blue hue. Our fringe covered her eyes.

'I always knew I'd have to face him again, but I didn't think it would be like this,' she said pensively before slightly turning her face in my direction. 'I'm sorry for not saying anything. I hoped you wouldn't be affected by his beacon.'

"W-what?" I stammered. 

'This is bad. You have to destroy that machine,' she said and pointed at the screen. 'It's the least we can do. I'm afraid it's all we can do.'

I glanced at the screen. A red, yellow, green and purple light all blinked in the same spot at different intervals. The man noticed my glance and smiled.

"Magnificent, isn't it? With this map I'll always know where to find you! The sensors of this machine are attuned to your brain activity! It's range spans the whole world, since I've hijacked a satelite to increase the range! It's strange that your signal isn't on the map, however. I thought you were dead, Blue. How can this be?"

I swallowed hard. I didn't know this man, but he seemed to know me. Or this body at least. Which was extremely bad news probably. The image beside me nodded.

'He's a very bad man. He turned me and three others into monsters through medical experiments and years of abuse. I originally meant to escape and go to the Vongola to get help, to free the others in his clutches. My body was extremely weak after the rigors of traveling across the country by foot, however. When I ended up in that alley in Brisallore I was ready to give up and die.'

'The alley! Where I woke up!' I thought frantically.

She nodded. 'You realize we switched places, right?'

'WHAT?!'

'Yes. I'm living the normal life I always wanted. I wouldn't trade it for the world. However I don't know the specifics of this... exchange, so I'd rather not find out if we switch back if one of us dies. You have to escape.'

'But he's the killer!' I thought with a frown. 

'No, he probably made the others kill those people to cover his trail. You cannot kill him. Not with my body. He took precautions to prevent it. So you have to run, Yumi. Destroy that thing and go!'

Swallowing past my fear I pulled my gun and aimed it straight at the map. The doctor let out a high pitched squeal when I fired six rounds into the monitor. It fizzled and sparked as the map glitched and finally went black. I scanned the dim room for signs of a server or a mainboard, but then the man suddenly moved until he was towering over me. With a stern frown he put his palm flat on my face. Suddenly my body froze and I could not move a muscle. 

"What did you do that for, daughter? After all the love I've shown you and your siblings! After I bestowed the gift of sight onto you, who's been born blind!"

'Daughter?!'

'No,' Blue sneered. 'I'm Leo Carpalli's daughter. That idiot is simply delusional. He thinks just because he chopped up his own child and distributed her parts among us we're all his daughters now.'

'WHAT!?'

"You've grown a lot, dear child. Have you been alive this whole time?" He peered down at me through the cracks in his fingers. "Ah, what am I saying? I can never stay mad at you, who wears my daughter's beautiful blue eyes!"

My stomach jumped. I felt like throwing up. What the fuck was going on anymore? My... eyes? 

'Grey's eyes,' Blue stated solemnly. 'That's what I've... 'inherited'. Grey's Vision. She was his daughter.'

"See, I'm not mad anymore," he said and leaned down to grin in my face. "And because of that I won't hurt you! Come with me for a second."

Against my will, my legs began to move. I walked stiffly into the main hall and waited as he shuffled around behind me. Then I heard a wooden screech and felt something hit the back of my knees.

"Sit down, Blue."

My body obeyed against my will. He then proceeded to tie my hands behind my back. After that he stuffed a wad of sour tasting cloth into my mouth and put a stripe of duct tape over it. He grinned and walked into the darkness. I heard a flick and then a cold white headlight shone down on me. My eyes burned under the sudden onslaught and I squinted.

"It would appear that my hideout has been found. We've been under attack since this morning. Your sisters are holding up admirably, considering who the enemy is," he sighed deeply and feigned a concerned expression. "I wonder how the Vongola heard of our little family. They must really hate us to send the Varia after us."

Heart jumping in my chest I tried my best to look neutral. My muscles still felt weirdly lax. Besides blinking, breathing and furrowing my brows not much else was working. A meaty hand ruffled through my hair.

"Don't worry, I just tied you up for show. It never hurts to have an ace up your sleeve, right? I have full confidence in all of my angels and I'm sure they'll eventually kill those pesky mafiosi, though. After all I designed all of your prosthetic limbs myself. Like a benevolent god, I have purged your imperfections and made you stronger! Isn't that nice?!"

Only now did I begin to hear the faint crashes from somewhere outside. The man in white began to pace in a tight circle, still smiling vapidly as if all of this didn't really concern him. 

'He's insane,' Blue stated needlessly and sighed. 'He wasn't always like this. I guess seeing his daughter slowly die from cancer and being unable to save her just broke him. You know, he is a genius on the field of medical tech. That's why father hired him in the first place. To.. cure my blindness. He invited him to come live with us and even allowed him to bring his family to our estate. The Doc immediately went to work trying to build a pair of functioning eyes, but it was taking too long in father's opinion. That was because the Doc was working on a side project: Trying to save his daughter from leukemia.'

The crashes outside were growing fainter and less frequent. I feverently hoped that was a good sign. Did they miss me at the mansion? I swallowed. Damn, but I hadn't thought this through. What if Mr. Taviano got in trouble because of me? I glanced at Blue. 

'How are my parents?'

'They're fine. Quite happy that their daughter finally has a job,' Blue said with a faint smile. 

My eyes began to burn and I quickly lowered my head. 'Thank you.'

'I don't understand what happened. Why did you want to leave so badly?'

'Why did you?'

Blue shook her head in disbelief. 'That's because my life was hell and I'd rather have died than to keep going. You.. you had it so nice! Lovely parents, little to no worries... You hated it so much you'd rather live this hell?!'

'Whatever happens,' I thought fiercely. 'I don't want to go back!!!'

Blue stared at me for a few beats before nodding slowly. 'Fine by me.'

'Please take care of my parents. Tell them I love them.'

'I will. It looks like you've found something worth living for, too.'

'Yes, I have.'

Blue looked at the doctor. 'He turned my family into a cult. It started after he arrived. He kept saying that science would eventually surpass God. He claimed that he who could correct god's flawed designs was the real god. After Grey died despite his best efforts... I remember that day. Suddenly he had all four of us dragged down into his lab. We were all strapped onto gurneys. While Grey was dying he plucked out her eyes, took them to his work desk and immediately infused them with his machinery. I don't know what he did or how he did it. I couldn't see. Then he said that he wouldn't use anaesthetics.'

I shuddered at the desolate tone of the other girl. The doctor kept pacing. My hands hurt from how tightly they were bound. 

'The four of us recieved machinery-enhanced parts of Grey. I got her eyes. Red her arms, since she was born with misshapen arms. Green had lost her legs in an accident so she got Grey's legs. Yellow was born with a weak heart, so she got Grey's. When we woke up we noticed that our enhanced new limbs came with various abilities we'd never had before. I saw.. everything. Red could crush iron with her fists. Green could move faster than light. Yellow's skin became impenetrable. We served the Doctor as his own private army for three long years. Our parents.. they worshipped him. I don't know what father did to warrant the doctor ordering his family's death and I don't care.'

'What do you mean you saw everything?!'

'You haven't?' Blue glanced at me. 'You haven't seen small glimpses of the future, the flight path a bullet will take, the direction an opponent will shoot?'

'Oh!' My eyes widened.

'It gets even better than that. You'll see.'

"I don't understand! What is taking my angels so long?!" The doctor exclaimed with a small frown when he finally stopped pacing. "It's too quiet!"

That was true. The noises stopped entirely. My heart pounded in my chest when I heard footsteps coming closer. A loud creak told us the door opened again. A tall figure was moving in the dark. Through the glare of the light I couldn't make out who it was. 

"Now what do we have here?" The doctor sing-songed. "Did my angels allow you to pass?"

"Shut the fuck up."

I'd recognize that slightly hoarse angry snarl anywhere. Relief flooded me. The doctor frowned. 

"That's rude of you, my boy. Seems like I'll have to teach you a lesson."

The doctor lifted his right hand and snapped his fingers. Immediately we heard the sound of multiple safeties being switched off. My eyes flew open in horror. That gutless coward! He had armed men hiding in the shadows all along! A stone dropped in my stomach when I heard multiple clicks. Suddenly the darkness was dispelled by several flashes of light. Ear-shattering noise filled the warehouse and echoed from the walls as a hail of bullets began to fly. I flinched and strained to see what was happening. I only saw Xanxus' outline moving about insanely fast. It was like looking at a dia show. One moment he drew his guns, the other he was jumping and dodging bullets. I also heard the unmistakeable roar of his guns. The flame-enhanced bullets pierced the dark with bright orange flashes. He was fast and deadly. One by one I saw the shapes of the attackers fall. It occurred to me then that I'd never seen Xanxus in action. The way he always lounged about like a large wildcat after a meal, you wouldn't think that he could be so intimidating. Back when he still tried to shoot me on a regular base he hadn't moved a lot either. I realized that he hadn't really meant to kill me then, because this? Holy shit. There was no comparison between then and now. He jumped, he ran, he dodged and rolled; all the while firing and hitting his marks. The sounds of gunfire began to die down. My ears were ringing from the noise. The doctor frowned and went to switch on the light. Sure enough, it was a massacre. Xanxus lifted his gaze from the ring of corpses surrounding him and glared at him. His guns were still smoking and he made no move to put them away. I tried to count, but my thoughts were abruptly derailed when the mad doctor held a knife against my throat. 

"Slowly now, my boy. You don't want me to hurt her, do you?"

The raven haired teen's glare could have incinerated stone. "It's over, you sick fuck. Give up!"

"Ah ah ah. Language. What if my sweet angels hear you talk like that? They're young and impressionable," he chuckled, sending a shiver down my spine. 

"Those children," Xanxus spat, "Will be taken into police custody. You sure messed with them, you fucker. It ends now!"

"What?" The doctor straightened with an alarmed frown. "My angels were beaten?! How is that possible?"

"We are the Varia, sicko," he growled and narrowed his eyes. "Release her and I'll make it quick."

"My my, that is unfortunate," he murmured slowly and gave me a look full of fake concern. There was absolutely nothing in the depths of his eyes. I shivered. "What do you say to that, Blue?"

Xanxus' gaze flickered towards me for a second. His brows twitched slightly. Cold steel grazed my skin and I tried to move my neck away from the blade. The doctor glanced behind him before facing Xanxus again. 

"Unfortunately I can't allow myself to be killed or captured. There's still so much work to do and so little time. I have several unfinished projects waiting for me. You see, I'm a doctor. The best in my field. So that's why," he said and plunged the knife into my gut. "I have to take my leave now."

"Motherfucker!!" 

A small gasp left my throat. My entire body felt numb with shock. There was a cold knife stuck in my gut...? Strangely enough it didn't hurt a lot. There was just a dull throb as I felt the punctured muscles and blood vessels jerk. My breathing sped up. Not enough air...! My nostrils flared as I frantically sucked in breath after breath, feeling close to choking. A meaty hand patted my head.

"What will you do now, my boy? Arrest me? Or save poor little Blue before she bleeds out? You only have time for one thing."

My eyes wouldn't focus on anything as my brain struggled to comprehend what just happened. Suddenly the knife was gone and that was when the pain began. I tried to scream but all that came out was a muffled whine. Hot wet blood began to run down my abdomen and legs. There was so much of it! A cruel chuckle came from somewhere behind me as I heard his footsteps recede.

"I must warn you, I'm a doctor. I know exactly what I stabbed. From now on you only have a few minutes. I do hope you have a medic on stand by, boy."

Darkness crept into the edges of my vision as I began to hyperventillate. Cold. My body felt so cold, so why was my blood so hot? A pair of muscular legs clad in black pants arrived in my field of vision. It hurt when he ripped the duct tape off my mouth. I spat out the cloth and sucked in a deep breath, but that was a mistake. A full body flinch went through me as the pain flared up. I barely even registered that he cut the rope binding my hands as my breathing became frantic and shallow. All I could focus on was the intense hot pain in my gut and how faint I began to feel. Not good. Not good at all. 

"Xan..xus," I coughed and winced when the iron taste of blood flooded my mouth, felt it dribbling down my chin. 

"You goddamn idiot!" He barked and leaned into my field of vision.

Only then did I see how wide his eyes were despite the harsh frown on his face. I blinked slowly at him. What was he talking about...? Why did he look so upset? ..Oh right. 

"He's the.. killer. You.. have to catch him," I muttered stubbornly.

Suddenly my head fell back when he lifted me up abruptly and carried me bridal style. Pain flared through me in a hot white wave when the change of position pulled on my damaged tissue. I couldn't hold back a choked scream. It only made me cough more blood until I felt lightheaded.

"Fuck! FUCK!" He yelled and began to run. "You fucking idiot! You better stay alive so I can kill you myself!"

"Ungh," I groaned. 

Slowly it began to sink in that I might be dying for real. That realization was accompanied by a vague sense of regret and urgency. I had to tell him before it was too late! It was a monumental effort to lift my head and look at him. My vision kept slipping in and out of focus. 

"I..I.. All this time.. I really.." 

I couldn't do it, the words were stuck in my throat. My eyes began to burn with frustration. Everything inside me protested the action when I lifted a shaking hand and grabbed at his shirt. Xanxus shot me a frantic glance. It was so bright all of a sudden. What were those flashing lights? Blue and red.. 

"..you.. I.. lo-" Another wet cough racked my aching frame.

Couldn't do it after all. 

Not yet, I thought faintly. Not yet! 

Please, NO-!


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With this chapter I've officially cracked the 100k word mark! Woohoo!

White. When I opened my eyes again everything was white. There were no shapes, no smells or sounds. Just white. I tried to make out which way was up or down, but it was an exercise in futility. All at once I understood that I was.. well, simply dead. There was no other explaination. My eyes began to sting and the tears flowed freely as a wave of sorrow swept through me. I didn't manage to tell him and now it was too late. It was yet another entry on the long list of my personal failures. Not even after being spirited away into another universe did I manage to break the pattern. A loser was a loser, no matter the circumstances. Not even closing my eyes provided any solace from the whitness or the grief. Suddenly, a sound. Slow clapping. I blinked and there she was. Sort of hovering in front of me. That blue-tinted reflection of the face I came to associate as my own.

'Where am I?' I asked feebly.

'Congrats, you're dead. This is the void.'

'I always thought the void was supposed to be dark.'

'That's because you played too much World of Warcraft.'

'Why are you here?' I eyed the apparition with worry. 

'It seems my theory was correct. When you died you pulled me with you.'

'Oh no. I'm so sorry!'

'It's not too late yet,' she said and seemed to glance at something behind me, even though I still couldn't see her eyes under the fringe. 

'There's still time?' I didn't dare to hope.

'They are trying to bring you back, but ultimately it's up to you.'

'What about you?'

'I was riding my bike on the way to work. All I remember is tripping and falling. It was odd, because I'm usually a good cyclist. Now I know why it happened. We're still connected, you and I.'

'Wait a minute. How can you see what's going on over here? And why can't I do the same?!' 

'That's because I'm from a world where magic is real. And, I suppose, it's because of Grey's Vision. It lets me see much more than just my opponent. You can't do the same because Grey's Vision was originally given to me, even though you're the one wearing it now.'

'What else can you see?'

'Honestly? I think you'll figure it out.'

'Even though you say that... I'm tired,' I sighed. 'The fight is leaving me. I'm not.. not sure I want to go back.'

'What?!' She stared at me in disbelief. 

I shrugged defensively. 'What if I just keep fucking up more? Who's to say I'll do better in the future? It's my own fault that I died. I accept that. I just. Right now I can't believe in myself. I let everyone down. I..'

'You're terribly selfish, that's what you are!' Blue snapped suddenly. 'Every second word out of your mouth is 'I' ! It's all about how you feel, blah blah blah!'

I flinched and swallowed as the truth of her words hit home. 'But-'

'No, listen! I don't wanna die! I have plans for my future! Just because you want to wallow in self-pity and throw the towel doesn't mean that you get to ruin this for me! Did you ever pause to think about how your death will affect the people in your life?! You said that you found something worth fighting for! What about that, huh?!'

New tears spilled down my face. 'I don't matter! The plot will unfold anyway!'

'A plot, huh,' her voice was full of loathing. 'Is that what our lives are to you? A pretty story to read and forget?'

My eyes widened. 'You.. saw?'

'Oh yes, I've read the manga. Why didn't you buy the complete series?' She tsked harshly. 'We don't appear in that story. The only reason that can be is because of you! So you see, you matter! Your arrival changed everything!'

'It can't be... wouldn't that mean your suffering.. is my fault?'

She stared at me with a judgemental look. 'Frankly, I don't give a damn. Our exchange more than made up for it.'

'And what about the others? The other angels?'

Blue looked away. 'You didn't see, but they had the police waiting outside that warehouse. He was captured and detained. With him locked up they're without a master. They'll make their own ways. Maybe they'll heal, too.'

I tried to look over my shoulder, but felt a heavy sense of nausea when I did so. 'I'm scared, Blue. I'm scared that I'll only make things worse and worse. I'm scared I'll keep hurting those I care about. Wouldn't it be better if I don't go back?'

'You think that would be for the best?' She shook her head in disbelief. 'You think your death would make them hurt less?! If that's the case then you're a coward and a fool.'

I wanted to curl into a little ball and disappear. Truthfully, this state of non-existence was tiring me out. The longer this conversation dragged on the more I began to wish for an end. Blue looked tense as if she could read my thoughts. 

'I bet he doesn't even care,' I whispered as new tears began to pool in my eyes. 'I bet nobody does.'

'Maybe that's how it was for you before, but it has changed, hasn't it? Things have changed for both of us. For the better! Don't give that up, Yumi. Your presence has already altered the.. canon. It's too late for regrets and takebacks. Oh! And besides... Wasn't there something you wanted to say to him?'

'...That's right. There's..,' I pressed my lips together and swallowed hard. 'There's something I still have to say. You're right. If.. if I die now without saying it, I'd regret it forever.'

Blue nodded quickly. 'Hold on to that feeling. Don't let go. Keep pulling!'

Slowly and carefully I did as she said. That feeling, which was a mixture of urgency and determination. Just one thing. I could come back to life for one thing. For this one thing that was of utmost importance. If I had to die I wanted to die without regrets, so I couldn't accept this right now. Sweat broke out of my forehead as I focused inward.

'That's right. Remember what you're fighting for. Pull yourself closer to life. The doctors have tossed you a rope, you just have to seize it!'

'I will! I will! I won't give up!' I yelled as I suddenly felt as if I was standing under a waterfall with the current pounding onto my face. 

There it was, among the rushing water. A glowing rope. The water was heavy on my shoulders and clung on to my legs, but I pushed forward. When it was almost impossible to move anymore I stretched my arms out high and got up on my toes. Further further, just a little more. There! It almost burnt my hands with its radiance, but I held fast. Just one thing. I seized the rope with both hands and pulled.

_________^^^^^^^

 

The world came back into blurry focus as I blinked my eyes open. That up there was definitely a ceiling. That chemical smell... those beeping sounds. Yes, I was back. Feeling bone deep weariness and a pounding headache. 

"Ungh," I groaned and winced at the stab of pain in my gut when I tried to sit up. 

It felt less like I'd been stabbed and more like I'd been run over by a truck. The beeping beside my bed picked up speed when I tilted my head up and looked around. Yup. Definitely a hospital room. Single bed, of course. The curtains were drawn in front of the windows so it had to be night. A lone chair stood on the right side of my bed, facing me almost accusingly. Whoever had been there must've left again. A wave of tiredness rolled over me and I laid back down hoping that the headache would go away if I slept some more. 

Come morning the headache had receded to a dull pounding. It was the only comfort I got. The nurses were all professionally polite as they helped me wash and get dressed. It was a mortifying experience, but I was grateful for the help nonetheless. My limbs were slow to obey and feeling annoyingly weak. 

"It's the after effects of the muscle relaxants you recieved," a nurse explained patiently as she buttoned up my pyjama top. 

I felt the blood drain from my face as I stared at her. When she noticed my look she hurried to help me lie back down and frowned. 

"You're lucky, you know. You lost quite a lot of blood from that stab wound. If it hadn't been for the emergency transfusions.. Well, you made it. That's all that matters. I can call a doctor to fill you in on the details."

"Yes please," I replied weakly and accepted the glass of water she handed me.

"Good. Keep drinking. You need plenty of fluid. If you drink enough we may not have to give you more infusions."

Already the peripheral venous catheter in my left elbow began to hurt whenever I moved my arm. I was determined to get out of here as quickly as possible. My head still felt sort of fuzzy whenever I started thinking too much, so I didn't. I sat there, drank my water and waited for the doc. 

"Good morning, signorina Vongola," he said when he opened the door. "I'm Dr. Varelli, chief physician of the surgical ward."

"Good morning, doctor."

"I'm glad you're finally awake. You had us worried there for a while," he said with a brilliant white smile. 

"What happened?"

"Well," he said and glanced down at his clipboard. "You've been stabbed in the gut, which resulted in a perforated colon. Needless to say, that's quite a critical injury. We had to perform emergency surgery as soon as you arrived. You've also lost a lot of blood, which we managed to replace through transfusions. Unfortunately your condition worsened immediately after the surgery, which forced us to reanimate you. Now this may sound worse than it was, but.. you were clinically dead for about two minutes and three seconds."

A rush of breath left my lungs. So it wasn't just a bad dream. That really happened. The doctor smiled regretfully at my shocked expression. 

"Don't worry, though. From what I can tell you're already on the path of recovery! Since you're so young it's highly unlikely that you'll retain any lasting damage. Our screenings show that you didn't retain any organ damage either since the oxygen levels in your blood remained steady throughout the reanimation process."

"So I'll be fine?" It was gratifying that my voice never wavered, even though I felt like crying with relief. 

"To put it blunty, yes. Most likely."

"Whew," I exhaled and glanced at my folded hands on the sheets. "How long do I have to stay here?"

"Until we're certain that your injuries are healed," he replied patiently. 

"So how long?"

The doctor gave me a stern look. "It depends on your recovery rate, but if you want a rough estimate.. Considering the extensive bloodloss and the traumatic organ damage.. If you take the reanimation into account.. It may very well take up to a month."

"A month?!" I gaped at him. 

"We have to be certain that no complications arise," he said soothingly. "A damaged colon can bear all kinds of risks, such as infections caused by the gut bacteria that may have leaked into your abdominal cavity."

"Fuck," I breathed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "That's bad."

"Well, it sure beats being dead!" He quipped with another brilliant smile. "One of my nurses will be around to attend to your needs, signorina. Just call whenever you need anything. You're going to recieve physical therapy as soon as possible, so you can look forward to that! Hang in there and you'll be out in no time!"

As it just so happened, I didn't share his optimism. I bade him goodbye with a fake smile and ran both hands over my face. A fucking month. With a sinking feeling I let my hands drop into my lap, unable to ignore the elephant in the room any longer. Both Vongola men would be really fucking unhappy with me. A shiver ran down my spine. Fuck. 

Mathilda was something like my own private nurse. Talk about the privilege of bearing the Vongola name. She was a middle aged woman with a stern profile and a no nonsense attitude. It was refreshing, in a weird way, that she didn't coddle me like the servants at the mansion had. She pushed me to test out my limits and made me sit at the edge of the bed until I couldn't stand the pain anymore, and then didn't give me any of the good meds I knew I could have. 

"They'll addle your mind. You need to get moving as quickly as possible again. Suck it up, signorina."

"Yes ma'am," I groaned and swallowed the paracetamol pill. 

It was a small relief that neither Nono nor Xanxus came to visit me over the week, but it also made me dread our next meeting even more. Mathilda didn't pry, but she kept shot me a suspicious look mixed with a sort of low-key worry when I asked if anyone had come to visit while I slept.

"Not since I've been assigned to you, but I heard that there was somebody when you were transferred here from the IU."

"Who?"

"A young man. Didn't say anything, just stayed the whole night."

"I understand," I replied quietly. 

"Hmph," she huffed and crossed her arms. "How did you end up getting stabbed, anyway?"

I had to hand it to her, she had guts. None of the other nurses dared to pry, though I could tell they were curious. I wriggled my toes underneath the sheets and glanced out of the window. 

"It was my own fault."

"Bullshit. You wanna know how often I've heard that tale?!"

My eyebrows rose at her fierce tone. There was an angry gleam in her dark brown eyes. 

"Huh?"

"You're in the mafia, aren't you," she stated flatly. "Young girl, really pretty. No parents around."

"What?! No, that's not-"

"Tell you what," she cut me off with a flat voice. "You don't have to tell me. I can imagine what happened. I've seen it time and time again. Mafia women with black eyes and unexplained bruises or broken limbs."

"You think they-" I gaped at her with wide eyes and quickly shook my head. "No! They would never-"

"The boy who visited you was Xanxus, wasn't he?" 

My mouth parted in shock. Mathilda nodded in triumph. 

"You know him?!"

"Not personally, but I've heard rumors. Bastard son of the most influential mafia Don in Italy. Leader of their elite kill squad."

I shook my head at her scornful tone. "It wasn't him!"

"Yumi. _Talk to me_ if you want out," she said in an urgent tone and gave me a really intent look. "I know people who can make it happen. You wouldn't be the first."

There was really nothing I could say to that. I stared at Mathilda's completely serious, earnest expression and felt overwhelming regret. She was so good. She was. So much better than I. Because I had no intentions of quitting. Not now, not ever. It was much too late for that. Blood was already on my hands and it would never wash off. Still, I appreciated that she tried. 

"Thanks," I murmured faintly. 

Mathilda nodded once and drew back, plastering the stern professional expression back on her face. She gave me a meaningful look, nodded once and left. The mafia life would never leave me. I knew that and it didn't bother me, not really. Not anymore. In fact, after I fully accepted that and began to think more about it, I began to look forward to the future with glee. All of it, my body's almost supernatural capabilities, Grey's definitely supernatural Vision, it all gave me a perfect base to expand on. Oh, I wasn't going to be a mere background character. No. With a small grin I flexed my fingers on the sheets. I was going to fucking own this life. It was useless to pretend I still was that insecure, do-gooder little scaredy cat I'd been when I arrived. When I thought about facing Nono and Xanxus again I wasn't afraid so much as embarrassed for allowing myself to get captured and hurt. The longer I was awake the more alive I began to feel and it wasn't only because the narcotics were finally washing out of my system. My whole sense of self had shifted. In a way it was as if the old me had died and a new me emerged from the ruins. It was a waste of time to bother with self-doubts and pointless little fears. When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

It was all well and good, but it didn't prepare me to face Xanxus again. One morning when I woke up I startled when I leaned up on my lower arms and met his crimson eyes. He was lounging on the chair facing my bed with loosely crossed legs and arms. The look on his face was downright dangerous for its complete absence of emotion. 

"H-hi," I said and swallowed hard. 

He narrowed his eyes, but didn't say anything. An alarm siren went off in the back of my head. 

"Did you manage to arrest him? The killer-"

My mouth snapped shut and my eyes flew open when he suddenly leaned forward and slapped me hard across the face. An explosion of pain erupted on the right side of my cheek and the force of the blow made my head snap to the side. I automatically lifted my hand to hold my face and turned to look at him with burning eyes. A savage snarl twisted his features. 

"What _the fuck_ was that?"

"I-I had to-" I stammered and tried to blink away the tears. 

"Fucking unbelievable," he hissed and leaned back again. 

The intense disgust that grew on his face made me lower my head in shame. For a brief while it was silent between us. 

"You lied," he said flatly. "You don't trust me."

The sheer weight of the accusation behind his words made my head snap up with alarm. "It's not a lie! I do!"

"Yeah?! Then why didn't you come to me with this, huh _trash_?!"

"And what would you have done?!" I finally snapped back and clenched my fists in the sheets while blinking back angry tears. "You would've laughed and told me to go home!"

"How do you know that?!" He yelled and leaned forward with blazing eyes. "You think you know me? Get a grip, you goddamn scum!"

I ground my teeth so hard they hurt. There were mean ugly words I wanted to hurl at him and it took my last shred of self-control to hold them back. I was so goddamn tired of being called trash. Moreover I was hurt by his behavior. One step forward, two to five steps back. Every goddamn time. I closed my eyes and forced myself to calm down; to lock up the angry hurt behind walls upon walls of steel.

"I took a risk and it backfired," I said with forced calm. "Whatever happened is my fault."

"You're goddamn right it is," he replied sharply and glared at me with barely restrained wrath. "You don't trust me and nothing you've done has given me any reason to trust you. You're under house arrest until I decide what to do with you."

"What?!" I blinked and leaned back with a stunned expression. "Until _you_ decide?! Last time I checked I was your father's ward!"

"Don't push me, trash," he growled dangerously. "The old man is on a months long business trip. In his absence I am the head of the family!"

It was at the tip of my tongue. _Reaching a bit, aren't we?_ The very real threat of violence that surrounded him like miasma held me back. I settled for glaring at him and pressing my lips together. It burned. It was as if that scene at the pond never happened. Anger and disappointment warred in my chest and it was difficult to tell whom it was directed at more. Calm down, I told myself. Just calm down. 

"Fine," I replied coldly. "Can you go now? I'm tired."

I almost flinched when he sprung to his feet so quickly it sent the chair crashing to the floor. He advanced towards the bed when the door flew open and Mathilda burst into the room, followed by two security guards. The look on the older woman's face was vengeance incarnate.

"Stop immediately!" She bellowed as the men walked past her. 

Xanxus paused and turned around with a furious expression. The security guards stopped short of grabbing him. Mathilda threw me a look and narrowed her eyes in a truly fearsome manner when they landed on the side of my face. 

"Get away from her! You're hereby banned from entering hospital grounds!"

"On whose authority?!" He growled and flexed his hands. "You're nothing to me, trash. If you dare to interfere on Vongola business you'll regret it."

"Signora," one of the security guards eyed Xanxus warily. "I think that's the Don's son."

"I don't care who or what he is! If he harms my patients he's got to go!" She snapped immediately. "If you refuse to leave I will call the police."

"Try me," he said and made small flames burst to life in his palms.

If Xanxus got truly angry there was no force on earth that could stop him. Mathilda was a kind soul who didn't deserve to bear the brunt of his wrath. It hurt after this morning's physical exercise, but I still forced myself to slowly sit up and swing my legs over the edge of the bed. It stung when I slowly stood up and I had to bend forward a little to ease the pull on my abdomen. All four of them stared when I slowly walked in between them. I turned to face him with a defiant scowl and spread my arms to the sides. 

"I'm the one you're angry at, remember?" I said through gritted teeth.

"Yumi! Get back into bed before your surtures rip!" Mathilda put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed. "I'm serious, you're in no condition to be walking around yet!"

I ignored her worried demand and stared Xanxus down, who looked about two seconds from exploding. The stinging in my abdomen got worse and I couldn't suppress a wince at one particularly painful stab. I quickly lowered my left arm and pressed my hand on the wound. When I cast a quick glance down my fingers came away bloody. 

"Shit," I cursed when I realized that the bandage had bled through. 

"Yumi! I swear," Mathilda said and forcibly steered me back to the bed.

I didn't resist when she pushed me onto the mattress and helped lift my feet back into bed regardless of who was watching. A strange ringing picked up in my ears. Mathilda's worried face peered down at me and her brows crashed down into a frown.

"You stubborn girl!" She scolded me. "If you push yourself too hard it will only take you longer to recover! Stay down, I have to call a doctor to take a look at the wound."

"Yeah alri-" My vision went black.

When I came to the steady beeping of the monitors was back and I let out a regretful sigh. Sure enough there was an iv drip connected to my arm again. Xanxus was gone and I couldn't bring myself to feel sorry. In typical fashion he'd completely overreacted. Sure, I almost died, but that was no reason to act like a rampaging bull. Like he owned me. The only one who had any authority over me was Nono, the actual Don. I frowned at the ceiling. House arrest. What complete horseshit. He'd never go through with that.

Aaaand that's where I was wrong. I should really stop underestimating Xanxus' capability for pettiness. He didn't come to visit for the next three weeks and I almost forgot his threats. Then a new driver came to pick me up when they finally released me from the hospital. When we arrived home at the mansion I frowned in confusion when the driver accompanied me inside. In fact, he followed me all the way up to my room carrying my bag. Once I stepped inside I turned around to tell him off, but he only put the bag down and left. I shrugged and went to unpack my bag. Then I did a double take and dropped it on the floor. Iron bars. That goddamn asshole had iron fucking bars installed in front of my windows! I hurried over to my door and tried the handle. It.. didn't open from the inside. I rattled the door and let out a frustrated scream before kicking it with full force. 

"You're an asshole and I hate you!" I yelled on the top of my lungs. 

I couldn't believe it. How dare he. That was just the final straw. Dinner was brought to me by a shy looking maid. She opened the door a crack, sled a plate and a plastic water bottle inside, and closed the door again. Like we were in fucking prison or something. I thanked my lucky stars that I had my phone and charger with me. Time to make an escape plan.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The great escape!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAhh I try to steer away from the angst of the past chapters and towards cuter waters, but my brain keeps telling me to "Fuck off m8, Xanxus isn't that easy!" T_T

If there was one single thing I hated more than being treated like an unruly pet it was being locked up against my will. In true sociopathic asshole fashion Xanxus kept me confined to my room and didn't even have the grace to tell me for how long this was supposed to last. In my most bitter moments I even wished I never met him. My unfortuntae crush on him wasn't going away, but I wasn't going to allow it to hold me back. If that pompous asshole thought I was going to stay his prisioner then he had another thing coming. After a week went by without him showing his face I had to assume that he wasn't getting over his tantrum any time soon. For chrissakes, he wasn't even letting me go back to school! That left me with only one option: Escape. 

It took only three rings until somebody picked up. "Hello and welcome to the Golden Pagoda hotline, this is Madame Shizuka speaking," an upbeat voice with a heavy Japanese accent chirped into the reciever. 

"Is Tsuki around?" I asked briskly.

"Oh my, let me check," the woman sounded clearly surprised. There was a rustle at the other end of the line and faint shouting. I waited patiently. 

"Tsuki speaking."

"Hi Tsuki. It's Yumi," I said with a small grin. "Remember me?"

"Ohh! Of course! Hold on, I'm taking you elsewhere," she said brightly. "We can speak freely now."

"Good, listen, you said I could call you whenever I needed help?"

"I did," she replied in a serious tone. "What do you need?"

"I'm in a bit of a sticky situation," I replied in a low voice, wary of attracting attention. 

"What's wrong?"

"I'm being held prisoner in my own home and I need somebody to bust me out of here."

"Oh no, how terrible! Who'd do such a thing?!"

"A real asshole, is who," I replied darkly. "Can you help me?"

"Hm, I guess it depends? I'm afraid I don't know any professionals in that area," she replied hesitantly. 

"Don't worry, I already have somebody else in mind for that. Can you get us weapons?"

"Weapons? Yeah, no problem!"

"Good," I replied with a fierce grin. "I'll call you back. Try to have the stuff ready until noon. I'm not spending another night in this place!"

"Okay, I'll do as you say! A debt is a debt, after all!" Tsuki sounded really upbeat despite everything.

"Call you later," I said and hung up.

At least one of us was doing well. Now to call the only one I knew who could get me out of here. 

"Bianchi, hi!"

"Oh? Yumi? Is that you?"

"Yeah! How are you?"

"Just fine. I finished making lunch for Romeo, but he said he had to go out and buy cigarettes first. It's been an hour..."

"Listen, I need a favor."

"Hm?"

After I finished outlining my plan there was a deafening silence on the other end of the speaker. I bit my lower lip and waited.

"You said he's locked you up in your room? After you went for a dangerous criminal by yourself, got stabbed and nearly died?"

"Yeah. He overreacted completely! I'm fine, Bianchi!"

"Have you tried talking to him about it?"

"How?! He's never around!" I complained.

"Maybe you should've said something before going off by yourself," she said with a mildly reproachful tone. "It sounds to me like he was scared-"

"HA! Hahaha good one, Bianchi," I chuckled. 

The older girl clicked her tongue. "Men have a hard time talking about their emotions. Often they're too proud to admit to their real feelings."

"Yeah whatever, listen. Can you come by or not?" I muttered mulishly into my phone while my hands were busy stuffing clothes into a duffel bag.

"Well, I suppose I have time now," she said slowly. "When do you need me?"

"Come by noon. There's another person who's going to help us. I think you'll like her."

I grinned defiantly at the iron bars and hung up. If memory served, then her poison cooking could melt those things. I plugged my phone in to load it up to 100% since I figured that once I was out there wouldn't be much more opportunities. I was under no illusion that I wouldn't be hunted down again. Xanxus was a real control freak. My grin turned into a small frown as I regarded the duffel bag. Scared, yeah right. My memory was sort of hazy after I got stabbed, but I still remembered flashes of it. Being called a goddamn idiot. Getting untied and lifted roughly. Not getting to tell him.. Well. I wasn't sure I wanted to say it now. It seemed like the two of us just weren't compatible. I gnawed on my lower lip. How was I supposed to prove my trustworthiness if he never gave me a chance to do so? And the shitty thing was that I did trust him. Every time I got in trouble he came through for me somehow. Running away now wouldn't make things better. 

I grit my teeth. Enough. All of this emotional drivel was making me weak. I let him trample over me for long enough thanks to my unfortunate infatuation. It was time to gain some distance. Maybe it would be for the best for both of us. 

"Signorina, lunch is here," the timid maid called from outside the door. 

"Great," I muttered and shoved the duffel bag under my bed with one foot. 

The faster noon began to approach the more adrenaline was coursing through my system. I felt exhilerated and fidgety with the feeling of standing on a tall ledge about to jump. Amidst my chaotic thoughts grew worry like a weed that refused to be pulled. What if this was a mistake? What...what if this was the exact opposite of what I should be doing? Which was probably trying to prove my trustworthiness by not defying his orders again. Ugh. It was really hard to look forward to my future as a badass gangster when I kept worrying over some cranky teenager. The more I tried the more I had to realize that I physically and mentally could not curb those feelings. Lunch consisted of two lovingly prepared sandwiches. I ate one and folded the other up in a napkin. For later. Twelve o' clock was almost there. If Bianchi stuck to the plan, then.. 

Splat.

Something gooey and moist hit the bars in front of one of the windows. It dribbled down the glass and began to hiss. I squinted. Might've been a cake once. The iron bars, the windows and most of the windowsill began to dissolve in front of my very eyes until there was just a gaping hole left. I put an old shirt over the sill and threw my duffel bag through the hole. 

"Oof!" A high pitched voice grunted outside. 

"Comin' through," I muttered and climbed through the hole, careful to avoid the acidic cake batter. 

Bianchi and Tsuki were waiting for me below the window. In a cabrio. A red cabrio. Which Bianchi was driving. The older girl wore huge sunglasses that hid most of the upper half of her face. Tsuki sat in the passenger seat sipping a can of soda with a straw. When she spotted me she beamed and waved. It was only a two story drop. I swallowed.

"To freedom," I murmured and closed my eyes.

Landing on my own duffel back in the tiny backseat lessened the impact somewhat, but it was still painful. After scrambling into a seat I realized with horror that directly below my window was another window through which we had a nice view into the livingroom. Shit. My eyes widened in horror and dismay when they met crimson ones. He sat frozen on his chair with a sheet of paper in his hands and stared at us in utter disbelief. 

"Shit, shit shit! Bianchi, floor it!" I snapped and turned to throw the older girl a horrified look through the rear mirror. 

"Hmph," she huffed.

She did exactly as I asked. As it turns out, Bianchi is a horribly reckless driver. We screeched down the driveway spraying gravel everywhere and almost running over a startled butler, who only managed to save himself by lunging into the bushes. When the gate came up Tsuki lifted a large bazooka from her legspace and took aim. The gate burst outward in the ensuing explosion and I shielded my eyes from the flash. Bianchi barreled through the broken gate unflinching and then we were rushing down the street. Wind whipped into my face and I squinted. Tsuki let out an exhilerated giggle.

"That was fun!" She exclaimed and turned around in her seat to face me. "We should do that again sometime!"

"I'd rather not," I said loudly over the wind. 

"Oh right. That guy?" Tsuki frowned slightly. "He was the one who locked you up?"

"Yeah," I said and tried to get comfortable on the hard leather seat. "Whose car is this, by the way?"

"It's Romeo's. I borrowed it," Bianchi replied blithely. 

I started to grin until I couldn't contain my laughter anymore. This was awesome! My chest felt light as if I'd cast off invisible shackles. Freedom! It was the best feeling in the whole world. I spread my arms on the backrest and inhaled deeply, letting the wind whip into my face and tussle my hair. The scenery flew past us and we soon caught sight of Brisallore coming up. 

"Do you have any specific destination in mind?" Bianchi asked without looking up.

"I don't know," I replied easily. "Just get me out of this place. I'm sick and tired of being the Vongola's stray pet."

"Wait, hold on a second! You're with the Vongola?!" Tsuki turned around again and stared at me with wide eyes. 

"Oh yes."

"And we're abducting you!" She ran a hand through her hair. 

"No, you're rescuing me."

Bianchi tsk'ed loudly. "Having second thoughts already? Have another soda."

Tsuki accepted the can she was handed and opened it with a loud hiss. "How likely is it that we'll be hunted down for this?"

"Pretty likely," I said distractedly and waved lazily at Brisallore as we rushed past the small village and onto the highway. "Sayonara."

"I didn't realize you spoke Japanese, too," Tsuki commented. 

"I'm a hafu just like you." 

"Hmhm, you're lucky that the Vongola took you in and not my mistress."

"About that. Why did you go back there?"

"Where else would I go?" Tsuki shrugged. "I'm the daughter of one of the mistresses. Father was a mafiosi, but he abandoned us and never acknowledged me. The brothel is all I know."

"Cool, so now we're both running away," I replied with a small grin. 

"I guess. I won't be missed, though."

"Honestly?" I chewed on my lower lip and stared straight ahead. "I'd rather not be missed either."

"How can you even say that?" Bianchi demanded with furrowed brows.

With a quiet sigh I thought back over the past two years. My growing relationships with everybody were incredibly precious to me, yet I couldn't help but rally against it all. The more attached I became to these people the more vulnerable and open to attack I felt. Just thinking about Xanxus weighed me down with a mixture of guilt and longing enough to dim my joy at this new freedom. I guess it was something that I carried over from my past life, where I'd been a very lonely, isolated young woman who never had any close relationships to speak of. It was uncharted territory and all the more terrifying for it. 

"It's hard, isn't it." Tsuki said so quietly I almost didn't hear her over the rush of wind. 

"What is?"

"Loving people. It's downright terrifying."

A cold shiver ran down my spine. Her usually cheerful voice sounded hollow. Maybe someday I'd ask what it was like to grow up in a place like that. Not now, though. Not when we were barely twenty miles away from Brisallore. Each street sign that passed us by was like a small relief from the tension that had been growing slowly inside of me. It had been too easy.

"The world is cruel to us women," Bianchi said. "Young girls like you shouldn't know such pain already. It is how it is, though. All we can do is keep moving forward."

"Yeah."

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. Just keep moving.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story so far from another view / Omake: Xanxus POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw man, I watched too much horror stuff on youtube and now I can't sleep, so have another chapter TT_TT

Omake: Xanxus POV

 

There were exactly two things he knew with absolute certainty: 

One: He was meant to be a leader. It was in his blood, his mother had said so and when his Flame of Wrath manifested for the first time he knew it to be true. One day he would take his rightful place as the Don of the Vongola family and then everyone would bow to him, as they should.

Two: He always got what he wanted. Whether it be through violent means or pure stubbornness, nobody refused him when he set his sights on something. 

A third truth slowly dawned on him after that girl entered his life. 

At first she'd been nothing but a pathetic usurper in spe. Looking back he couldn't clearly pinpoint when it started to change. Maybe it was so far back as that time when she first insisted on becoming his underling. Back then he'd felt smug about the way she grovelled at his feet so he allowed her the illusion of his patronage. Inch by inch she started to win him over, because that girl was quite stubborn, too. As it turned out she wasn't as pathetic as he thought either. There was potential there. Even Squalo agreed with him on that and the guy's pride rivalled his own. Shortly after she came to the mansion the old man pulled him aside and told him quite clearly that he expected him to be her protector and let no harm come to her whatsoever. It was just another of the old man's boring lessons on leadership, but he couldn't refuse. He was very aware of the fact that, while the old man favored him, he had three older brothers. He had to be absolutely perfect and remain in the Don's good graces if he wanted to become his successor, even though he was clearly the most suitable heir. So that's exactly what he did. The brat had a talent for getting in trouble, though. It was pretty amusing to watch her beat the shit out of the rabble at school. So maybe she wasn't useless. In a fit of generosity he'd given her the means to defend herself properly in the form of a birthday gift. He just didn't expect her to return the favor.

The last time somebody gave him a handmade gift had been when he was seven. It touched parts of him he wanted to forget. When she fixed that bead amongst the mess of his war feathers and tried her best not to let it show how uncomfortable he made her, Xanxus couldn't help but feel strangely entranced. There was a girl who, by chance or design, entered his life and shook up his ideas of what leadership meant. Everytime she survived yet another mess she came back stronger with the gleam of determination burning brighter in her eyes. Every time he felt less and less inclined to send her back out there. Once he learned that she asked Squalo -of all people!- to be her teacher it was a blow to his pride that both stung more than he wanted to admit and forced him to think about the reason why. 

Xanxus had a type, once. The local brothels picked up on his preferences remarkably quickly. It was just something the higher echelon of the mafia did. Men twice his age, influential men from his father's inner circle, accepted him into their group and showed him the delights of purchasable release. At first he went for the classical Hollywood beauties with their golden curls, teasing pearly white smiles and fake tits. He stopped finding those places exciting after the first few times and only returned when he couldn't get a pretty face to come with him at the bar. Gradually his eyes were drawn more to women with soft faces, long black hair and ideally bright intelligent eyes. The whores were dismayed, but soon many former blondes began to sport black manes in hopes of getting one of their most loaded customers back. He barely noticed the change, shrugged and went on with his life. 

She was a rose in a field of weeds. That odd and horrendously sappy comparison flashed through his mind when he saw her finally wearing the dress he'd designed at the Christmas party. It prompted him to immediately feel disgusted with himself and shove it into the farthest corner of his brain. That was a whole other mess. He'd thought about it from time to time: which cuts and fabrics would look good on her, with the distant and objective mind of a tailor. Strictly professional. Seeing the final result was just. Something else. He wasn't prepared for the things it did to him. Then there was that filthy fucking cretin who'd been dancing around her since forever. Just seeing them talk made his blood boil. He wanted to knock his teeth out for the audacity. Not only him, every single man who dared to look at her. 

Every time she gave him that soft adoring look he felt instantly disarmed. It was a deeply unsettling feeling, but at the same time he couldn't get enough of it. There was nothing and no one else when her bright eyes grew warm and a tiny little smile curved her lips. It made him think of lakes in summer and sun-lit meadows full of flowers. For some reason this glowing girl decided to trust him, even after everything he put her through. It was terrifying. Xanxus was terrified of letting her down and angry at her for having that kind of power over him. He buried himself in his work until late at night and drank whiskey after whiskey in an effort to forget. Trust. He didn't trust anybody and expected no one to trust him. The only one who ever came close was Squalo. Fucking Squalo. He trusted him, too, but that was different. That was why he called Squalo when she got the idea to run off to catch that killer. 

He wasn't prepared for the black terror that gripped him when he saw the knife disappear into her gut. The doctor smiled at him in a mean and triumphant way as if he knew. His go to response was anger, of course. It helped him function, helped him keep moving when she started coughing blood. The crimson color complimented her complexion, but right then he decided that she should never wear it again. He couldn't function properly as long as there weren't any news from the hospital. He read the same mission report six times without absorbing any details. He emptied two bottles of three hundred dollar whiskey and ruined six crystal glasses by hurling them at anyone who opened his office door. And then after hearing that she'd been gone for two terrible minutes she had the gall to play it down as if it was nothing, as if his whole world hadn't been on the precipiece of collapse. He'd done a lot of thinking while he waited. The third truth he came to accept was that it would be so much better if he didn't rule the mafia alone. So the old man could keep trying to set her up as much as he liked. He'd veto every single candidate and if that wasn't enough he'd end them himself. When Xanxus set his eyes on something or someone he always got it in the end. 

"Squalo, locate the brat's cellphone over GPS," he growled into the speaker of his cellphone. "And get me a car."

"Voi! What the hell's going on?!" His loud subordinate barked into the speaker. 

"She's decided to run off again. We're going after her."

"VROI! What do you mean, we?! I'm supposed to leave on a mission in-"

"Shut the fuck up and get me a car, idiot!" He bellowed and slammed the door behind him on his way out. "If you're not there in three minutes I'll kill you myself!"

"VOOOIII-"

Xanxus hung up and made a few more calls, all less unpleasant and definitely quieter. He frowned at the setting sun as Squalo came screeching around the corner in a sleek black car. He opened the passenger door from the inside and narrowed his eyes at him.

"Voi, why are so pissed off, boss? This isn't the first time she's done this! Wasn't she just in the hospital? Why's she running off again?"

"Shut up," he growled and put his feet on the dashboard. 

Squalo fumed quietly as they pulled out of the driveway. The navigation device showed a small dot moving north on the highway some two hundred miles away. He glared at it. 

"Were those iron bars in front of the windows?" Squalo asked and shot him a sideways glance.

"So?"

The silver haired teen let out an annoyed huff. "You're emotionally retarded, aren't you."

In retaliation he clocked him with the barrel of his gun. Squalo let out a roar of protest and the car swerved dangerously when he turned around to cuss him out. 

"Fuckin- Keep your eyes on the street, trash!"

"VOOOOI! You asshole! Is it any wonder she's running away?!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Xanxus growled and tightened his grip on the gun. 

Squalo just shook his head and didn't elaborate. They hadn't known each other for that long, but he'd already developed a fine sensor for Xanxus' moods. Right now he was absolutely fuming. He hated being called out. He hated it when people ran away from him. The image of her wide, fearful eyes when they met his through the window burned in his memory. It fucking hurt and infuriated him. Being looked at like that, by her. As if he was dangerous. As if he could ever- This had to stop. He couldn't afford to lose focus on his goals, the goals he'd been working towards all his goddamn life, because of one stupid little girl. Xanxus grit his teeth. Who was she, anyway?! The doctor had called her Blue. There was something she wasn't telling any of them, even after all this time. That liar! She didn't trust him for shit! How could he allow himself to fall for her lies?! Xanxus wanted to destroy something. There was a pounding in his ears and his vision began to grow red. Liar, liar, liar! His chest burned like an inferno. He'd fallen for a liar. A black fire lit his veins as the angry beast that lived in his chest reared its head crying for vengeance. 

"Boss?" Squalo frowned a little at him.

"Drive faster," Xanxus ordered hoarsely. 

"Right." Squalo glanced at the navigation device. "We'll catch up. They're not going that fast anymore."

"Hn," he snorted coldly and cocked both of his guns. 

"What did you do?" Squalo asked surprisingly calmly. 

Xanxus shot him a baleful look. " _I've_ done nothing."

"Yeah? So why's she running away?"

"Because she's a stupid piece of trash who refuses to learn."

"That so."

"Yes."

"Okay."

A loaded silence spread between the two of them. If that obnoxious asshole said one more word -just one more- only one of them was going to find her. It looked like Squalo's self-preservation instinct kicked in last minute and kept him silent, though. Without an immediate release for his rage there was nothing he could do, but fume quietly. Why couldn't she see that he was trying to protect her all along? That he'd kept his distance because he realized early on that she was hungry for trouble? He knew what callous overconfidence looked like, after all he'd worn that exact same look all his life. Yet she somehow managed to nearly die on some foolhardy venture. Even now, under his direct watch and locked up in her room, she managed to slip away. And Xanxus didn't even hesitate before going after her. What else could he do when that damn girl was like a beam of light in his otherwise dark and dirty life? He was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. It was exactly that pathetic and potentially fatal. He eyed his guns. What was he going to do with them, now? 

"Boss, you're too quiet." Squalo sounded unnerved.

"One more goddamn word, trash." He didn't even look up.

Squalo let out a disparaging huff. Xanxus counted his missed calls. Three from the old man. They were missing diner. One more reason to be pissed off at her. She was making him take risks. Missing diner wasn't that bad, but it was alarming. What other risks would he take? Whatever it took to bring her back, dammit. 

By virtue of sticking to the fast lane and keeping his foot on the gas Squalo managed to catch up with the runaway girls after three insufferable hours. His waning rage flared back up when he caught sight of the red cabrio in front of them. Time to take another goddamn risk.

"Squalo, get us close," he growled and put his guns away. 

"Voi, what are you doing?" Squalo shot him several confused glances when he undid his seatbelt. 

Xanxus didn't reply. Instead he lowered the window and began to climb out on the car's hood. 

"VOI! What the fuck!"

"Keep the car steady you idiot!"

"Who's the idiot?! Get back in here!"

Wind beat into his face as he slowly and steadily stood up until he was standing on the hood. Xanxus pulled out his guns. 

"YUMI!!!"


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And finally catharsis.

I jerked awake from a deep and restful slumber with my heart pounding in my throat. What the!? For a second I could've sworn I heard his voice, but that couldn't be true. Sleeping on the tiny backseat on my side left me with a slight tension pain in my shoulder as I sat back up. Immediately the wind blasted into my face, but not so harshly that I couldn't breathe. Tsuki yawned loudly and stretched her arms over her head. Bianchi's face was the picture of serenity as she drove with one hand on the wheel and the other switching radio stations. Was it really getting dark already? 

"How long did I sleep?" I asked over the wind. 

"Long enough," Bianchi glanced in the rearview mirror. "We've got company."

"Huh?!" My head whipped around, but aside from us there was no one else on the road. 

I threw a cursory look at the street behind us and almost had a heart attack. I couldn't breathe for a second when I saw them.

"Ugh! No!" I hissed in a rising panic. 

Xanxus was completely insane. There was no other explaination for why he was standing on the hood of a car while it was barreling down the highway with his guns blazing. I couldn't make out Squalo's expression behind the windshield, but that was definitely him. Oh boy. He looked angry. I swallowed hard. 

"Huh? What's going on?" Tsuki asked and twisted around in her seat. "Oh! It's that guy!"

"Shit!" I cursed harshly and dug around in my pockets until I found my cellphone.

I glared accusingly at the bright display. Fuck me. Why was I so dumb?! They must've tracked me through that thing! I chucked it out of the car and watched it shatter on the road with vindictive satisfaction. I turned back around with a scowl on my face. Tsuki's brows were furrowed and she pulled up her bazooka.

"Should we get rid of them?"

"NO! God no! That'll only make them angier!" I quickly shook my head.

A shot rang out with a crack and barely missed us. I stared in horror as the furious orange flames left scorch marks on the highway. 

"BIANCHI! HIT THE GAS!!!"

"Sorry, but it looks like we're about to run out. If I do that now we might end up stranded on the side of the road."

"SHIT!" I yelled as another shot barely missed us. "Evasive action! Evasive action!"

Bianchi began to dodge from side to side on command. Tsuki let out a high pitched squeal when a burst of flame flew over her head. This had to be the worst day of my life. I glanced around desperately looking for an escape. Suddenly I realized that there were train tracks running along the right side of the road. Yes! My expression lit up when I looked ahead and saw a narrow off-ramp leading across the tracks coming up. And... Yes!!! Some distance behind us there was a train coming up. Now this was an insane spur-of-the-moment idea, but it was the only one I had. 

"Bianchi, the tracks!" I yelled over the roar of flames behind us. "Turn right! We'll lose them behind the train!"

"Got it!" She furrowed her brows with concentration and gripped the wheel tightly with both hands. 

She changed lanes a bit too quickly for my liking and the car ended up drifting. The tires squealed when she suddenly threw the steering wheel around. Tsuki screamed. I screamed, too. A small part of my brain recognized the song playing on the radio. If I wasn't so petrified I would've started crying with laughter. The car drifted around the off ramp with the tires screeching for mercy. Bianchi's expression never wavered. I stared at her in horror and awe. A loud whistle alerted us to the coming train. She pushed the gas again and we sped across the tracks so fast it rattled my brain. Before us laid another road, open and promising. 

"Fuck me," Tsuki whimpered from where she'd slid down her seat onto the floor of the car. 

"Yes!" I hissed and turned around with a triumphant grin. 

Oh boy. Now he was really mad. They were hot on our heels and I couldn't help a surge of worry at the way he had to balance on the car hood as they rounded the off-ramp as well. They wouldn't make it. The train was about to block the tracks. This was it. It should've been satisfying. Why wasn't it satisfying? Why did I feel like dirt? It was easy to explain why I was worried at his crazy stunt and afraid that he'd hurt himself. That was old news. More jarring than that was the dismay I felt at myself. He was doing this because of me. Putting himself in danger recklessly. If something happened-

"YUMI!!" He roared again. 

My heart skipped a beat and I bit my lower lip at the hint of despair in his voice. Both of his guns flared up bright orange as the flames gathered in them. 

"No you idiot," I breathed softly when he bent his knees. "Don't!"

No way. The train wasn't even thirty meters away and approaching fast. They wouldn't make it. Sure enough I saw Squalo hit the brakes abruptly, heard the squeal of tires. Xanxus flew off the hood and then for real as a brillaint burst of flames catapulted him forward even faster.

"No," I gasped and clutched the backrest. "NOOO!!"

With a burst of speed he headed towards us just as the train rushed in. All the air left my lungs in a rush when it hit him with a dull thud and sent him hurling off to the side. 

"N-.. no...." My voice cracked and I twisted around so fast I heard my spine crack. "Bianchi stop! Stop the car! STOP!"

The older girl's brows twitched down, but she hit the brakes nonetheless. Even before the car finished screeching to a stop I jumped out and began to run as fast as I could. Nonononono. No! He sat there in a crouch with one knee on the floor, pushing himself up with his right arm and breathing harshly. His white shirt was ripped on the right side of his ribcage and there was blood slowly trickling into the fabric. Alive! I slowed down to a jog and sunk down on my knees in front of him.

"Xanxus! Are you alright?!" I asked frantically and reached out with my right hand. 

He looked up slowly and before I could blink there was a gun pointed straight between my eyes. The cold metal pushed against my skin and I forgot to breathe entirely. 

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't," he rasped with a furious glare. 

Footsteps came to a stop somewhere behind me and I heard the sound of two pistols being cocked. His crimson gaze flickered behind me and his eyebrows furrowed even further. I inhaled slowly and felt the way the adrenaline made my limbs shake. 

"Can you guys leave us alone for a minute?" I asked loudly. 

"But Yumi!" Tsuki protested in alarm. 

"...I think it'll be fine," Bianchi stated nebulously. "Come on."

We stared at each other until their footsteps faded. Xanxus sneered. 

"Sending your backup away? Bad move. You're unarmed," he snapped. 

His grip never wavered. Suddenly I felt like crying. Guilt and confusion rose inside me like bile. This couldn't continue. This here between us. It was all wrong. I didn't want it to be like that. There were times where it had been different. Softer. Kinder. That was how it should be. It was time to make things right.

"...That's... because," I said and slowly, carefully lifted my trembling right hand to place it over his gripping the gun. A small smile broke out on my face and I closed my eyes. "I trust you."

"Fuck!" He hissed sharply.

That was the plain and simple truth. Even if he didn't believe me. With every fibre of my being... After everything.... I trusted him with my life. My lower lip began to quiver but I refused to give in to the urge to cry. The intensity of the emotions that surged inside me was shattering my self-control bit by bit. When the pressure of the cold metal vanished after what felt like an eternity I finally lost it. Hot tears began to pool under my eyelids and when I blinked they escaped. It didn't matter, not really. 

"I want to stop fighting you." My voice was quaking so bad that I had to pause and suck in a deep breath. I wiped at my eyes with the sleeve of my jacket. Xanxus was staring at me and I met his gaze with a shaky smile. "You're.. so.. incredibly precious to me.. and.. and I..I want to stop fighting you!!! Stop... making me.."

A new wave of tears rolled over my flimsy self-control. It was too much. I just wanted it to stop. The constant hurt and anger of the past had worn me down so much. A wealth of emotion was buried underneath it all and bubbling to the surface now. Precious. To put it mildly. When I looked at him again he was clearly fighting with himself over something. Finally he let out an annoyed sigh and shifted so his other knee was on the ground as well. 

"Come then," he said in a resigned tone. 

It took me a second to get his meaning, but when I did I couldn't hold back a small sob. I threw myself at him and wound my arms around his neck while burying my face in his shoulder. His arms wrapped tightly around me in return. That insane body heat of his immediately wrapped itself around my hurting insides like a comforting blanket. More and more tears began to fall as I relaxed and gave in. It was as if sobbing into his shoulder was washing all the hurt out of me. The experience was unlike anything else I'd ever had. It was absolutely cathartic. It's hard to describe. Suffice to say that I'd never felt safer or more secure before. I felt his head turn into the side of my neck, felt his nose brush the sensitive skin behind my ear. He was mouthing words into my skin, but I was too exhausted and deliriously happy to make anything of it. I just wanted to hold on to this comfort forever and ever. When I finally stopped shaking and crying and the adrenaline began to leave my system I didn't dare to look up. This was so nice. So, so nice. Maybe I could pretend I'd fallen asleep? 

"You're coming home with me," he said in a stern voice that lacked his usual vitirol. 

"Yes," I muttered in reply. 

"Good. Get up."

"What about you? Are you hurt?" I shifted my head to the side to peek at his face.

"It just grazed me."

"Thank god." 

When he let go there was no more wasting time. I got up and brushed the dirt off my legs. My knees hurt after kneeling on the gravel for so long. Xanxus stood up a bit more slowly. From the blank look on his face I could tell that he was resolved to hide his emotions. Looking a bit more closely I discovered the cut on his right flank. It wasn't big at least, just a long scratch that was already scabbing over. Footsteps crunched on the gravel and I saw Squalo approaching us quickly with a scowl on his face. 

"One of the tires blew out thanks to your crazy stunt," he growled and gestured wildly at the black car standing with its nose against the railroad gate. 

"So change it," Xanxus replied with evident boredom. 

"VROI! That damn car doesn't have a spare!" Squalo barked.

"Maybe Bianchi can drive us back," I propsed in a small voice. 

Speaking of which, the older girl and Tsuki were lounging against the side of the cabrio drinking cans of soda and pointedly not looking our way. The silver haired teen regarded me with an incredulous look.

"What? And leave this 40.000 euro car just standing here?" 

"I don't know," I murmured and tugged at the sleeve of my jacket.

Dammit, but I was utterly exhausted after all of this emotional turmoil. When I looked up briefly I saw Xanxus watching me with a thoughtful expression. Warmth spread through me and I unconsciously shifted so I was standing a bit closer to him. Squalo gave both of us bewildered looks before his expression promptly morphed into apathy. 

"If there's no alternative," Xanxus said and glared at him.

"Voi! What are you looking at me like that for?! Even if I call somebody now to pick us up it'll take hours!"

"Hn."

"I'll go ask," I volunteered quietly.

Without waiting for an answer I turned my back on them and put my hands in my pockets. It was getting really cold and I was tired. Slowly I trudged over to where the other two were standing. I bit the inside of my cheek, squared my shoulders and rounded the car. 

"Hey."

"Oh my god! Yumi! You're really alright?" Tsuki looked me over with a worried expression. 

"Told you so," Bianchi stated nonchalantly and gave me a scrutinizing look. "Ah."

"Hm?" 

"I see," she replied simply. 

"What?" Now I was getting a little nervous. 

Bianchi just smiled faintly and tossed her can away. I shivered and snuffled a bit. Tsuki looked around before following her example with a guilty look. Her shoulders were bare since she only wore a tank top and skinny jeans. 

"Aren't you cold? I'm freezing."

She shrugged. "I'm used to being out and about while wearing very little."

"Sorry. Didn't mean to bring that up."

"It's fine, really."

"Okay... Listen, guys. Their car has a flat tire. Do you think we could.. give them a lift?"

"So we're going back?" Tsuki asked with a frown. 

Chewing on my lower lip I nodded and looked at the ground. 

"That was a short rebellion," Bianchi commented in a neutral tone. 

"Seriously?" Tsuki whined and ran a hand through her messy black hair. "But... after everything.. We really have to?"

"I'm sorry," I stressed. "The situation has changed."

"Don't worry about it," Bianchi said and glanced at the other girl. "You don't have to go back there. We'll find something for you."

"Huh?!" Tsuki perked up with wide eyes.

"I have connections," she shrugged and threw her long pink hair over her shoulder. 

"You.. you'd do that for me?"

"We girls have to stick together."

"Yay!"

"VROOOOOOOI! What's taking you so long?!" Squalo roared all of a sudden.

The three of us flinched and shot each other startled looks. Tsuki giggled nervously while Bianchi huffed. 

"Will this really be alright?" 

"I guess we'll find out."

It was like a throwback to that fateful car ride with Nono, except this time there was enough space for me to sit wedged snugly between the two older boys. It suited me just fine actually, since they were both really warm. Soon enough I grew so tired that it was an effort to just keep my eyes open. Squalo was very tense, but I got the impression that was normal for him. Xanxus just rested his elbow on the side of the car and watched the passing scenery. Eventually my head started to droop and sleep crept up on me, aided by the fact that no one was speaking. My dreams were full of random scenes that made no sense, flashes of sounds and color. It wasn't a very deep sleep, but good enough after the long day I'd had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew. Will things finally start looking up for our heroine now? We'll see.....


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A change of perspective: Shark Boi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the super short chapter! >_<" (And for bringing out yet another Omake so soon after the last...) This is something that tumbled around my brain for a while. 
> 
> Word of warning: Updates may be coming a bit slower from now on! I have some job interviews lined up and once I'm employed again my time for writing will be limited.

Omake: Squalo POV!

 

Squalo had long since learned to put up with Xanxus' behavior, but this was new. The way the boss treated that girl was highly unusual. He wasn't sure what it meant. Watching them now from the corner of his eyes he tried to make sense of what he saw. After Yumi fell asleep her head drooped to the side and came to rest against the boss' shoulder. Instead of shoving her off like he'd expected him to do, he simply let it happen. He couldn't fathom why. His over-analytical mind began to churn in search of an explaination. Yumi had appeared on the scene just two years ago from what he heard. When he first met the tiny half-asian girl he thought it was a joke that Don Vongola accepted her into the family. There was nothing special about her at all. Xanxus told him the story later in his usual brief and crude way. Back the he definitely wasn't fond of her. It was only understandable.

At school they only met on brief occasions, but every time he could swear she'd grown. The boss stopped complaining about her, but that might've been because she was his underling now. Squalo wasn't prepared when she asked him to tutor her. He wasn't prepared, both for the request (how ridiculous!) and the short glimpse of her abilities (insanely fast?!). Then, when he gave her that meaningless retrieval task she yet again surpassed his expectations when she flew over the rooves as if she'd never done anything else. The girl was resilient, he'd give her that. Squalo considered himself a strict but fair boss. So when he caught sight of that glint of potential he stopped thinking of her as useless and acknowledged that she, if cultivated properly, could yet grow into something amazing. The boss was against it, though. Xanxus ordered him in his office specifically to chew him out and forbade him from sending her on more missions. Stating that he was the only one who got to decide which tasks were suitable for her. Squalo left the office feeling alienated, because he'd always been trusted with assigning the Varia members their missions. It was the boss who shoved that job on him in the first place. 

Yumi was brave, bordering on foolhardy. Nobody stood up to the boss like she did. Even crazier the boss didn't put her in her place like he doubtlessly would've done to anyone else. It made him almost jealous because he regularly got glasses thrown at him for the slightest insubordinance. It was almost as if Xanxus was amused by her stubbornness. That couldn't be true, could it? It was a crazy idea. The boss only ever showed one emotion outwardly and that was his bottomless rage. And she did it to him, too. Demanding that he acknowledge her by name as if it was her right. It caught him off guard when she did, because there had been something in her eyes that gave him pause. Something.. greater. It wasn't just potential, it was a warning directed at him. 

Squalo shifted on his seat and watched the passing scenery instead. He didn't want to come to any conclusions too quickly, but if what he saw wasn't an illusion then this girl had the potential to reach Varia quality. It was worth finding out since it was not something he took lightly. Squalo knew he was as proud as they came and rightly so, but he could acknowledge a potential rival when he saw them. The idea was exciting and he was keen on finding out how quickly she could grow with proper training. Only.. Xanxus didn't agree. He said that the old man was fond of her and wanted her safe. It was a load of bullshit and definitely not what Yumi wanted. Otherwise she wouldn't keep pestering him. It was hard to say no to her, because he wanted to send her out, too. Her persistence was admirable, really. 

The girl wasn't scared of him either, which was definitely a new one. Squalo didn't bother trying to make friends among the Varia or elsewhere. Most people were hardly worth his time. Most people were put off by his voice and sink-or-swim mentality. Yumi liked him, it was plain as day since that face of hers hid nothing. It was almos irritating, because he caught himself making an effort sometimes. When he looked for a reason why he came up short. He just felt like doing it. Maybe it was the same for the boss. Squalo glanced over at her sleeping face, long dark hair swaying softly in the breeze and neck exposed. So innocent. So trusting. He grit his teeth against the way his insides softened. It was hard to keep looking, so he went back to watching the landscape pass by. Was this why the boss was so lenient towards her? It made him feel odd, so he tried to distract himself by counting the trees. 

Distantly he wondered. Once Xanxus took over as Don, surely he wouldn't stay the Varia's leader as well? Squalo knew for a fact that both positions were demanding and highly stressful. To keep track of all the paperwork and all the little problems that arose on a day to day basis for both positions would be an insane workload that not even the boss could shoulder so easily. Already Squalo was taking care of nearly half the administrative Varia work that Xanxus didn't finish because he didn't feel like it or whatever. It was no secret that Squalo was next in line to become boss if Xanxus was otherwise indisposed and he was more than prepared to do the job. And once he did... He shook his head and frowned, angry at himself for letting his thoughts wander. All because of that girl. What was it about her that made his thoughts tread dangerous waters? It was unsettling, but he couldn't quite bring himself to feel genuine remorse. 

About a quarter hour later they rounded a tight bend as they left the highway and entered the road to Brisallore. Yumi's head rolled around and bumped against his shoulder, where it came to rest. The girl let out a little huff, shifted so she was in a more comfortable position and began to breathe evenly again. Squalo froze and stared down at her. Suddenly he felt like the collar of his shirt was too tight and his seat too small. He swallowed and looked up slowly, meeting Xanxus' eyes. Squalo looked away first and kept his gaze trained firmly outside for the rest of the ride.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually u know wat, I'm feeling generous today so have another chapter ヽ༼◉ل͜◉༽ﾉ

The day Nono returned it was storming and raining outside like there was no tomorrow. It was late afternoon and Xanxus and I were lounging in the livingroom watching tv. Amanda came in walking stiffly and gave both of us serious looks. I lifted my head from my folded hands from my position lying on my stomach in front of the tv. 

"Signore Vongola has returned and requests your presence in his office immediately," she announced.

I shot a look at Xanxus on his chair, but his bored expression betrayed none of his thoughts. He stood up slowly and I followed his example. Somehow her serious expression, combined with her formal wording, were giving me a bad feeling. Nono never called us into his office. I swallowed hard and cast a glance at him.

"What do you think he wants?" I murmured.

Xanxus lifted one of his shoulders in a half-hearted shrug. "Hell if I know."

His behavior towards me had improved a lot since our return. At first I was sure nothing would change, but he proved me wrong. Not only did he have the iron bars removed, he didn't order me around or yell at me even once. This way there was no stopping my fall down the rabbit hole now and it was becoming a lot more difficult to make eye contact without fidgeting. It was really horrible, but once I had a crush on somebody I couldn't talk or even look at them without flushing or doing something awkward. I was getting desperate, because once it started it was hard to hide. And I really really didn't want him to know just how bad I had it. It was embarrassing! 

"Welcome home," I said in a small voice once we'd entered Nono's office. 

The old man studied both of us with a serious expression. He sat on the leather chair behind his desk and made no move to get up. Instead he gestured at the two wooden chairs in front of the desk. 

"Sit down," he said in response.

A cold shiver ran down my spine and I obeyed quickly. Xanxus sat down much more slowly so as to convey that he wasn't intimidated, but his eyes narrowed warily. 

"I must say I'm quite disappointed in both of you. Just because I go on business trips it doesn't mean I don't hear what mischief you get up to! In the past I've squeezed both eyes shut several times, but it seems you're not interested in ceasing these stupid, dangerous and irresponsible games!" He put both hands flat on his desk and frowned severely. "This has to and will stop!"

"I'm sorry," I murmured and stared at the floor. 

"You should really know better, Yumi. Do you realize how lucky you are to still be sitting in front of me?" Nono demanded. 

"I've gotten stronger," I objected softly. "And I'm not helpless."

"You're a foolish girl!" He snapped suddenly. "Show some gratitude!"

I looked up at him in shock and felt the blood drain from my face. Nono was angry. It felt like my entire life was about to go off the rails like a runaway train. His words were like a slap to the face and stung just as much. I folded my hands to hide the way they were shaking. 

"What are you really trying to say, old man?" Xanxus cut in with a bored look and half-lidded eyes.

"Xanxus," he said in warning as he turned toward him. "You too have failed me. Did I not ask you specifically to be her guardian? I've read the hospital records."

Xanxus blinked, which was as good as a flinch for him. I looked back at the floor and pressed my tongue to my teeth. If I had to look at either of them I was going to cry, I just knew it. Nono let out an aggravated sigh and sat back in his chair. 

"Your antics have not gone unnoticed. Perhaps you're not aware of this, but gossip travels fast in the underworld. All attention you draw is bad attention. It's best when things are quiet."

"Half of the shit that happened wasn't even our fault," Xanxus stated, which was a fair objection in my eyes.

"Son, do you not even have the decency to be ashamed?" Nono sounded heartbroken and so so weary. "It seems I've been negilent in your upbringing. This is my fault now as much as it is yours. How many times did I tell you to get a hold of that temper? How many times did I tell you to temper that pride and vanity into something more productive?"

"I don't have to prove anything to anyone!" Xanxus barked so suddenly it made me jump. 

Apparently Nono's words hit a nerve. The older teen was gripping the armrest of his seat in a white knuckled grip and leaning forward with a deep scowl. 

"I... I'm more to blame than him," I spoke up hesitantly. "He tried his best to protect me, really! Please believe me."

"Yumi," Nono said and stared at me with an astonished look. "You're coming to his defence?"

"Yes! Everything that happened happened because of me! Because of my own foolishness and bad decisions!" I said and squeezed my eyes shut at the horrifiyng truth of it. "Please don't blame Xanxus. He's saved me so many times that you should be proud of him!"

Both men stared at me silently and I tried to reign in my erratic breathing while simultaneously fighting tears and praying that my punishment wouldn't be too horrible. Xanxus seemed to snap out of it first and grit his teeth. 

"You damn brat," he growled hoarsely. "Just shut up!"

Nono glanced between us and raised a brow. "Is that true, son?"

Xanxus scowled deeply at me before turning it on his father. "No."

"What do you mean, no?" Nono sounded exasperated. 

The teen crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair with a dark look. "She's an idiot who gets in over her head constantly and overestimates herself. People are bound to take advantage of that. Nothing a few bullets can't fix, so I don't see why you're making such a huge fuss!"

"I'm making a fuss because it's too dangerous! When I took you in as my ward I made the legally binding decision to be your guardian, Yumi. That is why I'm now going to make good on my promise," he sighed and gave me a searching look. "Please understand that I'm only acting in your best interest. Given everything that happened I can only conclude that it would be careless of me if I let you stay here."

"Y.. you're sending me away?" I choked out, unable to believe what I was hearing. 

"A good friend of mine agreed to let you stay with him and his family. He has several children around your age, so you won't be lonely. Perhaps it'll distract you from those dangerous and self-destructive undertakings you're so fond of."

"What," I breathed in disbelief.

"You can't be serious," Xanxus said with a frown. 

"His estate lies in a very rurual town in Sicily. It's a lovely place, I've been there several times. They have horses, too. I'm sure it won't be boring."

He.. he sounded serious. I stared at the old man with wide eyes as choking panic rose up my throat like bile. No. No fucking way. If he sent me away to rot in some little farming village.. I'd never get to meet the others! At the thought of spending my entire life in the Italian countryside, cut off from the real action, my insides froze over in horror. A wooden crack made me glance over at Xanxus. One of the armrests now sported a small crack and bright wood showed under the dark brown laquer. His entire body was tense and he glared fiercely at the old man, whose brows twitched down. 

"You have an objection?" He asked in a tone that made it clear he'd made up his mind already. 

My lower lip started to tremble and my insides felt cold. This was too much to bear. My life.. was over. Everything that happened.. It was my own fault. I'd come so far and it was all for nothing. Despair gripped me. 

"Yes," Xanxus growled.

Nono glanced at me. "Yumi, you're dismissed. Xanxus and I are going to talk."

"Yes," I said automatically and stood up on unsteady legs. "I'll.. go."

As soon as I closed the heavy wooden door behind me a sob ripped out of my throat and I quickly slapped a hand in front of my mouth. Tears streamed out of my wide eyes. I felt like throwing up. It was all over. Why... Loud muffled voices reached my ear. I really shouldn't be eavesdropping, but.. At this point I couldn't possibly make it worse. So I stayed behind and pressed my ear against the wood. 

"-making a mistake!" Xanxus snapped.

"I don't think so. Vincenzo and I both agree that they'd make a good match."

"You realize that's fucked up, right?" Xanxus snarled. "Don't think for a second that I'll accept that! You forget that I'm turning eighteen this year! How long do you plan to keep stringing me along?!"

I rested my forehead against the wood and inhaled deeply. Please, I thought desperately, please just..

"It is not your call to make," Nono said with stern finalty. "It would benefit the family, Xanxus. What reason do you have to object to it?"

"It's going to be my decision once I'm Don," Xanxus growled, completely ignoring his last question.

"Until then the decision is mine. And I have made it. I believe this conversation is over."

"Damn you," Xanxus shouted hoarsely and I heard the sound of a chair scraping over the wooden floor. 

I took a few hasty steps away from the door and turned around eager to get away. Before I'd taken more than a few steps the door flew open and Xanxus stormed out of the office. His footsteps paused in the hallway and I slowly turned around. He was staring at me angrily, fists balled at his sides. His crimson eyes were wide with helpless fury. There was a current every time our eyes met, an energy that made me forget everything around us. My lips quivered and I let out a small sob. Before I realized what was happening I was running at him as if my life depended on it. This couldn't be the end! I slammed into his chest and buried my face in the hard muscle, gripping onto his shirt for dear life. 

"I don't want to leave," I sobbed out and closed my eyes. "Xanxus, I.."

Both of his arms wound around me in a crushing hug that almost made it hard to breathe. 

"This is your fault," he murmured into my ear. "Shitty brat."

"I know," my breath hitched. "I know."

One of his hands ruffled my hair. "I won't allow it," he said quietly. 

In response my grip on his shirt tightened. Right then, I didn't think I could love anybody more. It made my face flush and the impending exile even more terrifiying. 

"What are you gonna do?"

"Don't worry," was all he said.

Before I could find out what he meant by that I was told to pack up. It came unexpected on a sunday afternoon in the form of Amanda knocking against my door.

"Signorina," she sighe deeply with an unhappy frown. "It is time. I'm here to help you pack."

"What?" I dropped the book I'd been reading on my bed. "What?! Why now?"

I glanced at my alarm in a panic. Xanxus wasn't home, he left earlier to take care of Varia business. Amanda just shook her head and walked over to my dresser. I scrambled off the bed and watched helplessly as she opened the top drawer. When she noticed that I wasn't doing anything she gave me an unhappy frown.

"Please, signorina. I'm acting on Don Vongola's orders."

"I understand," I said and yanked my suitcase out from under my bed. "Everyone does, don't they! Even me!"

"I understand how you must be feeling," she said soothingly and approached me with a stack of shirts in her arms. 

"Do you?" I gave her a baleful stare and threw the lid open. 

"It is hard sometimes, to live the life we do. Believe me when I say that it will get better. Don't give up, Yumi. You have to keep moving forward."

"Well thanks," I replied bitterly and began to pack up my meagre belongings. 

The sum of things I'd amassed while living here was just barely fitting into my suitcase. When I was done she escorted me downstairs where a driver was already waiting. 

"Well then," I said and turned to face Amanda.

The old maid's eyes were suspiciously shiny. I grit my teeth and nodded at her. She withdrew a cloth tissue from within her apron and blew her nose. 

"Oh signorina, I don't know what will become of this place once you're gone!" She exclaimed. 

"It'll still be standing," I replied tightly. "Nothing can shake these walls."

"Yes, but it will be a much darker place for your absence," she sighed shakily. "We will all miss your bright smiles, signorina."

"I'll miss you, too. All of you. Thank you for everything, Amanda. Please tell the others thank you as well."

"Oh signorina," she sobbed. "I will! I will!"

I nodded curtly and turned around, feeling my throat grow tight. This was really happening. The driver took the suitcase and I followed him outside. I couldn't believe it. Once I was seated inside the limousine I threw a last dark look at the mansion that had been my home for the past two years. At least I wouldn't be there when Xanxus massacred everyone, I told myself firmly. I wasn't going to cry over it. I'd already done more than enough crying for this year. Filled up my cry-account, so to speak. We pulled out of the driveway and I decidedly didn't feel sorry that Nono hadn't come to say goodbye. I grit my teeth and made the conscious decision to be angry instead of sad. It was only working partially. My mood turned more sullen the longer we drove. What would Xanxus say once he found out I was whisked away in his absence? Secretly I hoped he'd give Nono hell, but then felt bad about it. And then I got angry at myself, because of course the old man picked an opportune moment on purpose! He wasn't dumb and far more perceptive than you'd suspect. Long story short, my emotions were a mess of anger, sadness, guilt, fear, betrayal and loss. You could even say that I was grieving. It felt like I was being given away like an unwanted christmas puppy that grew out of being cute. Yes, of course it was mostly my own fault. That didn't justify this kind of punishment though. Not in my eyes at least.

When we arrived it was already evening. A nice looking older couple greeted me at the door of a small mansion in a truly lovely countryside. They looked far too harmless to be mafia, but looks could be decieving. 

"Welcome, welcome! You must be signorina Vongola!" The man said with a broad smile.

"I'm Yumi," I said and shook his hand. 

"Such a sweet lady," the old woman chuckled. 

"Vincenzo Chiavarone. This is my wife Maria," he said and put his arm around her shoulders. "We'll be your host family from now on."

"Thank you," I replied quietly before I did a double take. 

"Come on in! You'll get to meet the rest of this merry band," he said with a grin. 

"Uh, sure!" I said and quickly hoisted my suitcase up the two steps to the front door. 

Chiavarone? Are you serious. The inside of the house was very homey. It was decorated in a kind of country style that reminded me of an American farmhouse, with lots of medium brown wood, fluffy carpets and off white walls. Several blonde kids of various ages and sizes were scurrying about. They all had sunkissed skin and warm brown eyes. It was hard to say why, but it lifted my heavy heart a bit. Don Chiavarone led me to a set of dark brown stairs in the hallway behind the open livingroom and told me that the family slept on the first floor and that they'd made a guest room ready for me. It sure was an unfamiliarly lively place and I nearly fell several times over kids scurrying about. 

"Dino!" He yelled up the stairs. "Come down! Our guest has arrived."

A few moments later the infamous Dino appeared at the top of the stairs. When he saw me his eyes widened in surprise. Then he missed a step and fell down the entire flight of stairs. I sucked in a sharp breath.

"Don't worry, that happens all the time," Maria assured me with a wink. 

"It's not like he has any brain cells to loose," a small boy supplied cheekily before he ran off. 

"Stefano!" Maria yelled after him and shook her head. "These kids.. They're such a handfull.."

"Ungh. That hurt!" Dino exclaimed as he stood up.

He rubbed his head and gave me a self-deprecating smile. "Hello. I'm Dino. Haven't I seen you before?"

"I'm Yumi. And yeah, we go to the same school." I didn't fancy mentioning anything about the rifle in front of his parents. 

"Right," he replied quickly and grabbed my suitcase without warning. "Let me carry that!"

"Uh? Sure?" 

"I'll show you to your room! Make yourself at home!"

"I'm glad you two seem to get along," Vincenzo said with a twinkle in his eyes. "Dino will be responsible for you during your stay, since he's the oldest."

"Oh, I don't want to be a burden," I said and glanced at the older boy. 

He shook his head quickly and gave me a lopsided smile. "Nonsense! I'm used to taking care of younger kids!"

"Fine," I muttered and followed him upstairs. "Hey! Whoa!"

I had to use all my weight to push against his back when he began to fall backwards halfway on the stairs. 

"Sorry!" He called over his shoulder.

"It's fine. Just be careful!"

My new room was markedly smaller than my last. This one had only one window and a single bed. There was a huge fluffy pink carpet that nearly spanned the entire room. From the window I had a nice look on the countryside. A picture of some city skyline hung on the wall. 

"Do you like it?" He asked once we were inside. 

"It's nice, thank you," I replied honestly. "I can take it from here."

"Sure! Just make sure you're downstairs at seven! Mom's really strict about attending dinner on time!" He told me with a wink and promptly tripped over his feet on the way out. 

I shook my head with a small laugh, feeling lighter already. Alright so maybe this wouldn't be too bad. I began to unpack slowly. First things first I sat my digital alarm down on the bedside table and plugged it in. Then I put my gun under my pillow. Now that the most important stuff was out of the way I began to toss my clothes inside the closet with little regard to wrinkles. When I'd unpacked everything I sat down on the bed and stared out of the window. The room smelled unfamiliar. The view was unfamiliar. I missed Xanxus something fierce. It was a pain I'd have to learn to live with, I guessed. But hey, maybe I'd see him again at school. Considering it was still spring break it would take at least another week until then. I grabbed my pillow and hugged it to my chest before smothering my face in it. What was I becoming? I barely recognized myself anymore. All I knew for sure was that Amanda was right. I had to keep moving forward.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The calm before the storm...?

The completely effortless and natural way the Chiavarones integrated me into their family was one of the nicest experiences I've ever had. Nobody forced me to do anything and they didn't ask me any probing questions. At first I was hesitant about hanging out with so many hyperactive kids on their game night, which traditionally fell on Tuesday evenings, but they had no fear of contact whatsoever so I relaxed and even enjoyed the haphazard game of Monopoly we played, where the rules were made up and money changed hands faster than you could blink. Dino was a shining presence in their midst and although he got teased relentlessly it was also plain to see how much they adored him. I learned that the Chiavarone family owned a small horse breeding business and Dino kindly offered to show me around the stables. So on Wednesday morning we headed out early to visit the stable grounds. They were about half a mile north of the family home and we walked the entire way since the weather was nice. 

"Thank you for not telling my parents how we really know each other," he said suddenly and threw me a lopsided smile.

"Yeah I thought it wasn't really appropriate," I replied with a light chuckle. 

"Even though I'm going to inherit the family since I'm the oldest, mother doesn't want me to get involved in any actual business until I turn eighteen," he said and rubbed the back of his head. "It's not like I have a choice, though."

I shot him a quick glance and felt my heart speed up. That's right. I recalled that the manga said that Dino was Reborn's student as well. 

"Why not?"

"Ah, you see," he hedged and glanced away. "I'm not really Don material, so dad arranged a tutor for me to teach me about all things mafia."

"But you're not very happy about it," I concluded after studying his expression.

Dino turned to me with a look of surprise before he rubbed his head with a self-deprecating smile. "Ah well. You've seen me. And besides I don't want to do it! I'd much rather focus on the horses.."

"Too bad."

Both of us jumped when a high pitched squeaky voice spoke up between us. I looked down and nearly tripped over my feet when I saw him walking between us. Reborn. It was.. well. Something. He looked exactly like in the manga, except this was real. I mean I've seen, you know, "small people" before in my life. This was not that. He was literally the size of a two year old toddler. An extremely hairy toddler wearing a custom made suit and fedora. And a lizard on his hat. 

"Reborn!" Dino sounded a bit panicky as he glanced at me. "What are you doing here?!"

"I've come to check out the new addition to the family," he said and gave me a penetrating stare.

It felt like I was being dissected beneath a microscope. I'd never felt so intimidated by a tiny child before. I really felt like he saw right through me, down to the core. Very uncomfortable. It was hard to meet his gaze for long and made me almost paranoid that if he looked long enough he'd see the ultimate truth about me. That I was not from this world. I had to say something, anything to break the ice before it got awkward.

"Um, hi!" I said and felt my face flush. "You...you're very cute!"

Why did I say that? I blushed hard and prayed the ground would swallow me. Reborn's lips twitched into a small grin and he inclined his hat.

"Thank you. My name is Reborn. I'm the Vongola family's most trusted hitman and I've been tasked with making a man out of this wuss!"

"Hey!" Dino objected weakly. 

"Oh.. ah- it's nice to mee you! My name is Yumi. I'm Don Vongola's ward.. Um.. You probaly knew that already.."

"I've heard your name before," he agreed amiably. "I'm glad we finally get to meet face to face."

"Um, yeah!" I replied enthusiastically and crouched down beside him. "Wow, is that a real chamaeleon?!"

"That's Leon," Reborn said. "He's a shapeshifter and my partner."

"Nice to meet you!" I said and grinned brightly at the intelligent looking animal.

It's pink tongue blipped out and it blinked. My face still felt hot and a warm glow began to spread through my chest as well. This was it! Fate didn't hate me after all. Finally, finally, after two years I got to meet one of the people I wanted to see so badly. To see him standing there, looking at me, being real, it was the greatest gift of all. It almost made me want to cry but I held it back since that kind of reaction was hardly appropriate.

"So Reborn, why are you really following us?" Dino asked.

"Don't question me," the tiny hitman said and kicked his leg so hard he fell over.

"Dino!" I exclaimed in shock. "Are you alright?"

"Don't worry, weeds don't wither." Reborn remarked. 

"H-hey now," the blonde boy grumbled as he picked himself up off the floor.

"Actually I also have a message for you, Yumi. It's from the Don," Reborn looked at me with those unreadable black eyes. "He says that he's sorry and hopes you get along well with everyone. And... When you go back to school next week you must stay away from Xanxus."

"Huh?" My head jerked up. "Why?!"

Dino's eyes narrowed in confusion as he glanced between us. "Xanxus? Isn't that Don Vongola's son and the leader of the Varia killsquad?"

"Exactly," Reborn nodded. "Do you understand?"

I bit my lip and looked at the muddy ground. "I do."

"Good! Then we can proceed!" Reborn hopped up on Dino's shoulder without any effort. 

I stood up slowly and then we made our way to the stables. The smell took me back in time to when I was ten and my mother thought it was a good idea to send me to riding lessons. I never liked horses so that was a short lived venture. Dino's face broke out into a huge smile as we walked towards the boxes where the animals were kept. A white horse peered through the front window and neighed when it saw him. Other horses began to lean their necks over the railing as well. I watched as he walked towards them, greeting each one by name. They all nuzzled his hair and face affectionately. 

"Hello guys! Hey, hey! I want you all to meet Yumi!" He said and beckoned me over. 

Slowly I walked towards him and eyed the animals. They returned my wary looks with their blank stares. Dino beamed and looked perfectly at ease. It looked like he truly had a hand for horses. Given his family name that was hardly a surprise. 

"Hello," I said and stiffened when the white horse's nostrils flared.

"Hold out your hand so it can smell you," he advised.

"Uh," I hedged and slowly held out my palm. "Like thi-hiiii!"

It felt weird to have the horse's muzzle touch my skin. It smelled me curiously and I didn't dare to move a muscle. 

"I think he likes you!" Dino said with an approving grin. 

"Yeah?" I asked hopefully. 

"Do you want to feed it some sugar cubes?" he asked and began to rummage through his pockets. 

"Sure, why not."

"Just make sure your palm is really flat or it could nip your skin," he said as he handed me two cubes of sugar. 

I let out a small scream when the horse leaned even further forward and nudged my shoulder in the process.

"Shh, don't yell," he said quickly and petted the horse's forehead.

"Sorry," I muttered and held out the sugar on my flat palm. "I apologize."

It smelled the sugar and then its velvety lips flapped over my skin. I held my breath until it picked up the sugar and lifted its head while chewing. Dino nodded at me in approval. I let out a sigh of relief and wiped my hand on my pants. 

"They are.. pretty big," I said uncertainly. 

"Yes!" He agreed with a small laugh that made me flush with embarrassment. "Have you ever been around a horse before?!"

"Yeah I have. It wasn't such a good experience."

"How come?"

"Well, I was riding one and it suddenly broke out, started running wild. That scared me pretty bad and I don't really.." I swallowed and glanced away. "Would rather not do that again."

Dino looked crestfallen. I pressed my lips together. Well, off to a great start. I could guess that he had probably planned to take me out on a horse ride. 

"I'm sorry," I said quietly.

"Huh?! Why would you be sorry?" He blinked at me. "It's not your fault the horse got startled. It sounds to me like whoever was watching over you did a bad job as well, since they failed to read the horse's body language."

"R-really? I.. wow, I never thought about it that way," I murmured and stared up at him in surprise. 

Dino grinned brightly. "Well, if you ever want to try it again let me know! All of our horses are really gentle and good with people! They're used to us since birth!"

"I'll think about it," I replied with a small smile. 

"Cool. Originally I wanted to ask if you wanna go for a ride, but since that's out of the question how about I show you some tricks instead?"

"Sounds good!"

"This boy's name is Charlie! He's mine," he explained as he went to get his saddle in a nearby storereoom. "I've had him since he was born."

I stared uncertainly at the white horse. It was really beautiful and seemed like a fitting mount for Dino. That was about all I could say, since I wasn't an expert on horses. Reborn disappeared to where ever, which was a little disappointing. I couldn't wait to see him in action. Dino came back with a saddle in hand, which he deposited on a steel bar. Then he went to unlock the box. I took a hasty few steps back and just watched as he led the animal outside. He was so incredibly gentle and patient with it that it followed him even without a leash. I kid you not, it was like something straight out of a Disney movie. When he caught me staring he gave me a little embarrassed grin and hurried to fasten the harness to Charlie's face. He worked swiftly and clearly practiced hands, so it seemed like only minutes passed before he swung on the horse's back with a graceful movement. Weird, considering he was supposed to be a klutz without his subordinates. Could it be that the horse he loved so much was doing the same job at keeping him in check? 

"Come along," he said and steered the animal towards a pen behind the stables. "Can you open that door?"

He meant a wooden beam on a hinge that closed off the I guess horse track? That fenced in area with all the hurdles and stuff. Ugh, really not a horse person here. He rode in and began to ride in a wide circle at first, going around the hurdles. 

"It's important to warm the horse up before doing anything else," he said. "We want to avoid injuries."

"Okay," I replied after pulling the bar back in place. 

I leaned against the fence and watched as he maneuvered the large white horse with just a few hints of touch and soft tugs on the reins. It reacted beautifully to everything he did. I smiled automatically when he praised it and ruffled its silvery mane. He really took his time to make sure Charlie was ready before spurring him into walking faster. With my arms crossed on the fence I watched as he finally made him go all out and gallop five rounds around the entire track before slowing back down.

"Now that he's ready let me show you some amazing tricks!" He called over. 

"Go ahead!"

Dino spurred the horse into action and made him jump over a low hurdle. I held my breath at the jump, but Dino handled himself beautifully. 

"Wow," I breathed and sagged with relief. 

"He's usually a klutz, but when he's riding his body's self control goes up by 100%," Reborn supplied.

I twitched when he suddenly appeared on the fence beside me. "Reborn! You startled me!"

The tiny hitman just grinned as he watched his pupil take increasingly bigger hurdles. "He's really showing off today."

"He's such a good rider, it's amazing. All the horses love him," I said. "It's no wonder."

"The Chiavarone family started out as horse breeders and they've kept the business going until today. Some of the world's best racehorses were bred by them. The list of their award winning horses goes on and on."

"Wow, I didn't know that."

"It's because they love those animals," Reborn said. "They have a deep spiritual connection to them. Dino is just like a newborn foal on his legs usually. When it matters he can run, though."

"Hm," I murmured as I watched him take even the biggest hurdle with ease. "Is is hard? Training him."

"Nothing I can't handle," the hitman replied confidently. "Sooner or later he'll realize that he's the ideal candidate to become the next Don Chiavarone. Nobody cares more about his subordinates than he does."

"I noticed he's very good with people," I supplied as I watched them slow down to a trot. "Very kind and protective. I think he'll make an amazing boss."

"Hm," Reborn said and inclined his head before shooting me another unreadable look. "So that's why you were sent here."

"Huh?" My head snapped around to stare at him. "What do you mean?"

"It's not like the Vongola needs to secure its alliances through marriage, since we already are the unquestioned elite. Timoteo doesn't have any daughters so it never came up anyway. Now that you're his ward.."

"He's trying to set me up again," I stated darkly. 

Reborn let out a small chuckle that made me frown. "I think he secretly enjoys playing matchmaker."

I let out an annoyed huff and hurried to pull open the makeshift gate again. Dino was grinning from ear to ear when he approached us. 

"Did you like the show?" He asked with a twinkle in his eyes.

"You were amazing," I nodded with a small grin. 

"Charlie did great. You're our ace, aren't you?" He said and ruffled his mane affectionately. 

"Congrats, you didn't fall off even once. Today you're making an effort at least," Reborn said. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dino asked with a small frown when he spotted the hitman. 

"Usually you have a hard time not tripping over your own feet."

"It's not my fault!"

They kept bickering all the way back to the stable and until Dino was done dressing down the horse and had put it away again. I only had a vague timline in my head since the details were getting hazy in my mind, but I thought that Dino would get tutored for ten years. So if the real KHR story was going to start in eight years, give or take, then that meant that he'd been his pupil for two already. Ever since I arrived. All things considered I couldn't exactly judge how much he had or hadn't improved since then. He was exactly as kind and courteous as ever. Just really against the idea of becoming a Don. Dino tugged at my sleeve with a curious look.

"Everything alright? You were looking kind of spaced out right now."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm just thinking. About stuff," I said and stuffed my hands in my pockets as we began to head back. 

Dino exchanged a glance with Reborn, who sat on his shoulder again. I watched the soft rolling hills all around us and smelled the fresh, earthy air. It was probably really silly, but I missed Brisallore's salty seabreeze. 

"We agreed not to pry when we heard you were coming. So whenever you feel ready to talk about what's on your mind.."

"It's alright," my own voice sounded kind of hollow in my ears. "It's supposed to be a punishment."

At Dino's taken aback look I hurried to add "No offense." He shook his head and frowned at me.

"As far as punishments go this seems rather mild, don't you think?"

I inhaled deeply and let my shoulders sag on the exhale. "Yeah. You're right."

"So whatever you've done can't be that serious."

"Oh, I don't know about that," I murmured and cast a furtive glance at Reborn from the corner of my eyes.

The tiny hitman suddenly sported glasses, a curly moustache and a clipboard in his hands. 

"Ahem. Disobedience to direct orders on at least ten different accounts, unauthorized interference with Varia business, various unflattering public scenes, displays of a dangerous disregard for personal safety, possession of illegal firearms, attempted theft, murder and last but not least making Don Vongola worried sick on a near constant basis."

Dino's mouth dropped open in shock. I hung my head in shame. The last part was the worst. The blond boy sucked in a sharp breath before he let out a shaky chuckle.

"W-well, that was unexpected. You're more than meets the eye it seems."

"Yep," I agreed with a sigh before looking up again. "And that's why I'm here. Nono seems to think I'll calm down if I'm far away from where all the action is."

"Will you?" Dino asked with a small mischievous grin. 

"Definitely not!" I replied cheerfully, relieved that he took it with humor. 

"Hahah, great. Then I'll make it my mission to distract you before you do more crazy stuff!" He laughed and gave me a playful slap on the shoulder.

A broad grin broke out on my face and I pushed a strand of hair out of my eyes. "You can try."

"Hmm," Reborn mused and gave me a considering look. "Maybe we can find an use for you. Depending on your abilities you might be able to help with Dino's training."

"Huh?" Dino stared at him.

"I'll do my best!"

"Huh?!" He turned his surprised stare on me then.

My heart began to feel lighter with each passing day. Even the ache of missing Xanxus ebbed slightly. If only I hadn't tossed my cellphone away. There was really no way of connecting with him anymore, since I didn't memorize the mansion's landline. And besides the number changed on a weekly basis, as Reborn kindly reminded me. Then there was Nono's ominous message. Why on earth would he forbid me from seeing Xanxus again? He knew that we got along nowadays. I blinked when another idea popped into my head. Maybe... just maybe... What if it wasn't concern for my safety? What if he thought that Xanxus had acted so rebelliously because of me? Maybe this was his way of making sure the temperamental boy stayed in line? It was evident that he had very little means of controlling him, besides the promise of inheritance. He certainly didn't need him to have another incentive to disobey his orders. When I thought about it this way my exile made a whole lot more sense. It also hurt a lot more. Things had gone from me maybe being good for building Xanxus' social skills to me being an unwelcome distraction for him. I didn't want to believe that Nono could be so calculating, but lacking other facts it was the only explaination that made sense. Once again the ugly side of this whole mafia schtick became plain as day. In a way I understood. It was probably impossible to rule such a large and interconnected family by showing weakness or taking stupid risks. No, it was more like an intricate high-stakes game of chess. And sometimes you had to sacrifice pawns in order to protect your more important pieces. 

 

Dino kept his word. It felt like every waking moment I was involved in some activity with the family or just him. At night I had trouble falling asleep since only then did I have the time to reflect my day. And I missed Xanxus terribly. I'll be honest here, I never thought I would actually miss him so much after merely a week. It felt like the times when I spent months without seeing him were forever ago. Ever since my last escape attempt.. things had been drastically different between us. Loaded, in a strange way. He didn't yell at me, didn't call me idiot or even glare all that much. Like a switch had flipped. I caught myself acting differently around him as well. That strange bubbly nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach wasn't new, but it being there constantly when I was around him was. Every time we touched I felt electrified and craving more. Even the sound of his voice did funny things to me. 

All of it was happening so quickly... it felt like we were speeding towards the event I dreaded so much. And I hated it. So much. Now, though, I realized that I wouldn't be able to stop it if I tried. Even if Xanxus had some sort of affection for me it didn't change who he was at his core. Xanxus' ego was a wild and untameable beast. He treated his subordinates like trash and laughed when they got hurt. All of his efforts were aimed towards inheriting the mantle of Don Vongola. By comparison I was just a blip on the radar. There just were some things that were meant to be. Though the thought of spending the next eight years without him was... Awful. At least I had the knowledge that he would return at some point. The others... I felt sorry for them. (Spoiler alert, because I am that bitch. I was insufferably arrogant back then. I'm sorry on my past self's behalf.)

"Well then, Yumi!" Don Chiavarone said to me as we were gathered in the livingroom on Sunday evening. "Tomorrow it's back to school for you. We sure will miss you until your return in summer."

"Yeah," I agreed and grinned when the two youngest began to tag team one of the older brothers. "Hey stop it, you rugrats!"

"Eyy!"

"No way!"

"Bis sis is mean!"

"Do you have everything you need? School books, clean clothes?" Maria asked with a businesslike manner that told me she had plenty of experience with this. 

"Yes, ma'am."

"If you forget something we'll send it to you."

"Okay."

"Romano is used to making the trip multiple times a year because of someone," she said and gave her oldest son a faint smirk.

Dino blushed and rubbed the back of his head. I grinned fondly at him. At least his parents didn't seem to care overly much about getting us together. Being the third largest mafia family probably meant that they didn't need to fight for their alliances as much. At either rate, the two old folks were so sweet that I didn't feel any pressure at all and I was grateful for it. There wasn't any more room to spare in my heart as I slowly came to realize and accept. I kept getting distracted so I quickly lost the game of cards we were playing that night. The parents bought McDonalds for everyone since it was a special occasion and I boggled at the amount of burgers one teenage boy could mow down without flinching. So that was why they sent Romano out with the van! 

"Bis sis Yumi, you suck today! What's wrong?" Stefano piped up. 

"I'm excited to go back to school," I said with a grin.

"No way!"

"You liar!"

"No, I swear it's true!" I laughed at their outraged faces. "Be sure to take your studies seriously! You can never go back to change your report cards!"

Didn't I know all about it. A small chuckle escaped me at the absurdity of the situation. Dino shot me a loaded glance and raised a brow. I nodded at him and excused myself to go to the bathroom. When I came back out he was waiting for me in the hallway.

"Hey. You remember the Don's orders?"

"Yeah?" I stared at him. "Of course."

"Great. I hate to be a stickler for the rules, but I just wanna make sure you don't get into any trouble with signore Vongola. Not because I'm worried for our reputation, but because I genuinely care for you as a friend."

I closed my mouth and swallowed. "Thanks, Dino. I.. I'll do as he asks."

"Really?" He gave me a searching look. "You don't sound very convincing."

"Look, it's complicated," I huffed and ran a hand through my hair. 

"You like him?"

I felt the blood rush from my face as I stared at Dino. He titled his head to the side with a confused look. 

"What?!"

"I asked if you actually like Xanxus. From what I hear he's a pretty scary guy."

"O-oh. Yeah. Once you get to know him he's not all that bad. I'd even say we're friends."

"Huh. I guess there's more to him than meets the eye as well. I for one don't understand why Squalo follows him so devotedly."

"Me neither," I admitted freely. 

"Heheh. Maybe that's just how he is," Dino chuckled. "Alright. I only thought I'll give you a fair warning. At school I'm also supposed to keep an eye on you."

"Hm, so we'll hang out there, too?" I asked and felt my brows crease into a frown. 

"Are you already getting sick of me?" He laughed. 

"No! No way!" I was quick to reassure him. 

Actually I was sort of worried for him. As the past had taught me Xanxus didn't appreciate rivals where I was concerned. It was flattering, but also meant that I had a lot on my plate. Dino was a naturally affectionate person that you couldn't help but smile at. On the other hand I didn't really want the blond boy to know the extent of my feelings for the ill-tempered Varia leader, so I had to come up with excuses for dodging his freely given hugs. Eugh. Did I ever mention that I am so not good at planning ahead? 

That night I had an unsetteling dream. I was standing in a field at night or during a thunderstorm, I couldn't really tell the difference. Xanxus was standing on a hill in the middle of the field with his back to me. I kept calling his name, but he didn't hear me. Wind made his jacket billow behind him like a cape. No matter how fast I ran I wasn't getting closer and he didn't hear my shouts. Panic rose in my chest when I realized I wasn't going to reach him. In fact, the hill seemed to grow smaller until it was just a speck on the horizon. When I couldn't see him anymore I woke up with a harsh gasp. My eyes were burning for some reason.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's better than I ever even knew  
> They say that the world was built for two  
> Only worth living if somebody is loving you..."
> 
> -Lana Del Rey, _Video Games_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case it wasn't blatantly obvious yet, English is not my native language. If something sounds weird/unusual grammatically that's why. I try to transcribe what's in my head to the best of my abilities, but sometimes the meaning might be lost in translation. ^^;;  
> That said, I hope I manage to make the current 'state of affairs' clear in this chapter. ;) Of course I'm always happy to answer questions, though!

Monday morning had my stomach jumping with nerves. Romano drove Dino and me in the family's limousine, which still smelled new since it got used so little. It was kind of charming that they weren't keen on keeping up appearances and preferred to use a beat up minivan as their vehicle of choice, but I was in no mind to appreciate the fact. All I could think about was how excited I felt to see Xanxus again. I mentally repeated Nono's warning over and over in order to distract myself from being nervous. Dino didn't look like he knew what was up and kept making smalltalk with the older man, who clearly respected him already. When we came to a stop in front of the main entrance several students sent us curious glances, since only the top tier families arrived in limousines. When they spotted me climbing out behind Dino I could already hear the whispers starting. No doubt the rumor mill would be churning by lunch break. Mafiosi were like fishwives when it came to gossip. Dino grinned brightly at several students who paused to eye us and waved a little. I clutched my bag to my chest and avoided looking at anyone in particular. At least my room in the dorms was still my own. Classes were as boring and unspectacular as always. I exchanged the usual pleasantries with my classmates and by the time history was over the routine of boredom had almost returned. When lunch break rolled around I made my way out into the school yard with the rest of the kids. My heart began to thump with excitement, but Xanxus was nowhere to be seen. The yard was more crowded than usual since everybody was eager to reconnect with their friends. When a hand grabbed my shoulder I jumped and turned around with a huge smile that dimmed when I saw Dino.

"What's with that face?" He complained jokingly. "I'm starting to think you hate me!"

"Don't be ridiculous," I huffed and pinched his side.

"Ow!" He jumped a little and rubbed his side with an overly pained expression. "Did Reborn teach you that move?!"

"I may have picked it up here and there," I replied airly and grinned. 

"My only weakness," he groaned before shooting me a brilliant smile. "Hey, let me introduce you to my friends!"

"Huh? Oh, sure," I replied hesitantly.

Dino put his arm around my shoulder and I cast a panicked look around, but the air was still clear. Phew. He led me towards a small group of people lounging around one of the lunch tables.

"Yoooo Dino!" A tall brown haired guy shouted when he saw us. 

"Wow, I can't believe it," a red haired girl drawled and raised her brows.

"Dude, don't tell me this loser got himself a girlfriend?" 

"Hey now," Dino laughed awkwardly. "Be nice. This is Yumi, she's living with us. Yumi, meet my friends."

"Great introduction, Shakespeare," the redhead sighed. "My name is Aki Ramazotti. I see we're both half Asian. That's also probably all we have in common."

"Nice to meet you," I said with a hesitant smile. 

"I'm Ezio Ramazotti!" The brown haired guy supplied. "We're not related, thank god."

Aki punched him in the side and he only laughed, so it couldn't have been that hard. The third person was a black boy with a half-shaven, half-cornrow kind of hairstyle and striking green eyes. He seemed a lot calmer than the others.

"I'm Sergei," he said quietly. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise!" I replied quickly. 

A blonde boy came jogging up to us with his arm full of milk packs. He grinned widely and dropped his goods in the middle of the table. 

"Got the last batch! Enjoy!" He announced proudly. 

"These still fresh?" Aki lifted one and eyed it warily. "Don't fancy getting the shits again."

"Must you always be so crass?" Sergei complained calmly. "It's very unbecoming."

"Yo mind your own business," she said and flipped him off. 

"Yo Dino, catch!" Ezio grinned and tossed a packet at Dino.

Dino, being the good-hearted klutz that he was, didn't catch. Instead the packet hit me in the face. Thankfully it didn't spill. That was about the only good thing I could think of at the time. 

"Oh no! Yumi! I'm so sorry!" Dino leaned in real close to examine my face. "Are you hurt?"

"Woooah, whoooa, Dino!" The other blond kid said. "You're really looking to get your ass kicked, huh? How old is she?"

"I'm twelve," I said and rubbed at my nose. 

"Oh shit!" He exclaimed and threw his hands in the air. "You're basically a baby! My name's Ashton, by the way!"

"Guys, please be nice!" Dino said after he made sure I was alright. "She's Don Vongola's ward."

"Ehhhh?!?"

"What?"

"Are you shitting me?!"

I squirmed uncomfortably. If any of these crazy people got the idea to fight me... But they only looked surprised. Dino grinned proudly. 

"Why's she living with your family, then?" Aki asked, sharp as ever. 

"Can't you guess?" Ezio chuckled and threw me a grin. 

"I can, dumbass. I just wanna make sure I'm not dreaming."

"Hey now," Dino said with an awkward grin. "Don't make her uncomfortable. I'll talk to you later."

"It's fine," I replied smoothly before turning to the group. "I was sent there as a punishment for disobeying the Don."

The other blond kid whistled sharply. All of them looked disturbed and intrigued. Inwardly I smiled. That was better. Dino let out a tortured sigh. 

"Don't get any dumb ideas, cause she's under my protection alright?" He said. 

"Yeah alright," Aki snorted and stabbed the straw into her milk pack.

"Of course," Sergei replied smoothly.

"Good luck, Dino. Don't embarrass yourself too much," Ezio grinned and grabbed a milk pack as well. 

"I don't know what you're talk abo- oooh!" Dino yelled in alarm when he tripped on the milk pack that popped under his foot. 

"Ahh!" I yelled when the arm he had around me pulled me down as well. 

At least I landed soft. The same couldn't be said for Dino. He groaned underneath me. Damn, wasn't that just a cliché. I sat up quickly to spare us more embarrassment and climbed to my feet. The fact that I wasn't blushing to death had to count as a personal victory, right? Dino sat up slowly as well. He rubbed the back of his head and gave all of us a pained grin. The four other kids were howling with laughter. 

"Oh man! This is classic!" Aki gasped. 

Ezio's laughter sounded like a hyena with a bad case of asthma. Sergio covered his forehead with his palm and chuckled. I held out my hand to Dino.

"Come on," I said with a grin. "You big klutz!"

"At least leave me my pride," he grumbled, but accepted my hand nonetheless. "That was clearly not my fault!"

I'd definitely gotten stronger. The fact that I managed to pull him up was more than enough proof. It certainly made the others throw me surprised glances. Dino dusted his pants off while I smiled at him. Ashton let out a sharp whistle.

"Hey Dino," he said with a slightly tense undertone. 

Dino looked up quickly. When I turned to see what he was looking at my eyes widened. Squalo! I hadn't seen him for even longer. The silver haired teen looked annoyed as he approached us. He completely ignored the others and glared at Dino, who looked back with a mild confused smile.

"Hey Squalo," he greeted him.

I held my breath. Squalo's brows furrowed. He inhaled and then- "VRRRROOOOOOOOOOOIII!"

All of us flinched at the volume that attracted the entire school yard's attention. Some day, I swore to myself, some day I was going to get a sound meter in order to find out how loud this guy was. Was it more than the sound of a starting plane or slightly less? 

"Sq-Squalo," Dino flinched. "What is it?!"

"Voi, I need to talk to you for a minute!" He barked and crossed his arms. "Alone!"

Dino glanced at us before he nodded. "Uh, sure."

The two boys took off together while I was dying of curiosity. Squalo hadn't acknowledged me at all. What was up with that? Last I remembered we didn't have any fights. Then again we never got to hang out much. Which was a shame, since calm Squalo was surprisingly easy to get along with. I eyed the four others warily, but they all concentrated on their milk now that Dino was gone. Seriously, what kinds of friends did that guy have and how? They reminded me a bit of his siblings with the way they teased him. Aki glanced up at me. 

"Sit down, you're making me nervous. Have some milk, kiddo."

"Sure," I muttered and sat down on the bench next to Sergei. 

The milk wasn't anything special. I hoped that this was not some sort of Clockwork Orange scenario where they'd head out and start assaulting people after drinking their milk. Oddly enough even the strong-willed Aki remained silent until she finished her pack. 

"Ah man, I feel way better now." She said contently. 

"Thank god," Ezio muttered around his straw. 

"Shut up, dude."

"Can you two please stop? You're making our guest uncomfortable."

I blushed faintly when I realized that Sergio was far more perceptive than I thought. Interestingly enough they seemed to have enough respect for him to actually stop bickering. 

"So is it true?" Aki asked curiously. "You got sent to Dino's because you misbehaved? That's all?"

"As far as I know," I replied stiffly. 

"What does it mean that you're Don Vongola's ward? I haven't heard that term before," Ezio asked. 

"I'm not adopted. He just sort of accepted guardianship over me. Don't ask me how it works, I'm not sure what the legal details are. All I know is that he treats me like a daughter anyway."

"Man, that's gotta be awesome!" Ezio's eyes glazed over. "Imagine having all that money at your disposal!"

"Come on, I'm sure it's not all sunshine and butterflies," Aki responded with a slight frown. "There's gotta be a catch. Right?"

"It's not always easy," I agreed and thought about all the times I'd chafed against his decisions, such as when he sent me away. 

"Do excuse me if I sound rude, but I've heard quite a lot of rumors about you. We all have. Is it true that you are on good terms with Xanxus?" Sergei asked.

I glanced off to the side. Well I certainly thought so, but he wasn't showing his face anywhere around here. After the way we parted I thought... It was hard not to feel disappointed. 

"Yes," I replied simply. 

"Daaaamn," Ezio let out a low whistle. 

"Shit, so we better make sure we don't get on your bad side." Aki laughed lightly.

I smiled politely and assured them that I didn't mind the questions. Mentally I was far away, wondering why he kept his distance. Could I really have misinterpreted his actions so much? I could've sworn he was desperate to keep me close, but now? My traitorous brain brought all my old insecurities and self-doubts back to the forefront of my mind to torture me. What if I was seeing things? It wouldn't be the first time. Last time it was my first school crush. For eight long years I'd basically convinced myself we had a subtle hidden romance going on, until he finally told me that he hated me and thought I was a weirdo. That pain nearly killed me. If it happened again I didn't know what I'd do. It was tearing me apart that he apparently chose to avoid me now. Squalo, too! When Dino returned I was near tears. His friends all kept sending him helpless looks. The blond teen frowned and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Yumi, come with me for a second."

I was only too glad to get away and stood up quickly. He steered us away from the table and towards a small path in the forest. Being surrounded by nature always calmed me down and when I no longer felt like I was gonna cry he put his arm around my shoulder again.

"I just spoke with Squalo," he muttered and walked into a small clearing.

I recognized this place and gave him a questioning look. His expression was unusually serious. One of his hands came up to his face and he shot me a look before he glanced away and ran it through his hair. 

"What did he say?"

"It's.. how to say... Look, Yumi, he told me not to tell you anything, but you're my friend and I want to be honest with you," Dino said and turned to face me. "Don Vongola ordered him to keep Xanxus away from you. And Squalo told me again that I have to keep you away from Xanxus. He wanted to coordinate our efforts to make sure you guys don't meet."

"But why?" I asked in a small voice and tugged at my sleeves.

"I don't know," Dino admitted freely. "He'll have his reasons."

"This is bullshit!" I hissed and glared into the forest. "I don't know what's gotten into him! Xanxus didn't even do anything!"

"I see," Dino said and raised his brows. "You guys are close?"

"Yes," I muttered miserably. 

"Don't take it too hard, Yumi. This won't last forever!"

"Haha," I said darkly. "What I want to know is what he's trying to accomplish with this."

"I only heard that they've had several big fights over the last week. Dad mentioned that Xanxus seems to be getting out of control. He and Don Vongola have been friends for decades, so they talk about this stuff. It sounds like Xanxus is impatient to become Don and keeps overstepping his boundaries. Dad said that Nono is at the end of his wits."

"He only has himself to blame," I murmured softly, which prompted Dino to give me a surprised look. 

"Huh, I thought you'd be on Nono's side."

"Why?" I asked and slanted a look at him. "Because Xanxus is the mean scary guy who's in charge of the Varia and Nono just a sweet old man?"

Dino shrugged with a confused look. "Basically yeah."

I huffed loudly and stuffed my hands in the pockets of my jacket. "It's not that simple, Dino."

"Care to enlighten me, then?"

I grit my jaw and looked away. It'd be difficult to explain without giving away some private stuff that I was sure neither Xanxus nor me wanted to spread around school. This was getting me worked up. I seriously hated how everybody just always automatically assumed that Xanxus was the only one to blame in their conflicts. Nono meant well, but he was also a meddeling old man who often disregaded our wishes because he assumed that he knew what was best for us. The fact that he kept trying to set me up was proof of this. It didn't even occur to him to ask me if I wanted to be tossed at boys I barely knew, because he just assumed it was the best thing for me to find a husband. People on the outside of the family didn't see any of that. To them Xanxus was simply being unreasonable and "crazy", even though he had good reasons to get mad. See, these things took time to realize and understand. At first I too thought Xanxus was insane when I found out what he did to Timoteo in the manga, even though the old man treated him like a son. Nowadays it didn't quite come out of the blue so much anymore. I could tell that Dino only meant well and genuinely tried to understand, but he simply didn't have the same level of inside knowledge as me. 

"Suffice to say Nono isn't all that innocent in this. There's always a reason behind Xanxus flying off the handle. He's not crazy or just plain violent. I'd like it if people gave him some more credit," I stated without looking at him.

"Wow, okay," Dino muttered. "That was quite the passionate defense. If I didn't know better, I'd say that someone has a crush."

I froze and swallowed hard. Okay, was I really that transparent or was he just saying stuff? Play it cool, I told myself and tossed my hair over my shoulder. 

"I simply don't like it when people I care about get badmouthed," I replied smoothly. 

"Duly noted," he said with a grin and put his arm back around my shoulder. "Okay, so I think I mentioned everything I wanted to say... Oh wait. There's one more thing, before we go back. This is a personal favor. Yumi.. if either Squalo or I mess up could you please not mention who you're staying with? I want to keep my family out of this, just in case that guy decides to be vengeful."

"Of course, Dino. I promise," I said and gave him a serious look. 

"Thank you."

When we made our way back there was only time for a bit more chitchat before the schoolbell rang. As we made our way through the crowd I was suddenly struck by a strange feeling that prompted me to look up in confusion. There! Through the crowd of uniform clad students! I caught just the briefest glimpse of him. Our eyes met for a second and I perked up, but then somebody stepped in the line of view. Dino tugged me forwards with his arm around my shoulder so I had to keep moving. I tried to keep looking in that direction, but couldn't spot him anymore before we entered the building. Dino gave me a wry smile and let go. 

"Have fun in class. Don't do anything dumb," he told me before he joined his classmates. 

I swallowed hard, torn between running back outside and listening to him. In the end the reasonable side of my brain won and I trudged back to my classroom dejectedly. For the rest of the day I didn't see him again and just barely managed to keep myself from going looking for him. It was a tough battle and my only ammunition the small doubt in the veracity of his feelings. Agonzing over my situatuation tired me out, so I actually went to bed at nine pm for once. 

A long, terrible and absolutely awful week went by like this. Dino and his friends tried their hardest to cheer me up and distract me, but all it did was make me feel even worse for not responding to that. Knowing that I could see him again if I wanted, but not being allowed to was painful. One day during lunch break we were sitting at our table again and the others were goofing off. Dino, being the naturally tactile person that he was, had his arm resting loosely around my shoulders again and laughed at something Ezio said. Sergei and I were talking about something or another, I can't recall what it was. Anyway Dino tapped my shoulder, which prompted me to look to my right where he was sitting. He wore a huge grin and his eyes crinkled in amusement. A small grin grew on my face automatically, since his laugh was infectious. 

"Yumi, you won't believe this! Ezio just confessed that he set our class' pet rat loose during chemistry cause he was bored!"

"He what?!" I laughed incredulously and leaned a bit closer so I could peer around him at the brown haired boy. 

Without warning I was struck by an intense sense of impending doom. It sent a shiver down my spine and froze the laugh on my face. The others fell quiet, too. Slowly I leaned back on my seat and looked around in confusion. It felt like we were being targeted or something. Then I looked up and forgot to breathe, because Squalo and him were on top of the school's roof looking down at us through the wire mesh fence. The color drained from my face and even though I couldn't make out his expression I could feel his rage even from here. 

"Dino remove your arm," I hissed through the corner of my mouth. "Quickly!"

"Huh?" He turned his head around to look at me. "Why?"

"Just do it please," I nearly begged. 

He slowly took his arm off my shoulders with a confused frown. That angry feeling lessened only marginally. Squalo moved close to him and then the two of them walked out of sight. Only then did the sounds around us seem to come back. I counted more than one relieved sigh. Dino raised his brows at me, prompting an explaination that I could not give. Instead I excused myself to go to the bathroom, where I spent a solid five minutes staring at my reflection in the mirror and firmly telling myself that I could absolutely not run up on that roof. Suddenly a thought hit me. Dino had asked me not to reveal where I lived. So did that mean Nono kept that information from Xanxus? My eyes widened. Was that why they'd had so many fights?! An uneasy feeling overcame me. Now that he'd seen me hang out with Dino, being overly familiar... Either he'd think we were suddenly together, which was bad. Or he'd be able to figure out that I was sent to live with him, which was worse. Depending on what Squalo told him it could be either. Why did that guy go along with Nono's orders in the first place? Wasn't he loyal to Xanxus? The questions just kept piling up and I had no real answers. Sometimes I really wished for a mind reading machine. 

This couldn't continue for much longer. Every day that I didn't get to see Xanxus felt dull and awful in retrospect. At night I imagined what I'd say to him once we met again. It was burning under my tongue, that heavy and life-changing confession. Sooner or later I'd have to say it. It undoubtedly already bled through my eyes and every touch, but I hid the words themselves; too afraid of the damage they might do to both of us. Time was running out. I became increasingly aware of it when June rolled around. Only one month left until the summer holidays. Four months until his birthday. The manga didn't say when the Cradle Incident took place, but I assumed it would happen then. Nono was an old man and there was no reason why he should refuse to hand over leadership to his favored son once he became an adult. Unless. Unless that boy turned out not to be his son. There was no way for me to spare Xanxus the pain of discovering that his life was a lie, not even with all my knowledge.

I watched the full moon through my window and wondered if it was still warm outside. Summer was pretty much upon us. Why not find out? Decision made I snuck out of my room and headed up on the roof. It was rather cool and I slipped on my jacket. The night sky was beautiful. I picked a bench from which I would have a relatively good view of the moon and just stared up at it. There was just something about it that calmed my weary soul. I pulled a knee up to my chest and rested my chin on it. Everything took on a dream-like quality. All my worries felt hazy and distant through the veil of night, belonging strictly to the day. 

"Hey Blue?" I murmured. 

No answer. Of course. The other girl had better things to do. She seemed like somebody who had her shit together permanently. Honestly? I was glad somebody like that took over my old life. That way I didn't have to worry at all. The realization that I no longer missed it sent a pang through my chest. I'd already let go without noticing. Ah. It was getting cold. Maybe I should go back. Giving up my current state of serenity didn't seem appealing, however, so I stayed put. The door opened with a low creak. I didn't turn to look who else sought peace up here. We all had our own reasons. 

"Yumi." A low murmur full of longing.

Slowly I turned my head around. Ah, there he was. Without noticing it I'd already stood up and taken two steps towards him before I remembered myself. 

"Xanxus," I breathed. 

We looked at each other. A shadow of my own ache passed through his eyes and it nearly bowled me over. Screw the rules. Screw Nono and the Vongola. I closed the painful distance between us and pressed myself against him as tightly as I could. My hands grasped at the back of his shirt and I closed my eyes, just inhaling his familiar scent. His arms wound around me tightly in return. We stayed like that for an endless, peaceful moment that felt righter and better than anything. 

"I missed you," I confessed quietly and pulled back to look up at him.

"Yumi," he murmured as he scanned my face. "Where have you been taken?"

"I can't say," I replied and quickly held up my hand when his brows crashed down. "Please don't worry about me. I'm being taken good care of and I'm honestly fine."

Xanxus inhaled slowly and flexed his jaw before he bent his head down until our foreheads were pressed together. His eyes fluttered closed and his expression calmed. Those raging flames of wrath I'd come to associate with him and his eyes in particular dimmed down to a warm campfire glow. I smiled helplessly, overcome with the realization that yes, this was it. This man was my one true love. My heart swelled three sizes in my chest when he raised one of his hands to cup my jaw. 

"Why were you all touchy feely with that Chiavarone guy today?"

"Dino and I are just friends. Please believe me," I spoke softly and leaned my head into his touch. 

"I still hate it. Him and every other guy the old man tries to set you up with."

"I know. I hate it, too," I replied. 

"We both know that it's pointless, anyway."

My heart skipped a beat before it went into overdrive. Did he just?! Heat rose in my cheeks and I had to avert my eyes. That was as close to a confession as I'd EVER come! My mouth felt dry and I couldn't come up with a decent answer to save my life. Thankfully he didn't seem to expect one. 

"This is going to stop once I take over," he promised and opened his eyes. "You deserve only the best."

"And a thousand dresses," I added with a helpless smile.

The way his eyes softened made me melt. My heart was so full of love it ached and I was sure that it was plain as day on my face. There was no hiding it anymore, and why should I? When he looked at me like that I was certain that I was not alone in this. He started to lightly stroke my cheek with his thumb and I was absolutely weak for it. I swallowed past a sudden surge of nerves and steeled myself.

"There's... something I have to say," I whispered.

He lifted his head and stood up straight. His other hand also came up to cup the other side of my face. Xanxus looked softer and calmer than I'd ever seen him. A small smile played around his lips and I was momentarily stunned by the sight. 

"Shh. Tell me when I'm Don," he murmured. 

A surge of something welled up inside me, something like despair and urgency. It disappeared however when he tilted my face up and began to bend down. Suddenly the door flew open and Squalo stormed onto the roof. I jerked back and felt my face flush beet red while Xanxus straightened and turned around slowly. 

"VOI! Boss, what are you doing?!" Squalo yelled angrily. "I told you a thousand times-!"

"Trash." Both of us froze. "What's the meaning of this?"

Alright, now he was pissed off. Squalo looked just as angry. "I told you what the old man said! Your goddamn inheritance is on the line!"

"What?" I shot a horrified look at Xanxus's dark expression. 

"If you're going to report this to him, that is." 

"Fuck you if you think I will! I have to tell him something, though!"

"So omit the details," Xanxus growled and clenched his fists. 

"You know that he always finds out the truth!" Squalo roared. 

"Why did you come here, then?!" Xanxus growled as smoke began to rise from his fists. "If you didn't want to tell him that I don't give a shit about his orders?!"

"VOOOI! Are you calling me a traitor?" Squalo roared and took an angry step towards him.

Xanxus' eyes narrowed. "I'm not blind, Squalo."

The silver haired teen froze and shot me a fleeting look before he let out an enraged roar. "What's that supposed to mean, you asshole?! You don't know a goddamn thing! I only came here to stop you from doing something stupid!"

"Watch your tone with me, trash," he growled. "I haven't done anything that warrants punishment."

"You were supposed to stay away from her!"

Xanxus looked away with a bored expression. "We just talked, right?"

"Y-yeah," I said and nodded quickly.

Squalo glanced between us with narrowed eyes. "Yeah, I fucking saw."

"If you sell it to him right, then the old man won't do anything," he stated confidently. "He's far too soft."

"Dammit, why does it always have to be me," Squalo grunted and rubbed a hand over his forehead in aggravation. "When did I sign up to be the messenger?"

"Stop complaining, trash."

"Voi!"

"Be quiet, you guys! I think I hear somebody coming!" I said and strained my ears. "Ugh! What if it's a teacher?!"

Both of them glared at each other, but stayed blessedly quiet. Sure enough I heard footsteps on the stairs. My eyes widened and I quickly looked around for hiding spots. Squalo might not say anything inciminating to Nono, but the staff surely would. The other two seemed to think along the same lines and hurried towards the far end of the roof where a bunch of ventilation ducts stood up like large bent fingers. I ran after them as quietly as I could and together we crouched behind the metal ducts. The door opened slowly and I saw an unfamiliar figure emerge. A middle aged man with slicked back blond hair. A teacher? One I hadn't had in class then. He took a look around the roof with an irritated frown. I didn't dare to breathe as he slowly walked towards our hiding spot. Squalo rummaged around in his pockets until he found his cellphone and then quickly dialed a number. Somewhere on the schoolyard below a cellphone began to ring loudly. The teacher stopped in his tracks and quickly headed towards the fence. He muttered something and then hurried back towards the stairs. Once he was gone I let out a sigh of relief. 

"How did you do that?" I asked and stared at Squalo.

"I plan ahead obviously," he replied flippantly and slipped the phone back in his pocket. 

"You saved our hides," I sighed and stood up. "Thank you."

"Hn."

"It's my job," he grunted and stood up alongside Xanxus. 

A thought hit me and I quickly grabbed both of his hands with a determined look. Squalo blinked with irritation and stared down at me. 

"Tell Nono that Xanxus wanted to give me a phone as a belated birthday gift and we met up in person so he could ask what model I want," I told him quickly. "It sounds harmless enough, right?"

Squalo blinked, clearly taken aback, and nodded shortly. I let go of his hands and grinned proudly when Xanxus let out an amused snort. 

"Clever," he commented with a small grin. "You've always been good at circumventing the rules."

"You really have to get me a phone now, you know? Nono is really good at detecting lies," I said with a smirk. 

"Don't push your luck," he grunted and lightly put his hand on the middle of my back. "Go back inside before you catch a cold."

I suppressed a shiver at the contact and felt my smile soften automatically when I looked up at him. Who knew? Maybe the plot was already altered by my mere presence. Maybe things wouldn't be so bad in the end. There was still plenty of time to tell him what I needed to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ARRRRRGHHHH I *cannot* BELIEVE I MISSED XANXUS' BIRTHDAY!!!!!! /) TT^TT (\ Happy belated birthday to my fave!!


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout goes to Lana Del Rey, whose music inspired this entire chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally a long(er) chapter again! Things get pretty steamy in this one! ;) 
> 
> On an unrelated note, I have an announcement to make: I finally know how and when to end this story! :O It's only taken, what, a year?! Haha.

It's funny, you know. Funny how time seems to go by faster when you're dreading a coming event. It felt like June went by in a blink. After the incident on the roof I didn't see Xanxus again for the entire month. Weird how I wasn't used to his absence anymore. I still kept looking for signs of him, but only saw Squalo on occasion. I was both relieved and disappointed that Xanxus seemingly decided to heed Nono's orders now. Considering that he really wanted to become the next Don he probably tried not to offend the old man anymore this close to his birthday. Three more months. I could do that, right? Wait until then. Maybe fate would be kind to the two of us. I clung tightly onto the hope that things would turn out fine. That I'd get to tell him. Of course I was aware that some events are written in stone, but it might turn out differently. Maybe he'd forgive Nono, or even ditch the Vongola altogether in a fit of spite. 

Knowing yet having to pretend that I didn't was wearing on my conscience and even carried over into my sleep, making my dreams vague and restless. Dino was wonderful. He supported me to the best of his abilities during that time even though he had no idea why I was so down and I would be forever grateful for it. If only I wasn't so smitten with Xanxus I was pretty sure that I'd be able to love him and spend a good life at his side. That was not how things were going to be and I made it very clear that he could not expect that from me. Dino only shrugged and carried on. Somebody better than me should have that man. Somebody who didn't nearly sink into depression because their crush was ignoring them. Now I know that's a sensitive topic and I don't want to make light of it at all, but I was by nature a rather melancholic person inclined to longer spells of gloom. I'm not saying that I was actually clinically depressed. It didn't leave me catatonic and unable to function, but life seemed a lot less colorful without him.

To take my mind off of it I decided to take action. Keeping busy always helped during those times since I was too occupied to brood. That's why I started pestering Squalo for work again. The silver haired teen seemed put off by my request and shrugged me off at first. I don't know why, maybe he caught on to my mood, but eventually he caved and sent me on a small espionage mission. Nothing big, I basically just had to sit in a cafe at a specific time and eavesdrop. Squalo made it clear that that's _all_ I was supposed to do. He looked so tense that I could only assume that he was doing this as a favor to me, since it was going against Xanxus' orders. Preparing for the job was a great distraction for three days, even though the actualy eavesdropping part was unspectacular. I delivered the information I'd gleaned to Squalo, who huffed and finally seemed to relax when I came back unharmed. 

"Voi, good job," he said and typed something on his phone. "I'll be sure to send all of that to Lussuria. He can take it from there."

"Alright," I replied with a small grin. "Got any more work?"

"VOI! What's with you? Do your damn homework!" He barked and shot me an annoyed look. 

"Please, Squalo. I'm dying of boredom," I sighed and let my head drop back on the backrest of the cognac colored leather couch in the boy's rec room. 

"You know what the boss said," he grunted in reply and went back to texting. 

"And yet here we are."

"You owe me for that, by the way."

"Sure. Anything you want."

Interestingly enough I noticed that his fingers paused briefly over the buttons before he resumed typing. So I settled for watching him from the corners of my eyes. Squalo seemed entirely focussed on his cellphone. I've always had a thing for silver haired characters, starting all the way back in my early teens when I discovered the perfection that is Sephiroth. Yes I know that sounds super cringy. It's a preference, alright? I'm not blind, I saw that Squalo fit the scheme. If I wasn't misreading the signs then he wasn't completely uninterested in me either. His loyalty for Xanxus meant that nothing was ever gonna happen, though, and I was honestly fine with that. Having boys crushing on you when you aren't interested is one hell of an awkward feeling. See Antonio. And I want to make one thing very clear: My heart belonged to Xanxus alone. The likelihood of me ever falling in love with anybody else was sub zero. That didn't mean I couldn't feel secretly pleased when an attractive guy exhibited signs of fancying me. Even though it probably sounds horrible. Sorry. 

So anyways, it took until mid July until I managed to spot him in the school yard again. My joy at seeing that red-eyed bastard was cut off short when he completely ignored me. It hurt a lot to be completely disregarded like that, but he was probably not doing it out of spite. So I arranged myself with the fact that he stayed determined to avoid me. I wanted to talk to him, touch him again to make sure this was real, but settled for sending him longing looks across the schoolyard. Mid August we were struck by the worst heat wave Italy had seen in years. During lunch break the students stuck to the shadows if they even bothered to go outside. Most of them laid or sat on the floor in hopes of catching a bit of refreshing coolness. I got a horrible sunburn on my shoulders since I elected to ditch the white dress shirt that was part of the school uniform for a spagetti top. In fact nobody stuck to the dresscode anymore so the teachers gave up reprimanding us pretty quickly. 

Wearing sandals was pushing it apparently, so I got sent to detention after class. Mrs. Massoni was a young teacher and a really cool person, so she decided to take detention to the school yard. We were allowed to dip our feet in the school fountain and spend the extra hour lazing around while she read a cheesy romance novel in the shadow of a tree. From my spot on the rim of the basin at the feet of the fountain I had a great view over the entire schoolyard. The sun was burning down on us with punishing intensity so I and the only other person in detention, a girl who used her cellphone too obviously during class, decided to have some fun. We ditched our shoes, shot a glance at the teacher and then just let ourselves drop into the water. It wasn't enough to submerge myself in, but I still relished the feeling of cool water on my skin. We sat down under the spray and giggled at each other.

"Oh my god, this is amazing!" She giggled and splashed some water at me. 

"So nice," I sighed in agreement and splashed water at her in return.

It didn't even matter that my clothes were soggy and clung onto my skin, in fact it felt incredibly fucking good. 

"Hey you two, cut it out!" Mrs. Massoni called half-heartedly. "Your hour is almost up."

"Join us, Mrs. Massoni!" The girl called excitedly. "It feels great!"

"No thanks," she said and lifted her open book. "Get out of the fountain. This is hardly appropriate behaviour for two young ladies!"

We shot mischievous looks at each other before we burst out giggling. "No thanks!" We called in mocking unison. 

"You two-! Don't make me come over there!"

I laughed loudly and flopped backwards into the water, making it splash over the edge. Today I felt really great for the first time in ages and I wanted to enjoy it to the fullest. The girl tugged at my wet skirt suddenly.

"Yumi! Look!" She whispered loudly. 

I lifted my head and followed her gaze. Squalo and Xanxus were slowly walking across the yard. It looked like they hadn't spotted us yet. Both boys were still wearing their dress shirts and pants, but had their jackets slung over their shoulders. As always I instantly perked up when I spotted him. She threw me a grin and put a finger in front of her mouth. With her other hand she pushed down on my shoulder. I got her meaning and we ducked behind the rim of the fountain's basin as low as we could. When they were nearly within reach she grinned bright as the sun and gestured between them and the water. My eyes widened in excitement. Who was she and how could she be so fearless? 

"Let's splash them," she whispered and cupped some water in her hands. 

"Oh my god," I whispered back, but also gathered some water in my cupped hands. "They'll kill us."

"Then we just gotta run!" She said and set her eyes on the approaching boys. 

We waited with baited breaths as they approached. Suddenly she shot up and threw the water at them. I jumped up a second later and did the same. Squalo let out a loud roar and his sword clicked into place immediately to block the water with a rapid whirling motion. She let out a loud squeal and jumped out of the fountain, running immediately. The boys saw us and I let out a squeal before running after her, laughing madly. The other girl was shockingly fast even barefooted and I soon lost sight of her as she ran straight into the school. The tarmac was really freaking hot and I heard Mrs. Massoni shout after us. I didn't hear the boys at all, which should've been a warning. Shortly before I could make it into the building a strong pair of arms wrapped around my middle and lifted me up without warning. I let out a surprised scream that turned into a laugh when Squalo came running in my field of vision, looking absolutely furious and drenched. So I did get him after all! 

"Hahaha, noo! Let me down!" I gasped with laughter and tried to wriggle out of his grip. 

"VOOOOI! You shitty brats! What do you think you're doing?!"

"Providing some refreshment!" I giggled and poked my tongue out at him before I tried to crane my head back. "Hey! Let me down!"

Since my clothes were absolutely drenched the front of his shirt and pants had to be getting wet as well. 

"You're acting like a little kid," he said into my ear. 

"Well, it's super freaking hot and we had detention!" I argued with a grin, not actually bothered by the closeness. 

"Why did you have detention?" He asked after finally letting me down again. 

I turned around and grinned up at him. Xanxus looked unbothered by the heat and kind of regal, even though the front of his shirt was now soaked through. When our eyes met his face did a funny thing where it looked like he was trying hard not to smile. I was sure I'd never get enough of seeing the way his gaze softened when he looked at me. 

"Because I was wearing sandals," I said and winced at the way the tarmac burned the soles of my feet. "Ow ow ow! I changed my mind, pick me up again!"

"Idiot. Why did you run off without your shoes?" He sighed. 

"It was a spur of the moment thing," I said and hopped from foot to foot. "Come on! Please?"

"You have to learn from your mistakes."

"Oh no! Seriously?" I whined and glanced at Squalo, who looked annoyed. "What about you, huh?"

"VOI! After you splashed me? I think not!"

"Argh! You guys are evil! Evil!" I complained and glanced back at the fountain where our shoes still stood. 

It was a good distance. Chances were I'd get some really nasty blisters if I ran back. Then again, my feet were really starting to hurt just from hopping around in one spot. 

"Ow ow ow," I whined loudly and glanced at the building. "I'm totally getting second degree burns! Thanks a lot!"

"Idiot," Xanxus said again before he grabbed me and threw me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Eeeeh?" I squeaked and flushed bright red. "Hold on! M-my skirt's way too short for this!"

"Nobody's looking at that!" He growled in reply as he marched towards the fountain. 

I glared at Squalo, who walked behind him with a smirk. "This is your own fault, brat!"

"I was just trying to do you guys a favor!" I replied and began to pout. "So ungrateful!"

"Yeah right!" He snorted. 

"It'll dry in a minute!" I argued with him. "Doesn't the water feel nice on your skin?"

"The way cloth clings to my skin feels disgusting!" Squalo roared. 

"What?! Oh come on!" I rolled my eyes. "Just take your shirt off then, jeez!"

"Bet you'd like that, huh!"

"No way!" I retorted and narrowed my eyes at him. "Are you calling me a pervert, Squalo Superbia?!"

"You're certainly shameless! Playing around in water like that! And where's your dress shirt, huh?"

"I think you're the real pervert here! I'm only twelve!" I replied in mock offense.

"VROOOOOOI! Shut up you damn brat!" He roared, clearly incensed by my rebuttal. 

Xanxus' grip on the small of my back tightened. "If you guys don't quit being noisy..."

"Hey Xanxus, did you know your subordinate is a pervert?" I asked innocently and poked my tongue out at Squalo. 

"Yeah," he replied bluntly, which made him splutter in outrage. 

His dry delivery nearly killed me. I burst out laughing so hard I nearly choked when Squalo's cheeks grew faint pink. Oh, his comedic timing was on point. Xanxus put me down and I immediately went to put on my sandals. When I was done I sighed with relief and stood up, grinning at the boys. 

"That was fun," I said with a bright smile. "You guys are hilarious."

Xanxus glanced to the side with a bored, but faintly self-satisfied look while Squalo let out a huff and crossed his arms. 

"You're such a troublesome brat," he stated and glanced at his boss. "We've got to get going. Now."

"Whatever," Xanxus replied and shot me a look. 

I couldn't help but smile warmly at him. Even when he wasn't trying to he made my heart melt. I honestly missed this. Him. If only Nono let me come back to the mansion... There had to be a way to end this stupid exile. Xanxus seemed to think along the same lines, going by the glint of determination that entered his eyes before he looked away again. 

"Voi, boss."

"Shut up, trash," Xanxus growled and took a step away. 

"Oh well. See you," I muttered and glanced at the school building so I wouldn't have to watch them walk away. 

It was getting harder and harder to let him go. At this rate I was going to be in serious trouble when the time came. Their footsteps faded away and I closed my eyes briefly before I turned around as well and went inside. Even in the slightly cooler building my skin still felt overheated. I went up to my room and got changed, opting to let my hair dry on its own. 

 

When September rolled around the heat still hadn't let up. I was living purely off of scraps like a highlands goat, feeling content every time I managed to catch a glimpse of Xanxus. There was no interaction between us at all and it sucked. For that reason I grew closer with Dino and his group of friends over time. I'd already felt bad enough for acting like a lovesick fool so I resolved to at least not let my social life suffer and hung out with them. They often met up after classes as well to play games or just talk until late at night. Since they weren't stupid they caught on to the reason for my behaviour and teased me relentlessly, but gently about it. At first it was awkward since they assumed I was in love with Dino, but that cleared up pretty quickly when he poked fun at me as well. Now the subject of my pining became a guessing game to them. Even after two months no one had thought to mention the name Xanxus, which was pretty funny to me. They were a good lot as it turns out and fiercely loyal to Dino and each other. All of them were offshoots from various mid to to high caliber families, which you wouldn't be able to tell by looking at them. 

All in all I really couldn't complain too much. My life wasn't horrible or anything, far from it. In time my mood became better and the ache lessened. It really is fundamentally true that time heals all wounds. With more or less scarring, but they all heal. During my daily life I was distracted enough not to get to pine too much and eventually I didn't feel the need to anymore. In all honesty it caused me a little dismay since I wondered if it was that easy to stop missing Xanxus, what did that say about my feelings? I was getting better and feeling guilty about it. I know, I know. You may be asking yourself: Why is she making such a big deal out of this? She can go see Xanxus whenever she likes. It's not like he's dead so there's no reason to feel so much loss! Guess what, feelings aren't that simple. I still felt beholden to Nono and scared of what the punishment for disobeying him might be. I didn't want to endanger Xanxus' already tenuous relationship with the old man either, since he had the tendency to blame Xanxus alone even if something was partially my fault. I hoped that if I didn't make things worse, the Incident wouldn't be worse either. So I stayed away and moped and missed him quietly. I thought I was doing pretty well so far, all things considered. 

One evening, it was sometime past ten, I was lying in bed trying to sleep despite the heat covering the entire school like a blanket. Usually I preferred to sleep in a shirt and undies or pajama pants, but that day I decided to wear a knee lenght nightdress instead. It was made of pure aqua colored silk and had a hand stitched black lace trim around the bust. Silk actually has cooling properties so that's why I hoped it would help me sleep in this weather. Oh, and it was also a birthday gift I recieved from Xanxus this year. I had no doubt he designed it personally and had Suzette sew it together. Since it was such fine material I actually hadn't worn it since I recieved it, because I was worried I'd get it dirty (periods...) or that frequent washing would ruin the fabric. Okay, I'll be honest. I didn't just wear it because of the cooling properties of silk, but also because I missed Xanxus and the dress reminded me of him. Sleep just wouldn't come to me, so I tossed and turned while experimenting with how much cover I actually needed from my blanket. Then something smacked against my window. My brows twitched in confusion. The room was on the second floor of the school building. What could've made that tapping sound?! I laid frozen in bed, trying to figure out what that was, when it came again more insistenly. I pulled the cover up to my neck and stared at the drawn curtains. Suddenly the tapping turned into outright knocking and that was when I slid out of bed and snuck towards the window with baited breath. I swallowed, grabbed the curtains and pushed them apart. And staggered back when I saw Xanxus hovering there like some sort of vengeful apparition. A vengeful and decidedly annoyed looking apparition. I flushed in embarrassment and hurried to open it. 

"Wha-what are you doing here?! How are you doing that?!" I burst out once the window was open.

"Step aside," he growled. 

I did as he demanded and tried to see how he managed to hover mid-fucking-air while he climbed through the windowframe. A soft orange glow was my answer. It was gathered around his palms and dissipated once he was inside. I watched in astonishment as he dragged my desk chair over and promptly sat down on it, stretching out his legs in front of him. My mouth clicked shut and my cheeks flushed when he gave me a slow once over and I suddenly felt naked. 

"Uh, hi?"

"Is that the nightdress I made you?"

"Y-yeah. It's nice," I replied and winced internally. "Feels nice in the heat."

"Hn," he huffed and looked to the side. 

I swallowed and gathered my courage. "Why did you come here in the middle of the night?"

"I had to lose my watchdog first. It took fucking hours until that asshole was finally convinced I was asleep," Xanxus growled angrily. "I swear he enjoys bothering me."

A grin grew on my face. "Well, Squalo takes his job seriously. I'm sure he doesn't tell Nono anything, though."

"Hn, he better not."

We looked at each other in the gloom. A bright full moon outside lit up the room and painted it in a deep blue shade. My grin softened into a small smile and I let my shoulders sag. 

"I miss you," I said quietly. "Sorry. I must sound like a broken record."

Xanxus looked at me for a while before he answered. "I've told the old man repeatedly that what he's doing is stupid and pointless, but he won't listen to me."

The frustration was evident in his tone. I took a hesitant step towards him and then another, until I was pretty much standing between his legs. Now that he was here it was impossible to ignore the magnetic pull that drew me to him. I gathered my courage and wrapped my arms around his neck before burying my flushed face in his shoulder. He returned the gesture in kind and feeling his hands on my skin through the thin fabric of my nightdress sent a shiver down my back. 

"He keeps saying that it's not my call to make. I'm starting to think something's off," he said darkly. 

"What could it be?" I murmured.

"I don't know, but I have my suspicions."

A cold shiver ran down my back and I pulled back to look at his face. Somehow I didn't expect what this closeness would do to me though, so the sudden surge of nerves that swooped through my stomach rendered me momentarily speechless. I was in my room, wearing nothing but a silken nightdress with the boy I fancied. It's pretty pathetic that that was the furtherst I'd ever gotten with anybody. Xanxus, as always, managed to sweep these thoughts away with one single gesture. One of his hands came to rest at the back of my neck and he regarded me quietly before gently pressing his forehead against mine. My heart began to pound furiously at the way the fire in his eyes warmed me to the core and realizing that it wouldn't take much at all to kiss him. Oh god, I wanted to kiss him so badly. It must've shown on my face, everything always did, because his eyes darkened suddenly and dipped down to my mouth. I inhaled shakily when the arm he had around the middle of my back tightened suddenly and forced me closer. 

"Yumi," he growled and I shivered helplessly. "Do you have any idea- Fuck."

"I think I do," I replied shakily. "So.. please..."

There was no way to prepare for the way it felt to finally finally kiss him. Except as if the floor suddenly dropped out under my feet and sent me falling through time and space, as if my third eye suddenly opened, as if there was nothing real in this world except for the way our lips slid together in a soft slide. It was so soft, almost hesitant that I felt as if I was internally combusting. My eyes had closed on their own accord and it was perfect, just perfect. Clearly he'd done this before, knew just what to do to make me melt. And he wasn't even doing much, but that alone was so good I could've died happy right then. It was probably embarrassing, but I was already getting winded up from just this innocent kiss and when he suddenly slid his tongue along my lower lip I felt an electric shock go down the entire lenght of my spine. Of course I instantly opened my mouth and when his hot tongue met mine I felt my soul leave my body and ascend to heaven. My body was trembling and I was starting to feel light headed, but I'd rather die than let this moment end. Unfortunately he seemed to have other ideas and pulled back to let me breathe. Slowly I opened my eyes and stared dumbly at him, too shocked for words. Why did nobody warn me that this was going to be so fucking amazing?! Xanxus too looked sort of strained and out of it. His eyes were so dark and hungry that I felt a surge of excitement at the sight. My brain was fried, my body shivering uncontrollably and my lower parts without a goddamn doubt excited as hell. I just tried to shift my weight, but my knees felt like they were made of jello so it was a sort of aborted movement. 

"Holy shit," I whispered once my brain and tongue started working together again. "That was..."

"Fucking amazing."

"Yeah, god," I shivered at his hoarse voice and it was impossible to deny how horny I was, so I bit my lower lip and glanced at him from below my lashes. 

God dammit, but I needed more. Like right now. So I decided to take the initiative and willed my legs to work, lifting them over his so I was sitting on his lap. Xanxus inhaled sharply and I grinned wickedly. To my horror he tilted his head back and let out a long breath.

"No, Yumi." 

"What?! Why not?" I demanded and stared at him with a small confused frown. 

"I will not be accused of statutory rape."

"I'd never!" I exclaimed and leaned back in shock. 

"Even so," he replied slowly. "I don't need that right now, or ever."

On his conscience, he meant probably. I had no idea that he had an intact moral compass after all. It was hard not to feel disappointed and, I admit, kind of scorned. This is a personal failing of mine, but I have a vengeful streak and it came to the surface right then. So I decided to exact some revenge. 

"Oh, I get it," I murmured and glanced away before scooting back as far as I could and dropping my arms to my sides. "It's fine. You don't have to... I guess you just don't want me."

"What?" He said with a sudden frown. "The fuck are you on about?!"

His reaction mollified me, but I decided to take the act a little further just because I've always been a bit of a drama queen. I stared anywhere but at him and pressed my mouth in a flat line before I made to get up. Suddenly he grabbed onto both of my arms and forcefully pulled me back down on his lap and towards him. I went without protest and felt the breath leave me in a rush when I was suddenly sitting on a very impressive bulge. My eyes flew open in shock and I stared speechlessly at him. Xanxus' eyes narrowed dangerously. 

"What do you feel, Yumi?" He asked in a low tone. "Does that feel like I don't _fucking_ want you?"

"I- no," I whispered and swallowed hard before gaining my chutzpah back. "In fact that feels like something I want to know more about!"

I pushed down experimentally, abruptly reminded of that car ride, and felt instantly gratified by the way it made my nerves tingle. And then I did it again, because _holy god_ it felt so good. Xanxus glowered at me, but didn't tell me to stop. So I did what came naturally at the time and began to shamelessly grind down on him. I put my arms loosely around his shoulders and pressed my face to the side of his neck. He smelled so good, I can't even begin to tell you. Slowly I found a good ryhthm and peppered the side of his neck with light kisses. Xanxus grabbed a hold of my hips and guided me into movements that I assumed felt good to him. Getting off like this was taking forever and in my frustration I let out a needy little whine. The pleasure just kept winding up torturously slowly and it was killing me. 

"Xanxus, please," I whined, not at all above begging anymore. "I need you!"

"Fuck," he hissed and his fingers flexed. "Sh-shut up, god!"

It was the first time I ever heard him stutter and it pleased me, so teasingly licked a stripe up the side of his neck. He grabbed a hold of my neck and pulled me back before he assaulted my lips with a hungry kiss. I felt like a human lava cake, for a lack of a better description, all hot and melty inside. The way he kissed was overwhelming in its intensity and reduced my brain to a frazzled mess. I couldn't help but moan into the kiss and he pulled me even closer as if he was trying to meld us together. The way our tongues slid together sent a wave of uncontrollable shivers down my spine and made my stomach swoop. My heart was pounding against my ribs and I felt completely boneless. Every time we pulled apart briefly to breathe I immediately felt drawn back to his mouth as if we were two magnets colliding. It was insane how good it felt and how it kept turning me on until ever slight movement made my nerves twitch and tingle. His pupils nearly swallowed the red of his eyes and I felt his dick twitch below me every time I moaned. 

"God, Xanxus, I need..," I gasped out in between ragged breaths, "I need you.. please... Let me do something.. Can I... Can I suck your dick?"

"You.. you're some sort of demon sent to test my resolve," he said hoarsely and stared as if he'd never seen me before. 

"Huh? What are you saying?" I was unable to look away from his mouth and it was so distracting I barely heard what he said. 

His hand slid up my back, which made gooseflesh rise on my arms and tilted my chin up with his other hand so I had to look him in the eyes. Slowly he dragged his thumb over my swollen mouth. 

"A succubus," he murmured with his half-lidded gaze stuck on my lips. 

My tongue flicked out against his thumb before I closed my lips around it and sucked until it hollowed my cheeks. For a moment I felt his breathing stop. Truth to be told I had no idea what I was doing due to my lack of experience, but going by his absolutely shocked expression it must've been something right. I teased his thumb with the tip of my tongue before slowly pulling back. With a smug grin I licked my lips and watched him sit there in stunned silence. 

"Let me blow you. It's technically not sex," I murmured. 

"You are the _devil_ ," he exclaimed hoarsely and leaned back in the chair. 

"This can't be comfortable, surely?" I asked and ground down on his bulge. 

Xanxus rubbed a hand over his eyes before he sent me a dark look. "It's not. My dick's chafing against these fucking pants."

"So get out of them?" I proposed with a teasing grin. 

"No."

"Aw you're really determined, huh?" I sighed. 

"Fuck," he muttered and shot an exasperated look at the ceiling. "Look, Yumi. You're twelve."

"Almost thirteen," I objected stubbornly. 

"The point is," he growled and pulled me close until our lips were almost touching. "You're a minor."

"So are you until next month," I murmured stubbornly. 

"Don't."

"Do you want me to beg?" I whispered against his lips. "Because I will if you want me to."

"What I want," he growled and grabbed me by the upper arms. "Is to fuck you until you forget your own name! Right now on that goddamn bed!"

"But?"

"But I won't," he growled and pushed me back. "Believe me, though. The fucking _minute_ you turn eighteen I'm going to."

"What? You're seriously gonna make me wait five more years?!" I whined. "Xanxus, no! That's not fair! I'm gonna die of frustration!"

He grit his teeth and stared fiercely at me until I let out a long sigh. Alright. It was time to stop acting like a brat when he tried so hard to do the right thing. Even though it was highly frustrating and I still felt the burning need to get off I could admit that I was secretly proud of him, too. For surpassing my expectations yet again and being a fucking superb human being. 

"What's with that look?" He asked and narrowed his eyes.

Smiling warmly I took his left hand and guided it towards my face. He got the hint and cupped my jaw. Both of my hands encircled his lower arm and I leaned my head into his palm. His frown smoothened out when I slowly rubbed my head my head against his hand. 

"It's alright. You can fuck me whenever and however you want. I won't say no," I murmured looking deep into his eyes, unable to stop the love pouring out of my heart. "I just want to make you happy."

"Shit," he murmured and sucked in a harsh breath before he gave me an almost startled, almost awestruck look. "Why me?"

"Why not?" I murmured back. "You're all I think about."

His eyebrows twitched as his eyes flicked between mine. A muscle in his jaw worked. Okay so maybe I shouldn't have said that. It certainly killed the mood. Was I giving away too much? I glanced at him from beneath my lashes and smiled hesitantly. 

"Sorry, I-"

"You apologize too much," he growled and suddenly pulled me close. 

My eyes flew open when he crushed our mouths together in a hungry kiss and the heat and tension slammed back into me like a truck. His hands ghosted over my shoulders and up to my face before they sunk back down and around my back. Soon enough I was back to holding on for dear life and moaning softly whenever his fingers dipped past the hem of my nightdress, only to pull back quickly. It was like he could just barely stop himself from going further and it was turning me on so much. All this waiting and teasing had taken its toll on me so it didn't take much longer until I felt my climax approaching. It always made me dumb and shameless so I let my head fall back and panted harshly. My toes were curling as it rose inside me like a tide. 

"Mnh! Yes come on," I panted and ground down on him. 

"My god," he muttered quietly when I came, shivering all over and throwing my head from side to side. 

It was so good, let me tell you. Feeling exhausted and satisfied beyond belief I rested my forehead against his shoulder and felt him come when he tensed all over and groaned quietly. His hands slid down to my lower back and he was breathing heavily. 

"This is the second time you've made me come in my pants," he grumbled. 

"Yeah," I sighed. "Such a waste."

"Shut up, you!" He said and pinched my side. 

"Ow!" I winced weakly and turned my head to the side to look at him. 

Xanxus pushed my hair behind my ear and leaned in real close. "Start taking the pill when you're older. I fucking hate wearing condoms."

"Oh," I muttered and felt my face flush. "That's alright."

"What is?" He growled. 

Having him do that right next to my ear sent a shiver down my spine and I hid a wicked grin in the skin of his neck. 

"I wanna have your babies," I whispered just loud enough for him to hear.

I was honestly a little surprised by myself right then. For both having the balls to admit that and the _utter idiocy_. After saying that out loud I already didn't know what the thought process behind it was anymore. Something something teasing him? Well it fucking didn't come out right at all. Xanxus tensed and I heard him inhale sharply. What kind of fucking idiot just says something like that? Ugh. Post orgasm me was a dumb bitch. I had to do some damage control and quickly. 

"Too soon?" I asked and let out a resigned sigh. "I shouldn't have said that. Sorry."

"Are you trying to kill me?" He asked in a strained voice. "Jesus christ, Yumi."

"Don't be mad," I murmured and mouthed at the skin of his neck. 

"You can't just _say_ stuff like that," he complained softly. "Do you expect me to just shrug it off?"

"Maybe?" I asked and leaned back so I could get a proper look at his face. 

God, the look in his eyes. It sent shivers down my back and made my heart clench with a sudden surge of overwhelming emotion. Yes yes yes. It was all I could think. Just yes. Just him. So much. Forever. It was so strong it made my eyes water. Slowly and softly his lips brushed against mine with a feather light touch. My eyes drifted closed on their own accord. This was heaven. It had to be. His arms slowly wound around me and pulled me in. I put my arms around his neck again and sunk against his chest, deepening the kiss. This was the one thing I'd never regret. No matter what happened. No matter what the future had in store for us, this moment would be ours forever.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oooooooooo boy, it's been a while, hasn't it? Originally I'd wanted to finish this story up before the new year, but guess that didn't happen. >_>"
> 
> I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everybody who supported this story with their kind words and encouragement! Your support has meant a lot to me <3
> 
> This is the last chapter of the story proper. There will be a small epilogue and then we're done! :o

It may sound weird, but after finally getting to kiss Xanxus I suddenly didn't know how to act around him anymore. It was probably for the best that I didn't see him afterwards. On one hand I was desperate for a repeat of that evening, on the other I was deathly afraid of embarrassing myself in front of him now by letting it show how desperate I was. There was no doubt in my mind that I wouldn't be able to keep my feelings off my face anymore if I saw him again. Anybody who looked at me then would be bound to realize. Don't be fooled though, despite my worries I was floating on cloud nine. This love that I felt was something great and beautiful unlike anything I'd ever felt before. It went soul deep and knowing myself I'd never be able to feel anything like that for anybody else. Xanxus was everything I wanted and more. The fact that he apparently felt the same was absolutely mind-blowing. You have to understand how utterly stunning this was. Me? With all my numerous flaws and insecurities? Being loved?! By somebody like him? I knew exactly how far he was from good and yet he was perfect to me. For me it simply was a completely novel concept to love and be loved in return, sad as it may sound. For this man I'd be able to wait forever if I had to. I could barely function so caught up in my own happiness was I. 

At the beginning of October a letter bearing the Vongola seal arrived in the Chiavarone mansion, politely addressed to all of us. It was a formal invitation to Xanxus' eighteenth birthday party. Despite him hating it a coming of age party had to be a must, especially for a member of the Vongola family. The idea of returning to the mansion now was bittersweet. On one hand I had so many fond memories of that place, on the other I wouldn't be allowed to stay and that sucked. The fact that I, a member of that family, recieved such a polite and impersonal invitation in the first place sort of hurt. I hadn't spoken to Nono in months. While I was still mad and disappointed in the old man I couldn't deny that I liked him and came to see him as a grandfatherly figure. Amidst all my mental grumbling dropped an icy, dreadful thought. What if it happened then? On that day? While I was there?! What was I supposed to do? What could I do? At this point my influence over Xanxus was slightly more than at the beginning, but I was under no illusion that I could stand up to his wrath. Not even I was immune to that raging fire. What if it didn't happen then, though? The thought was a relief and I exhaled slowly. If Dino and his family came that had to mean it wouldn't happen, right? Since Dino lived to meet Tsuna years down the road. What if he'd pick another day to be curious? Maybe things would turn out slightly more okay than expected. I just had to keep hoping for the best. 

On the fifth of October Squalo found me in my room and came in without knocking.

"Hey!" I said and scrambled off the floor, where I'd been doing my homework. "Knock before you enter!"

"VOI! Get up, you're being summoned!"

"What? By who?" I said as I slipped on my jacket. 

"The boss wants to see you."

"Eh?"

Squalo glanced to the side. "Officially it's the tailor who called for you."

"Oh!" I said happily and slipped on my shoes.

So I was getting another dress made for the occasion? A grin grew on my face as I tugged my hair out of the jacket and followed him outside. It was weird though, so I had to ask.

"So the great and important ban has been lifted?" I asked with a teasing grin.

"VOI! You sound as if it was my idea!" He complained loudly and roughly shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "And no. It's just for the party. Big boss knows that Xanxus is good at that stuff. He's being lenient since his big day is coming up."

"Wow, you sound so bitter. Do you want a handmade dress, too?" I asked lightly and evaded a pinch to the side.

"VOOOOI! Shut up!" Squalo yelled and tried to pinch me again. 

"Aaah!" I squeaked and jumped away. "You're so mean! This is why you're still single!"

"VRRROOOOOOOIII!"

I laughed openly at him and kept my distance while he fumed. It was only a short walk down the driveway where the limousine was parked. The silver haired teen huffed and crossed his arms while I climbed inside the woefully empty car. I smiled and waved at Squalo, who only looked on with a grumpy expression. When we arrived at the mansion I felt my heart pick up speed as I stared at the familiar front. After knocking on the door it took a few beats until one of the butlers opened. When he saw me his brows rose slightly in surprise. I beamed at him.

"Hi!"

"Welcome back," he replied politely. 

With a final grin I went to look for Suzette and Xanxus. My instincts were correct, as the two of them were brooding over something in the livingroom. Suzette had her huge suitcase full of sewing supplies on the couch table and her own foldable table set up with a ton of fabric samples. I watched them for a minute, smiling to myself.

"Hi," I finally said loudly. 

Both of them looked up and turned around. I smiled brilliantly and walked slowly towards them. Suzette returned the smile with a small one of her own while Xanxus' eyes softened. 

"Hi," I said again and looked up at him fondly. "You're hard at work, I see."

"This dress has to be finished in five days, after all," Suzette stated flatly and shot Xanxus a look. "I do hope this won't be a common occurence in the future! Some warning would be appreciated next time!"

"Whatever," he grunted and glanced away. 

I grinned and tried to get a look at her sketchbook. "Can I see it?"

Xanxus stepped to the side and I walked up to the table to inspect their design. It was beautiful, frankly put. A little sexy too, but I wasn't about to complain. Another very low collar this time in a submarine cut. The lovely little details caught my eye and it was as if I discovered something new every time I went over the whole thing.

"Ohh this is amazing," I breathed, fascinated by the picture. "What color will it be?"

"A warm orange," Suzette supplied with a glance at Xanxus. "What did you say they call it these days?"

"Blood orange," he muttered mulishly. 

"Sounds good!" I said with a smile. "I can't wait to see it once it's finished!" 

"Oh, I've already made the base layer," Suzette said. "Since I got a call first thing this morning, saying "Suzette, you need to make another dress!" before I even had my morning tea!"

I glanced up at Xanxus, who very pointedly wasn't looking at anyone. Suzette let out a huff and went over to another black body bag and unzipped it. Curiously I wandered over and looked at the nice warm orange color.

"So how is this the base layer?"

"It's also called an underdress," Suzette explained. "The fabic he picked is very thin so I thought this would be a good idea."

"Very thin, huh," I said and shot him a look over my shoulder. 

Xanxus turned away and began to inspect the fabrics on the table. He looked nice today. Wearing his usual black dress pants and a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. I couldn't help but notice that he, while already in posession of a godlike physique, had started to fill in these broad shoulders really nicely. Suzette let out a loud cough and I quickly looked back at her while my cheeks grew warm.

"As I was saying!" She exclaimed with raised brows. "You need to try this on to make sure the measurements fit! After all you're still growing!"

"Oh, sure," I replied and shrugged off my jacket.

I dropped it on the couch and undid the laces of my shoes. Next I shucked off my jeans and pulled my shirt over my head. Suzette clicked her tongue sharply, making me freeze. 

"Avert your eyes, boy!" She barked and stared fiercely at something over my left shoulder. 

I let out a soft snort and dumped the shirt on the couch as well. The elderly tailor helped me into the underdress, which was extremely light and thin. It reminded me of a nightshirt of sorts. It was absolutely plain and had a straight cut that hung off my frame like a potato sack. I stared at myself in the mirror and felt my left eye twitch involuntarily. 

"Umm..."

"It's not finished of course!" She barked, making me jump. "I said it was a raw design! I will get your measurements and then tighten it accordingly!"

"S-sure," I said and quickly stepped off the stool. 

Suzette pulled out her measuring tape and did her thing while I heard Xanxus shuffle around behind us somewhere. Why he didn't leave when he was no longer needed was anyone's guess. Not that I minded him seeing me like this. Let him know what he chose to miss out on, I thought vindictively and grinned to myself. Finally she let out a triumphant huff and stood up.

"Finished. You haven't grown all that much. Are you eating enough?"

"Uh, I'm sure I do," I replied quickly and wilted under her judgemental stare. 

It was amazingly true. In this body I could eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. It was a miracle, truly. The fact that I wasn't growing up to my old height didn't really bother me. If it was true that Blue was half Asian as I so boldly decided then it was to be expected. The fact that my boobs weren't growing back to their old size as of yet was far more worrying. Even more worrying than that was the case of glinting needles she procured suddenly. I swallowed hard and took a step back when she glanced at me. 

"Uhh? What are those?"

"Sewing pins," she replied. "I'll fix the fabric in place where I need to cut off the cloth."

"While I'm wearing it?!"

"Of course!" She replied and took a step towards me. "Are you afraid of needles?!"

"No!" I replied quickly. "I just don't want them in me!"

"Thank you, Suzette. I'll take it from here," Xanxus cut in smoothly and appeared at my side. 

"What?" The elderly tailor glanced up at him with a frown. "You?"

"Yes," he replied confidently. "I'll have you called once it's done."

The elderly tailor glanced between us with a frown. "I don't like letting someone else do my work!"

"Stay if you have to," he replied with a shrug and snatched the needle case out of her hand. "There are plenty of chairs to rest on."

"Watch it, boy. I'm far from too old for this!" She snapped and whacked the highest point she could reach, which was his lower arm.

I held my breath, but he merely let out a huff and looked at me critically. Suzette grumbled under her breath, but gave us some space when she went to sit on the couch and promptly turned on the tv. Red Roses was on. My lips twitched. Xanxus glanced at the needles and frowned in concentration as he picked some out. Ah, I'd finally get to see him in his element. He pinched the cloth on the right side of my hip and I froze as he stabbed three needles through the cloth with practiced ease. He glanced up once and raised a brow at me. 

"Um, sorry," I murmured and felt my face flush. 

"Trust me," he murmured and returned his attention to his work. 

And I did. Of course. My eyes wandered over to the tv and I followed the action as his hands ghosted over various parts of my body while he worked. The show didn't hold my attention nearly as much as he. A small frown of concentration was on his face and his eyes were absolutely focused on the fabric, which he treated so gingerly as if it would rip. Slowly but surely the sack-like underdress was taking on shape. Occasionally he went back and pulled out the needles to redo his work when it no longer fit smoothly. I took a great deal of enjoyment in feeling his light touches brushing along my back or legs. Sometimes I got the feeling it wasn't an accidental move, but his expression gave nothing away. Finally I felt him pull at the cloth on the left side of my ribcage and fold it until I felt like I was actually wearing a dress that fit. A shiver ran down my back when I felt his breath on the back of my neck. 

"She's right. You should eat more. I can feel your ribs," he murmured and brushed the tips of his fingers over my left side. 

"I-If you say so," I whispered and kept my eyes trained on the tv.

He must've taken a step closer since I could suddenly feel his body heat warming my back. With the needles now in place he grabbed a hold of my hair and gently twisted it up into a makeshift bun. I held my breath and felt my jaw drop in disbelief. 

"Don't tell me you know about hairdressing, too!" I muttered incredulously. 

"I don't," he replied easily. "You should still pull you hair up when you wear the dress. It will look better. There will be more focus on your neck and jawline."

"That's good?" I asked and shivered when the tips of his warm fingers lightly brushed up the left side of my neck.

"Mh."

This was torture. He let go of my hair and placed his hands on my hips. That damn stool I stood on was really tiny and round. 

"Turn around," he commanded in a low voice.

I tried to obey and gingerly began to shuffle around, somewhat reassured by the weight of his hands on my hips. Even standing on that thing I was still not on the same height as him. I smiled after making the turn. Xanxus let go of my hips and tilted my chin up.

"I'm getting all sorts of ideas," he commented idly as his eyes wandered over me. "Spread your arms."

"That so?" I replied with a small smirk and did as he asked.

"For the dress," he added quickly and flashed me a look. 

"Of course," I replied innocently and fluttered my lashes at him, which made the corners of his mouth twitch. 

"Keep your spine straight," he said softly before he took a half step back and observed his work. 

A grin tugged at my lips. He looked far too satisfied with himself. A loud tsk made both of our heads snap up. Suzette had come over and observed the dress with a critical expression. Xanxus put another step of space between us and I could've sworn he was trying hard not to look eager for her judgement. 

"Solid work, as always," she commented after circling around me once. "You can go now, boy."

"Fine," he huffed and turned to leave. 

I watched him go feeling only mildly regretful until Suzette commanded my attention by helping me get out of the dress without accidentally stabbing myself. Once it was done she held it up and gave it a quick once over to make sure everything remained in place. As she began to put her stuff away I got dressed and watched her.

"So how long have you known Xanxus?" I asked.

"Ever since he joined the household as a wide-eyed little thing, putting on a brave front while trying hard not to let it show how terrified he was to be seperated from his mother."

A stab of sympathy went through me and I leaned against the backrest of the couch as she began to stow her fabrics away. The elderly tailor zipped up a compartment of her bag before she spoke again.

"I met him when Timoteo had me come here to design his first suit. He seemed interested in the work, so I taught him some of my knowledge. What do you know, the next time I came he showed me drawings of his own designs. They were good, signorina. Really good. Far above the level of what a nine year old should be able to do. I still have them pinned up in my workshop." 

Suzette sounded very fond as she recalled those memories. A warm glow spread through my chest and I smiled softly trying to imagine a tiny Xanxus poring over a sketchbook. She shot me a look before she put her needle case into that enormous brown leather bag as well. 

"He's always had a preference for opulence. Heavy dark fabrics, gold and silver everywhere. Recently though his designs have become a lot lighter and a lot more intricate. Xanxus is a real perfectionist, that's why I always make sure to personally take his orders. Otherwise he'll bully my assistants into crying or quitting. It's so hard to find good help these days," she grumbled. 

I winced in sympathy. "That must be really stressful."

"Che!" She exclaimed and stared intently at me. "Those dresses he has me make for you just about take the cake. I barely finished the last one in time and that's saying something!"

"I believe you," I replied soothingly. "They're extraordinarily beautiful. I do appreciate your hard work, Suzette."

"That boy," Suzette grumbled and began to fold up her table. "He's not very good at expressing himself, is he."

"No," I agreed with a small laugh. "It's alright, though. Actions speak louder than words."

Suzette turned around and stared hard at me. I swallowed and straightened up automatically. "Signorina, I don't think you realize just how much he loves you."

Heat shot into my face instantly and my eyes flew open in shock. "Wh-what?"

Suzette huffed and put the folding table into her bag as well. "It's plain to see. I first realized it when he showed me the design for your Christmas dress. You don't come up with something like that on the spot. He must've spent a long time observing you in order to come up with something that was truly meant to make you shine."

My jaw dropped and I was at an absolute loss for words. That.. made sense? My heart was pounding and my insides were acting funny as I was overwelmed again by how much he meant to me. Suzette looked at me for a little longer until she nodded to herself. 

"Che. I've would've been done with this in less than five minutes," she muttered as she zipped up her bag. "He sure was taking his sweet time."

"U-um, yeah," I laughed awkwardly and blushed harder. 

"Be careful, signorina," she muttered without looking at me. "Do not break that boy's heart."

"I won't," I promised with a broad smile. "Don't worry Suzette."

The door to the livingroom opened as a butler came inside to pick up the old tailor's bag. She swatted at him when its contents clinked together and he winced, hefting it more carefully. She picked up the body bag herself and slung it over her shoulder. 

"Then we're done here. I'll bring the finished dress over here on the morning of the party. Make sure your fingers are clean when you try it on!"

"Yes, thank you!" I replied with a small laugh.

My cheeks had to be still quite red, but I didn't mind. Happiness flooded me and I felt like I was walking on clouds. After she left I glanced at the tv and around the all too familiar livingroom. Nothing had changed since I was gone. It was, I thought with a sense of discomfort, as if I'd never been there at all. Did my presence truly change nothing? Or maybe just nothing in this mansion. It always felt like this place was utterly unshakable by either time or its inhabitants. Was that how Giotto intended it? My eyes landed on the dark brown couch table. It was solid heavy wood with a beautiful dark pattern painted on the surface. On closer inspection it had some scuff marks on the side closest to Xanxus' chair, likely because he always rested his feet on the table. For some reason I felt weirdly nostalgic as my mood settled into something calmer. I liked this house. It was the simple truth. It was familiar now and while the Chiavarone's place was nice and homey, this place was where I wanted to be. I sat down on the couch and sunk into the plush upholstery, feeling myself spiraling down into another fit of melancholy. There was a polite knock on the door before Amanda came in. I sat up straight and grinned brightly.

"Hi!"

"Signorina!" She exclaimed with a warm smile. "It's good to see you again. How have you been?"

"Good, I've been good," I said and realized with a smile that it was true. 

"I'm glad to hear that. Now, if you don't mind, I've been sent to tell you that master Xanxus expects you in the ballroom."

"Thank you," I said and stood up. 

Amanda gave me a warm smile and nodded curtly before she left again. I made my way across the foyer and up the stairs feeling weirdly content. As soon as I slipped into the huge now empty ballroom I was ambushed and wrapped up in an unexpected hug. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around him in return. He exhaled slowly before he let go. When I glanced up at him he looked calm. Not his usual brand of disinterested boredom. Simply calm. It did funny things to my insides and softened my smile. 

"Do you know how to dance?" He asked.

"No," I replied slowly. 

"Figures," he grunted and put his hand on my back, pushing me forward gently. 

It was one of those things I never seriously considered might be important in the future, hence why I didn't bother to take dancing lessons as a teen. It looked like that was about to change now. My brows rose in amusement when he led me to the middle of the room and turned to face me. 

"Is there anything you're not good at?" I asked with a small grin. 

"No," he replied with a huff, but there was a twinkle in his eyes. "One style of dance should suffice for that party. We don't have a lot of time, so I'll show you a Viennese waltz."

"Okay that's great, but why?" I asked hesitantly. 

"Is it not obvious?" He asked and pulled a small black remote out of his pocket. 

After he pressed a few buttons there was a click and one of the wooden panels in the left wall pulled up, revealing a CD player integrated into the wall. If memory served me correctly on Vongola rites and customs, then a future generation Don normally opened the dancefloor at their coming of age party with the first dance with a partner of his or her choice. Officially it didn't mean anything, but there was lots of meaning associated with the choice. I swallowed and glanced away when my cheeks began to feel hot. 

"Come on, focus," he said softly and placed his hand on the dip of my waist. 

"S-sure," I replied without looking at him. "Sorry in advance for stepping on your feet, cause that's gonna happen."

"Don't worry about it," he replied and set the music to a vaguely familiar classical tune. "Now, just follow my lead until you get a feel for the rhythm."

I huffed out a laugh and placed my right hand in his left. This was gonna be awful, I just knew it. 

"Chin up."

I looked up at him and felt my lips twitch. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

By his look I could tell that only his dignity kept him from rolling his eyes. Instead he squeezed my hand and began to move slowly. I instantly glanced down and tried to follow his steps while frantically trying to avoid stepping on his feet, because the embarrassment might actually kill me. Eventually -it took a good while- I thought I got it and managed to keep a smoother pace. 

"Stop looking at your feet," he said. 

"I'll try," I replied and promptly winced when I felt my foot step on the tip of his shoe. "Oh no! I'm so sorry!"

Xanxus stared at me and slowly raised a brow. My face reddened instantly and I craved death. 

"Don't make me repeat myself. I said it's fine."

"Uh, okay..."

It was hard to tell how much time had passed until I finally felt somewhat more competent at this whole dancing business. He nodded and then pushed the repeat button via remote. 

"Now, let's do the whole piece," he said and I nodded with determination.

In my head I'd been counting my steps and focusing on him in order to catch my cues when I was supposed to move. This time he went slightly faster and I grit my teeth, trying my damnedest to keep up. When the song was over I exhaled with relief and grinned up at him.

"I actually did it!" 

"Congratulations."

"Um, just.. You don't actually expect me to dance at your party, right?"

His brows twitched in confusion. "Why else did you think I'm teaching you?"

"Oh no, I really can't..! Not in front of all those people," I said and swallowed nervously. "What if I misstep? They'll laugh at me.."

"Nobody is going to laugh at you," he growled. "We're going to show that meddling old man where he can shove his plans for you!"

"Oh," I said and blushed. "You really want to..?"

"Of course," he replied softly and pulled me closer. "Knowing him there will be plenty of girls from other families. It'll be annoying otherwise."

"Annoying, huh? What if there's one you like?" I muttered half-seriously. 

"There is one," he replied and tilted my chin up. "Only one."

My heart jumped in my chest when he bent down and kissed me softly. How could this be? How could I be so lucky? I almost felt like I didn't deserve this kind of joy. My eyes closed and I responded in kind. Both of his hands framed my face and I clutched his shirt at first before I remembered that he valued his clothes and then I simply wound my arms around his middle. I felt his lips quirk against my mouth before he ran the tip of his tongue over my lower lip. Ah, not so innocent then. Our kiss became heated when our tongues slid together and, if by some unfortunate happenstance I was gunned down right then, I'd be able to die a happy woman. 

 

On the morning of the day of Xanxus' birthday I woke up slowly and feeling deeply rested. There was nothing better than sleeping in your own bed. Not to say that my bed in the Chiavarone's house was bad or anything, I'd just gotten used to this one. When I glanced at the clock and found that it was five past nine I nearly jumped out of bed. Suzette must be waiting! Consequences for being late for the dress fitting would be dire, I was sure. True enough, once I arrived downstairs I found her waiting in the livingroom with a displeased expression. I swallowed and smiled warily.

"Good morning."

"About time!" She barked and unzipped the body bag she'd deposited on her table. "Hurry and get undressed!"

This was about the least sexy way I ever expected to hear those words. Suppressing a snicker I did as she asked and held my breath when she withdrew the dress from the bag. It was amazing. So many lovely little details, the way the small pearls and paillettes glittered when the light hit them.. There was no time to be starstruck however and I quickly slipped into it. Suzette zipped up the back and I stepped quickly onto her little stool, spreading my arms out to the sides since I now knew what was expected of me. 

"Hmph," she grunted and tugged here and there. 

I glanced at my reflection and couldn't help but smile hugely. Incredible. Everything about it was almost too beautiful for words, just like the rush of warmth and affection that surged through me. You know that feeling when you finally find a pair of jeans in the store that fits perfectly? It was like that, but about a hundred times stronger. This was a beautiful piece of clothing made just for me and I still couldn't believe how incredible it was. The cloth was indeed pretty thin and there were filigrane looking extensions at the sleeves that puffed out slightly. Looking closer I spotted an almost imperceptible flower pattern. The boat neckline had a sort of sleeve that turned into a knot that looked like a rose at the lowest point. 

"Try to walk in it so I can see if it hinders movement," Suzette commanded. 

I stepped off the stool and did as she asked. The skirt brushed against my legs, which were almost clearly visible under the fabric. My my, somebody was thirsty. Suzette's raised brows betrayed her thoughts and she crossed her arms in front of her chest. 

"I don't know what he was thinking with this one," she grumbled to herself. 

I did, but I'd rather chop off my arm than to tell her. The fact that the dress didn't have a vent at the side to show some leg was just about all. It was definitely not designed for subtlety. 

"Fine fine, we're done here," Suzette called and clapped her hands. 

"Right," I said and let her unzip the back. 

From then on out I tried to stay out of the thick of it. As before the Christmas party the house was bursting with activity. No expenses were spared for this one, I could already tell. Xanxus was nowhere to be found, which spoke volumes about what he thought about the whole thing. Since I had nothing else to do I went to the kitchen and fixed myself some breakfast while staying out of the way of the stressed looking cook. Amanda came in at some point to tell him that the birthday boy would likely want steak and only steak, which nearly reduced the cook to tears, and I sensed a chance to get away. 

"Morning Amanda," I said, which made her look over with a smile.

"Good morning signorina."

"Have you seen Xanxus?"

"Not yet. I figure the young master is in his room. Sleeping," she said with a wry glance at the clock. 

It was ten past ten in the morning. What better way to avoid the hubub than to sleep in. I grinned. I had no birthday present for him until I did all of a sudden. So I went up to his room and noticed that there were thankfully no recent blood stains on the carpet. Without knocking I pushed down the door handle and let myself in. True enough, I saw a tuft of spiky black hair sticking out of either a mountain of covers or just one obscenely thick one, it was hard to tell. As quietly as I could I locked the door behind me and snuck over to the bed. Both his pillow and covers were white, to my surprise. I'd expected black or red from him. He was lying on his back and beathing evenly. For a moment I paused and just looked. It made my heart swell three sizes just to watch him sleep for crying out loud. Yeah, I was a goner. With a mischievous grin I slipped out of my jeans and dumped them on the floor. Then I pulled off my sweater. Now only wearing a white spagetti top and panties while shivering in the cold I slowly lifted the covers at his feet. My heart started to pound but I was determined to go through with my plan. When the air hit his feet I saw him stir and quickly crawled under the cover. Then I shimmied my way up his body until my head poked out of the top of the cover again. One red eye stared blearily at me. I grinned wildly, hair mussed up and leaned down to kiss him. 

"Happy birthday," I said after pulling back.

Both eyes blinked slowly at me now. Guess somebody wasn't a morning person. He didn't look mad, though. One heavy arm draped itself over my back rather uncoordinately. 

"Mh," he hummed and licked his lips. "What time's it?"

"Thirty past ten," I replied easily.

Holding myself up over him on my arms got tiring so I dropped to my elbows. So far his reaction was a bit underwhelming in my opinion, so I decided to up the ante. There were things I'd like to do right then, but as a responsible adult I chose to respect his boundaries. Instead I decided to take it slow and kissed him until his lips parted slightly, then I let my tongue dip into his mouth. The taste wasn't really great, but I ignored it and teased his tongue until I felt it respond eagerly. I glanced at him from beneath my lashes and felt a little self-satisfied at the way the black of his pupils nearly swallowed the red of his irises. He grabbed the back of my neck with one hand and wound the other around my back as he deepened the kiss into something hot and devouring. It was silly, but it felt like he was trying to eat my lips or something. His tongue plunged into my mouth without hesitation, which really shocked me. I mean. He'd looked sleepy a second ago, but now he was wide awake and staring at me with a glint in his eyes. Almost absently I noticed that I began to feel increasingly aroused. When he pulled back I breathed in deeply and exhaled with a sigh. 

"Fuck me."

"No."

"Dammit," I groaned and let my head drop on the pillow besides his. "Happy birthday, you ass."

"Heh," he snorted in amusement. "That was an acceptable gift."

"Acceptable?" I lifted my head and stared at him in outrage. 

He grinned. "It wasn't bad."

"You...," I muttered and narrowed my eyes. 

Three sharp knocks on the door made both of us freeze. His grip on my back tightened and then he spun us around so I was lying on my back and he was on top of me. He tugged the cover up to his neck so I couldn't see a thing. His weight was damn near crushing, too. I heard the doorhandle rattle, but thankfully I'd locked the door. That was a smart move. I mentally congratulated myself.

"Master Xanxus!" I heard Amanda call. "It's time to get up!"

"Whatever," Xanxus called back. 

"Since when do you lock your door?"

"None of your business."

"Please come downstairs as soon as you can," she called. 

I snorted. That exchange reminded me strikingly of me and my mother. I had no idea those two were that close. Once he was sure she'd gone he pushed himself up on his elbows and glared at me. I grinned up at him. 

"That was too close," he growled. 

"I planned for this eventuality," I replied. 

"What if she heard you talk?" He asked tensely. "This can't happen again!"

"You're panicking," I said gently and ran my hands up his arms. 

"Yeah, and why not?" He demanded. "The old man sent you away for far less! If he gets wind of this...!"

"He won't," I replied soothingly. 

"I won't let him do anything," he said and narrowed his eyes with steely determination. 

He was obviously caught up in some sort of horror scenario, so I started feeling kind of bad and wound my arms around his neck. I leaned up and kissed him.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to do something nice for you," I muttered. 

He exhaled loudly and leaned forwards until our foreheads were touching. My heart felt too big for my chest and the force of my feelings was hotly crawling up my throat. 

"Hey. Let me say it," I murmured and closed my eyes.

"Why?" He asked. "Those words are overrated. One look at your face and it's obvious."

"Oh," I mumbled and blushed. 

"Just as obvious as what the answer is going to be."

I opened my eyes and gave him a wobbly smile. "Well, I want to say it anyway."

"Hn," he huffed and smiled. 

Not a smirk, not a grin. A real smile. Had I been standing it would've bowled me over. It was rarer than a fist sized diamond and far more precious. My heart was thumping and my eyes were growing wet. 

"Xanxus, I-!"

"Shh," he said and clapped a hand over my mouth. "Tell me tonight."

I closed my eyes so he wouldn't see the fear that was gnawing at me. Please dear god, I thought desperately. Please. 

"I could get used to waking up like this," he said jokingly. 

"You could," I agreed quietly. 

If you don't fuck up today. Please just stay out of that basement. I couldn't say it and it killed me. I felt like a goddamn coward. Once we were sure that Amanda was gone he crawled out of bed and started getting dressed. I did the same and picked up my discarded clothes, feeling mildly out of it. Reality just has a way of catching up with you, I guess. The day seemed to pass by in a blur and I was torn between clinging to Xanxus for dear life and not being too clingy so as to not make him suspicious. Sometime around seven in the evening the doorbell rang and Dino and his family arrived.It was nice to see a friendly face. Dino's bright personality and clumsiness distracted me from my worries and I had a good time joking around with him and his siblings. They were all glad to see me again and it was really pretty heartening. As soon as Nono arrived to greet them I kept my distance, though. That damn old man was far too perceptive and calculating. I didn't want to give him any ideas. He greeted Dino's parents warmly and it was easy to tell that they were old friends. Dino gave me a curious look when I evaded a casual hug from him with a fake smile. I tried to tell him with my eyes that this wasn't a great idea in the old man's presence, glancing between them and wriggling my brows. It looked like it only confused him.

Suddenly I remembered a quote I thought I heard or read somewhere perhaps. Family above all else. When I looked at Nono the quote seemed extremely fitting. You see, I was staring to look behind the bullshit facade of the manga. Because that's what it is, much as I love KHR. We're talking about an actual fucking mafia family here. Have you seen "The Godfather"? If not, you should really watch it. All three parts. Then you'll have a better idea of what it's actually like. I wish Akira Amano had watched the movies before she wrote the manga. But! On the other hand I'm really grateful for all the cutesy shit she put in, because without it I'm sure my life would be a hell of a lot worse right now. Filling in the gaps in the story was not that fun. This was the conclusion I'd arrived at after more or less three years in this new life. 

I forced a smile when the three older people turned to look at us and pretended I hadn't been watching them. Dino gave me a curious look when I excused myself and left. Surely the other guests would start arriving soon, since Nono had planned to start the evening with a large dinner. I went to the livingroom and noticed that the couch table had been stocked with a tray of whiskey glasses and a full bottle of liquor. It struck me that Amanda must have taken my dress upstairs and I groaned at my own distractedness. Indeed, the dress was sitting on my bed when I got to my room. Amanda's make up case was already sitting on my dresser and I decided to start putting the dress on while waiting for the maid to arrive. 

"Signorina, are you in there?" Amanda's frazzled voice called through the door.

"Yep."

"Ah, finally I found you!" She said after opening the door. "Let me help you with that! I was looking everywhere for you!"

"Sorry, I was downstairs talking to Dino and his family."

"Ah, the young signore Chiavarone?" She asked with a light smile. "He seems like a nice boy."

"He is."

Amanda remained quiet for a while, but I saw her curious looks in the mirror. I let out a small sigh. All of this shit was getting so tiresome. 

"No, I don't fancy him," I stated flatly. "We're just friends."

"I see," she replied and raised a brow at my tone. 

"Sorry, I'm just in a weird mood today," I muttered guiltily. 

"It happens to the best of us," she replied wiith a small smile. "Now let me see if I can't cheer you up with some makeup, hmm?"

I sat down on my bed and she pulled over a chair and her case. I closed my eyes and let her work her magic, thinking about nothing at all. Or trying to. My nerves were already frazzled and I felt the beginnings of a tension headache. Amanda really did a great job and I forced myself to smile happily for her. As for the Christmas party, she'd only put on the bare minimum to enhance my natural looks, but it did look very nice. Mascara, some clear lipgloss and a hint of blush. 

"What about my hair?" I asked, really not caring at all. 

"Hmm. I say we pin it up," she said with a critical look. 

"Sure."

"And let some loose hairs frame your face."

"Hm hm."

"Alright."

I tried to keep up a front, I really did. Even so my mood was gradually worsening. It got to the point where I almost cried at the prospect of having to go to the ballroom and sit with all those people. They'd put in several long tables in an U shape with Nono sitting at the head of the table. On his right there would be Xanxus and I, on the left Dino and his family to show that they were his honored allies and close personal friends. Finally we were done and I thanked her quietly for her efforts. Amanda regarded me thoughtfully and nodded. At times it was easy to forget that she'd been serving Nono's household for many decades. She'd probably seen and heard it all. I went to the ballroom, steeled myself and entered. A few people looked, but I resolutely ignored them all. The closer it got to eight, the more nervous I became. I went to sit down next to Xanxus, who eyed me up and down slowly. Not even that could shake me from my gloom, but I smiled lightly nonetheless. 

"Ready for a twelve course dinner?" I asked after sitting down on his right. 

"Hn," he huffed and crossed his arms. 

Nono sat on his left and I guessed he was trying not to offend him by saying how much of a drag he thought this was. On Nono's left there was Dino's dad, then his mom and then Dino. From where I was sitting I could make eye contact with him. He smiled and nodded at me, but the distance was too far to talk without raising our voices. I nodded back with a small smile and noticed from the corner of my eyes Nono looking. Freaking hell. Did nothing escape that guy?! Finally eight o'clock rolled around and the conversations grew quiet. I sat up straight in my chair and felt my heart pick up speed. Nono picked up a spoon and gently hit the side of his glass. 

"Honored friends, dear guests. Today we're gathered here to celebrate my son's eighteenth birthday. At long last Xanxus has become a legal adult. I am intensely proud of all he has achieved and accomplished, both for the family and in his academic career. At such a young age, he has accomplished more than most others. Notably, among his various successes, he is also the leader of the Varia and as such doing a fantastic job of ensuring the safety and prosperity of our family. As we all know, a stable Vongola family is good for everybody."

Murmurs of agreement could be heard among the crowd. Xanxus looked terribly bored, surveying the room with a half-lidded gaze. 

"Let us feast and celebrate this joyous occasion with the finest foods Italy can offer! Let's drink and be merry today!" Nono spoke loudly with a genial smile. "Let's celebrate the coming of age of a truly fine young man who undoubtedly will have a bright future!"

No word about him being the next Don. I noticed it, so did Xanxus. He was growing tenser and tenser next to me. Shit. Everybody looked so carefree and happy. People actually cheered and lifted their glasses along with Nono, who took a sip of red wine before he put the glass down and tapped it with his spoon again. 

"Dear friends, that is not all the good news of today! Before you start enjoying your meal, let me announce just one more thing!" He called and people looked up curiously. 

What? What else was there? Both of us turned our heads to Nono in surprise. The old man looked over to his left and smiled, so did Don Cavallone. A very bad feeling crept up on me. 

"Over the long course of our history, the Chiavarone family has been one of our staunchest allies. Don Chiavarone is one of my closest friends, my most trusted allies. I would vouch for his character before god himself! That is why it pleases me greatly to see that his son has inherited all of the Chiavarone's best qualities and I'm sure he will make an excellent Don in the future!"

Dino's siblings cheered while he himself blushed brightly and looked down at his plate with lightly furrowed brows. 

"Both of us agree that it would benefit our families greatly and we both think it's high time to solidify this bond of loyalty and make it one of blood. Therefore I am so very happy to announce the engagement of my ward Yumi and Don Chiavarone's son Dino."

He said something else, but I couldn't hear a damn word over the sudden ringing in my ears. My insides grew cold as I stared at Dino, whose face paled when our eyes met. He kept glancing at his father with an incredulous look and I couldn't process what I just heard. Engagement? When and where? They just decided that over our heads. Could they do that? They could, couldn't they? Dread pooled in my stomach. I should've known the old man would pull something like that, but right then it hit me like a truck. That fucker just sold my future. My brain got stuck on the thought. I swallowed past the nausea bubbling in my stomach and felt my eyes start to burn. Xanxus was still as stone besides me and I couldn't bear to look at him. He wasn't announced as the next Don and now I was being pawned off to the Chiavarone family. This had to be the worst birthday ever. I couldn't keep it up anymore. My eyes grew wet and I pushed my chair back suddenly. 

"Excuse me," I muttered without looking at anyone and stood up quickly.

Horror and disbelief pulsed through my veins and I felt cold all over. I turned around and picked up the hem of my dress before I hurriedly headed for the exit. Behind me I could hear the screech of another chair being pushed back violently and then a loud thump. 

"This is it, you old fuck!" Xanxus roared.

Even before I'd made it out of the room I felt hot tears trail down my cheeks. I'd finally reached my breaking point. It all came to a head and I started to sob as I walked down the hallway as quickly as I could. I just couldn't fucking take this anymore. My heart hurt like it was being sawed in half and my racing thoughts were centered around the fact that I was now engaged to my best friend. It felt like the end of the world, basically. A door slammed somewhere down the hall behind me and I picked up my pace.

"Yumi!" I heard him yell, but right then? I couldn't. 

I rounded the corner and started to run. The lack of footsteps behind me made me sob. He wasn't following me. For some reason that was horrible. I couldn't think straight anymore and ran all the way to my room. Between the sobs and the exhaustion I was gasping for air. I locked the door behind me and threw myself onto my bed, crying violently in a way that made my entire body shake. It felt like all the stress, the fear and worry of today were finally pouring out of me after the dam broke. I clutched the sheets so hard my fingers hurt and bawled my eyes out. Why was I being treated like a fucking object?! Did the old man care about me at all?! I seriously doubted it at that moment. He seemed to regard me as his property, to sell as he pleased. Dino's pale, shocked face appeared before my inner eye. He'd looked just as horrified as me at the prospect of our marriage. It made me sob even harder. This wasn't going to work! No way! What if we grew to resent each other from this? I'd loose the closest friend I had! Wasn't there anything I could do, short of running away? When Don Vongola commands, you obey. I couldn't remember who'd said that, but it felt like the bitter truth. 

It's hard to say how long I laid there crying, but it felt like forever. The misery I felt was so strong it paralyzed my entire body. Even after the tears stopped flowing I remained lying there with my face buried in the now wet sheets and just breathed. It was all over, wasn't it? What was the point in moving anymore? To make matters worse I started feeling really silly and immature for just running away like that instead of giving the old fucker a piece of my mind. I was gonna do that. Later. Right then I was just endlessly exhausted from crying so much. At least I'd had the presence of mind to lock the door. I didn't care about that fucking party anymore. My eyes closed and I let myself fall into an exhausted sleep. My dream was confusing and made up of colors, sounds and random scenes. It wasn't really a deep sleep, which was why I immediately jerked awake when I heard multiple gunshots. My stomach lurched and I sat up quickly with wide eyes. No. No way. Was it really? Was it happening?! My vision spun after standing up abruptly and I wobbled on my feet as the blood rushed south. A sense of desperate urgency filled me. What should I do?! The sounds of gunshots cracking through the house made my heart jump with fear. People were shouting somewhere. He found out, didn't he? Why hadn't I said anything? Could this have been prevented?! My entire body started to shake from a sudden rush of adrenaline as I looked around helplessly. What should I do?! What _the fuck_ should I do?! There were so many people in the house right now!! 

I reached under my pillow and grabbed my gun with trembling fingers. I had no idea why or what to do with it, though, so I dropped it again. Fuck! I hurried to the door and unlocked it, peeking into the hallway with my heart pounding in my throat. The stench of blood was heavy in the air, even up here. It made my stomach twist and horror descend upon me. The manga said he wiped out an entire branch of the family. Kind of a harmless description for what was happening right now. More shots, more shouting. God. He was a monster. While true, the thought made me feel bad. I should.. I should try to stop him, I thought faintly. Slowly I made my way down the hallway, careful not to make a sound. Every time I heard a shot crack out I flinched and froze up momentarily. It sounded like either there were less and less targets or he was moving through the house. My heart was beating in overdrive and I purposefully avoided the ballroom. Nonetheless I saw multiple dead bodies lying out in the hallway, slowly bleeding out on the floorboards. Shit. The front hall and the large winding staircase were suspiciously empty. I didn't trust the silence in here. There were no more shots. From my vantage point behind the railing I was able to look down into the fronthall and see that the door to the basement was open. 

That was where Nono and Xanxus' showdown was going to happen, right? And he'd get frozen for eight long years I wasn't looking forward to. I waited. No more shots rang out. That had to mean the air was clear, right? God, I truly felt like such a coward. My thoughts were torn between ways I could have prevented this and the sad realization that I could not stop Xanxus when he was on a rampage. I just couldn't. Magical realism or not, I was not on his level. For one I had no clue how Grey's Vision worked and secondly I was stuck in an almost thirteen year old body. I hadn't felt this annoyed and bothered with my physical limitations in a while. Those were all secondary concerns, however. Quick unimportant thoughts flitting through my brain in a vain effort to alleviate the dreadful, overwhelming worry about Xanxus. I slowly climbed down the stairs and wrung my hands nervously. Was he alright? Did everything pan out as it should? I wanted to see him. Wanted to know if he was okay. It was such a strong urge that my feet seemingly automatically steered me towards the door leading down into the mansion's basement. I felt as if I was walking underwater or stuck in a dream. All I could hear was the blood rushing in my ears and the frantic, panicked thumps of my heart. Please. Dear god, I thought and bit my lower lip so hard I tasted blood. Please. Tell me I didn't totally fuck up. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something went wrong. 

Slow footsteps dragged themselves up the stairs and I froze. Nono emerged. His face was grey and his eyes dark with grief. He looked as if he'd rapidly aged ten years as he walked slowly and with great effort, leaning heavily on his walking cane. He paused when he saw me and a look of resignation grew on his face.

"Where's Xanxus?" I asked mechanically. 

"Dear girl," he said and it sounded incredibly sad. "It would be for the best if you erase that name from your memory."

"What?" I breathed, unable to comprehend what I just heard. 

"He forced my hand. I have put a permanent end to his rage," he said somberly. "He'll never be able to harm anybody again."

"What? No.. th-this isn't...," I stammered with wide horrified eyes. "Te-tell me you didn't..."

He abruptly shielded his eyes with one hand and slowly walked towards the stairs. His cane clicked on the marble floor and it was the only sound in the hall. My body was frozen. I couldn't comprehend what just happened. The note of finalty in his voice.. It couldn't be. S-surely he hadn't... Xanxus was just frozen, right? Right? He'd come back in eight years. He would come back. He... He would definitely come back and then I'd finally tell him how I felt. I'd tell him that I loved him with all my heart and every fibre of my being. That the intensity of this feeling scared me sometimes. That I'd never be able to love anybody else like that. So why did my heart hurt as if it was tearing itself apart? This wasn't how the story was supposed to go. I hadn't interfered with the plot, so why? The hall blurred before my eyes when the tears came. The ache was cold, like sticking your bare hand into snow for too long. Frost began to spread over my insides and sent shivers down my spine. Goosebumps broke out on my arms as my body.. my brain became colder and darker with each passing minute. I didn't fight. Why should I? Though it kept on beating, my heart was already dead.

"Here, signorina. Put this on," Amanda said on Sunday morning.

She held up a rather old fashioned black dress with lots of lace. I stared dumbly at it, then at her. As of yet I hadn't found the will to get out of my bed. She eyed the dress rather critically. 

"Believe it or not, when I was young I was actually slim," she said with a small laugh. "Granted, last time I wore it I was eighteen so it might be a little too long. Too big for your slender frame, too. It's all I could find on the spot, unfortunately. Suzette was.. not available."

"Why do I need to wear this?" I asked. 

"It's appropriate," she replied with a serious look. 

Slowly I got out of bed and let her help me with putting it on. It smelled of mothballs and was indeed far too big for me. Amanda scrounced up a black satin band from somewhere and wrapped it around my waist as a makeshift belt. Then she did something with my hair, though I didn't care what it was. The older woman's grasp was firm on my shoulder as she helped me slip into a pair of black sandals and steered me downstairs. Nono was waiting there, clad in a plain black suit and still grey faced. It made each and every wrinkle on his face stand out more. I was highly bewildered by all of this.

"Ready?"

"What for?" I asked.

He didn't reply and merely set his gaze on the front door. Amanda, who was dressed very plainly in a black costume and hat, steered me out the door behind him. A black limo was waiting for the three of us. A twinge of curiosity went through me, but it quickly got snuffed out in the all-consuming nothingness that had taken a hold of me. Faint dread started to creep into me when the limo drove towards Brisallore's church. It stopped at the curb directly in front of it and Amanda's grip on my arm was unrelenting as she forced me to climb out. I never liked churches. This one was particularly old and laden with the typical gilded catholic statues and pictures. All very overbearing. The imposing altar was huge and also gilded all over. It was overflowing with flower bouquets. Metal stands also bearing large flower wreaths had been put up besides it. When I caught sight of the black coffin with the Vongola logo on it my footsteps faltered. Amanda put her arm around my shoulders and walked me to the bench in the very front. I sat down besides Nono and couldn't take my eyes off the coffin. 

"Is he in there?" I asked and didn't bother to hush my voice. 

"Yumi, please."

"Is.. Xanxus in there?" I asked again.

The frost inside me was slowly thawing and revealed all the mangled, broken things underneath it. My hands started to shake. Pain. I stood up abruptly on unsteady legs and stumbled towards the coffin. A hush went over the mumbling conversations going on in the full church. I tripped on the two stairs leading up to it and went down hard on both knees, putting a hand on the wood. No. This was my fault. It was all my fault. Tears streamed unhindered out of my wide, unseeing eyes. 

"Yumi!" Nono hissed and stood up quickly, pulling at my shoulder. "You're making a scene!"

"If he's in there you better bury me with this coffin," I said loudly, loud enough for everyone to hear, but I was beyond caring. 

"What are you saying?!" Nono hissed in disbelief. 

"I love him," I sobbed loudly. "Don't you understand? I love him and only him. I'll never.. be able to love another..."

I put my forehead against the wood and closed my eyes, sobbing at the world-ending pain in my chest. This was my fault. They were burying the only love I'd ever known because I'd been a fucking coward. I couldn't stand it. I wanted to die. Somebody, I don't know who, came up and tried to drag me away, but I struggled against their hold. It was a man I think and he had a gun. My hand landed on it by chance and I tried to grab it. Unsuccessfully, or I'd have put a bullet in my brain right then and there. Everything hurt. Everything was too much. I screamed out my pain and hurt into the high halls of the medieval church, where it echoed back to me endlessly. 

"Somebody sedate her!"

"She's losing it!"

"Doctor Shamal!"

"We need an ambulance!"

"Shock-"

Hands grabbed at me, restraining my struggling limbs. My chest felt like it was splitting open and I felt like I was floating above my body. I couldn't see anything but a blur of faces and colors, couldn't do anything but scream out my frustration in helpless fury. It was agony. I wanted to die so I could be with him. It dawned on me then with absolute horror: Xanxus was dead and I might as well have killed him. At that realization, my mind just kind of broke.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue! Half a year later!

At first they brought me to a hospital where I was treated for shock. They gave me strong sedatives that made me drowsy and apathetic. On the suggestion of the doctor who examined me and after he conferred with Nono himself I was then transferred to a mental hospital. It was an old privately run facility in the middle of nowhere. I got my own room with a good view of the garden. 

 

The less is said about my stay there, the better. Suffice to say they were not up to the modern standards. The doctors were old, the nurses were old and the entire building a living fossil. They drugged me to the gills, to the point where I could barely move. There are large gaps in my memories of that time. What I know of the first five months of my stay there I read in my patient file. Apparently I attempted suicide three times, none of which I remember. It resulted in me being brought to a different room, which was totally bare save for a bed, table and chair. It had no window and the overhead lamp was encased by a small metal cage. The room's door had a small slide at eye height so whoever was on guard duty could keep an eye on me.

 

Nono must have visited a handful of times, but I don't remember that. Only that the fat, catty head nurse in charge of me always ate the chocolates he brought. Oh, she was a mean one with mousy brown curls, small beady eyes and a massive square jaw. She gave me two sheets of paper each day for entertainment. Once a week she brought me three potato stamps and a fresh ink pad. I didn't touch them out of spite. 

 

Around the sixth month of my stay there is when the first clear memories begin. It was probably because the sedatives were losing their effectiveness. Every morning a nurse came in and washed me without saying a word or even looking at my face. The head nurse brought my food and stuck around until I finished eating to make sure I didn't try to harm myself with the cutlery. She always made derogatory remarks about me not finishing my plate of disgusting slob, about my general appearance and everything else she disliked, like how she thought I was faking it to avoid school and taking up a valuable spot that should've gone to a really ill person. They didn't seem to realize I was regaining awareness and I didn't inform them otherwise. 

 

The pain of losing Xanxus was still real, but it had faded into a constant dull ache. I felt utterly hopeless, like nothing had any meaning anymore. I was just waiting to die, biding my time until then and watching the potato stamps rot. Some days I was just endlessly sad, so much so that any kind of movement seemed pointless. On others a strange kind of blank nothingness envelopped my brain and I spent hours staring at the walls. 

 

One day I heard loud voices outside my cell, which abruptly grew quiet. Then the telltale creak of the key turning in the lock alerted me of yet another change in routine. It was too early for lunch, so who'd come in here? Much to my surprise, I saw a familiar head of silver hair. Squalo was there and his hair had grown longer. He swept his sharp silver eyes across the room with a distasteful expression.

 

"Voi, what's all this shit?" He demanded loudly and glared at the wrinkly, rotten potato stamps on the table.

"Squ..alo?" I croaked quietly, not having used my voice in months. 

He stared me down with what might have been carefully hidden concern, but could also very well be disturbance. 

"They really did a number on you, huh brat?"

"Why.. why are you here?"

"Hmph!" He huffed and crossed his arms. "Took me forever to find out where you were! I told the old man that this was a terrible idea, but did he listen?"

"What?"

He glanced to the side and pressed his lips into a flat line. "Xanxus isn't dead."

My lips parted in shock. I stared at him mutely, wondering if this was some sort of sick joke. 

"The burial was a sham. It was just for show, so people wouldn't start questioning why he's not around anymore. I told him! I fucking told him to tell you the truth, but he insited that this was for the best! He wanted you to get over him for good! And look how that fucking turned out!" Squalo let out an angry snort. "Xanxus is frozen solid in the mansion's basement in a big old block of magical ice. He's not dead."

"Is.. is that true?"

"Yes, the fuck it is," Squalo shot back immediately. "I saw it myself. He called us in to take over the Vongola for good, but by the time we arrived the party was already over."

I exhaled noisly and lowered my head, letting my dull unkempt hair fall into my face. Betrayal, acrid and sharp, welled up inside me. It was the first real emotion besides sadness that I'd felt in months and it left a bitter taste in my mouth. In an ironic way it was invigorating. Nono, the man I'd always trusted, had betrayed me. He lied to me and then he left me to rot in this place. Right then I began to understand how Xanxus could come to hate him as much as he did. A change began to happen inside me. The bottomless sadness began to transform into burning rage. The black flame of hatred flickered to life and started to burn away all the cobwebs in my brain. And so the gears began to turn again. 

"Come on, brat. Let's get you out of here," he said and glanced over his shoulder. 

I stood up slowly. The familiar footsteps of the head nurse came down the hallway in a hurried pace. 

"What's going on here?" She bellowed. "This is an unauthorized visit! Who are you? Intruder! Leave this cell at once!"

I grabbed one of the potato stamps and hurled it at her head. The nurse let out a wail and stumbled. Then I kicked the chair against the wall so hard it broke and grabbed one of the wooden legs, which I then jammed into her mouth. It broke several teeth. With a furious roar I pushed it down her throat until she started choking on it. Both of Squalo's brows rose when I spun her around and shoved her against the wall so hard it drove the wooden leg down deeper into her throat. The nurse fell to the floor and writhed around. I looked up at him blankly. 

"In Xanxus' absence you're the leader of the Varia, correct?"

"Yeah."

My eyes narrowed with angry determination. "Then put me to work, _boss_."

Squalo smirked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for coming with me on this wild ride! As you can see, I didn't deviate too much from the original plot. It wasn't really my intention. So where are we now? Yumi is ready to go and sign up with the Varia while Xanxus is frozen. Not really the most optimal situation, but it's better than him being dead, right? ^^
> 
> When I was continuously updating this in 2018 I'd intended to write a sequel about her eight years of doing Varia work, but then my muse left me and I got kinda exhausted of writing for the KHR! fandom. I'm kind of on the fence about it now, but it's probably not gonna happen. The motivation isn't really there atm. 
> 
> Really all I wanted was to give this story an acceptable ending that didn't leave you guys hanging forever. And to finally finish this behemoth! 
> 
> Depending on whether I get really into KHR again at some point in the future I might write an one shot to follow up on this, where Yumi and Xanxus get to reunite. For now I'm just glad I finished this, though. ^^;;;


End file.
